(10 days after)
"I'm telling you, I don't know if I can dodge one more inquiry about where I am, where Rory is- I tried using the whole "Oh, she's spending some time with her dad in Hartford" bit that we agreed on, but everyone is all "oh, come on, she can't come back for one lunch? For one festival? So today the questions about whether we are fighting again came up. Taylor is nagging me about the article she apparently promised to write for the Gazette this summer, Miss Patty wants to know if she's still willing to run a booth at the Summer Carnival, and Luke is complaining that he has too much coffee in inventory since neither of us have been coming in for our usual 14 cups a day." It was the third night of everyone living at Chris' house, Lorelai knew at some point she was going to have to go home, leaving Rory here, but that wasn't today, it probably wouldn't be tomorrow.
She sat on the couch as Chris brought her a glass of wine- Rory and Logan were in her room, Lorelai had just come back from the Inn and Chris thought they could both use a movie night.
"Rory and Logan go to bed already?"
"I think so, she's been going to sleep pretty early, I guess it's all the meds."
"How did she seem today?"
"What, in the two or three hours total she left her room?"
"Hey, she'll get there, we just need to be patient." He nodded, knowing she was right.
"What about the cops, you hear anything about the Kit from them?"
"It's still in process. Protocols and backlogs and all kinds of mumbo jumbo."
"How is it that we're from two prominent Hartford families and neither of us has a connection we can exploit?"
"Yeah, I'm starting to feel like my parents were right about regretting leaving behind that life."
They sat there, sipping their wine, music was on and they had planned to watch a movie, but neither moved to find one- this was the closest to decompression they had managed lately.
"So, Logan- I know you were late to get on board, but is Lorelai Gilmore finally on Team Logan?"
She looked up at him, considering. "I'll admit, I was slow to warm up to him- I judged him pretty quickly. It's possible he reminded me a bit of another rich, charming, smooth talking trouble maker I knew once." Chris smiled at that one,
"I wish I had my shit even that much together by 25." Yeah, so do me and Rory.
"But you're right, this last year has changed my opinion of him quite a bit. A few weeks ago Rory brought him back to the Hollow for the Spring Fling, showed him around. He's obsessively fascinated by Taylor, luckily he got quite the dose of Taylor's crazy this trip around. And it was so weird, my little girl had a boy stay over in her room."
"Yeah, it's probably a good thing I wasn't there. I mean, it's one thing for them to be living together- but the idea of him in her room with the books and the stuffed animals and all that? The one she had since she was 7? Not sure I could have handled that."
"Is that when he asked you? For permission?"
"No, that was the night we put our cards on the table- I didn't have any idea he wanted to propose. But, he asked me, straight up why I was worried about him, I told him. And… it's possible he called me out on my bullshit."
"What? Logan challenged you on something and won?"
"He may have pointed out that him leaving his dad's company, losing a lot of his money and all that, trying to move on… it may have been a little bit more Lorelai Gilmore than Early Christopher Hayden. Then we shared pie. It was a major bonding moment. I had no idea I'd see him again in two weeks to talk about him proposing."
"He was going to do it on Friday night."
"What? Last Friday night?" Chris nodded.
"Yeah, when I went after him on Friday, after the interview with Detective Douche, he told me- he showed me the ring, told me the plan. He was going to ask her at the party."
"What? No, Rory would hate that!"
"Yeah, he seemed to realize that as he was telling me. Then he had a horse drawn carriage outside to take them around in."
"What? I can't get her to go within ten feet of the horses at the inn- she's the reason I never pursued Dressage as a career!"
"It's a shame, I hear the Romneys are looking for a new Dressage Master."
"Yes, well, I love my child too much to consider it, but I supose Mitt will just have to settle for second best."
"I guess so."
"How was the ring?"
"It made me think of the one I bought you."
"What? Chris, we only had bands."
"I may have bought one for the party your parents were throwing. It was vintage, I thought you'd like that more than something brand new. It had a yellow diamond in the center, diamonds all around in a halo, then all over the band. It made me think of daisies and Zelda Fitzgerald… I just saw it and it looked like you." She looked at him, surprised and sad, her eyes tearing up.
"Chris…"
"No, Lore, it's fine. We both agreed that it wasn't right. We rushed too much… I mean, after 22 years, it was somehow still too rushed."
"I don't think it was us that was too rushed, it was me- let's face it. I'm relationship dynamite- I blow up really great things."
"No, Lorelai, you're amazing. I think… I think that maybe you just keep worrying that you may end up needing someone- and you are not someone who can need someone. So you run, and hey, for so long you had to be all you needed, and all Rory needed- and I was someone you couldn't count on, I didn't help. It's pretty easy to see how it happened, you adapted like you had to."
"But isn't it more important to want someone?"
"I think it's important, sure… if you're both on the same page there. But see, I wanted you to need me- I wanted to be able to take care of you- for you to let me take care of you. Maybe that's why you and Luke did so well for a while, neither of you needed each other." She sat, mulling that over, sipping her wine in quiet.
"Do you think Rory needs Logan?"
"Wow, I don't know- it's hard for me to say- I don't see them together all that often, and this last week probably skews my opinion… right now she does, and he's there and as much as I hate to see her all grown up, I'm really glad she has him."
"Honestly? Me too."
"So… Do you think she would have said yes?"
