Those who read my other stories will recognize that most of this chapter is my oneshot Pressure, that I originally intended as a part of this universe but I left out all the references to it, so that it could be read as a standalone piece, since I liked the idea behind it very much.
Most fics are about kisses, more than that, most kisses in fics lead to sex. I'm most interested in what's behind and above the sexual act; instead of details I am interested in the feelings and thoughts that come with it, the angstier and more intense, the better...like unresolved sexual tension, which is particularly strong between these 2 particular characters and their unique and complex relationship.
Warning, if there needs to be one: malexmale incest, (almost) sex.
Like for Pressure, I used a Nine Inch Nails quote but I had Gnossienne n.1 by Satie in mind too, its circular, rollercoaster-like structure well conveying the feelings in the story.
You give me the reason.
You give me control.
(Nine Inch Nails, Sin)
Tsunade would have loved to go to Sasuke's birthday party, since she knew everything about it and was particularly delighted at the idea of cramming the boy's house with the greatest number of people, but unfortunately her duties didn't allow her to participate.
Sunagakure was shaken by a shocking murder. Two children were killed by a woman who, like Itachi, was revived by Juubi's chakra seeping into the ground where she was buried.
During her first life she was a strong, respected kunoichi who died to protect her subordinates during a mission. One of them was her lover.
When she returned he was overjoyed: he never forgave himself for letting his woman die to protect him. Now that, after five years, granted with a new life, she could have what a premature death had denied her.
It took her a few minutes to study the once familiar features that time changed, to see the ring.
He had grieved her for months when she had died; then he had met someone who had given him the joy to live again and he had decided to marry her without waiting, because he didn't want to risk to lose her too. For the same reason they soon had children.
They named the youngest one after the heroine who saved her father, the one who made their family possible.
The woman accepted that he went on with his life. She had been dead for years, after all.
Reinstated as a jounin, she was monitored and never sent too far away from Suna, but her record was flawless, just like it had been in the past.
Until something happened.
The man found his wife in shock, holding his sword; their sons in a pool of blood, the girl's head severed from her little body.
It didn't take long to find out that she had been put under genjutsu. One that the kunoichi was able to perform.
When he arrived at her house, wielding the sword still stained with his sons' blood, she had already committed suicide. It wasn't out of guilt that she had killed herself though; she knew that he would want to kill her and he didn't deserve that.
Killing herself was the ultimate act of her revenge, the destruction of everything her former lover held dear, just like he did to her and their love.
In her suicide note she explained how she had hated her new life since the first moment, together with her former lover, once she had realized that he had gotten over her.
Her death left no one to condemn for the children's murder. Their civilian mother never recovered from the shock of waking up and realizing that it was not a nightmare.
One day she left the house without a word and walked, crossing the whole village, leaving from its gates and disappearing in the desert.
When they looked for her they only found her clothes.
The tragic event left a deep impression on everyone in the Village Hidden in the Sand.
Even on Gaara, who was somehow reminded of the old himself and the hate he used to feel for everyone who was happy and loved, unlike him.
Luckily there weren't other revived in the village or there would have been a lynching.
So far every report was positive. Every person who was back from the dead had adjusted to the changes that occurred while they weren't alive, and everyone had received the best welcome from their friends and relatives.
This kunoichi's case was a first, yet many voices warned not to consider it an isolated case.
Thus it was the Shinobi Alliance Council's duty to discuss how to proceed, although the real pretext for the meeting was soon revealed.
Once again Itachi and Sasuke's freedom was at stake.
The atmosphere was tense: instigated by his new foreign counselors Koharu and Homura, Oonoki claimed that if a respected kunoichi had done such horrible things, what would Itachi do once his memory returns? Would he decide to take revenge over Konoha? Would he continue what Akatsuki had started?
Sasuke had done it already, should Itachi talk him into doing it all over again he would support him and the consequences would be catastrophic.
The last Uchiha were dangerous. Itachi was a manipulative liar and his power wasn't even fully known; Sasuke was completely insane and disloyal to anyone but his brother.
