Jessica's Point of View

When I put the note back on the table, I sank into my pillows and Martha moved from the bed to the chair next to it.

A silence came over us both, and luckily, it wasn't awkward for wither one of us. Yes, Martha does make for an odd best friend because she's older than my own abuela, but we get along as well as we do because we have so much in common.

…More than she knows…

…She needs to know…

…But it's going to be so difficult…

…Oh, God. I hope Martha won't hate me…

"Jessica?" Martha's voice broke through my thoughts and I was thankful for it. "Are you all right, darling?"

I let out a shaky breath. "I honestly don't know if I am, Martha."

"Should I get a doctor?" my friend got ready to stand. "I can get one if you need it."

"I'm perfectly fine—health wise, anyway." I assured her.

She sat back down and her tone softened as she took in the distressed look on my face. "What's going on, then? Why are you crying?"

My voice trembled as I spoke. "There are some things that you and I need to discuss."

"Things like what?" Martha's own tone became wary and she instinctively got up to shut the door before resuming her seat and asking follow-up question. "Does anyone know what it is that you want to discuss with me."

"J-just one person." I sighed, thinking for a fleeting moment of how I've fallen in love with Kiyoshi without ever having seen his face. "Just one…"

There was an amused twinkle in Martha's eyes as she chuckled."I know that look in your eyes—it's the same look that Alexis had in her eyes when she first told me about Ashley, and it's also the same look that Richard got in his eyes whenever Kate was even mentioned. You're in love with someone, aren't you?"

"As usual, you can read me like a book. Two points to you for that."

I tried to smile, but failed miserably when tears began forming in my eyes for the second time in ten minutes.

"This must be serious."

"It is." I confirmed as I wiped my eyes. "There's so much to say, but I just don't want to lose you as a friend because you're the only one who really gets my whole situation…"

"Kiddo," she said with a wry smile. "There's nothing that could keep you and I from being friends, especially since you remind me so much of myself at that age."

Martha's compliment made my heart grow considerably lighter.

"Please don't hate me."

"I couldn't ever."

I bit my lip for a second before realizing that any further stalling would prove useless. "It's about Rick's dad."

The older woman's expression was unreadable, and I strongly suspected that she was drawing upon her many years of acting to cover up what she was really feeling inside.

Even her response was a little stiff. "How do you know him?"

"I'm actually married to him."

Martha's defensive wall crumbled in a heartbeat. To say that the dear, sweet and lovely Martha Rodgers looked broken would be an understatement.

"What?" she gasped, now sounding thunderstruck. "You're married to him? How does that work?"

She was the one who was trembling now, but she gladly accepted my hand when I held it out to her to hold. "I told you about how Leila Ryan happened upon my alleyway when I was in active labor, right?"

Martha nodded. "Yes, and you also said that you finally realized what people mean when they say that angels show up in the strangest of places."

I smiled, thinking of how that phrase fit Leila perfectly. "After Gabriella was born, Leila came into my room to see me, and she comforted me when I was distraught about the diagnoses the doctors had just given. She also told me that she couldn't really sit well with the idea of me going out into the world without help, and a brand new special-needs baby."

"And that's when she invited you two to come back to the 'house' where she lived, wasn't it?"

"That's right." I nodded. "Leila brought us back with her and had to practically beat everyone back with a stick so we'd be left alone…but there was one person she couldn't keep us from?"

"Him?" her voice now conveyed an understandable hatred for the man in question.

"Bingo."

The other woman's expression had now settled into confusion and bewilderment. "But… why? You were still a teenager when that happened."

"I wish I could forget about that part."

Martha now appeared to be going down Memory Lane. "I knew Richard's father for a whole twenty-four hours before he was gone, but he did strike me as a bit sly… like a fox."

"I think that 'diabolical' is a far better word for him." I traced a finger over the tattoos on my uninjured arm absently. "He married me—against my will, might I add—because he realized that I could have taken the baby and bolted at any time so I could rat him out once I found out about the crimes that he's responsible for."

"So you were never a prisoner?"

