This is the second to last chapter. It feels so gooooooood.

Chapter Ten
What They Say About Curiosity

The car ride over there was the longest, most excruciating ride in my life. Kai sat silent and tense, and though I knew him to be a fairly passive-aggressive driver, this time he was breaking so many laws I had a feeling that by the end of the night, someone was going to end up in jail.

We said nothing as I fiddled with the buttons on the radio, tuning into different news channels. But they all said the same thing. The shootouts were escalating, several people were wounded and an unknown, but hefty number, were assumed dead. The lump in my throat was harder than steel.

If there had been a faster way to get there, I'd have taken it, but Kai was pressing the pedal down so hard he couldn't help but let some of the pain in his foot slip through. He was tense, concentrated almost to the point where I feared his bones would break. Luckily, it wasn't a far drive to the docks, only a half hour, but every second felt like one second too long. I was nervously biting at my nails, an old habit from my childhood which only ever re-emerged in times of intense stress. And this, was by far, the most stressful situation I had ever been in.

As much as I tried not to let my thoughts race, like unruly horses, they stampeded through my mind and left me numb and aching at the same time, fear being the most prominent of emotions. Through all of this, I couldn't fight the feeling that this was all my fault.

''I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry''

Kai glanced at me, but I couldn't quiet down. I didn't even know who I was apologizing to. Kai? Some God? Myself, or Boris? It didn't matter. I had messed up and it was not going to turn out alright this time. There was a cold, ruthless feeling in my marrow telling me that this time, this time I had really done it.

Kai swerved around some cars, angry drivers honking at him but they disappeared in the dust behind us before the sounds even had time to die out. Kai's eyes were ablaze, harshly fixed on the road in front of us as if nothing else truly existed, and a part of me wished that were the case; that this had all been one terribly long, exhausting nightmare.

As the docks appeared in front of us, reality came back like a swift kick to the face. I'm no doctor, but I can swear I felt my heart stop for a moment. The car that I had desperately been wishing for to halt had now stopped and suddenly I felt myself reluctant to step out.

Outside the sounds of screams and gunshots blazed by, the sound barrier breaking and rebuilding, only to break again. Kai gave me a stern look before he opened his door.

''Wait here.''

''But - ''

''Just stay here, Rei!''

I didn't dare disobey him; that tone in his voice was unlike any I'd ever heard him use before. Truthfully, I was a bit relieved to have to stay in the car. It looked like a battlefield out there and I was not sure my legs would carry me through it.

Through the windshield I watched Kai get closer to the police tape, where a long line of officers stood; immediately three of them stepped up to Kai as he came close. Suddenly the car thing didn't feel like such a good idea anymore, as I couldn't hear what they were saying. I reached to roll down the window, but one particularly loud gunshot made me jump halfway out of my skin, immediately rolling the window all the way back up again. Frowning, biting my lip, I sank into the seat and watched the scene unfold.

Somewhere far behind the police tape, I could see people, bodies, some moving left and right like no tomorrow awaited them. Others lay not moving at all.

My throat was so dry it hurt as it shriveled up and blocked my airways. I had to remind myself to breathe as it seemed my brain had shut down, I hadn't noticed gripping the seat until my fingers started to ache. At the police line, things weren't looking any calmer.

Kai looked displeased, to say the least, but the officers looked even less happy with the situation. Two of them had started yelling at Kai, motioning for him to move away. Kai gave them one of his trademark glares before whipping out his cell phone as he headed back to the car.

I watched him tensely as he sat back down in the vehicle with me, talking quickly on the phone.

''Yes, yes I know. Damn it, don't you think I realize that? Well, what the hell do you want me to do?'' Kai sighed and drew his hand across his face, looking immensely tired, as if he had aged ten years just during the walk back to the car. ''Yeah, well, they won't let me inside, no surprise there. Yes. Yes. Damn it, I don't know, that's your job! Fix somebody down here that can do something! God!'' Kai hung up the phone and hurled it at the dashboard, the phone bouncing off the mahogany panel and almost hitting me in the head, had it not been for my reflexes.

