THE LONGEST SUNSET
by TJ HECTOR
-A/N:
I've been lethargic, that's all. That's my lame excuse for not updating.
Thank you my dear reviewers! InsaneDutchGirl, Guest, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Avatar Aang, Ninja-ForceUser, Raigon, Happysays96, Guest, and Infinite end.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed the moment between Raph and Leo. But the problems remain...so we move on to the next part of this story...
(BTW, the song I quote, 'The outcast' by Dropkick Murphys, I thought it suits Raph's present situation in this story perfectly...)
(Hehe, it kinda surprised me when two of you mentioned Mikey's blanket in your reviews! Yeah, I thought that'd be sweet too...)
And we get to see Donnie and Mikey again from now on!
-Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT-in this case, human.
Part Three
Tumbling. And Through.
If they can make a law, then I can break a law
If I can break a law, will the law break me?
It comes tumbling down again
I can't comprehend
Is it destiny?
…
No place to call your home
Forever walk alone, as the world goes on
Forgotten by the ones you know
-:-:-:-
If I can make a life, then I can take a life
If I can save a life, will this life save me?
Time after time, I still seem to find
You're looking out for me
So wrap your arms around me, hold me close and don't let go
Let me lean on you as I think things through
If I don't we'll never know
—Dropkick Murphys, "The Outcast"
10
He felt kind of drowsy—he had started to feel sleepy when they were about five minutes to home. Leo told him to stay awake, stay awake, stay awake…and every time he said yeah. Could Leo just shut up for a moment? What's wrong with falling asleep? After what he had gone through that night, he was exhausted. It was natural if he wanted to catch some sleep, right?...
"We're home, Raph," Leo's voice by his side. "Can you walk?"
"A' course," he tried to sound nonchalant, but his feet gave out under him. Leo caught him.
"We just had to make it to the elevator, can you do that?"
"Sure," Raph muttered.
-O-
Raph couldn't remember how many times had Leo half-carried him through the front door of their apartment. Last year when Leo picked him up at the police station—that was the last time. And before that there was once that he suddenly got very ill in school, and then a couple of times in ninth-grade when he got into fights and hurt his ankles or such—he'd say countless times.
Had he ever done the same for Leo? No, Leo didn't need him. Leo was always neatly composed, always readied and calm, and never lost his cool.
But Leo was looking scared right now.
"Stay here," he told Raph, and lay him down on the couch.
"Where else am I supposed ta go?" Raph muttered.
"Stay awake," Leo said again.
"Yeah," Raph nodded with a wave of his right hand, "go ahead."
Leo glanced at him for the last time before running toward Splinter's room. Leo was worried. Man, he was. Freaking out like a…
-O-
Splinter was probably the least guy he wanted to see right now…well, he had ruled Xever, Hazel, and Angel out, he didn't have to consider them, right? Those were like, hell no.
Splinter…he knew how Splinter would look like…
The stern face he dreaded, the wrinkle around his mouth. Raph knew.
"Raph," a voice said, "Raph, you gotta wake up."
The voice wasn't Splinter's, but when Raphael opened his eyes, he saw his father's face.
"Raphael," Yoshi said, "are you still with us, my son?"
Raph blinked.
There was pure concern, and nothing else. Yoshi grabbed his shoulders and leant closer.
"Raphael?" the father called again, voice quavering.
"Yeah," he slurred.
"Are you feeling dizzy, Raph?" Donnie asked over Yoshi's shoulder.
"Yeah," Raph mumbled.
"It's the blood loss," Donnie told Leo.
"What do we do now?" Leo asked.
"Leonardo, we need some clean towels," Yoshi said, "Donatello, bring the medical kit to the bathroom. And Raphael," Raph felt a pair of arms around him, one hand under his left arm and the other under his knees, as Splinter picked him up steadily. "Raphael, tell me about your injury."
They started to head toward the bathroom.
"I'm sorry," was all he could say. "I'm so sorry, Dad, I'm so—"
"Do not apologize," Yoshi said; Raph could feel his father trembled a little. "Raphael, please, tell me. I cannot treat you this way."
"Got stabbed…my arm," he mumbled.
"Did you break any bones?"
"D-don't know," his teeth chattered, "ribs hurt like hell. And pretty much everywhere else."
Yoshi sighed. They were in the bathroom now. Leonardo was there when Yoshi lay Raph down. He closed his eyes immediately after he felt his head was rested on something soft—Leo's legs probably.
"Don't move," Donnie warned, and Raph felt something cold brushed against his skin. He opened his eyes and saw his twin cut open his shirt with a pair of scissors.