"Not at first. I was there because it was a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food to eat. I wasn't going to complain." I paused as more memories started coming back. "But I think that he did it because he was more afraid that I would leak his identity to the police. The spousal privilege law prevents me from saying anything, because even though I've been gone for a year, I'm still legally married. He didn't have to keep any secrets from me at all once the marriage went through because I was too scared to run away by then."

Martha must've heard my words, but she had a one-track mind because she didn't ask about that. "You know his name?"

I was a little disturbed by this question and raised an eyebrow. "Do you? He is your son's father, after all."

She shook her head, and it was clear that she was feeling lots of shame. "No, I don't know his name—never learned it. We… had a one-nightstand. Richard has no idea."

"And if he did?"

"My boy would be absolutely devastated. Will you tell me his father's name, please?"

"No. I'm sorry, but no."

The older woman was taken aback by this, and it didn't escape me that she was getting angry. "Why not? Do you have any idea how long I've been wondering what his name is? I loved him once, and even though I've been in all sorts of relationships over the years, I've always wondered what life would've been like if he had been there when I woke up the morning after that."

"Oh, Martha, trust me when I say what it's not the kind of life anyone like us would want for themselves, much less any one of their children." I sighed wistfully. "Be glad that you don't know. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have ever loved at all,' so said the great Alfred Lord Tennyson."

"Indeed." Martha agreed. "But still…"

I shook my head yet again, and spoke firmer this time. "No. There is no 'but still' option, here."

"All right, fine."

There was a note of resignation in her voice, and I could tell she was fighting to keep from getting too angry.

"How are you not freaking out right now? You and I are both in very strange positions because of el Diablo." Martha raised an eyebrow at the mention of the Dragon being referred to as the Devil in Spanish. "By all accounts, I'm Rick's stepmother and grandmother to Alexis, LJ and Jameson. It also means that Kate is my daughter-in-law, Gabriella is something like Rick's great-aunt, even though she's five, and Rick is now son-in-law to my parents, two of his best friends!"

"And me?" Martha's voice was still full of shame. "I'm only his father's conquest, just watching from the side…"

"I don't want any of this!" I cried angrily. "I love your family so much, but I don't want any of this confusion anymore. Kiyoshi Serizawa is the one who knows all of what I'm telling you, and there's no way that I can keep this a secret from Melissa, Calvin and Ashley."

"What about Alexis?" Martha wanted to know. "Can you keep this a secret from her? She's like a sister to you."

"I can't keep this from her, either. I'll tell her, but she'll probably freak out on me to some degree. I just…" my voice died as the weight of the situation became unbearable.

"Go on, kiddo." My companion urged. "You can do it."

"I just can't let Rick and Kate know." I finished, wishing that I wasn't in such a sticky situation to begin with. "God only knows what will happen when Kate makes the connections about her mom and the Quellers…"

"The Quellers?" her voice rose a notch in surprise. "You mean Madison's, Emily's, and Melissa's parents?"

"I do."

"What do Elijah and Lucy have to do with to do with this? How do you know these things?"

"They have everything to do with this, I'm afraid. I know these things because I'm the wife of the man who ordered the Beckett and Queller murders, and I wouldn't be surprised if he ordered the hit on my foster mom, too. I was told these things whether I wanted to know them or not, and I had unlimited access to all of the documents because he knew I didn't have any place to run to."

"Right…" Martha nodded in understanding.

"Again: God only knows what'll happen when Kate finds out the secrets that I know about her mom. I can't say what they are because it's not my place."

"Secrets?" Martha echoed. "What kind of secrets?"

"I can't tell you that, either. I can just say that there are some things that I know that would be beyond devastating for Kate to hear. I wouldn't be surprised if Melissa or even Amaya knows, but I'm fairly certain that Jim is a treasure trove of knowledge about it all."

"And you can't—or won't—tell me because…?"

"It's way too dangerous, and I couldn't bear the thought of life without any of my loved ones in it. Telling even you would be to put everyone in danger, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. Not when I have my babies to protect…"

"Excuse me?"

