Next installement.

Firstly, another big thank you for the reviews, that you guys are enjoying this makes me happy and when i'm happy i'd like to think i write better so thank you. Some ideas thoughts and hopes some of you have given me, and they are being used if i can fit them in so thank you and keep them coming.

A big thank you to Babydoll85, without her y'all wouldn't have a flashback for this chapter. And you all seemed to have taken to your flashbacks.

Angst and fluff in this one. This could've been longer, with a bit of smut, because that's what some of yous want, but i don't know whether i should attempt it and risk it being awful and cringe and uncomfortable, so i left the option open to have it in the next chapter, still deciding whether to or not. But along with Seamus returning, i love me boys so i won't make it to horrible for y'all. I'm hoping.

Editing... half done. but haven't posted in a while and i wanted this up soon as possible, so again, mistakes will be corrected tomorrow.

Enjoy...

Brendan stared into the face of his demon. The demon he had been running from all his life. Even when they were living under the same roof - Brendan was running, always up there. Forever running from this man. And thirteen years ago he though he had finally managed to outrun him. He thought he had finally succeeded. And yet, here he is.

What was he doing here? Why on earth was he lurking in the shadows? It's then that he realised he was still holding Ste close to him, he moved away and dropped his arms. He immediately felt the safety and protection that Ste had provided, vanish. A coldness crept into his heart. He wanted Ste back in his arms, but knew it would only make the situation worse. At least for him.

'Steven.' Seamus greeted.

'Seamus.' Ste said as if he was bored.

'Brendan son, not even a hello for your old dad?'

Brendan cowered away as he walked closer to the house. Taking an age with each footstep until he eventually reached the threshold.

He tensed as he crossed it.

He felt Ste ease himself closer to Brendan, felt some of that warmth returning. Not close enough to make Brendan feel uncomfortable in this situation, but close enough to feel at ease.

Even if only a little bit.

Brendan wanted to hug him.

But he restrained.

'What are you doing here?' Brendan asked in a voice that he wasn't used to or familiar with.

'I have to have a reason to come see my kids?' he said, mocking Brendan. Smile on his face. 'Where is Cheryl?' he asked.

'Asleep.' Brendan said.

'Right,' he turned to Ste. 'Steven,' he eyed him, and Brendan felt his fists tightening. 'You've grown.'

Ste resisted rolling his eyes.

'Yeah, well that's what people tend to do Seamus.' He said, voice filled with attitude. Brendan envied the confidence Ste seemed to have towards Seamus, that sassy demeanour that Brendan so clearly lacked.

Seamus chuckled and smirked.

'You haven't changed though have you?' he said.

Ste paused for a second before saying, 'Some of us don't need too.'

Seamus' face faltered slight, he eyes squint, studying Ste.

He raised an eyebrow then smirked again.

'The pub.' he said, looking at Brendan. 'It's gone, I don't have it any more.' he had a sad look in his eyes.

Brendan frowned a shrugged, 'I'm sorry I guess.' he said.

Seamus shook his head, 'It's fine son, I saw it as a sign, I can spend time with my family now can't I?'

Brendan shivered. Why? Why does this happen when he is just getting his life back on track, when he finally has a chance at happiness and when he finally had his Steven back?

He doesn't want his dad back in his life, it'll cause more problems then it'll fix and he can't be dealing with it. Not now, not ever.

'I'll come back tomorrow see Cheryl. We don't have to wake her now.'

'I wasn't planning on it.' Brendan, feeling a little weight lifting of his heart with the promise of being free from this monster. Even if just for a few hours.

'It's good to see you son.' He said and walked forward and wrapped his arms around Brendan before he had time to move.

Brendan froze, he tried to keep as much distance as he could, but it was practically impossible considering the intimacy a hug requires. He pulled away and turned to Ste.

A new light came in to his eyes and Brendan remember the situation Seamus had just found them both in. his dad didn't yet know he was gay. Well... clearly that wasn't true any more.

'This is new.' he said, his voice had become tense. Thick with disgust. 'I always wondered why you spent so much time with this scally. So many years younger.' he said, shaking his head.

He looked as sick at the sight of them as Brendan felt just being in his presence.

'I am right 'ere Seamus.' Ste said, pouting at his rudeness, and throwing some right back.

'I hadn't noticed.' Seamus sneered. Sarcasm lacing his voice. 'I'll leave you two, to it.' He said, lip curled, disapproval and disgust thickly underlying his expression.