"Jesus Christ, the bruises," Donnie cursed. Raph glanced at him; the odd look on Donnie's boyish face was serious and a bit frightened. "How much does that hurt, Raph? Comparing to your arm?"
"Dunno," Raph uttered, "can't tell."
"That's a lot of internal bleeding," Donnie said, "we gotta—"
"No hospital, please," Raph almost jumped up, but Leo eased him down. "C'mon, they'll be looking fer me. Please, y'gotta believe me when I said that, Donnie, Dad," and he looked pleadingly at Leo.
"Raph's right," Leo said quietly after a moment of hesitance. "We have no other choices."
Thanks, Fearless, Raphael heaved out a long breath. And suddenly his head felt light and the colors and images and memories were back again like some sort of attack—they took over his brain like a wild army, surging all over him and draining all strength that was left within his already limp body.
He started to drift off. Now he only hoped that Leo would catch him again when he fall into the darkness of an unknown land.
-:-:-:-:-:-
[Later]
"How's Raph doing right now?" Donnie walked into the bedroom with a glass of water in his shaky hand.
Leonardo was sitting on a chair next to the bed Raph was presently lying on.
"I don't know if it's only me, or is he a bit warm," Leo said, glancing at his frightened little brother, who still had the expression on him—Donnie had to finish the stitching, taking turns with Yoshi; it was obvious that the task had left some impact on the boy.
Donnie placed the glass on Raph's messy nightstand and laid a hand on his twin's forehead. "No, I think he's a bit feverish. But it's unlikely to be an infection, that'd be too soon."
Leo sighed. "What a good time to catch a cold."
"He's been sick for days," Donnie said.
"He hasn't said a thing about it," Leo frowned.
"Yeah," Donnie shrugged. "He thought it was a hangover. Oh by the way, we have to clean the bathroom up before Mikey wakes up, Leo. Can't let him see those blood."
Leo nodded and stood up.
"Donnie?"
"Yeah?" the younger brother answered.
"Why are you angry with Raph?" Leo asked softly.
Donnie looked down at his feet.
"I'm not angry with him, it's just…alright, I'm not supposed to tell you this but…" the mahogany-haired boy licked his lips, "Raph told me weeks ago that he's been having funny dreams again. The ones he used to have when we were younger."
Leo paused just before the threshold. "The red-haired man?"
"Not only that," Donnie said with a dark look, "the killing dreams, too"
Leo glanced back at Raph's sleeping form on the bed. "He told you, huh."
"Yeah," Donnie said, "he asked if I remember anything about our parents. I mean, biological parents."
Leo's brows furrowed.
"And he's been acting weird, he's temper…it's like ten-times worse," Donnie said, "haven't you noticed?"
Leo found himself shaking head slowly. No, not until today.
"I just thought he might need some help," Donnie muttered. "If he could only let us help him, you know."
"You think he's losing his mind?"
"It's not that bad," Donnie said, "it's just that…the unresolved memories always come back to us. You know that, right?"
Yeah, Leo thought. The photo of Raph and him standing on the hallway appeared in his mind again. Something lost. He needed it back. He had it back tonight.
Hopefully.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Raphael woke up from where there were no dreams.
He was facing Leo's bed when he opened his eyes, and saw that there was a small hump under Leo's space-heroes covers.
"Leo?" he murmured.
"I'm here," said a deep, clear voice behind him. Raph turned toward the sound and saw Leo sitting on a chair next to his bed.
"Who's that?" Raph asked, gesturing Leo's bed with his jaw.
Leo sighed, "that'd be the Mikester. He fell asleep watching you and I carried him to my bed."
Raph felt unease traveling trough his veins. "What did you tell him? What did you tell them?"
Leo smiled weakly. "Don't worry…"
"You told 'em everything, right?" Raph rasped.
"I said, don't worry," Leo said again.
"Whatever," Raph closed his eyes. "Anything unusual happened?"
"No," Leo said, "everything's fine. Casey called. Asking where've you been. He's very worried. I told him you got hurt badly and he should stay alerted, too."
"Thanks," Raph said roughly.
Leo stared down at him, "it's about the phone, huh?"
Raph smirked bitterly, "you bet."
"Are you alright?" Leo asked, "is there pain or anything?"
"Hurts…all over," Raph tried to shrug, which only caused more pain. He remembered being kicked around like a ragdoll. Yeah, he so remembered it. Goddam Xever, what an ass. Bunch of motherfuckers…and Brad's smashed face…no, no. Don't go there. Not yet. Not yet… "And dizzy."
