K so this is a pretty long chapter. im trying my best to make up for my tardiness but no guarantees on when thatll be. sorry for the wait.
I closed my eyes, the feeling of dread washing over me. I turned to face the arena again to see paramedics rushing in already. Hank had his hand on his chest but wasn't dead. No, not yet. I made my way to Roza as fast as I could. When she saw me approaching she jumped at me and buried her head in my chest. My stomach clenched and it felt like I would puke, but I knew I had to be strong. For my Roza, I had to be. I grabbed JD's reins and wrapped my other arm around her as I guided her back to the trailer.
The ambulance to off and I soon got Rose calmed down."You still running?" I asked. She nodded and I helped her stand. She climbed back on JD and after making sure she looked ok, rode back to the group she had been with before. I made my way back to the chutes, hoping nothing else bad would happen.
RPOV:
I ran a 15.2, not very impressive but I wasn't entirely focused, making JD nervous. It was my fault we didn't do great and that made me feel worse. I walked back to the trailer to see Dimitri already standing there already. He looked different, and not in a good way. He looked sad yet decided at the same time.
He turned and for the first time in a while I couldn't read his face. But, he came over and helped me down, asking how I did as if nothing was wrong. I could tell he was putting on an act though, I just didn't know why.
The next morning when I woke up I saw Hank standing with a group, talking. He had a sling on his arm and I would go out on a limb to say that he had his ribs wrapped. I bolted from the trailer and ran over to him. He turned a smiled. "It wasn't as bad as it looked darlin'" Truthfully, before Dimitri had shown up we had talked and had caught up but with Dimitri back he knew where my heart really was. I didn't know when I would let him back in but I would always love him and only him and Hank knew that.
"The only sucky part is that I'm gonna have to find a place to bunk, I'm off the circuit for a while." A grin broke across my face. "MH would take you! We're always lookin' for hands around the barn and as you heal you can help Dimka check cattle!"
He snorted, "You think that would be a wise idea?" I rolled my eyes and nodded before pulling my phone out and calling home. After getting the ok from Abe I told him to follow us out around noon. I gave a quick hug and turned back to the trailer to wake Dimitri up.
However, when I spun around I saw him standing in the doorway of the trailer looking at the ground. I walked up, ready to explain myself but the pain in his eyes when he finally looked at me stopped me dead in my tracks. He stepped down and walked around to the other side of the trailer before I could manage to get any words out of my mouth.
The ride back was silent. Not our usual silence either. For the first time since I could remember being with Dimitri, it was awkward and it was my fault. When we got home he was immediately out of the truck, unloading things and getting the horses out, leaving me with nothing to do. So, I figured he needed time to settle down I drove back to the house to get Alek and show Hank to the bunks. Abe talked me into staying for dinner so I ate with him Janine and Hank, almost forgetting the ride back.
When I finally was able to get home I put Alek, who was already out like a light, down and walked into the kitchen. I bowed up and stopped before Dimitri realized I was there. He was standing with his back facing me and no shirt on, wrapping his ribs. I figured they were almost healed but from the glimpse I got they were still bruised. Bad. I back around the corner and regained my control. He had said he was fine to work and ride, that they weren't that bad anymore.
I peaked back around and saw him stiffen as he pulled to make sure the wrap was tight. I heard him hiss in pain and felt my eyes prick with tears. I ran up the stairs into my room before he caught me. What was my problem? He was obviously trying to get me back and I still loved him. With everything. But I couldn't let him back. I couldn't tell you why but something was stopping me. And I couldn't figure it out. Damn it.
The next month past in the same fashion. Dimitri spent time with Alek as much as he could. He worked from dusk to dawn everyday and at night he was often at the main MH barn working with CowPoke, a little paint colt he went to Eddie's to get. Hank kept me company and didn't ask what happened with Dimitri because it was pretty obvious. Time with Hank became all that kept me sane. It was carefree and I didn't have to think about bad things. It was easy. I began to think that we could work. That we could be good together.
One night Hank and I came home from eating out and we kissed. It was short and surprising, but it wasn't bad. We tried it out again but jumped apart when we came aware of someone passing us, going into the house. I felt tears prick in my eyes as I realized Dimitri didn't deserve this. I quickly told Hank we would talk about this in the morning and ran after Dimitri. But when I got in the house he was gone already. I walked up the stairs to his room and found the door shut. I was tired of his shit. He had been acting pissy and ignoring me and my questions all month. I wanted answers.