I realized my slip-up and cursed silently. "Nothing. Forget about it."

Sensing that it wouldn't be a good idea to push my buttons, Martha brought up another subject. I wasn't particularly thrilled about it, but I did my best to keep my anger in check.

"I saw your parents and the girls walking out of here before I came in, and your parents looked sad. What was that about?"

"It was about me getting mad at them." I answered. "It might seem a little silly to you…"

"Jessica Rose," she said in a motherly tone. "You should know by now that you can tell me anything."

She had a point there…

"I got mad because mama told me that she's pregnant again."

"What's wrong with that? You and Grace will be getting a new brother or sister, and Gabriella will be an aunt again!"

"I can't have kids anymore, and both of my parents are aware of it." I said bluntly. "The part that upsets me the most is that I can't have kids not because I'm barren, but because I had a miscarriage last year that really did a number on my uterus. The doctors told me that I can conceive again just fine, but there was so much damage done that if I ever do get pregnant again, the baby wouldn't be able to survive outside the womb because I wouldn't be able to deliver it. That's the most agonizing part, and I can't begin to tell you how much I would love to give my daughter a little brother or sister…"

"I'm so sorry." Martha said sympathetically. "I know you know that the two of us are a lot alike in our life experiences, but there is one thing that I can add to the list right now."

"Do tell."

"Having Richard was the best thing that ever happened to me because I finally had someone who gave me the kind of love I never had when I was a child, yes, but he is also my miracle child because when I was your age, the doctors had told me that that I was actually barren."

"Oh…"

She patted my hand absently. "Do you believe in miracles?"

I thought briefly of what Kiyoshi had said on the subject before responding. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"Then have a little faith. Things will come through for you, and you'll find out that that second child you want so badly is on the way when you aren't even expecting it. Thanks to modern medicine, I know that there are ways for your child to survive." She patted my hand again. "Have a little faith."

I smiled fondly. "Yoshi said something similar to that. He said 'never give up on a miracle,' and those were the nicest words that any guy has ever said to me. Yoshi isn't just any guy, and I know that now. "

"Do you mean Amaya's oldest son, Kiyoshi?" the amused twinkle returned to my friend's eyes. "I saw him, too. When did he become Yoshi?"

"When Gabriella called him that and he liked it. He calls me Jess, and Gabriella is now Bella, and…" I felt my face burn red as I thought about what came next. "And I fell head-over-heels in love with Yoshi, even though I haven't seen his face yet."

"Ah, young love." The twinkle in Martha's eyes grew brighter. "I saw him leave, as well, and he already looked like he was missing you."

"That makes my heart feel fluttery." I giggled like I was a little girl again. "Mama and papa, and even Kate, Alexis and Melissa have all said that you know you're in love because all of the songs make sense."

"Those are definitely the words of people happily in love." She said sagely. "Except for my dear Chet, I don't think I've ever known what true love is. Count your blessings with Kiyoshi."

"I already do."

Martha looked like she wanted to say something else because a dangerous light flickered in her eyes that only appears when she's upset, but she looked like she was having trouble deciding, so I gave her hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement. Taking said encouragement, she began to speak.

"When I saw your parents earlier, I couldn't help but notice how heartbroken they looked. They love you a lot, Jessica. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes…"

"Then what did you do or say to make them so sad?"

How did I know that this topic would come back up again?

"I told them to go away." I answered honestly, feeling lots of regret. "Yoshi and I discussed practically everything and I have just now, but when mama said that she's pregnant again, I could literally feel my heart sinking like a stone because all of the emotions and desire that come with wanting another child, at all, came bubbling to the surface, and they increased tenfold." I took off my glasses and handed them to her so I could wipe my tears without smudging the lenses. "I know I hurt them deeply, but I said because it felt…"

"Necessary?" the other woman suggested when I had failed to come up with a suitable word.

"Exactly." I nodded as my eyes began to slide out of focus."I said what I said because it was necessary. I'm a grown woman now, so I should start acting like one…"

"Are you jealous of your mother?"

"Not per se. I'm just… angry. There's a difference."