I picked the phone up and turned it in my hand, inspecting it as I did not want to look at anything going on around me. Kai heaved a heavy sigh, leaning against the steering wheel, a sullen look on his face.

''This is no good.'' he murmured, more to himself, I suppose. Then he turned to me. ''We can't get in, go figure. They won't tell me what's happening and my lawyers are two hours away.''

I frowned.

''How long do you think... this'' I nodded towards the shooting zone ''will last?''

Kai shrugged. There was a low, but strong, humming sounds outside of the car, from a location I could not quite distinguish. It wasn't until a shadow fell over the car that I thought to look up, seeing a news channel helicopter in the sky.

''They want us to leave'' Kai said, looking up through the sunroof as well. ''Fucking hell''

I frowned.

''Kai, I - ''

Kai held a hand up and turned the ignition, gripping the wheel while ignoring his seatbelt.

''Don't. I don't want to hear it.''

''Kai, are we - '' I looked around myself in terror, frightened; I did not want to leave even if I did not know where else to go.

''We can't stay here'' Kai said bluntly, but there was something familiar about the way he looked at me.

I recognized it as his scheming glare. A glare reserved only for the most intricate, most risky, possibly also even idiotic, but perfectly brilliant, of plans. Without saying another word, I simply nodded and allowed myself to trust him. After all, I had done enough already. It was time to let people who knew what they were doing to handle the situation. All I had managed in the past few days had been to make things worse. Hell, there wouldn't even have been such a mess had I just kept my head on.

As the car backed out and sped away, I let my eyes linger on the scene, a somberness sinking over me, cold and heavy. I did not know what Kai was thinking, but I hoped, for all our sakes, that it would be something good.

The car sped up when it was well out o the police's range of vision and my stomach turned as I realized we were going the wrong way.

''Kai'' I glanced warily at him. It did not feel wise to question a man who was looking ready to lose his sanity anytime soon. I'd never seen his jaws so tightly clenched, or his eyes so focused and tense they were reddening with veins. But I did not want to end up on the wrong side of town either, missing the entire thing that would probably pretty much change everything. ''Kai, where are we going?''

''The Phoenix.''

''What?''

Kai nodded out the window, my eyes wandering I saw nothing but water and boats and old warehouses.

''The Phoenix'' Kai pressed as if I was some kind of idiot. ''The bridge they've been building.''

''The one under construction?'' I frowned. ''What about it?''

''It's not finished yet, mostly the skeleton, but I think if we do it right, we may be able to drive over it and get up behind the tape.''

I suddenly felt a whole new kind of fear, this one for my life as well, but different from the other times as I had never had the thought that my best friend, Kai of all people, to endanger my health – or his car.

''But… but it's… it's not finished yet! Wha… can you drive over it?''

Kai nodded.

''I think so.''

''You think so? Kai, we're sitting in a big ass car here and I'm not –'' I shook my head and sighed. ''How do you even know this?''

''I helped fund it, I know everything. This car's just light enough so it might make it.''

''Might? Kai, I'm not a very big fan of your vocabulary right now.''

Kai gave me a glance out of the corner of his eye, but focused more intently on the road, his entire body so rigid I felt increasingly more worried. This plan was sounding worse by the minute.

''What's to say the police haven't already thought of this, then? I mean, it's a shootout! How often does that even happen?''

''Surprisingly often'' Kai sped up and swerved, missing the other cars around us by a hair, the car moving sleek like oil through the lanes as we rounded the neighborhood, the Phoenix bridge rising in the distance. I hoped it was thicker up close because from afar it looked thinner than my résumé.

''And the cops won't go there, their cars are too heavy''

I frowned.

''What if they have motorcycles?''

Kai glared at me.

''Well, that's just a risk we'll have to take.''

I stared at him.

''This is a stupid fucking plan. You know that, right? I mean, way out there stupid. It'd need a helmet if it were an actual person.''