I knocked but no one answered. I sat against the door, determined to get him to talk to me. I must have fallen asleep though, because I woke up in my bed, wrapped up. I jumped up, running down the stairs. I checked Alek and noted that he was sleeping peacefully before going to the front door. I looked out to see Dimitri's Chevy gone. I slipped my boots on before running to the kitchen to grab my keys. A slip of folded paper caught my attention before I could grab them though. I slowly walked to the table and saw my name written on it. I sunk into the chair when I recognized Dimitri's elegant handwriting.
Dear Roza,
When I came back and you took me into your home willingly, I was enthralled. I couldn't believe it. You were giving me the chance I needed. And I tried, with everything in me; I tried to win you back. I love you and Alek more than you could even comprehend. When you invited Hank to MH I figured I could wait out the months it would take him to recover and get back on the road. It turns out I couldn't. I'm not that strong Roza, and for that I'm sorry. So sorry. So when I say I had to leave, I mean literally. I didn't belong here anymore. I will come and visit Alek as much as I can, but to stay here and have my heart ripped and tore everyday is more than I can handle. It's not your fault, so don't shed a tear over me, Roza. You and Hank have decided to take things to the next level and I'm happy for you. Maybe things will work. I hate seeing you hurt. I'll be back. That I promise you Roza. I remember that night at the rodeo you called me "Dimka" and hope raised its ugly head. Now I know you simply slipped up. I know you still care for me, but love won't always be enough. At least it hasn't been with us. To be honest Roza, I will be eternally grateful to you. You taught me to love. To actually love with all my heart. I know I won't ever love someone that way again but you still taught me. So, I guess this is goodbye than? I have one thing to ask. It's simple because we both know you always have a busy schedule. Remember me for who I used to be. Back when I was enough for you. I'm not saying to never get over me. I think your well on your way to that now. But remember. Because I know I will never forget. You're my savior Roza. Don't ever forget that.
With all of my heart,
Dimka
I think I was in shock for a moment. Then the tears came. They weren't uncontrollable, but they were close. After a long time of crying I walked to Alek's room and gave him a bottle. He had gotten so big and he looked so much like Dimitri it killed me. Just as he closed his eyes I heard the front door open. I laid Alek in his crib before seeing who had walked in, hoping with everything in me that it was Dimitri. That he was just playing a joke on me. That he wasn't really leaving. But when I rounded the corner and saw Hank there, with his hands in his pockets, looking at his boots. I made my decision last night.
"Hay" was all I could muster. He looked up and I threw my arms around him. "I'm sorry" he said quietly. After another tear session we went to the main house for dinner. I sat down at my usual spot and looked up across the table, expecting to see him. But my eyes landed on an empty chair. Hank grabbed my hand under the table and gave it a comforting squeeze. No one brought up his absence and for that I was grateful for. Extremely so. The truth is, you don't know how much someone means to you until you don't have them anymore. I had to learn that the hard way.
DPOV:
I pulled onto the main highway I let out a shaky breath, running my fingers through my hair. My tears really hadn't stopped but I hadn't expected them to. The last month had seemed like an eternity. And every day I could see Hank and Roza getting closer; I just thought we were doing better than that. I guess not. I was happy. I guess. I didn't really have a choice. I knew the circuit was still out there but I wasn't going back. I had lived my dream, but I was tired and felt older than I ever had. No, I was headed to Eddie's. I figured I would check there and if not there I'd go somewhere else. I would do whatever I just had to get out of Texas. That state had caused too much pain already. I would come back for CowPoke as soon as I could borrow a trailer.
After hours of tears and driving I pulled into Rockin' C Ranch. I saw Eddie walk out on the porch before recognizing the truck. I cut ignition and pulled myself together. It was my fault anyway. I wasn't enough to catch her anymore.
As I stepped from the truck Eddie spoke. "Hay man, what brings you up here so late?" I turned to face him and didn't miss the once over he gave me. I must really look like hell.
I cleared my throat before answering. "I don't think I belong at MH anymore. And I was looking for a place to help out around. This was the place I thought of first." his eyes widened as he put two and two together to understand why I left. "Who is it? Hank? She told me while you were still riding on the circuit that they had been talking. But I thought since you came back…" He didn't have to elaborate. I thought the same. I nodded as an answer.
"Well damn bud. Ya your more than welcome to stay." I nodded and grabbed my duffel. "You can stay in the basement. It finished and it's practically a house. You can enter through the back so it won't be like living right with me and Amber." I nodded as I followed him around the back. "You can park here," He pointed to a patch of gravel cover by a small building. "And dinner is at 6 every day. Once I tell Amber you're here you can bet she'll make you eat with us." He said laughing fondly at the small brunette's bossiness. I pang shot through my chest as he gave me the key.