Besides, the Iwa Kage believed that Itachi was only pretending to have no memory, as he was the only one who returned in such mental condition. The Raikage trusted Tsunade's judgment but he didn't like the current uncertainty. He demanded the Uchiha's memory to be retrieved, one way or another so to clarify his position. The Samurai leader proposed to study the revived ones again, this time specifically looking for signs of mental instability, even running tests on them.
Wasn't that something that only someone like Orochimaru would say? Tsunade screamed, struggling to put some sense into them. She vehemently reminded everyone that they couldn't make a general rule out of an exception. That the Suna kunoichi was nothing like Itachi. That her actions were caused by personal grudge, while Itachi's were to protect his brother and the village, executing a mission that Danzo had assigned him on behalf of the Hokage.
That most of the revived were civilians who posed no more threat than any other human being.
That there was no evidence that Itachi was unstable and it was immoral and unjust to discriminate him again, even more so in the new and better world they all agreed to establish.
Gaara backed her up and so did the Mizukage, as it was unfair to punish someone for a crime he hadn't committed yet.
Leaving the Council, the woman felt that she had won another battle, albeit she knew that the war was still raging on.
She couldn't imagine that in the cart next to hers, waiting for Oonoki, there were the same elders that she exiled as a punishment for the Uchiha massacre.
She couldn't see the look they exchanged with the Tsuchikage either, yet she couldn't suppress a sudden shiver, like a bad omen that was hard to dismiss.
Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.
He looks outside: it's not raining. It's later than usual, he can tell from the different shade of light.
He doesn't have any missions today yet staying idly in bed is not in his nature.
Sasuke doesn't work either: they arranged their shifts so that they wouldn't have to.
Itachi counted on this very day to celebrate his birthday in the way he had first promised him.
It was his backup plan in case Sasuke would get angry for the surprise party, even if he knew such thing wouldn't happen. Sasuke needed it.
What he didn't need was what happened when everybody left.
With the alcohol still lingering on his movements but not on his thoughts, Itachi gets out of bed.
The sound comes from the shower faucet.
Eyeing both the bathroom and Sasuke's room, whose door is open, he spots a mess of clothes and a towel on the floor.
The boy must have woken up, taken a shower and gone back to bed. He was really drunk yesterday, his head must have ached. Luckily he doesn't seem in distress now.
The elder heads to the bathroom to finally turn the faucet off, but instead he takes a quick shower.
He too must wash away yesterday's remains.
He must wash away Sasuke's lips from his mouth.
It's better to forget about that kiss: it can't possibly mean something.
It can't possibly mean what it meant for him. Sasuke was drunk and letting him drink was his fault in the first place. He was confused. He is confused.
There's no need to dwell on it.
Yet, the taste of his lips haunts him and he wonders if he'll ever forget them.
When he's done he feels cleaner in body and spirit. Even his resolve seems stronger.
It doesn't matter if he will forget or not.
He doesn't matter. Only Sasuke matters.
Nothing is more important that the one whose voice gave him life, a name, a home. His very self.
The boy must not suffer.
He mindlessly takes some clothes from the drawer to prepare for the day. Even without missions there are chores to do; he washed dishes and cleaned up most of the main room yesterday, but the garden must be a mess, to fix before Shiro decides to add his own touch to it.
The dog must be at Aki's house by now. He should apologize to the lady for the noise, Itachi muses. Maybe he can send Sasuke to her while he cleans up. He is sure that the lady will be happy to see him. In the meantime he'll prepare his little brother's favourite dishes.
Itachi is buttoning up his trousers when he hears Sasuke groaning. He quickly checks on him again.
His brother is just stretching in his sleep, chest rising and falling slowly and steadily.
The movement made his pajama pants hang looser on his hips.
Itachi saw his brother shirtless, even naked, many times since he's back, when they sparred or bathed together. Yet there is something about a sleeping form, that makes that body different somehow.
Maybe it's the fact that as he, awake, takes in every detail, indulging on the protruding hipbones and the hollow of his stomach, the other is not really there so it feels like stealing from him.
Just like reciprocating yesterday's kisses meant stealing the boy's innocence.
A sudden gust of wind throws the window open and there's no time to chastise his thoughts; Sasuke's headband, haphazardly thrown over a shelf, is tumbling down. Its metal plate, especially its angle, is going to hurt him.