He nodded and then headed out the still open door. He closed it slowly behind him, and the dark cloud seemed to clear, the thick air faded and Brendan found oxygen again and he could breathe.

Ste looked at him for a moment with worry in his eyes.

'I'm fine Steven.' Brendan said in a low voice. 'I'm fine.' he said quieter this time. The last part was more for himself than Ste. He needed to make sure that he, himself, believed those words.

Ste stepped forwards with a smile on his face, he wrapped his arms Brendan's waist and smiled up at him. He pulled himself closer to him so Brendan knew he was there. He was trying to shake Brendan out of the place he had gone. The place he always goes when his dad is around.

He was making sure Brendan knew he was never letting him go. He knew the state Brendan could get into, he knew that he sometimes zoned out and he just needed that push to get him back to himself.

But this time, he hadn't zoned out. He knew who he was, he just refused to feel. He didn't want to risk lashing out at Ste by feeling and he didn't want to feel that breathing restriction he gets when he thinks about his dad.

He savoured the moment for awhile, feeling the warmth of the man he love, before he unhooked Ste's hands from around him and moved around him.

'I'm just going to... gonna have to... sleep.' he mumbled non-coherently. He walked stiffly around the kitchen, around the corner into his room. 'Turn the lights of behind you.' he called back to Ste.

Ste stayed where he was for a second. He didn't know what to do. They'd had all this time apart, Ste wasn't sure if he could comfort him in the same way he used to. It hadn't worked so far.

He turned of the light of the living room and felt his way round to Brendan's room. At the door he looked in. Brendan was laid on his side, no doubt curled into a ball under the duvet. He was faced away from Ste.

Ste sighed and made his way around the bed and climbed in. Brendan turned around again so he was facing away from Ste and the rejection hit him like a bullet, but he didn't take it to heart.

He wasn't leaving things like this though. There was no way. He slowly rolled onto his side, and wrapped his arms slowly around Brendan's torso and traced up until his hands found his chest. He pulled himself closer to Brendan and rested a head on his neck. He kissed the back of it.

'Come back to me Bren.' he said softly, and he could feel Brendan relax slightly.

It was a start.

He hugged himself to Brendan and he wait. He wouldn't be sure his Brendan had come back to him straight away, so he wait. It was only a matter of time.

'Can you turn the light off?' Brendan asked. His voice cold.

Ste sat up.

'Don't Brendan. Don't be giving me the brush off just because your dads back.' he said fiercely. 'You forget I know!' Ste said.

Brendan looked at him. You only know the half of it. He thought. This would be a whole lot easier if Ste knew and Brendan knew it was his fault he didn't. But how could he tell him. It would change everything. And Brendan liked this, how they were right now. Well not right now because Ste was right. He was giving him the brush off, and that was because he didn't know everything. Brendan had made the choice not to tell him, so why was he being so cold? Ste was trying his hardest to be what Brendan needed right now.

And he wasn't being anything less.

He sat up to and leant against the head board. He looked across at Ste.

'I'm not giving you the brush off Steven, I'm just tired.' he said. He knew he was being unreasonable, and maybe even a little bit unfair, but he didn't want to deal with this now. He needed to figure out a way to get his dad out of their lives before he made himself to comfortable.

'No right, don't. Okay, because I have just come from my home with my husband right, who I've just left for you, and now your acting like this?' He said, he was getting upset now and Brendan needed to fix that. He didn't know why he was saying these things.

'I never asked you to leave Douglas.' Brendan said.

Ste stared at him in disbelief. He shook his head.

'No, no you didn't I did it because I wanted to, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you did too. But seen as I've clearly made a mistake, I'll just leave then shall I? Go back to Doug and beg for him to take me back.' he looked at Brendan, but Brendan couldn't meet his gaze. 'Is that what you want?'

Brendan took a shaky breathe. 'No.'

'Then talk to me.' Ste said, he thought back to the conversation they had the previous night.

Your never gonna tell me are you?

Maybe. One day.

'Or if you don't want to tell me, then let me help you Bren. Like I used to.'

'That's my problem though Steven. I don't want you to have to protect me. It's my turn now.'

Ste moved up the bed so he was sat next Brendan. He rested a chin on Brendan's shoulder and looked up into his face.

Automatically their fingers interlocked.

'You say it like you never did.' Ste said in a soft voice, looking down at their hands.

