Chapter Ten
Morning After

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here

(I'm so cold)
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Evanescence: "Bring Me To Life" (feat. Paul McCoy)

Previously

Yes, Richard Castle would kill to protect her. Without a moment's hesitation, like he would for his mother and his daughter. The reason why warmed her heart, terrified her and filled her with a crushing guilt in equal measure. The same reason he was camped out on the hard wooden floor next to her bedroom door.

Because he was in love with her.

Kate slipped back into her room without making a sound and returned a moment later to drape a comforter from her own bed over his shoulders and managed to wedge a seat cushion from her rocking chair between the small of his back and the wall. Her eyes were drawn to his right hand again and again for a reason she could not seem to explain, along with the scent of wet dog hair.

She couldn't place it, but something about his right hand kept dogging her and she couldn't shake it. The previous night's events were hazy, indistinct and in some places either disjointed or missing altogether. Everything seemed jumbled together by the panic attack she knew she must have had. The only thing she was sure of was that she had panicked and run from Rick, this time literally.

Something must have happened during that panic attack, because she couldn't think of any reason how she could ever believe Rick would harm her. At least not on purpose.

Everything after she'd run from him (and even the reason she'd run was unclear) was just... gone, like her memory had just stopped recording and the only person who could put the pieces back together again for her was sleeping hunched against the wall next to her bedroom door looking like his life was over.

Kate slipped down the stairs to the kitchen and set water to boil to make coffee. She needed something to do before Castle woke up. As awful as she felt for the where he was sleeping, she wasn't quite ready to face him yet.

Richard Castle woke slowly, his neck stiff from the position he had fallen asleep in. When he moved to stand, a blanket slipped from his shoulders to the floor. He hadn't brought it with him as he hadn't intended to fall asleep, so either Gillian had come back in the middle of the night, which he wouldn't put past her, or Kate was awake. He wasn't sure which thought troubled him more.

He yawned and stretched... Something he knew wasn't necessary for three of his limbs, but was needed to work the muscles in his back and left shoulder. Several muscle groups were in fact connected to his bionic arm, their placement necessary to for his shoulders and lumbar spine to function properly. Those muscular anchor points provided the necessary biometric feedback to prevent his bionic limbs from tearing the rest of his body apart.

He had been encouraged early on to try to move normally, and stretching was one part of that, even though in his head he knew it really wasn't necessary for the functionality of his bionic limbs.

With his back properly aligned, his nose caught the unmistakable aroma of coffee which told him that Kate was indeed up and around. He scooped up the comforter and the chair cushion that were lying on the floor, folded the blanket and placed the two items carefully on her end table before making his way downstairs to face the music.

The advice Gillian had given him (after informing him the new artificial skin she had replicated and grafted to his arm would be better able to withstand the heat of his Taser at full power) was still ringing in his ears.

"Talk to the human designated Kate Beckett in the morning, Richard. Tell her the truth. She is not the human designated Meredith Chase, nor is she the one designated Kyra Blaine. Unlike the females you have had physical relations with in the past, she is worthy of your love. She will see you for who you are and not judge you for it. From what I and Sasquatch have observed, she did not come here to escape from you, but out of a misguided attempt to protect you."

Kate looked up from her coffee at his approach, a light smile rising on her lips in spite of herself at the sight of him. There was no hint of the terror that had been in her eyes the night before and both of them seemed to relax a little at that realization.

"Hey" they both whispered at the same time, as if they both knew what the other was feeling, the shared brain thing which Lanie found adorable and Ryan and Esposito found equally disturbing.

"There's plenty of coffee if you want some," Kate offered, "dad even bought some of that French vanilla creamer you use for the espresso machine at the precinct."

"He did huh?" Rick replied with a wink, "how thoughtful of him."

"Yeah." Kate said wistfully, "he knows how I take my coffee, and he would add it to the decaf I was allowed early on to try to cheer me up."

Rick could tell by the expression on her face that although she had been grateful for the attempt, it hadn't helped, only reminded her of things she was denied because of the bullet wound in her chest. Denied the opportunity to mourn her Captain and mentor properly. Denied the chance to bring her mother's killer to justice. Denied proper rest because of the nightmares that plagued her sleep. Denied her dignity and self-confidence because of the panic attacks that had her gasping for breath and diving for cover at random loud noises or reflections off glass.

He remembered clearly what those nightmares can do to the human psyche. He had dreamed about the accident that took most of his humanity away every night for years. Though those dreams came more and more sporadically over the years, he understood in ways Kate could only begin to realize.

He wanted to help her through this. Help her heal, help her come to terms with what her shooting had done to her, but first he had to be open and honest with her. Let Kate decide for herself how deep into this she wanted to go before he got in any deeper than he already was. He couldn't invest any more of himself only to be rejected again.

The last two months hurt too much as it was.

"Kate, we need to talk."