With a swift, catlike motion Itachi jumps on the bed to block it.
The shifting on the mattress, though minimal, is enough to open Sasuke's eyes.
With a drowsy look he takes in the sight of his slightly worried brother on his knees, looming above him.
Everyone says that they resemble each other in body and facial structure, but Sasuke sees more differences than similarities.
To him his brother is the most beautiful person in the world. Everything about him is perfect. His fair, warm complexion, his silken hair, his chiseled abdomen, his bare chest, his strong arms.
His nipples are hard and he has goose bumps; is it because of the wind or because of him?
"You drank too much for a first time. How are you feeling?" Itachi asks, showing him the headband as an explanation.
Sasuke remembers to have thrown it somewhere it didn't belong the day before, during a momentary retreat from his crowded home, already intoxicated from the sake. And before that, from watching the elder drink graciously with the adults, completely at ease as if he had done it many times before, which made him feel left out, even inferior, so he tried to close the gap between them, doing that adult thing over and over, trying to master it so that his brother would do it with him too.
He spotted the headband later, going back to his room when the party was over, but then he had something else in mind.
He still has something else in mind.
Like feeling Itachi's taste on his lips.
Like replaying the kisses that left him breathless and the touches that left him aching for more.
"Headache's almost gone now," he replies groggily, stretching again beneath the elder.
His arms above his head, his pale tempting body displayed like a work of art.
"It's your fault, niisan. You made me drink…" Sasuke smirks.
Why did he say that? It's not his fault.
Sasuke knows well that he drank because he wanted Itachi to pay more attention to him but didn't know how to ask for it.
"...And now you know the effects of alcohol and why it's one of the three ninja prohibitions," rebukes Itachi, half smiling.
Itachi would have blamed himself even without Sasuke's comment.
It's his fault for letting Sasuke drink.
It's his fault for not preventing Sasuke from kissing him.
It's his fault for kissing him back, kissing him harder, kissing him more.
He tries to get off the bed but Sasuke grabs his hand, with such unnecessary strength that Itachi loses his balance and falls on top of the younger.
Sasuke's emotions are as strong and uncontrolled as his hands.
Itachi's resolve to stay away from him is as precarious as his balance.
The elder leans on the other elbow so he won't weigh on his brother.
So he won't close the little space between their bodies.
The plaque on the headband becomes warm between their hands.
"Do you need something, Sasuke?" Itachi's tone is more serious.
Their mouths are too close; he can't risk to show Sasuke the extent of his desire.
Even if Sasuke is the one arousing it, because he doesn't understand.
"Just stay here" Sasuke mutters.
The elder pretends that he hasn't heard anything, that he hasn't noticed those eyes begging him to stay.
He would move but Sasuke's legs entwine around his own, preventing him to get up and walk away.
"Sasuke…"
Itachi sighs, not sure about what to say.
Especially not when Sasuke is arching his back beneath him.
"Stay with me, niisan…"
He's not just stretching his muscles anymore; he's trying to reach him. He's striving to connect with him.
They both shiver when their bare chests touch.
Yet their skin burn at the contact.
Sasuke doesn't speak. He just moves, carefully watching Itachi watching him.
Then, his face turns towards his brother's right arm.
Itachi can't help but admire the curve of his tense neck, the blue veins under his pale skin, his jawline, his graceful profile. He is so focused on details that he shouldn't notice, that he doesn't stop the boy from placing his lips on his inner forearm.
It's a light peck, as if he wants to apologize.
Only it soon becomes heavier.
Tightly holding Itachi's wrist, thus preventing all his movements, Sasuke arches towards him again, staring at him and biting his lip, exposed yet determined.
Determined to do what? He can't possibly know.
That's what big brothers are there for. To guide their younger brothers, to protect them...
When their groins touch Itachi tries to downplay the fact that the boy is hard.
He is young, confused and still intoxicated.
It's not easy to dismiss that sensation, when his own brother keeps arching under him, pressuring Itachi to come lower, until lower he comes, without even realizing.