"There sure is," she agreed. "But don't you think you should apologize?"

"No." I said shortly. "We are all of us conflicted, Martha. Me, you, my parents… everyone who has any kind of role in this conspiracy surrounding the circumstances of Johanna Beckett's death, and until I've got my own place figured out, I won't apologize for my actions because it wouldn't feel right, otherwise."

"You're certainly right about the conflicted feeling, and I daresay that out of everybody, you have the most reason to feel conflicted."

Damn straight.

"I just want it all to be over! I want a divorce from him! I was married just so el Diablo could cover his own skin. What a coward. Damn him for ruining my belief in marriage." I clenched my hands into fists as my voice rose. "I don't even love him, and I know he doesn't love me! I hate being trapped in a loveless marriage, and now it's because of him that it's increasingly difficult to be around Rick because I'm his stepmother. Now that I've met Yoshi, it's agonizing because I'm not free to truly love who I want to because that would be cheating!" I ran the back of my hands under my eyes to stop the flow of tears. "All I want is a divorce, and then I can get on living as close to a normal life as possible, but God only knows how long that's going to take."

...Especially when it's taken into consideration how dangerous I am…

"Do what you want, darling. I'll support you, no matter what, no matter what you need, or how many more secrets you need kept."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and felt a huge rush of affection for her, the kind I felt for my own abuela.

"Thank you." I whispered, starting to feel calmer. "I couldn't ask for any more friendship and loyalty than that."

Martha made an affectionate sort noise. "I love you like you're my own child, and I always will."

Her chair scraped across the floor, and I realized that she was getting ready to leave. Moving instinctively, I reached out and grabbed her hand, holding it tightly for security.

"Where are you going?" I asked childishly.

She came closer, and her outline came into view. "I'm afraid that I have to leave. Visiting hours are up, and I really don't want to get into trouble with anyone."

"That's a good answer," I let her hand go. "But will I be seeing you soon?"

"You can count on that." She kissed my forehead and straightened up. "Remember: have a little faith."

Next afternoon, Sunday

Jessica's room, 2:30p.m.

The following day, Yoshi came back to visit me, and I was glad for it because I had actually been restless all night because of much I had missed him, and because of how many times he had appeared in my dreams.

All of that, and I still haven't seen his face…

Speaking of seeing, my eyes were acting up again, so I had to keep my glasses off, and was therefore unable to find out what he looked like.

But I was happy he was even there because just his voice was a great comfort to me.

It was just the two of us until about 2:30 because Melissa came around for a visit. What was odd was that she was by herself—she and Calvin are inseparable. It was even odder that that she didn't seem to be her usual bouncy self.

"Are you all right, Melissa?" Yoshi asked our friend when she hadn't said anything other than hello.

"I don't know, mijo." She sounded a little distant.

I stepped into the conversation at this point. "Does this have anything to do with Mama Joey?"

There was a brief silence in which I realized Melissa had been shocked by my question. Yoshi was just quiet altogether and probably watching us. Melissa arrived at the conclusion that Yoshi could be trusted because she began she didn't bother filtering her thoughts, but her question was full of apprehension.

"How do you know about her?"

I quickly provided her with an answer, more desperate to hear her own. "Mama Joey was really good friends with my foster parents, and I knew her for the first seven years of my life. She even wanted to adopt me, but she couldn't because things were too complicated."

"I knew because she and Jim were best friends with my parents." Melissa's voice was quiet with surprise. "I didn't find out until recently that Mama Joey and both of my parents were all undercover FBI agents together." What? "I don't know for sure yet, but I have a hunch that one or both of your foster parents were involved somehow. They were the Cavanaughs, yes, mija?"

"Yes." I felt slightly dazed by this new information. "H-how did you know that?"

"I have my ways, Jess."

I knew all about her attack and her parents' murders in the park last year, of course, but didn't want to bring that up just yet, so that left one other subject that was just as difficult to talk about.

"Then this must mean that you know something about Jeffery and Sophia."

Melissa gasped audibly at my words and began to cry softly. "You know them? You've seen them?"

