Chris: Last time on Total Drama Reality:
(FLASHBACK)
(Chris blows Roman trumpets)
(Campers come out)
Chris: Welcome to Roman Wanawaka!
(Chris is dressed in a Roman Emperor outfit)
Paul: Oh my gosh...
(Camp has been transformed into a tiny Roman city.) (We went to ancient Rome last time,)
(Cut)
Chris: From now on, all teams have been disbanded. Try to grab some allies and win. The first challenge is to make a Roman recipe from Chef Hatchet's Roman Cookbook, now availiable in stores. Just kidding. No one in their right minds would buy a cookbook from Chef.(Chef growls)
Tierney: Um, mine says 'Air' on it.
Chris: Then you're done.
Tierney: Then I'm getting kicked off? WAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (Jumps onto the boat of Losers) (Even though some people don't understand half of what I say.)
(Paul is making Roasted Rabbit with Steamed Carrots)
Chris(Looks at rabbit on a spit): Rabbit?
Paul: Chef said it was a 'bunny', actually.
(Chris' eyes widen)
*CONFESSIONAL*
(DJ is watching the show)
DJ(Crying): BUNNY!
*END CONFESSIONAL*
(Cut)
(Chris walks over to the Pheasant and soup. He tries a bite of the Pheasant.) (We had some delicacies, )
Chris: Not bad.
(Cut)
(Dips the ladle in the pumpkin soup. It hits pulls a whole pumpkin out of the soup.) (Some misunderstood recipies,)
Chelsa: Pumpkin soup. Add one pumpkin, right?
(Cut)
(Damien's mashed potatoes look like so much dirt)
Chris: What is this?
Damien: Mashed potatoes.
Chris: Mashed potatoes? (pokes potatoes with a fork, the potatoes swallow the fork whole) (And some flat-out stinkers.)
(Cut)
(Switch to chariot race)
Chris: Choose someone to team up with for the race. Whichever teams don't make it into first or second have to fight it out in the arena. 2 people will stay with me and help fix the chariots when they break, and will watch both the gladiator and chariot competitions. Florence and Avery, you guys are immediatly considered invincible.
(Chariots ready)
(Cut)
Chris: Ready, set, go!
(Chariots race off)
Chris(Dictating the race): Chariot #1 is in the lead, followed by Chariot #4 closely.
Damien: You're going down!
Elizabeth: That's what you think!(Kicks Chariot #4)
(Chariot #4 spins out and crashes)
(Cut)
(They go around twice)
Chris: At the start of the last lap, Chariot #1 is still in the lead, followed by Chariot #3 and in last is Chariot #2.
Nathan: We need a way to get ahead!
(Madison looks around and finds a rope.) (After some nice moves, Madison and Nathan pulled ahead)
Nathan: Awesome! Watch this!
(Nathan winds the rope into a lasso and loops it around the left wheel of Chariot #3)
(Chariot #3 loses its left wheel and crashes.)
(Cut)
Chris: Chariots #1 and 2 finish! Woohoo! All non-gladiators come with me! All gladiators go with Chef.
(Switch to gladiator stadium)
Chris: You who are about to fight salute me! It's everyone for themselves. Last gladiator standing wins.
Damien: Look! Ryan's the best fighter, so why don't we finish him off first?
Lauren: He's got a point. Get Ryan!
(Other Gladiators surround Ryan)
(Ryan grabs a rope next to the wall and pulls on it.)
(The whole stadium collapses on everyone except Ryan.)
(Chris climbs out of the rubble)
Chris(beaten up): Since Ryan defeated all of the gladiators, he wins his freedom. All free people have invincibility. Damien, Lauren, and Chelsea, see you at the Campfire.
(Cut)
Chris: There are two marshmellows on this plate. One of you will go home.
Lauren, you're safe.
(Dramatic music, Chris thinks slowly)
Chris: Chelsea.
(Damien looks like he's going to blow up.)
Damien: I will defeat you all! You'll never take me off this island alive!
Chris: I thought you'd say that. Chef, Paul!
(Paul and Chef appear with heavy armor on.)
(Cut)
(Paul and Chef drag Damien into the bait house)
(Chris throws in a portable DVD player)
Chef:What did you do that for?