"Sasuke. Stop." Itachi commands, his words contradicting his body topping the boy's, only shifting a little so that their groins won't come into direct contact again.
It's hard to not give in to the pleasure of such an intimate touch.
It's hard to be unresponsive when on top of someone so beautiful, so eager, so willing.
So forbidden.
He decides to pin the younger down and make him stop but his arms and legs are trapped in the boy's hold, so he replaces them with his body.
He feels Sasuke's abdomen twitching at first, then relaxing. He moans deeply as he takes all of his weight.
His tempting voice makes Itachi almost overlook the fact that the boy's first reaction was flexing his muscles as if it were a fight, which means that he is not sure of what he wants yet.
Which means that no matter what he does and what he says, he needs guidance and protection from him only.
Judging by his look the boy likes to be crushed under him.
Or maybe he knows better than Itachi how pointless it is to resist, especially when the elder's cock is pressing against his stomach and becomes harder and harder each time he moves, no matter how strongly he is being pinned down.
"No." the younger underlines his reply with an upwards thrust, following Itachi who shifts again, visibly shivering when their crotches touch.
His lips parted, he stifles a moan, unlike Sasuke.
He tells himself that he should move away no matter how strong is Sasuke's grip on his limbs, no matter how strong is his grip on Sasuke's heart.
He tells himself that he is older and more experienced thus he should be wiser.
He tells himself that he must protect Sasuke, not taint him.
He tells himself that it's hard to get free from Sasuke's steely grasp without hurting him.
Itachi stays still, breathing deeply and slowly, trying to ignore everything, from the boy's maneuvers beneath him, to his angry expression, for Sasuke can take his reproaches but not his indifference; from the frustrated bite on his forearm to, as he lifts said forearm, Sasuke pulling his hand over his lips, kissing the tip of his fingers, one by one.
The gesture lacks the lascivious simulation of another intimate act, yet the boy's lustful and at the same time innocent gaze turns it into something much more enticing.
Itachi knows well that the boy doesn't have any experience and he's not seducing him; he's just following his heart along the trail of his desire.
So enticing that even if Itachi's mind repeats over and over the principles he must follow, the borders he mustn't cross, his hips start moving in synch with Sasuke's.
He can't lose control. He must not give in to that pleasure or Sasuke will demand more.
Or he will demand more.
"You don't know what you want..."
He says huskily when his voice should sound stern.
"You don't know what you're doing..."
You don't know what you're doing to me.
Sasuke doesn't reply.
Maybe he didn't even hear his words. Maybe, as his eyes are lost into his older brother's torn look, as his face is caged between the other's long silken locks, as their bodies are rocking at the same sensuous pace, his ears only heard the desire dripping from Itachi's voice.
"You don't understand what this means..."
The elder reiterates.
"Whatever. I don't care."
Sasuke snarkily retorts.
His lips stay parted, inviting Itachi to seal them with his own, like he did yesterday, but unlike yesterday, even if the elder craves to obey to that silent command he can't fall into that exquisite temptation again and taint his brother with his selfish want.
He must be wiser than the beautiful pale boy with a raging storm in his eyes. He must protect the boy who made him a real human again.
With his free hand –fingers still tingling for his butterfly kisses –he caresses Sasuke's face.
A gesture that during their childhood meant affection. A gesture that now is conveying his desire, regret, fear. Love.
He traces those lips that want him so badly.
That he wants so badly.
Itachi almost misses the flicker of fear in Sasuke's dark eyes, widely opened when his mouth is covered by his brother's hand.
Not to abuse him, not to silence him, but to avoid looking at those tempting lips or the elder will plunge into them, losing his reason and making Sasuke lose his own self.
His unpredictable gesture shocks the boy, who remembers a past where Itachi gripped his throat and whispered cruel, goading words, so much that he goes numb and still, so much that the elder wonders if he went too far, so much that he asks himself if he made it, changing Sasuke's mind, even if the hard way.
So much that despite the elder doesn't remember, the sight of the younger's expression reminds him of the many things he ignores about his brother, and he would like to ask, he would like to know everything that hurt him, he would like to know how much he hurt him because he can feel it, he can see it even now.