Kai ignored me with a scoff, yet I still couldn't swallow this idea down. It was one thing if it had come from Takao or Daichi, someone insane enough and willing to risk it. But from Kai I had never expected such a thing. Sure, it was somewhat sneaky, but not nearly as safe or calculated as Kai's plans usually were. He always made sure they wouldn't come back to bite him later and this one didn't just have the possibility to bite us, if things did not go right, it would literally maim us.

But this was Kai's friend. No matter how much they fought or how horribly they seemed to get along, Boris was a former Neoborg, and the Neoborg took care of their own. They had too after all, as no one else ever had. I could understand his drive to get there, no matter the costs, I really could. I know it hadn't been a long time, but the short time Boris and I spent together had made him grow on me enough for me to feel like this was a risk I would simply have to take.

Besides, Boris had saved my life so many times it was about damn time I repaid him. I had no idea what we were supposed to do when, and if, we got there, and I'm not so sure that Kai knew either. It was a crazy plan, a stupid one as well, but it was a plan nonetheless and at the moment, I don't think either of us really cared for any of the consequences as long as we could get Boris home.

The unfinished bridge now a mere handful of feet away from us, I was displeased, and quite distressed, to find it was not much thicker up close. Large, thin and looming it resembled a skeletal serpent rising halfway out of the water, pillars of questionable stability holding it up. Thin rails were all that had been laid out across it, and I decided that if I wanted to get through this with my heart left in my chest, it was best if I simply just closed my eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Kai steeled himself and pushed the pedal as deeply down into the mat as he could without breaking it. The car screeched and whined, a death knell in my ears; and without warning the car sped forwards, pushing me into the backrest. Despite wanting to close my eyes they snapped open on their own accord, as if my morbid brain wanted me to see the idiocy of this idea while the world sped past around us.

Everything outside blurred into an incoherent mess of colors and the dirt-bronze rails underneath us wailed from the pressure. Kai gripped the steering wheel so hard I feared it would actually come loose, his face as white as his hands and sweat pooled across his forehead.

Gripping the seat for all I could, I tried to level my breathing when we rushed forward. Almost as if waking from a dream, the car had reached solid ground soon again – but not soon enough – and I felt my heart sag with relief. He swerved the car into the area, whipping up a thick cloud of dust I thought I could hear his chest thump.

Loosening my frightened grip, an imprint of my hands still in the leather moments later, I drew in a gasp so large I had to cough it up again. Adrenaline was high and hot through me; gushing forth through my veins I was in too much shock to really understand what emotion was appropriate. Thoughts swirled like dead flies in disturbed waters in my head. When I looked at Kai he looked a fair bit more collected than me, but his face had yet to regain its color.

''Do you see him?''

''Huh?''

At first I had a hard time understanding that the sounds that Kai's mouth was making were actually words; and much longer until I realized it was English.

''Do you see him?''

I looked outside the window to my right seeing lots of blurry people move around. The shots were clearer, more audible as we were now considerably much closer. People seemed to move around so quickly I had not time to register their positions in my mind, but I tried my hardest to find a familiar face. My heart grew gradually colder with every second that ticked by without me recognizing anyone, and I was struck by a sudden panic.

''Kai, what if he's… what if he… oh god – '' without another word I slammed the door open, leaned out of the car and vomited. My head was spinning so much I felt as if I stood up I would die, or at least my bones would break like little jars of clay.

I could feel Kai's gaze upon me, but tried not to focus on anything other than soothing my stomach. Gunshots echoed hard and loud in my ears, and I wasn't sure whether the ringing in them was from damage or my jackhammer-headache. Wiping my mouth, I put my head between my knees for a moment. Even at a moment like this I did not want to risk getting vomit all over Kai's expensive leather seats.

And then I heard him. Distantly at first, then clear as if he'd stood right next to me. The loud, wrathful, familiar voice I'd feared I'd never hear again. Whipping my head up instantly, as if the nausea had never existed, I caught sight of him at the edge of the closest jetty. He was firing his gun, but no shots emerged, realizing it was empty Boris resorted to throwing the gun at his assailant. The latter being someone I wished I hadn't recognized, the mere sight of him made my blood feel as if it were to burn through my skin.