'But I didn't, did I? Not enough, and you deserved so much more than I gave you. Steven, you changed everything for me and I treated you like shit.'

Ste sighed. Brendan really hated himself and Ste just needed him to forget it all, everything bad that had happened when they were kids, needed to leave the boundaries of his mind so that he could move on, and so that Ste didn't need to be worried about Brendan being pulled back down into the darkness again.

'You did.' he said quietly. 'Remember, the night we... for the first time' Ste trailed off, blushing for god knows what reason. Brendan smirked and Ste hit him playfully.

'I may recall that night. I don't know, you might have to refresh my memory.' He said, and it was nice. To see he was starting to come back into himself.

'Brendan.' Ste said with a warning voice, still smiling. 'I mean what happened before... that.'

The smile fell from his face and he looked down at Ste.

'If that wasn't protecting me Bren, then I don't know what was.'

7 years ago...

'Come on, this should be easy for you all, I'm just trying to refresh your memory for your final exams. All you have to do is answer the questions. You guys know I'm always here to help.' Brendan's professor said when none of them made any attempt to move.

'Come on!' He said, with more force, and people shuffled into action.

Brendan heard him mutter an exasperated 'thank you' and then return to marking the papers on his desk.

Brendan looked around him to the his peers. They all showed reluctance to actually do work. Going to uni, he thought people were more up for doing work, and he had been right. Throughout the year everyone had shown a certain persistence to get everything done, on time. And perfectly.

But now that they were nearing the end of the year, everyone wanted to take revision into their own hands and get on with their independent lives. No body seemed to have time to bother here.

Brendan looked down at his own paper, it was a practice for the real thing and Brendan still had no fucking clue what to do. He wasn't focussed on it right now.

At the moment the only thoughts that seemed to clog his head were the 17 year old boy, with ridiculously long eyelashes, startling blue eyes, and golden skin.

Ste had been on Brendan's mind on and off for the past month, because for the past month Brendan kept fucking things up for them.

It wasn't because he was ashamed of everyone finding out any more. His friends, his sister, they all knew now, and they had all promised to keep it hidden from Brendan's dad. But it was Brendan's dad that was the problem, Brendan couldn't shake him. He had gotten underneath Brendan's skin and he wasn't able to shake him out. Every time he smiled at the thought of spending the day with Steven, a new voice entered his head, filthy queers. And every time that voice entered and new blow ripped itself from Brendan's unwilling fist and pounded somewhere on Ste. And every time he hit out, Ste walked away.

And each time Ste walked away it hurt twice as much, and left a hole twice twice as big.

The bell rang and Brendan started to pack up. Everyone handed in their paper's and that was when Brendan realised his page was still blank.

Shit.

He placed in on the desk and tried to hurry out as quickly as possible, the people in front of him didn't make that easy.

'Brendan!' he heard his professor call.

He closed his eyes and exhaled, before planting a fake grin on his face and turning around.

'Yes?'

'It seems I've been handed another blank piece of paper.' he said, with a sad smile.

'So it does.' Brendan said, keeping the fake smile safely on his face, while gritting his teeth.

'Explanation?'

Brendan pretended to wrack his brain for something he knew he wouldn't be sharing with his professor.

'I can't seem to think of one.' Brendan said, smiling sweetly.

His professor smiled at the attempt and then became serious.

'I'm thinking of you here Brendan.' he said. 'You started off great, so I know you have it in you to achieve great. You've had your off days, but don't we all?' he laughed gruffly and then continued. 'You seem to be having more off days recently though, is something the matter?'

Brendan shifted uncomfortably.

'Brendan?'

'No sir.' he said.

His professor sighed. 'Well, okay then. But whatever is on your mind. Push it aside, just for these next few weeks. Finish your exams, pass them, and then go back to whatever it is that's been bothering you. This is your future I'm thinking about here.'

Brendan almost hit him for insinuating that Steven was a person you just 'put aside'. But he didn't. His professor hadn't done anything wrong, and he was actually a decent bloke. Brendan only wished it was as easy as putting Ste out of his mind, but it wasn't.

''Kay.' Brendan said, and walked out.

He had the rest of the day to do whatever he pleased, naturally he picked waiting outside Ste's school for him.

He had been trying to get to Ste to talk to him everyday for the past week and a half either by waiting outside his school, or going to the pier.