"Yes, I know them, but I don't know what they look like. They're both very bright, though." I added on the compliment for good measure.

"As they should be." My friend approved. "My babies are the son and daughter of Johanna Beckett, and from the stories I've heard about her, she was very clever."

I felt a slight jolt of possessiveness when Melissa referred to the twins as her babies.

"What did you just say?" I challenged her. "What's this about Jeff and Sophie being yours? I raised them for four years, alongside a newborn baby, and we were all in hell!"

"Well, it's obvious that we both knew Mama Joey when she was pregnant," Melissa began. "But I named them! I was just a little kid, but she let me name them. That's why they're my babies!"

I fought back the impulse to hit her. "Be that as it may, I still took extra care of them when they were both sick, and when Bella had a bad fever. Jeff and Sophie are both mine, and we were a family! I protected all of my babies from… him."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I could sense Yoshi tensing up because he sat on the edge of the bed so he could hold my hand easier.

Melissa was quiet again, and I knew her habits well enough to know that she was either freaked out or thinking about something.

But… she didn't speak.

So I did.

"What are you thinking about?"

"My attack last year, and my parents' murders." She directed her next statement to Yoshi. "Do you know about that?"

"Yes." He answered solemnly. "I've been trying to put the pieces of this huge puzzle together for almost seven years. What happened to you and your parents last year is one of the last clues."

There was a sudden jolt in the pit of my stomach as a new thought occurred to me, and it made me feel physically ill. Yoshi obviously sensed my distress because he let go of my hand to rub soothing circles on my back.

(As serious as the situation at hand was, I found myself concentrating very hard to not melt under his gentle touch)

I turned in the direction of where Melissa was perched in her chair. "Mija, I have some news that that's going to be a little distressing, but it's very important."

"Lay it on me." She said bravely.

"I know who planned what happened to you and your parents."

"What?" she sounded as brokenhearted as Martha had yesterday, but she began to get angry. "You know who ordered my parents' murders and my attack and violation? What the hell, Jessica? I know that so many of us in the family are in the business of keeping secrets, but this is really pushing it. How do you know the person? Who are they? Why haven't you said anything sooner?"

I decided to answer her questions one at a time. "I haven't said anything because I'm bound by law to be silent, Melissa."

"What? Why?"

"I'm married to the person who planned and ordered the attack."

"Don't hurt me!" Melissa's voice went from angry to surprisingly shrill in a heartbeat, and the sound of her crashing chair was an indicator of her having gone into panic mode. "I went through mum and dad's old things awhile ago and I've done some asking around, so I know about the Dragon, but if you're married to him, that makes you dangerous! Please don't hurt me!"

(She's right about me being dangerous. I'm probably as capable as any of the dtectives we know at inflicting harm to anybody—without even using a gun—because of the level of violence I've been exposed to over the years)

I heard Yoshi get up and approach Melissa to speak quietly to her. After a minute, the two of them came back to over to my bed, and I felt Yoshi put Melissa's trembling hand into my own steady hand. He even helped her sit down in the spot that he had been previously occupying.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Melissa." I told her sincerely."I am married, but it's out of convenience…"

"Because he didn't want you to report him." She finished for me, calming down a little bit. "But how did you meet him?"

"That's another story for another time, I promise, but the point right now is that I was forced into marriage with him shortly after Bella was born. We weren't able to escape until last September, and it broke my heart for so many reasons. I lost someone that day, Missy."

"Leila…" Melissa breathed in realization. "You lost Leila."

I was taken aback by that. "How do you know about my Leila?"

"Leila was my parents'—and probably Mama Joey's—informant for whatever it was that they were doing. I saw the information in mum's old notes."

"An informant to undercover agents from inside the Mafia? That makes no sense…"

"Never mind that." Melissa's tone was dismissive. "You know him, you said? You know the person because you're married to him?"

"Yes, I did say those things." I nodded. "I tried to get him to stop the hits, but he wouldn't listen to me. One of the men had his way with me as a punishment issued to me by the Dragon, or Sir, as I had to call him. I…became pregnant from that experience."