Chris: Pinnochio. The Bonacelli version. (You don't think this is a fitting punishment? Watch the movie.)
Paul: Don't you think that was a bit much?
Chris: Nope.
(END FLASHBACK)
Chris: Will Damien ever give up trying to get out of that shed? Will the RCMP come anytime soon? Will Paul and Chef ever get a rest?
Find out the answers to all this and more this time on
Total
Drama
Reality!
( Plays theme song)
Hi Mom and Dad I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
So pack your bags cause I've already won
I'm coming up, nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nahnah nahnah
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nahnah nahnah
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! (same as last)
(whistling beat)
(TV Channel 20)
Reporter: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police were obliged to remove an insane child from Camp Wanawaka. Here's the original camera footage:
(Cuts to crummy camera shot of Campfire Ceremony)
Chris: There are two marshmellows on this plate. One of you will go home.
Lauren, you're safe.
(Dramatic music, Chris thinks slowly)
Chris: Chelsea.
(Damien looks like he's going to blow up.)
Damien: I will defeat you all! You'll never take me off this island alive!
Chris: I thought you'd say that. Chef, Paul!
(Paul and Chef appear with heavy armor on.)
(Now)
Reporter: Damien Queen was removed forcifully and sent to court to appear for 2,000 dollars worth of damage to the camp property.
(Chris turns off TV.)
Chris: Isn't life great?
(Campers roar their approval.)
Chris: You have reached the half-point mark. The next challenge is just for fun. It's a dance contest!
Elizabeth: Hmm... I've never thought sereously about swimming off the island until now.
Chris: Alright, you big crybabies. Everybody on the cruise ship.
(Turns to cameramen)
Chris: You too. (Turns toward the cameras) You viewers will see the fan favorite scenes and a bonus one at the end.
(FAN FAVORITES)
Chris: Chef, Aim the bazooka at the Bonfires' cabin.
Juliet: What? (confused) They chose the chainsaws.
Chris:( evil grin) Oops. I forgot to mention that you chose what the enemy will use on your cabin. My bad.
(Bonfires gape in horror)
*Confessional*
Ryan: Wow. He really is evil.
*End Confessional*
(Chef aims and fires bazooka.)
*Confessional*
Avery: I almost cried.
*End Confessional*
(Cabin Explodes)
Chris: (Laying on beach chair with drink in hand) What a nice backdrop for drinking Pina Coladas!
Chef: All in a day's work.
Ted:Ah-ah-ah
(others dive for ball, surround Ted)
Ted: AH-CHOO!
( many screams)
Damien: GetitoffGetitoffGetitoffGetitoffGetitoffGetitoff!
(Chris Laughs)
Chris: He sneezed on the ball! Oh, MAN!
(continues laughing)
Chris: Wow. The short guy caught something.
Ryan: Shut up, Chris!
Chris: Sharks, you have found the key, and therefore, the prize: A widescreen T.V. and enough goodies to last you the night, which happens to be a movie night for the Sharks: Gone with the Wind. Enjoy the sweet taste of victory... and potato chips.
(Jay and Flo take the lead)
Paul: Damien! I have good news and bad news.
Damien: Good news first!
Paul: We're going to win!
Damien: Great! What's the bad news?
Paul: We're probably not going to survive.
(cut to Chris, down by the beach and finish line)
Chris (with binoculars): Is Paul going to... No way! He is!
(Paul swerves toward the cliff)
*Confessional*
Paul: If I had even considered the possibility of doing that before the race started, I would have laughed it off, but considering the outrageous circumstances and the pressure I was under, I really had no choice.
*End Confessional*
(Shark's car drives off the cliff and free-falls toward the beach. You can hear Damien screaming for miles.)
(When the car hits the beach, it bounce/rolls its way across the finish line.)
Paul: Nice supension.
Chris: Chef will guide you to the next track. (to chef) Where is the next track?
Chef (grinning): You'll see.
*Confessional*
Ted: I was seriously curious. What would Chef pick?