''There he is'' I gasped, turning to look at Kai wide-eyed and close to hyperventilating. ''There - there he is! Kai! He's over there!''

A loud roar turned my attention back towards the two fighting; Boris was now clutching his face, his body rigid with emotion. It felt painful just to look at him. As he removed his hands I saw the stark red, such a contrast against his face, his nose looking nearly crushed. Boris yelled something even the water did not carry, and proceeded to tackle Garland to the ground.

''Kai, we have to get over there! They're killing each other!''

''Close the door.''

I did not need to be told twice, and within a second the car was already moving. The jetty came closer much faster than I had anticipated, and seeing the face of the man who, for some reason, I felt was responsible for all of this, something inside of me broke. Maybe I wanted to put the blame on someone else, maybe the guilt was too much or the fear too large, I don't know but that moment I felt that Garland was the sole reason for all of my troubles. I watched as a man whom I'd previously been neutral about turned to nothing short of a monster in my eyes.

A demon, a plague, a disease that destroyed everything it breathed on. My heart was pounding so hard, getting a breath down my throat felt nearly impossible. As my vision shook, like my eyes themselves were vibrating, I barely registered what I did next.

Kai's surprised protests as I threw myself over him and pressed his leg down on the gas pedal, wouldn't register in my mind until hours later. Right then all I saw, all I heard, all I knew was the smug look on Garland's face, the blood chilling hate in his eyes as he twisted Boris' arm. I hadn't considered, before, what could turn a person into something so like a monster, the resemblance was frightening.

What made good men sway and what made questionable morals rot completely? Had such things really been happening under my nose for all these years? Had I really failed to notice? Something, something deep and dark inside of me, stirred as all rationality drowned in the noise of my pulse. I could feel Kai's hand pulling at me, but I would not let go of the wheel as I directed the car towards the only thing that made any sense that moment.

Garland hadn't noticed the car at first, and had he been anybody else, it'd have been too late. But Garland was a well trained man, his reflexes well enough to match my own, and when the hood of the car was supposed to have hit him, instead it hit nothing but air as the man gracefully leapt out of the way.

That was the moment Kai gained enough momentum to push me back into my seat, my head bashing against the window the ringing in my ears intensified. Everything I knew after that was a blur. I could feel my body getting thrown around, but since everything was already spinning around me I had no real grasp of what was happening. When my vision cleared, the pain burst through my skull but lessened in force, I saw the last few inches of the jetty appear.

The next few seconds happened so fast I barely had time to react. One minute I was seeing my own reflection in the cold, murky waves of the water, the next the car had done a 180 so harshly my neck cracked somewhere inside. The car came to a halt a mere breath away from the edge, the front turned towards the two people we had almost run over.

Kai sucked in a deep breath through his teeth, eyeing me wide-eyed with anger and shock. I was pretty shocked myself, as I had no idea what had just happened. As if my foot had just acted on its own accord, it wasn't until now that it dawned on me what I had really tried to do.

''Rei… you…'' Kai had no words, and for the first time I didn't take his silence as a good thing.

I nodded at him, blinking, my eyes were watering from the increased, pulsating pain radiating through my head and spreading through my body. Still trying to catch my breath, I turned to see if the two grey haired men were still there.

And they were. Boris was getting up on his feet, having thrown himself to the ground his knees and hands were bleeding. Looking at me with the most chastising, belittling glare I'd ever received, there was something else in his face I didn't instantly recognize. Had I been completely crazy, I'd say it was gratitude.

For what exactly, I didn't know. It certainly wasn't for me almost flattening him to the ground.

Garland saw the opportunity and swung at an unguarded Boris, punching him in the side of his throat. Boris instantly doubled over, coughing and gasping after painful gusts of air. His eyes narrowing, pupils so small they were almost completely consumed by the blue, he looked completely, utterly, beyond saving insane. Regaining his breath he lunged forwards, grabbing hold of Garland's ponytail with one hand and repeatedly punching him in the face with his other.

