These were all stand-alone chapters, reflections people had. I've added a chapter on Nicole.
It's been a lovely evening for a night out. Dean and I have needed it, time to ourselves. It's astounding to me we've now been married four years. In fact, five years ago tonight, he proposed to me, which is how we came up with our wedding date. Five years now-my life has changed so much. I've gone from dating a widower with two small children to married and the mother of these two amazing boys. My life has not gone as I'd expected, but when does it? Life never goes as expected. It can either turn out for the worse or for the better. In my case, it's turned out for the better, not just with Dean and the boys, but in all areas. As we are driving home, to our lovely home, I can't help but reflect on these last five years.
Saying yes to Dean's proposal five years ago tonight was a no-brainer. Of course, I wanted to marry him. That, though, came with taking on the boys, something I dearly wanted to do. 10 years ago, I never would have dreamed I'd become a stepmother. Being a mother wasn't even something I was sure I wanted to do. I'd seen what divorce and sorrow does to kids, and I wasn't sure I wanted to even attempt a 'Happily Ever After' with anyone, let alone have a family. Then, I met Dean and the boys. They were and still are a package deal. Dean was wonderful, and the boys stole my heart too. They were so small then, four and six. Now, it's hard to remember my life without them in it because even before I became their stepmother, I knew them as I dated their dad. They are my boys, our boys, and I couldn't love them more. Parents are not always biological. I've seen that; I'm living that. I see it in other areas of my life, and I've also learned that biological parents can be a disappointment. They can also come back to surprise you, as I've seen with mine.
Dad wasn't a great dad; he wasn't present most of my childhood. Between work and struggling with his sobriety, he was absent a lot, a deadbeat some might say. Mom said that all the time, "Your dad is a deadbeat-always has been and always will be." I'm not sure I agree, especially now as an adult. I've learned a lot about his relationship with us back then, or at least, what he wanted from his relationship with us. A deadbeat to me means that the parent isn't interested, isn't trying to be involved. I've learned through therapy and just outright talking to Dad that he wanted to be involved, tried to be involved. Many circumstances-Mom, work, and alcohol-all made that hard. He provided, financially, that is. I didn't know it then, but I've learned more as I've gotten older. That, to me, doesn't make him a deadbeat. He tried. People can't always be what you want when you want. I always wanted to be 'Daddy's Little Girl,' this princess in his eyes, but I never felt like I was. I wanted a fairy tale, the doting father who took me anywhere and gave me everywhere I wanted. I wanted the dad who came to every event and bought me sparkly dresses. I didn't have that, at least not the fairy tale. I've learned a lot though and as an adult, have been trying to find my place with my dad because he does love me.
Dad might not have been this fairy tale I wanted, but he did his best. I do believe that. Mom stood in the way, whether she was trying to be spiteful, which, yes, I believe, or she was trying to protect us. I think it's some of both. She never told us that Dad sent her money all the time. He did. She never told us that he paid most of the college tuition. He did. I recently learned that, that when he couldn't be there for us in person-for whatever reason-he was trying in other ways. I never knew he had a substantial amount of his paycheck pulled each month, putting it aside for my brother and me. I never knew so much about my dad, but I also really never asked.
The last five years, things have improved greatly with my dad, and even my mom has started to admit that. We all started going to therapy, and through that, we've put our issues out in the open. It's allowed me to develop a healthy relationship with my dad. Over the years, that has even spread to a healthy relationship between my parents. I'd like to think I brought on some of that. It's not perfect, but the two are getting along, which, even five years ago, they were not. Dad has put in a lot of hard work to mend fences, and Mom has been willing to admit that. Much started when I did get engaged. He paid for my wedding, something that I didn't expect. He stepped up. Many don't do that. As a parent know, I see how I can disappoint my kids, without trying, but it's the last thing I want to do. I believe that about Dad; he's trying and has been for a long time. Mistakes of the past are not erased, but maybe I have a better grasp on them.
I can't mention the last five years without bringing up Sharon. She has been instrumental in all of this, whether she wants to admit it or not. She's helped Dad, changed him, and that is for the better. They complete each other; life is better for both of them because each one challenges the other. Dad first brought Sharon around on my wedding day, which, yes, might be a little awkward. I figured he was trying to keep the peace, at least on one level. Sharon's presence didn't do that with my mom but knowing that my dad was coming to the wedding alone, facing all of Mom's family, I figured he brought a friend to keep him calm.
"This is my friend, Sharon, my boss," I still remember him saying. He looked nervous, and I could see the sweat on his forehead. I remember looking at Sharon and was struck with her beauty. She was not like anyone I pictured Dad dating. I'd heard rumors, rumors about the flings he'd had, and she was nothing like I'd envisioned. As she stood before me that day, wow, Sharon was just everything I hadn't pictured. She was elegant and classy. She carried herself well. She was gorgeous too, her hair in loose curls while she had on a deep purple dress. She smiled a lot, at her surroundings, but that day, I watched as she smiled a lot at Dad. That smile has only grown over the years, and now, whenever she looks at Dad, I see that smile, along with her sparkling eyes. She loves my dad. All of that seemed to start the day of my wedding.