Then, the boy he rocks his hips beneath him once again, his dark eyes half-closed and lustful, his soft lips slightly parted under the elder's clamped shut fingers, his hard cock rubbing against Itachi's, sending shivers down his spine, as he keeps thrusting upwards, under his brother's weight.
Just like he didn't expect Itachi's hand on his mouth, Sasuke doesn't expect him grinding back with greater and relentless strength.
He doesn't expect his grip on the elder to be countered so easily.
Itachi is strong, stronger than him. Itachi is perfect.
He spreads his legs to give him more access to every inch of his body –the thin fabric of their clothes feeling suddenly heavy –urging him to go faster, deeper, as his free hand roams over his back, teeth graze his fingers, tongue draws circles over them, between muffled moans.
He can't help entangling his fingers in Itachi's hair and pull his face lower, closer, not caring that it can't reach his covered mouth.
He holds his breath when their noses brush and Itachi's lips press against his own hand, while Sasuke's mouth and body become so demanding that the elder's fingers twitch, unwillingly splaying between index and middle finger, until the tip of their tongues brush, and everything seems to stop for a moment, every sensation they've felt seems enhanced and it would be easy to part fingers a little more so to give mouth to mouth access to the craving boy.
So to obtain mouth to mouth access to satisfy his craving for the boy.
It would be easy to remove the hand even, and kiss him hard and mark his perfect pale skin and grind him deep into the mattress.
But it would be wrong.
In the back of his mind, even if his desire silenced them so far, Sasuke's words resonate like an echo despite having been uttered with a different purpose.
"Whatever, I don't care."
"It's your fault, niisan."
Indeed it's Itachi's fault for not being strong enough to suppress everything he feels.
Indeed it's his fault for not having succeeded in making Sasuke understand the meaning and the repercussions of his –their –desires.
Indeed it's his fault for not having tried harder to avoid forbidden actions.
Indeed it's his fault for having overlapped their hands, their bodies, their lips, only putting something in between them –a metal plaque, fabric, a hand –as if it were enough for them so not to melt into each other.
Everything is his fault.
He's Sasuke's brother, he can't be anything else. He can't want anything else.
"You may not care about what this means, but I must, Sasuke."
Itachi mutters as he abruptly and forcefully frees himself from his hold, placing the headband on the farthest corner of the bed.
The temperature in the house seems colder now that their bodies are no longer connected.
"For your own good."
His wrist is no longer visibly restrained but the other, invisible, unbreakable chain still binds him to the boy whose pale face is now flushed, whose taut body is still waiting for him to give shape to his desire –to his need –of him, whose eyes, begging him to come back, he chooses to ignore.
A/N: This fic's pace is slow but things are happening.
Clothed sex, heavy petting, "dry sex" or whatever you call it is an underused but so intriguing thing to write. It's sensual and intense, it's a sort of tug-of-war, between Itachi and Sasuke, their different perspectives and desires (are they so different?), and between the "righteous" brotherly life and something more.
Intercourse often represents the resolution of a pre-existing tension, sexual or emotional. I didn't want to resolve theirs, yet. I preferred to follow their internal turmoil (Sasuke's need for Itachi, his naivete, his inexperience, and Itachi's guilt for being attracted to his brother and having to behave like a good brother instead) in all his rollercoaster-like path, with its ups and downs, the moments it feels ok to lose themselves in sensations and feelings, and the moments the mind forbids to go further.
Also, Itachi's controlling nature is brought to surface when he covers Sasuke's mouth and despite noticing his momentary fear, doesn't remove it, caught up as he is in his idea of protecting Sasuke from his own desire (from his desires mostly). Just like he did when he accepted to become a shinobi again despite Sasuke was against it at first. My idea of Itachi is someone who loves Sasuke immensely, so much that to protect him he doesn't hesitate to do what has to be done, even if Sasuke himself wouldn't want him to.
And Sasuke here has a moment of fear triggered by Itachi but it soon ends...or not. I see Sasuke as someone with a masochistic streak after all.
With next chapter part 1 of this story will end and part 2 will start. Same universe, same plot, same everything. I decided to divide them nevertheless, as if there was a season 1 and a season 2.