*End Confessional*
(switch to the inside of Chris's cabin)
Chef: Go down the hall, through the bathroom, the den, onto the balcony, past the hot tub, into the dining room, then you'll see the finish line. You lose points for destroying stuff. Ready, set, go!
(Cars pull away, showing Chris tied to a chair)
Chris: No bonus for you, then.
(Chef shrugs)
----------------------------------------
(Chris pulling off ropes)
Chris: Since the Sharks destroyed the least amount of stuff, I declare them the winners!
(Sharks cheer)
Chris (frowning): Whoopdeedo. Now, let's see how much I have to take out of Chef's paycheck. Bonfires: What can I say? Meet you at the campfire, then.
( 3:00 AM)
Chris: There is no way Paul wakes up this early. A guy would have to be totally-
Paul (grinning): -Obsessed?
(Chris's jaw drops.)
Chris: Okay. I give up. Why do you wake up so early?
Paul: You mean you sleep?
(Chris looks really, really, scared)
Paul: Kidding.
(Chris looks relieved)
Paul: I did that just to annoy you.
Chris (disbelieving): You woke up at 3:00 AM to annoy me?
Paul: Yep.
Chris (impressed): Good job. (Shakes Paul's hand.)
Florence: I have weighed the chances of getting a concussion, so I am not going to do this. Take me off this island immediately.
Chris (narrows eyes): As much as I would like to, it says right here in your contract (pulls out contract) that you can't leave the island until you get voted off. So, unless you want to talk to Human Resources...
(Cut to Chef revving chainsaw)
(Everyone takes a pillow)
Elizabeth: Ryan, you aren't putting it on right.
Ryan(scoffs): Says probably couldn't tell the difference between a blind and a skunk.
Elizabeth: Where do you get these ridiculous ideas?
(Ryan is trying not to laugh as he finishes tying a skunk over her face)
(The skunk sprays her and runs away, she yelps)
(They look into the dark kitchen)
*Confessional*
Damien: Looking into a dark kitchen with no way out, armed with only a plastic toy: Good times...right...
*End Confessional*
Chris: Your challenge is to get the most hits on Darth Hatchet before five minutes is up.(Chef is grinning at them with a huge red lightsaber in his hands)
(Damien and Ryan tremble)
*Confessional*
Ryan: I would have fainted if Elizabeth hadn't said something that really made me mad.
*End Confessional*
Elizabeth: I would have known you would chicken out, short stuff.
(Ryan twitches, then explodes in anger)
Ryan: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (Attacks Chef)
*Confessional*
Elizabeth:You just have to know how to push their buttons.
*End Confessional*
Chef: What the-
(Ryan jumps on Chef and beats him to a pulp)
Chris (winces):Chef never had a chance.
(Ryan gets Chef into a half nelson)
Chef: Uncle! UNCLE!
Chris(Looks at rabbit on a spit): Rabbit?
Paul: Chef said it was a 'bunny', actually.
(Chris' eyes widen)
*CONFESSIONAL*
(DJ is watching the show)
DJ(Crying): BUNNY!
*END CONFESSIONAL*
(Paul and Chef drag Damien into the bait house)
(Chris throws in a portable DVD player)
Chef:What did you do that for?
Chris: Pinnochio. The Bonacelli version.
Paul: Don't you think that was a bit much?
Chris: Nope.
(BONUS CLIP)
(Chris comes out of the shadows wearing a flashy disco suit)
(Music plays
I heard you won the Wylas back in '52
Lying awake as fans were tuning in on you
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through
Oh, oh
They took the credit for your second symphony
Rewritten by machine not new technology
And now I understand the problems you can see
Oh, oh
I met your children
Oh, oh
What did you tell them?
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
Pictures came and broke your heart
(Sad) Oh, oh oh oh.
(Sad) Oh, oh oh oh.
And now we meet in an abandoned studio
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago
And you remember the jingles used to go-
Oh, oh
You were the first one
Oh, oh
You were the last one
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
In my mind and in my car,
The country whined, we'd gone too far
(Sad) Oh, oh oh oh.
(Sad) Oh, oh oh oh.
(Music plays and Chris dances)
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
(Fades out)
Chris: Wasn't that great?
See you next time on
Total
Drama
Reality!