"Nicole, it's lovely to meet you. Your dad is so proud of you," she told me. I still remember that because it struck me, "Your dad is so proud of you." He was? He is? That just surprised me, I guess. I didn't get to speak to Sharon at length that day because it was my wedding, but I noted her on Dad's arm several times. They were always laughing. Being his boss wasn't a total shock, as Dean and I have worked together too, but I guess I was just surprised at how much she seemed to enjoy my dad. From what I could tell, she didn't view him as a deadbeat, a screw up, as I had for so long. She saw a man, a colleague, a subordinate even, but she didn't see the mess I'd seen. After my wedding, Sharon's name continued to come up in conversation. I have to admit that I brought it up on several occasions. Dad would fidget when discussing her. It was cute, sweet, and I could tell he had feelings for her. I also had the impression he was extremely nervous about having Sharon around us.
As the months went by, I heard more and more about their outings. "She's my friend, Nic," he would tell me, even though I'd tease him it was more. It was more; they started doing everything together. I met Rusty. Sharon and Rusty started attending some of our family events, cookouts, recitals, and things like that. Dad changed too; he was happy, happier than he'd been in a very long time, maybe the happiest I'd ever seen him. As my life changed, so did his. Our relationships-with each other and with others- have grown stronger.
As Dean reaches over to clasp my hand in his, I turn and smile at him. I love this man, and I'm thankful that I am in a loving marriage. Not everyone gets that; my parents didn't, at least not with each other. My mom is finally happy, has been, with my stepfather, but that came after years of heartache-heartache she went through with my dad. Dad is happy too, happy with Sharon, but it's taken all of his adult life to get to this point. He's madly in love with her, and that is wonderful to see. Yes, Sharon, the woman he introduced me to years ago now, four years ago today, as his friend and boss, makes him extremely happy. I'm happy for him. I'm happy things are going well with my dad and for my dad.
The drive home continues, and I let out an audible sigh, a happy one. Dean and I just glance at one another, this perfect evening coming to an end. It really has been nice to get out of the house with just him. I love our boys, but after a long day at work and tending to them in the evening, there is usually little time to spend with Dean. A night like this, especially on our anniversary is perfect. I'm not sure when he proposed five years ago I could l have predicted tonight. There was nothing grand-we went to a quiet dinner where we talked about our future, and we ended it with a walk on the beach. I didn't need an expensive outing, just Dean. It was perfect-perfect for us.
One of the other interesting things I know I would not have predicted for tonight is that Dad and Sharon are babysitting the boys. Yes, the same man, who, five years ago, I wasn't sure what sort of future I might have with him, is home with my boys, our boys. He's actually at his home, a home he shares with Sharon, the woman he will soon marry. They are watching our boys, and the boys couldn't be more excited. Grandpa and Grandma with some Uncle Rusty time thrown in there-the boys will talk about it all weekend, and I have a feeling Dad and Sharon will do the same.
All of this-the last five years building relationships of all kinds within my family just shows that family isn't all biology. Many of us are not related by blood. Yes, Dad and I are related. Dean and the boys are related, but the rest of us, all tied together into a family, that's by choice, choice and hard work. I never could have imagined my family would look like this five years ago, but I'm so grateful for the lives in it. Dean and I are a united front raising our boys. I love them like I gave birth to them. Dad and I have come so far. He's not the father of my childhood dreams; he's even better now. He's worked hard to improve our relationship. I have too, but he's put in the most time and effort. I'm so glad he has. It's made such an impact on me, on my family. Dad and Sharon have come so far, from a strained work relationship-yes, I've heard all about it-to being each other's best friend. Dad and Sharon are the love of each other's lives, and everyone can see that. They've worked hard on that relationship. Sharon has worked hard on the one she has with Rusty, the troubled teen who has become the beloved adopted son. Even Dad and Rusty have come so far, and Dad has said that he will be there for Rusty in ways he couldn't be there for us. I'm not jealous of that; I'm grateful that Dad sees where he made mistakes and is trying to correct them. Dad has proven to be an amazing grandfather to the boys, and Sharon is just as excited to be a grandmother. My family is very lucky; I'm very lucky. So many people have put in a lot of effort to get us here today. As I glance again at Dean, I realize that with all its twist and turns, life is full of surprises, many of them wonderful.
Yes, what a difference a year makes. Five years ago, I was thrilled at the idea of marrying the man I love. I still am thrilled, but I have so much more love in my life than I knew. My relationships have grown in so many ways, and I cannot even begin to imagine what the next five years will bring. Another wedding is on the horizon; Dad and Sharon will be married soon. With that, I'll add Rusty, Ricky, and Emily officially to my family, our family-not by biology, but by love. Hard work and love-that has made all the difference these five years. Acceptance and forgiveness are large part of that too. Now, as much as I'm excited for a night home alone with Dean, I look forward to picking up our boys tomorrow, after they've had time with Grandma and Grandpa. What a difference the years have made, and I can't wait to see what is in store the next five.