"What happened to the child?"

"I miscarried in the hospital about a month into the pregnancy, and right before I ran away from Sir about a month-and-a-half later, he ordered Leila to give me my tattoos."

"Why Leila?"

"She was an artist before she was recruited by the Mafia, and she became quite adept over the years with a tattoo needle." I changed positions in my bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Running away was the best thing to do, but also the hardest because Leila was shot dead that day," After all this time, I still don't know if her body was found because I wouldn't put it past whoever pulled the trigger to hide her body. "And I had to leave Jeffery and Sophia behind, too. I promised I'd come back for them, but it's been a year now…"

Silence fell upon the room for a minute, and I knew that Melissa was thinking hard and long about something else.

"Knowing you, Jessica Rose, I know that you would want to take action about this whole thing."

"Yes." I said seriously. "First and foremost, I want divorce because I want to be free to love who I want, when I want. Second: I want to retrieve the twins and at least bring them back here where they'll be safe."

"Funny…" Melissa mused thoughtfully. "I've actually been planning on retrieving my babies from the Dragon for awhile," I felt the stab of possessiveness again, but only for a second. "And when I have them, I'm going to introduce them to Jim and Amaya because they would be safe there."

"And not with Kate?"

"Hello! Earth to Jessica!" Melissa cried in exasperation. "Kate doesn't even know that they exist!"

I gave an irritated sigh and spoke as simply as possible. "If you're really going to do this, then at least wait until I'm out of the hospital."

"Why would I do that?"

"So you can take us with you."

"I beg your pardon, Jess? Who do you mean by 'us'?"

"Why, Gabriella and myself, of course!"

Kiyoshi's Point of View

Jessica and Melissa seemed to have forgotten that I was even in the room because Jessica's last comment irritated Melissa to the point where they both started yelling at each other.

In rapid Spanish.

Totally helpless now, I tuned them both out for a minute because it made me sad to see the one I love have a spar with against the one who is most like a sister to her.

That… and sometimes loud noise upsets me.

As I tuned the girls out, I began to figure out how to help them with this 'quest' of theirs, and after a minute, I realized that I had not only the solution to that, but also the solution to getting them to stop fighting, as well.

I stepped forward to Jessica's bed and spoke loudly. "Hey! Ladies, I need you two to calm down! I have an idea!"

Jessica got in one last word to Melissa before they both simmered down and faced me, both with arms crossed and expectant looks on their faces.

…They reminded me of Shinju and Nozomi when they gang up on mom and Jim when they're mad…

"If you two promise to stop yelling at each other in—in any language—I have something for you both that will be a great deal of help to you on this quest, or whatever you want to call it."

"We promise." The girls chimed in unison.

"Good." I praised them. "I have at home seven years worth of notes and the like, written down in journals. I would go with you both, and I know that whatever it comes down to, you're both going because you two need each other." I added on the last part before continuing because Melissa had opened her mouth to protest. "As I was saying, I would go with you two, but I think that the others would be seriously distressed if all three of us, as well as Bella were to suddenly go missing." Melissa looked ready to try protesting again, so I hurried on to finished. "I've known about Jessica's husband for years because all of the research I've been conducting since my dad died has always brought me back to square one: the Irish Mafia. Giving you two my journals is my way of contributing to the downfall of the man who has hurt us, and many, many others."

Both girls looked at me with varying amounts of shock on their faces, and I knew that they were both contemplating the fact that although I had just offered an enormous amount of help to them, they were more surprised because they had never heard me say so much in one go before.

They returned to their senses after a minute and apologized to each other after promising me that they would do better to get along on this topic from now on.

A nurse entered the room shortly thereafter to inform Melissa and I that we had to leave because Jessica needed her rest before she was released tomorrow. Melissa gave Jessica a hug before she left. I gave her a hug, but then on impulse, I placed a quick kiss on her forehead, noticing how she gave a contented sigh as I did so.

Before I took my leave, I whispered three words that I knew meant everything to both of us.

I love you.