He even tried the field, hoping a small part of Ste still believed in them. He was never there, although on the odd occasion Brendan thought he saw a figure further up the field, a part he had never explored – he'd never been further than the tree – but he put that down to wishful thinking.

He knew that Ste had, had a free period last thing on a Friday so he would be getting of around the time Brendan would get there.

He was right, and as Brendan rounded the corner, he could see Ste walking out of the gates by himself and heading in the direction of the Pier.

He jogged a little down the round the catch up.

'Steven.' he called, as Ste turned the corner a little ahead of him.

He knew Ste recognised his voice because he sped up his pace, not looking back.

It hurt, but Brendan wasn't giving up. He was failing at school because this boy was forever on his mind and he was done with worrying. He knew this day would come, the day when he would take for granted how forgiving Ste is, and Ste wouldn't forgive him. And he wouldn't come back to him. Brendan always wondered what he would do when that day came and now he finally knew.

He would keep on fighting, and wouldn't give up. He would allow Ste to cloud his thoughts every day for the rest of his life. Because he...

And still, despite all of that. Despite knowing all of that, he still couldn't admit the truth. Even though he knew if he had one shot at making Ste any closer to forgiving him, saying that four letter word was the only remedy.

But he still couldn't utter that word.

'Steven.' he said, pulling Ste around by the arm when he finally caught up to him.

'What do you want Brendan!' he said fiercely looking into Brendan's eyes.

Brendan stumbled back and felt bile rise in his throat. He had only ever seen Ste from a distance on his attempts to get his attention, he had not seen him up close since...

Well since he had created the now, greenish/yellowish tinged purple bruise, swelling Ste's eye. It looked puffy and red around the middle, and it looked like it hurt like a fucking bitch.

'Admiring your own handy work?' Ste spat like venom shooting from a snake.

'Steven, I...' Brendan tried, but he was still (unsuccessfully) trying to swallow down the lump in his throat.

He had done this. If there was a mirror infront of Brendan right now, he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to tell who it was staring back at him.

'Your what? Sorry? You know what, save your fucking apologies Bren. They don't mean shit any more.' Ste said and turned around and headed off.

This knocked Brendan out of his stupor and he went after him, slowing down to be at the same pace.

'Piss. Off. Brendan.' Ste said through his teeth.

'No, Steven come on. Just listen, please.' Brendan was begging now, but he didn't care.

'No! Right, I am done listening any more Brendan.' The sentence started of heated, and full of anger, but by the time he said Brendan's name his face had dropped, and his tone became sad. 'I'm done.'

'Don't say that. We can work it out, just like we always do-'

'Brendan, just stop!' he stopped in his tracks and turned around to Brendan. 'Just stop okay. It's not that easy, not this time.'

Brendan was in denial, he was refusing to hear these words coming out of Ste's mouth because they sliced him.

'Right, I get it. No okay, you need time. That's fine, I can give you time.' he took a breathe. 'How much time we talking?'

Ste shook his head.

'No, Brendan. Time can't fix this, just.' he swallowed, and it looked like this was just as hard to say as it was to hear. 'Just leave it alone. Leave me alone. I'm never coming back to you.'

He turned away and headed back to the pier and Brendan couldn't resist, he grabbed Ste arm and swung him around, pulling him into the tightest embrace and planted the most passionate kiss on Ste's lips. Brendan felt Ste tense and then he was wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck. It contradicted itself, the kiss was hard, yet Brendan had never felt anything softer. They broke apart for breath and Brendan kissed him again. For comfort.

Ste leant his forehead against Brendan's and breathed against his mouth. Brendan closed his eyes as he felt that breath against his lips.

'That was goodbye.' Ste said and Brendan looked up.

Ste was slipping away from him and Brendan was to stunned to move. It wasn't until he felt a tear escape his eye that he realised what had just happened. But by then it was to late, Steven was gone form his sights.

Brendan reluctantly turned around to find Lynsey and Pete walking down the road, hand in hand, laughing.

Brendan wiped his face.

'Brendan!' Pete called. And Brendan hid his face, not looking them in the eye.

'Oh, right hi.'

'We're heading off to the pier, you want to join.'

Brendan winced. 'I don't think that's such a good idea...Steven...' even saying his name hurt.

'Brendan mate, you alright?' Pete asked.

'Fine.' Brendan said, but knew neither of them believed it.

'Lyns, you go on. I'll catch you up.'

Brendan shook his head.

'No, you two go on. I don't want to stop you spending time together. I'm fine,' he persisted. 'just go.'

