So yeah… Remember this story anyone? It's baaack. Apologies for taking forever… But you saw my VS8 contributions, right? It's not like I fell off the face of the earth… Anyhoo, don't think this chapter being short-ish is related to the forever it took me to get it written — it was planned to be that way. Hope you enjoy :) Thanks to Filo for the beta. Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Luke spent the next few days as close as he ever wanted to come to having some sort of bipolar disorder. Half the time he spent mentally chastising himself — cursing himself, actually — over the absolute and utter insanity that must have overtaken him to have said what he said to Lorelai. His intent, when the shock of her announcement had finally worn off enough for him to form coherent sentences, had been to go to the Dragonfly and ask her what in the hell she'd been thinking.
And sure, that part he'd succeeded at. However, never, ever, had he envisioned himself having what amounted to a meltdown and basically asking her to marry him. Marry him. Not that he'd said that outright, but that was beside the point. He'd done it, and four days later he still was beating himself up over the sheer stupidity of such a move.
That was half the time.
The other half of the time Luke spent reminding himself that, in spite of everything, she'd said yes. Yes. Eight years of him sitting on his hands and biting his lip at every Max, Jason, and Christopher appearance, two together — which, granted, weren't all rainbows and sunshine, one long-lost daughter, one failed engagement, her marriage to Christopher… And there was still enough there for her to say 'Yes.'
Though it pleased him to no end that they would, after everything, get to be together again, it wasn't without concern. It would, as he'd said, mean nixing his plans to move closer to April. He told himself that it would simply mean more visits, more frequently. Even aside from that, Luke wasn't stupid — nothing had really been discussed. There were certainly still things to work through.
But, he'd been telling himself since Saturday, Lorelai was still dealing with one phase in her life, figuring out the divorce. He knew as well as anyone, no matter how invested or not invested you were in the relationship, the failure of a marriage wasn't something to be glossed over. In his mind, the ball was in Lorelai's court and when she was ready for… whatever… she would come to him.
So he'd kept to himself for the past few days, throwing himself into work at the diner, giving Caesar or Zack time off if they'd wanted it. What better way to fight his instincts, which were to go see her, than to be stuck at work? Given that she'd been MIA following his original announcement that he was thinking of moving to Albuquerque, he wasn't expecting to see her for a while after dropping a random engagement bomb on her either.
Which was why, on Wednesday, he was pretty near floored when, as he was bringing the table near the far window their tuna melt and grilled cheese, he saw Lorelai slip timidly into the diner. Slack-jawed, he set down the plates absently and let out a weak "Lorelai…"
She gave a tinny laugh, her eyes darting about. "That's me," she said.
Still flummoxed by her appearance, Luke moved numbly back towards the counter, stammering, "What are you…?"
"I, uh-" Lorelai started, moving to a stool on the opposite side of the counter. "We," she began again, gesturing behind her to Gigi, who had just come into view from behind the end of the counter, "were upstairs… for a while, but you didn't- So we came back down, and put Paul Anka…" She trailed off as she nodded in the direction of the door to the shaggy creature outside, with his leash looped haphazardly around a parking meter.
Luke followed her gaze and stared blankly at the dog for a moment. "I didn't- I didn't think you'd be here…" he finally managed to admit.
Though he could tell she was fighting to hide it, Lorelai's face fell. "Oh," she said.
"No, I just-" Luke sighed, frustrated at his own assumptions. "I'm sorry."
"No, I mean," Lorelai shrugged, obviously trying to play it all off as if it were nothing, "I didn't last week, so why would y-"
Lorelai didn't get to finish; Gigi, by that point, was apparently not amused by the stilted conversation of the two adults and had hauled herself up onto the stool next to Lorelai. Interrupting, she asked Luke pointedly, "Can I have a doughnut please?"
Momentarily thrown off by the extra little voice in the conversation, Luke quickly recovered with a forced "Uh, hey… Gigi" of acknowledgement. And, in response to her question, he added, muttering, "Uh, sure." Gigi, in turn, threw him a smile and pointed insistently at something covered in chocolate and brightly colored sprinkles. Luke obediently got it for her and slid it across the counter on a small plate.
"What do you say?" Lorelai prompted, nudging Gigi with her elbow as the child moved to take as big a bite as she could.
Barely pausing, Gigi spat out a hurried "Thank you" and proceeded to shove the doughnut in her mouth, smearing her cheeks with chocolate.
"No problem," Luke replied with an amused snort at the mess. Turning back to Lorelai, he began some semblance of an apology once more. "Look, I shouldn't have assume-"
Lorelai was the one to cut him off this time. "It's okay," she assured him, once again trying to brush off what Luke knew had affected her more than she let on. "I mean," she continued, eyeing the curtain blocking the stairs to the apartment, "we can still-"
"I'm by myself," Luke informed her, all the while kicking himself for having given Caesar the day off.
"Oh." The second dumbfounded 'Oh' of the conversation left Lorelai unable to hide the crestfallen look on her face any longer.
Feeling awful, not only because he so badly wanted to see Lorelai and be able to talk some things over more rationally than a few days ago, but because she so obviously had wanted to see him, and he'd screwed it up, Luke launched into an apologetic explanation. "I gave Caesar the night off since I didn't think you- And Lane's car broke down," he added with a shrug, "so Zach had to go get her. I gotta…" he gave a vague gesture to the kitchen and some tables. "At least until Zach is back."
By that point, Lorelai had plastered on a smile too bright to be real. "No, sure, that's fine," she quickly assured him.
"You could stay anyway," he offered hurriedly, just wanting to keep her around in any capacity, even if they couldn't discuss anything.
Lorelai shook her head in regret. "I can't leave Paul Anka out there by himself. Something'll freak him out and that'll be the end of him." With a resigned sigh, she looked down at Gigi, who had moved on from her first huge bite to mechanically removing the sprinkles to eat them one-by one. "We should get home," Lorelai finally said.
That caught Luke off guard, at least with respect to the kid. "Home?" he questioned. He'd have figured that given a divorce was on the way, Lorelai would have been the only one living at her house anymore.
"Until Saturday," Lorelai explained, with an air of what Luke could have only described as guilt. "Then, uh," she continued awkwardly, "Christopher gets back from apartment hunting in France and the movers are picking up his — their — stuff." When Luke didn't respond, she stammered further explanation, "Sherry — her mother," she nodded down in Gigi's direction, "wasn't in town over there or something, so I said she could stay with me."
It was Luke's turn to utter a dull "Oh."
"So, yeah," Lorelai shrugged, "we're going. Gigi, grab a napkin to bring that with you. And one to wipe your face with," she instructed.
Though customers from at least two tables to his left were trying to get his attention, Luke couldn't help but stare after Lorelai and Gigi as they first got the little girl cleaned up and then headed for the door. Feeling almost a little sick to his stomach at the thought of Lorelai having been here but not having been able to talk to her, Luke called out as she pulled the door open to leave, "I'll see you?" It was no more concrete than anything they had discussed on Saturday, but a reply in the affirmative would at least give him a modicum of something to hold onto, to look forward to.
Lorelai lingered silently at the half-open door for a moment, even after Gigi had scampered out and over to untangle Paul Anka's leash. Finally, with what looked like the first genuine smile since she'd walked in, she turned back towards Luke. "Yeah," she nodded, almost shyly, "I'll see you."
Luke always had hated watching her walk away, but her assurance that she'd be back made him feel a little better.
With a quick shake of his head to clear his mind, he reached for his order pad and headed over to the impatient customers by the window.
To be continued…