I threw my stuff in the bedroom and pulled my truck around back. It was around 8 and it being winter it was pitch black. I could barely see quarter horses roaming in the pastures in the distance. It was nice. A change of scenery. At least that's what I kept telling myself.
The next morning I decided to get up and move around at 5:30. I jumped in my truck and went to a small supermarket. I got some of the basic foods and some more clothes. I put everything up when I got back and went to find Eddie.
He was in the breeding barn, checking some of his mares. We talked as we walked down the aisle, peeking our heads in. "Would you mind me takin' your trailer back to get Poke?" He told me to go on ahead whenever I felt like it. I turned to leave after thanking him but stopped when he called out.
"You wouldn't mind takin' Amy would you?" Amy was Amber's younger sister who just turned 19 if I could remember correctly. I shook my head. I remembered her from when I stayed here for about a month right out of high school. She was pretty cool and we made friends but that was a while ago and she was just a kid, not a young woman.
Eddie broke my thoughts. "Hay take the dodge, I don't want the Rockin' C trailer hooked to no Chevy." He winked and I just rolled my eyes. "Tell her to be ready by tonight. We're leavin' after dinner.
I hopped into his work truck. It was a dodge 3500 flatbed. I looked over and saw a small picture of him and Amber and for the millionth time today felt my chest tighten painfully. I thought about my journey back to the place I've always called home. The road with Amy should be interesting. I hadn't talked to her in a while but I knew she had grown up to be a handful. She ran barrels and poles to. I didn't think it would be a wise decision to get tangled with another one of those. I sighed.
I looked up as I waited for the diesel to warm up and saw a girl walk into the main barn with a white horse following right at her heels. She was pretty, but Roza was still on my mind. She was definitely enough to get my attention though and I was instantly curious as to know shoe she was. She had a junior rodeo jacket on and an expensive looking pair of boots. Looked like she definitely won some money every once in a while.
After realizing I had been starring I pulled up to Eddie's trailer and hooked up. As I was finishing Eddie walked up to me. "Your job will be to ride out and check the herds every week. That and be trainin' your little colt. Till he gets grown I'll put you on Whiskey." I nodded. Whiskey Pass was a grullo paint stallion.
After double checking everything I packed a small duffel of clothes because I wasn't going to give it hell with Poke in the back. I checked my phone for the first time and saw three missed calls and two voice mails. "Dimka, I'm sorry. Come home. Please."The last one held anger, "I'm sorry, but maybe you did the right thing."I felt sick to my stomach as I climbed the stairs.
I had stayed at Eddie's before when I had been on the circuit and a rodeo was around. So as Amber spotted me she ran and gave me a huge hug for a small girl her size. "I'm sorry" I nodded and returned her embrace. Eddie motioned to a seat across from him at the table and we launched into talk about the farm and any help he would need with repairs when we returned. Amber sat down beside Eddie before cutting in. "Amy said she would be a little late, she's still trying to figure out what to do with Warrior while she's gone." Eddie rolled his eyes, kissing Amber's hand. "She does know we'll only be gone for a little while right?" Eddie burst out laughing while Amber smacked his thigh. "She loves that horse. Besides you were the one who gave him to her. I feel bad for Scott. She loves Warrior more than she'll ever care for him."
At this Eddie nodded. "You know Scotts just another play thang to her anyway." Amber sighed and suddenly I didn't know if I wanted to here anymore of this conversation. Just as I thought that the girl I saw early walked in. Eddie cleared his throat. "Amy, you remember Dimitri?" She froze mid way through taking her jacket off and turned. The moment she saw me she was running toward me. I swear it ran in the family. She threw her arms around my neck. "I'm so so so sorry Dimitri! I can't believe it. That gurl ain't thankin' right I swear." I laughed before giving her a final squeeze.
She sat down and turned to the others. "'Least now I aint gonna be alone in this house with the love birds." This caused me to crack a small smile as we all began to eat. It was nice to be surrounded by people; even if I still knew when it came down to it I was still alone.
I walked to the dodge and threw my bag into the back, before cranking it up to warm. I went to find Amy, thinking she would have already been here by now. Going on a whim I went to the main barn and sure enough, she was there kissing the horse I guessed to be Warrior on the nose. I slipped away without being noticed. The sunset was unbelievable and I had a sudden longing to see Rose again.
I let a breath out and turned when I heard footsteps. "Sorry I was sayin' bye to my favorite boy." I snorted before replying. "You better hope your boyfriend ain't stayin' here. Eddie would have a cow." She just laughed and shook her head.