"You need to drink some water," Leo said. "You've lost a lot of blood. We've been trying to wake you up, to get you to drink something."
"How long have I been out?" Raph frowned.
"Almost…" Leo glanced at his watch. "Twenty hours."
"Fuck," Raph bit his lip.
"You needed rest," Leo said, "I'll go get you some herbal tea."
The moment Leo was gone, he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
-O-
"Hey Raph," someone was shanking him, gently, like rocking an infant. "You gotta wake up. You have to drink something."
"No," he muttered.
"Raph, I don't have an IV drip, you'll become weaker if you don't wake up and have something in your system."
He opened his eyes reluctantly and saw Donnie.
"Alright," he sighed.
Donnie sat down next to him and stuffed two more pillows behind his back.
Holding a cup to Raph's mouth, Donnie said, "be careful, it's hot."
Raph sipped the tea and swallowed. Donnie pulled his own legs up to the bed so that he was settling down next to Raph.
"I felt so fuckin' weak," Raph said after taking another sip of the herbal tea. "An' cold."
"You're running a fever," Donnie said, blowing on the tea so as to cool it a little bit.
Raph looked at Donnie's profile.
It was strange looking at your family—they were so familiar that sometimes you wouldn't notice small changes on them. But once you realized that they'd changed, it was hard to make it up to them for something shitty you had done. But still, you gotta do it. Apologize, like a good guy. Apologize. Go on, Raphie.
"Hey, I'm sorry about that night, and last night," Raphael said lowly.
Donnie didn't reply. Of course, it was hard to forgive what he had done.
"You know…" Raph tried again, "I hate it."
"You hate what," Donnie asked, "you hate to lose control?"
"…Yeah."
"But you never try to do anything about it."
Raph felt anger smoldering slowly inside his stomach as the injustice of his brother's words stung him.
"How do you know?" he retorted.
The sudden force in his voice startled Donnie, who turned around to face him in surprise.
"Yer not me," Raph said.
Donnie's mouth opened, but closed instantly as if the words vaporized right there on the tip of his tongue.
"…Maybe," the thinner boy said after thinking for a brief moment, "but you're not me, either. You don't have to stitch up a hole on your own brother's arm and worrying crazy about the possibility of an infection…you know what, I don't want to argue with you."
"Me neither," Raph said. "Hey, pass the tea?"
Donnie held the cup to his twin's lips again.
"I'm an asshole," Raph said after he swallowed, "I know you've all been doing me a great favor just by letting me live under this roof."
"Raph," Donnie said, "I said you don't understand what I've been going through, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you to be my brother."
"Huh," Raph grunted offhandedly.
"Yeah, I mean it," Donnie said, "I don't know why you couldn't trust us more and tell us more about…the things that's been bothering you, you know, if there's any."
"I trust you," Raph said, looking into Donnie's eyes.
They stared at each other. Donnie's eyes were soft, but still distant. Maybe he won't understand, Raph thought.
The truth is, he wanted to tell Donnie.
Donatello studied his brother's eyes, which were half-hidden under heavy bruises and swollen skin.
"Then what is it?" the younger twin asked.
"I don't know," Raph said with reluctance after he took the last mouthful of the tea and emptied the cup. "I don't know…there's too many of them, Donnie."
"I guess these can wait," Donnie said, "if you tell us, we can sort them out."
"Maybe," Raph shrugged. "Now I just wanna sleep."
"Go ahead," Donnie said, supporting his head while removing the extra pillows behind his back. "We'll wake you up later, and maybe you can try to eat some oatmeal then. You've been throwing up the whole morning."
"I don't remember anything about it," Raph muttered.
"Yeah," Donnie smiled slightly, "every time we tried to feed you something, you threw up. You weren't completely conscious then. Glad you're awake now."
"Hey Donnie?" he asked when Donnie stood up from his bed.
The younger twin stopped and looked at him.
"I think I know who the redheaded man in my dream is."
Donnie's brow knitted together.
"Who is he?"
"Our father," Raph said.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Donnie had gone to the lab. Yoshi was in the middle of a long meditation trance and hadn't shown up yet. Leo was sitting by his bed again.
And Mikey wouldn't see him.
"He's very upset," Leo sighed.
Raphael's eyes moved from the empty bowl of oatmeal on the nightstand to the floor, where Mikey's blanket (which had become bloodied) from the car lay.
"The kid's seen me got shot," Raph said.
"Raph," Leo said wearily, "that's exactly why he couldn't take it."
"So, what's he doin' right now?" Raph asked.
Leo glanced at the door. Both he and Raph could hear the faint sounds of Crognard the Barbarian, Mikey's favorite cartoon, coming from the living room.
