10:26 pm
Adam is on his knees, hand shaking, his thoughts replaying things he long to forget, faces of friends he would no longer hang out with, the girl he would no longer love.
Do it he thought. "Do it!" he screamed to himself, his hand not moving, his finger not retracting the trigger, the bullet staying in the chamber. He stood to his feet and paced around his room, gun falling to his side, his hand a tight grip on it. Why couldn't he dot it. HE WANTED IT! He could not have thought a better way to leave this miserable life.
He turn to face the long length mirror in his room, watching his hand in his reflection, bringing the gun to his mouth. He closed his eyes the moment he felt the gun, only to peek and be disgusted by the sight. He took the gun out, the taste of metal and copper on his tongue, a taste he wouldn't forget.
"Come on!" he told himself, feeling his chest caving in on every breath he took, his throat drying. Why, why couldn't he do it! He had wanted this for so long! He inhaled and exhaled slowly, his intake of air becoming more and more shallow.
Ok…Ok.. he thought. He got on his knees again. He could feel and hear his heart beating rapidly. "Do it…" he whispered "2 seconds. That's all it takes" the hot tears start down his face. "2 FUCKING SECONDS! Come on, COME on!, COME ON! FFFUUCK!" He threw the gun at the blue wall, the cracking pop blast echoing through out the room. He touched his chest, his arms. He looked down at his upper body. Nothing. The bullet hadn't hit him. He broke.
"Adam?" he heard his name being called from the other side of the door
"Adam open the door… Adam what are you doing in there? Why are you popping firecrackers in the house? Mom's going to be pissed." he was angry, his blood boiling. His brother talked, but Adam wasn't listening. He cried like a little kid, his body dis-inflating a top his hands that lay on the floor. "Adam I'm coming in!" he heard his brother pound on the door as his hands grumbled up into fist and found their way stomping into the wooden floor beneath him.
"Adam wha-"
He punched the floor, never looking up, knowing what Drew was looking at, lying only a few feet away from him. "No why, why!" he bawled at the floor. He felt arms around him, picking him up from the floor, an echoing voice sounding so far away even though they were so near him. "Are you crazy?" Drew yelled, looking at his younger brother, face red. "We need to get you help" is all he heard that his mind made out.
His body felt heavy. Heavy with letting himself down. The broken thoughts in his mind. The burdening cost he would have to bare from now on- The burden of life