XOXO

Brendan had been at home for 2hrs, keeping out of his dads way. He was only here until he got the money to either leave, or get his own place.

He'd tried to distract himself, but nothing had worked. Steven was still on his mind, even more the last kiss that they had both shared. He knew, he just knew from that kiss that Ste still... liked him. And knowing that made moving on so much harder.

He got his jacket and left. He couldn't sit on his bed any more pining over Ste, he needed to go out and get him off his mind.

His aim had been to go to the nearest pub and get wasted but he found himself taking the familiar path to the alley in which they had first met. He walked through it seeing the two boys as younger versions of themselves huddled against the wall. Barely knowing each other.

His plan had been to walk straight past Steven's house, but a light was on and Brendan couldn't help hoping Ste was still awake.

He walked closer to the house, his feet moving of their own accord. Then he heard a smash.

He hurried forward to peer through the window and found Ste being pined up against a wall, Terry's breath hot in his face.

'Your a waste of space Ste.' he snarled. 'Look at this,' he gently knocked the bruise Brendan had made and Brendan fists clenched. 'Clearly someone else thinks so too.'

Brendan saw something like hurt flash through Ste's face, and he wanted nothing more than to scream at Ste not to believe it. Ste was anything but a waste of space.

He saw Terry's hand bury itself in Ste's ribs and he charged into their house. The door banging so loud Brendan was surprised it was still on it's hinges.

'What the-' Terry screamed.

Brendan looked at Ste and saw the red rising into his cheeks, a look of shame on his face, tears falling from his eyes. He looked at Terry, only he didn't see Terry. He saw himself. This is what he does to Steven. How? He didn't understand how he could do this to Steven, when seeing it now disgusted him to his core.

'Get your fucking hands off him.' Brendan growled.

'You what?' Terry said, and Brendan rolled his eyes walking forward and yanking Terry of Ste, throwing him across the room.

Brendan didn't know he had that much strength, but he was putting it down to adrenaline.

'Are you okay?' Brendan asked Ste, caressing his cheek, a new bruise forming.

'Bren!' Ste said eyes wide, and Brendan turned around, his face hitting Terry's fist.

His vision went blurry for a second and then he shook himself out of it.

He grabbed Terry's face, squishing his cheeks and forcing his lips to resemble a fish. He didn't recognise himself in this moment, he just knew that this man had hurt Ste and he was not okay with that.

And if Brendan could do this to himself, he wouldn't have a second though.

He slammed Terry's head against the wall.

'Don't fucking touch me.' he snarled in his face, spit flying on to Terry. 'and don't you dare touch him. Don't lay a fucking hand on him again, or I swear to god...'

'What, what you gonna do?' Terry struggled in Brendan's grip.

Brendan leaned in close to Terry's, leant his cheek against Terry's so his mouth was practically touching the man's ear.

'I'll rip your fucking balls off, and don't think I wouldn't-' he lay a punch to the man's gut. 'because I would do anything to protect that boy.'

He slammed Terry back against the wall and he slid down to the floor. Brendan was preparing to kick him when he felt a hand on his arm.

'Brendan stop!' Ste screamed. 'He's not worth you getting in trouble.'

Brendan lowered his foot and backed away. He deliberated what to do, before he picked up the older man's limp body.

'Brendan...' Ste warned. But Brendan had done with violence.

'Get out.'

He let go and Terry stumbled out taking a beer with him, mumbling 'Psychopathic fucking queer'

Brendan turned around to find Ste running out.

He sighed.

'Steven!'

Present day...

Brendan sighed.

'And then what did I do? I buggered off and left him to carry on beating you.'

Ste let go off his hands and placed the either side of his face. Forcing Brendan to look at him and he kissed him gently.

'You stood up to him Bren. And I could see it in your eyes, you saw yourself, didn't you?'

Brendan shivered at how well he had let this boy know him in the past.

'Steven, all those times I ever hit ye. When I saw him... when I saw what he was doing to you, when I saw him it was me.'

'I know. I know, and how much of a man does that make you?' Ste soothed. 'More of a man than anyone I've ever met. Brendan you managed to protect me from him, and protect me from you!'

Brendan looked at him. Looked into those beautiful blues and kissed him hard on the mouth.

'But I left you.' he said against his lips. Ste kissed him again and lowered him onto the bed.

'And we have the rest of our lives to make up for that... starting tonight.'