"He's watching TV," Leo answered.
That's not what I meant, Raph frowned.
"Stupid spoiled goofball," he spat.
"He'll come around," Leo sighed.
The room became silent once more. Raph stretched his right arm out of the covers and pulled the blanket up.
"Still cold?" Leo asked.
Raph nodded, and let Leo take his arm and put it back into the warmth of his sheets.
"Tell me what happened last night," Leo said as he tucked Raph in. "So it has everything to do with the phone that girl…what's her name...slipped into your pocket, right?"
"Yeah," Raph said. And it also has something to do with his stupid libido, his fucked-up dreams, and his frenzied temper.
Leo sat back into the chair, his expression serious and calm. Waiting.
Raph licked his dry lips and began to tell Leo everything.
-O-
It was an hour later that Leo stepped out of the bedroom and joined Mikey on the couch. Raph had gone back to sleep.
They had been watching a wrestling game in silence, when Mikey suddenly spoke.
"I heard what Raph said to you, Leo."
Leo glanced at the youngest brother. "Eavesdropping?"
"Mmm-hmm," Mikey said.
"You really are good at those stuff, right?"
"Yeah," Mikey smiled faintly.
"So what about it?" Leo asked.
Mikey said hesitantly, "You think those bad guys gonna come get Raph?"
"I don't know," Leo replied with honesty. "Probably."
"Ya think they know where we live?"
"I'm not sure about that either," Leo said, "Raph said the girl who stole the phone from him takes ballet lessons at the same gym he has his boxing lessons. So maybe the girl recognized him there, not followed him there."
"I hope you're right," the youngest Hamato said quietly.
"I think Raph wants to see you, Mike," Leo sighed.
"Yeah," Mikey said flatly.
"But you've been worried about him."
"He's getting better," Mikey said.
"I still think he'll be happier if you just…show up in his room."
"Leo," Mikey said suddenly with a shift of tone. "He tried to kill a man."
Leonardo couldn't help but look at Mikey, the latter's expression was somber and unusual.
Yeah, he had tried to forget about it, but he couldn't. The thought of his little brother pummeling a man's head was too much to bear…he could easily imagine the savage look on Raph's face, and those powerful fists flying and landing on a stranger's face.
"Why would he do that?" the younger boy asked with a pale face.
"He was…" Leo breathed, "he was scared, Mikey."
Mikey blinked, and Leo saw that he was struggling with tears. Mikey was frightened, of course. Donnie was, too. Yoshi? Maybe, since he was still in his room, meditating.
I am scared, Leo thought, yeah, I'm too.
"Y'know," Mikey said croakily, "I thought maybe I could stop him from leavin' home that night. I thought maybe…maybe I could talk him out of it."
"It's not your fault, Mikay."
"So it's Raph's own fault?" Mikey asked, "Wouldn't it be too much to bear?"
"Well," Leo put a hand on Mikey's thin shoulder, "I don't know if it'd be too much, Mikey. And sometimes…sometimes a mistake isn't solely one person's responsibility."
"I wish I could help him," Mikey said, clenching his fists, "I wish…I wish I could just do something about it."
"Me too," Leo sighed. "Me too."
"But I kinda don't know how to face him right now," Mikey said, looking down. "He just makes me…angry."
"I get it," Leo said, "I'm sure he'll get it, too."
"Yeah?" Mikey looked at him closely.
"Of course," Leo smiled, "it's Raph. Everyone knows that he spoils you to death."
Mikey grinned slightly. It was not the bright beam Mikey usually had, but somehow it warmed Leo's heart more than ever.
"Are you hungry, Leo?"
"A bit," Leo said.
"I can heat up some leftover," Mikey said.
"Maybe later," Leo said, wrapping an arm around Mikey as the latter snuggling closer to him.
Mikey rested his head on his big brother's shoulder. He couldn't help but think about another big brother—the one that promised him that he would try hard to stay away from troubles yet was in all kinds of trouble again, big time.
—End of chapter ten.
-A/N:
I wrote this song today, and The Longest Sunset popped out, and just kinda occupied my entire mind. So...yeah, it's a song inspired by this story. Oh well, it's not like a theme song...but I just thought it would fit these two chapters and the ones to come. It's called 'The Sun Goes Down'. I don't usually write/sing gentle pop songs like this but WHAT THE HELL! *flush and run away*
If you're interested, the link's on my profile page (in the bottom). Please forgive me if I got some slight accent (cuz English's not my mother language you know), and my voice doesn't usually croak that much (I'm too spent lately)...but anyway I think it fits the song!
Bye then!