"Oh, Chris, I honestly don't know. I mean, I know she really loves him, she mentioned a year ago that she thought he might be the one … but wow, I just kept trying to wrap my head around her graduating and going out in the world, then about her getting married and maybe moving to California, and I was so focused on that stuff, on my stuff, that when this all happened…" She was fighting tears, she had been so proud of herself earlier, it had been almost 24 full hours since she cried, a record for her lately. "God, I would give anything to be able to go back to before- I'd happily take her settled and happy in California, married… she could give up journalism and stay home and have 6 kids and become a Mormon or a Scientologist or something and I'd be so happy- if only she didn't have to go through this." Chris put both arms around her, holding her tightly, kissing the top of her head.
"I know you would, so would I. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do if it meant this didn't happen. But it did happen. And we just have to help her through it."
"My parents offered to call the state AG, try to push her case through- but then we'd have to fill them in on some of the details we left out."
"Yeah, that would not go well with Rory."
"No, the look on her face when she asked about them? Mom's really upset, but I tried to talk her off a ledge, just saying Rory doesn't want her to see her like this, all banged up- but you know Emily Gilmore- she feels she has a right to visit her granddaughter, regardless the circumstances."
"Well, the bruises are mostly gone at this point, maybe we should do a family dinner- we can do it here so Rory doesn't have to go out yet. I mean, it's going to end up being pizza or chinese take out, but we can do that here."
"Yeah, we should probably give them something, throw them a bone."
"We never got to celebrate her graduation- have a toast, give her gifts, any of that."
"I know, I just don't know where she is on the subject of Yale right now- is it still mostly the best 4 years of her life, or is it all tainted and ruined?"
"I didn't even think about that. God, how did this become such a mess?
The knife glinted off the floor lamp in the room, it was cold against her skin- she felt a nick at her neck and smelled the blood, forcing her to panic even more- she started to kick and fight against him, but no matter what she did he was pushing her down, ripping down her panties, pawing under her skirt…"
"Stop! Stop! Please stop, you're hurting me, please stop!"
"Ace! Hey, Ace- Rory! It was just a nightmare, you're ok!"
Rory had been tossing and turning and accidentally hit Logan in the face with her hand, right around the eye- waking him up- and as soon as she started screaming and crying in her sleep he was shaking her to wake her up- he wasn't even sure she was totally awake for a full minute, she was crying and moaning for someone to stop, it hurt. He went to hold her and she pushed him away-
"Stop! Don't!" And then she looked up, saw his eyes- his pain, surprise and she just doubled over, in the middle of the bed. "I'm sorry, Logan, I'm sorry- I love you, you know I love you, I just…" She looked up at him, but she wasn't really looking at him- her eyes were flitting nervously all over the room, there was a creaking stair or floorboard that made her jump a half mile and she was shaking all over.
He just put both hands up so she could see them and started talking.
"Hey, it's ok, it's just me and you in the room. Your dad is upstairs in bed, your mom is at the Inn, it was just a dream, it was just a bad dream and you are ok. You are with me, and I love you and you are fine." He let her stay doubled over, crying into the bed sheet. "Do you want something drink? Som tea or some juice or something?" She just shook her head and tried to wipe the tears from her face as she started to collect herself. He waited, patiently until the sobbing stopped.
"Do you want me to hold you? Do you want me to leave?"
She moved over so she was right next to him, she pulled his arm over her shoulder and snuggled in tightly to him- still crying, but much calmer.
"Do you want- do you want to talk about it?" He was pale and shaky as he asked, not sure how much he would be able to hear, but if she needed to get it out, to say it, the least he could do was listen to it.
"I just… I saw the knife and he hit me with it, there was some blood and it smelled so weird- in the dream. It smelled like chemicals, like a dry cleaners or something… I don't know why. But then he… he just… God, Logan, what am I going to do? I'm starting to feel like I'm paralyzed, I'm just stuck. I mean, I got two emails today from newspapers about interviews… And I turned them both down. I don't know what happened, in my head I was composing an email to set up an interview, but my fingers just started typing a polite refusal and hit send."
"Oh, Ace, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I really didn't want to tell my boyfriend that I'm feeling so fucked up that I'm ruining the tiny number of job prospects I have and I'll just continue to be a drain on him and everyone in my family."
"Seriously? What do you mean- you could never be a drain, not on me, not on any of us! Rory, we love you and we are here for you, 100%."
"And now it's not just that I'm a loser who can't get a job, but I have no apartment, no money, I can't even sleep through a night without waking you up and making you take care of me like I'm some insane person who should be locked up in a white room with padded walls with Nurse Ratchet making the rounds."
"Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there Rory. You are absolutely the love of my life, you are actually the only woman I've ever been in love with, you couldn't pay me to stay away- to not be here, helping you and loving you and being amazed by your strength."
"If I was actually strong, I would have been able to fight him off. I would have been able to get rid of him- instead of him throwing me down on that floor… he said… oh God, he said that I looked juicy… that I wanted him… and he just… I never went to church, mom wasn't particularly religious. I mean, Mrs. Kim made me attend a lot of things over the years, with Lane, and Reverend Skinner was always really nice to me… but I swear to God, in that moment, I was praying that he would just kill me- that I would just die. Especially when he… I was turned around… I just wanted to die."
"Rory, stop that- just stop that! Hey!" He took her by the shoulders and tried to make her look him in the eye. He was crying, he was terrified- his face had gone totally white, his hands were shaking. He made himself take his hands off her arms, not wanting to spook her. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Rory. You are my entire world and if I woke up any day without a world that had Rory Gilmore in it, I have no idea what I would do- I don't know how I would survive that.I don't know how your mom or your dad or your grandparents would survive that- we all need you, so much." He held her as tight as he could, the very suggestion that she had prayed for him to kill her… that he had broken her so completely… that he could have lost her, it made his heart stop and he was having to remind himself to just breathe.
And they stayed like that, not moving, for at least an hour, neither willing to burst the bubble they were in.