We jumped into the truck and started down the road. I had called Abe and he said to come by whenever so I planned on getting Poke sometime tonight our early in the morning and stop on the way back to sleep some. About 3 hours into the journey Amy lay over and curled up in the seat, resting her head in my lap. I shook my head and kept driving. We pulled in MH around 5 in the morning. Amy popped up in the seat and looked out.
Her expression was priceless. Her mouth formed an O as she stared out at the mingled herds of horses and cattle. "This. Is. Awesome." I laughed, but only barely. Abe had said they were babysitting Alek and that I could stay however long to spend time with him. I was excited but nervous at the same time. What if she was here? Hank would defiantly be there. And she sounded so mad in the voicemail. I swallowed hard. Amy put her hand over mine in a comforting gesture.
I pulled to the main barn and stepped from the truck. Amy was instantly beside me, acting every bit of 19 as she was. "I want to go in the barn!" I chuckled and pulled her to me when she shivered. "We will when I get Poke. I'm goin' to see Alek first. Wait, where's your jacket?"
"In the truck." After seeing my questioning glance. "I was excited okay." I barked out a laugh and stepped up to the front door after I handed her my jacket. Janine opened the door and pulled me into a surprising hug. After I shook hands with Abe and introduced Amy I walked down the hall, while Amy was chatting away about their land, barn, arena, livestock, anything you could think of.
I picked my son up and simply held him. I didn't notice Amy was there till she made some noise. I turned to see her face and it was lit up with adoration. She held out her hands expectantly. She" awed" and made baby noises for some time. Asking me about everything that happened with Rose. It was nice to get it off my chest.
After I told her practically my whole life story she nodded, setting Alek back down. "Yea, I mean I've been with Scott for almost a year but, I mean I don't know, I'm starting to stop feeling it. Feeling us. And I don't know what to tell him." I nodded.
"Be honest, that's all that matters." We walked to the barn and Amy was just about jumping up and down. I opened the door and memories attacked me, everywhere I looked. My eyes stung and I did my best to blink them away. Amy stopped her voyage from stall to stall and grabbed my hand. "Come on, tell me about them." I nodded and followed. Telling her everything I knew about all of them. We got to a stall that I dreaded. Rose had been keeping Dinero here for breeding.
I turned away and Amy gasped. "That's not who I think it is." I nodded and her jaw dropped mile. Dinero's head popped up and he practically jumped from his skin as he came rushing to the gate. He nipped my arm and I remembered the day Rose came to get me because he was down. I sucked in a breath and moved from the stall.
I came to Poke and slipped inside. Poke was almost three and about as mischievous as they come. He sunk his head so I could slip his halter around his ears. Amy walked past me and let Poke smell of her. She hopped on his back like it was nothing. I gave her a "are you serious" look and she held her hands out for the lead rope. I sighed but tied the free end on his halter and gave them to her. "Be careful, Eddie would be mad if I killed his girlfriend's sister."
She rolled her eyes and rode Poke from the stall. I followed and opened the door to the trailer. Amy rode him around a little and I was pleased to see he wasn't trying anything. I pulled out the blanket I had got for him and leant against the trailer waiting for her to finish. I heard a dodge pull around from the other side of the truck. I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly who it was. Amy saw me stiffen and she trotted over to me. She patted Poke's butt. "Let's do this Mr. Bullrider." She said with a wink. I swung up and felt Poke stiffen. He pranced around a little but aside from the first uneasiness he walked around just fine.
"I want her to stay." Joked Abe as he walked from the house, followed by Hank and Rose. I turned my head as I saw her wrapped around Hank's waist. I heard Amy whisper "It'll be aight cowboy." Before I turned and put my poker face on. Rose stopped on the spot. I slid backwards off Poke's butt before tipping my hat. "I reckon we better be headin' back." Amy slid from his back as she agreed. "Yea, Rockin' C's quite a ways from here."
She blanketed Poke as I held him. Rose spoke up, trying hard but not succeeding at keeping her voice neutral. "That's where your stayin'?" I nodded without looking away From the ground at Poke's feet. Amy straightened up and punched me in the ribs before stealing Poke again and adding, " Yep, it's nice havin' Dimitri back at the house, that way I can ride more and he can repair everything."She sent a wink flying my way and I couldn't help the grin that cracked across my face. I shook my head and tried to ignore the look of disbelief on Rose's face as I loaded Poke up. I saw Danser walking in the pasture and said a silent farewell as we climbed into the truck. Amy said she would drive since I drove the whole way here, so I leant against the window and took in the place I had called home for so long for the last time.
im going to post pics of Eddie, Amy&warrior, Amber, and whiskey pass on my profile. but i want to know, who actually looks? please let me know if you do so i know im not just doing it for nothin LOL also please review, your comments are more than welcome :)))