Blood and the sound of crushed bones hit me, and without any further thought, I was out of the car and up on my feet. My head was cringing, the world doing a sudden tilt around me I felt myself nearly toppling over, but regained my balance at the last second.

It was when Boris had his large hands around Garland's neck that I saw it, the little silver glimmer from a slick, thin blade, grasped tightly, sneakily, in the hands of Garland. I didn't have time to react. Didn't have time to scream. I threw myself out in the air and there was nothing else to it. All thoughts stopped, all motion but the one of my roaring muscles and the screaming adrenaline, and as the world passed me by in swooshing shades and odd shapes, I heard the distinct sound of a male scream before I hit something soft.

I didn't know whose scream it was, nor did I know whose body I had hit, all I knew was the feeling of warm, metallic liquid splashing across my face and the sound of bone and flesh hitting asphalt. The next second I was lying down and the world was spinning again. I hoped I wouldn't suffer any brain damage from all this abuse to my cranium. Not that it would really have made any difference.

The world around me seemed quiet for a moment, dull and distant as if I was hearing it all through the tin of a can. Distantly I could hear sirens, shouts and gunshots; the stagnation of a battle as several pairs of feet came rushing towards us. I heard the sound of a car door slamming, someone screaming, telephones dialing and someone groaning in pain.

I blinked to try to get the blood out of my eyes, but only succeeded in letting it seep in deeper. Tears burned at my retinas, my vision as good as useless I saw everything through the pink lens of my and someone else's body fluids. I had to hold my breath for a moment to make sure that my heart was still beating, and even as I heard it's arrhythmic beating I wasn't all that sure that I was still alive. I tried to turn my head, but my neck still hurt from Kai's violent driving. Every muscle was tense in preparation for more pain, and I found myself curling into myself in a defensive ball, shielding me against anything that could hurt, though nothing would surprise me anymore.

The silence soon faded, little by little as if someone was removing cotton from my ears. The ringing rose and sank, remaining a faint echo in my ears until I could hear clearly again. Wiping at my eyes, I seemed to have gained myself a nice new gash in my face. I also thought my nose might have been broken, as it was feeling strangely hot and thudding.

Blinking, drops of saltwater and blood falling off my lashes, I tried raising myself on my elbows, fell to the ground, hit my chin, cursed for a few moments, then tried again. Able to sit upright now, the taste of blood was now filling my mouth and I wasn't sure whether or not it was my blood.

I took a deep breath as I wasn't too sure I wanted to know what was going on quite yet. Who knew what would await me if I did? Sighing, evening my breathing, I heard a group of people approach us and in sudden alarm, I snapped my eyes open and whipped around.

To my relief, the people running towards us were not, in fact, Garland's nor any of Boris' comrades. Instead they were men and women, clad in the clothes of paramedics, and a handful of police officers seemed to be heading my way. Two policemen walked past me, instead going up to Kai, while the rest wasted no time assessing our situation.

''Sir, can you stand up?''

I blinked, at first not certain of where the voice had come from; it was hard to really pinpoint any exact locations. My brain had yet to kick back into action, but eventually I noticed a nice looking woman smiling down at me.

''Sir? Can you hear me?''

A bright light shone into my eye and I jolted backwards, the light stinging and hurtful I suddenly did not like this woman all that much.

''Pupils are contracting normally. Sir, do you know where you are? Are you feeling dizzy or nauseous?''

I opened my mouth to speak, but it was only filled with more blood. Spluttering, I almost choked on the bile that rose, but managed to push it down as I gave her a thin, hazy look.

''Yes, but that could be because of the amount of blood in my mouth right now.''

She gave me a crooked smile, nodding towards her partners.

''Hey, this one's fine, I'll take him with me to the - ''

''Can I get some help here?''

Suddenly the paramedics started rushing, like confused little ants running around in a nest someone had just trampled on. I looked around me to try to see what was happening, but regretted it as I saw them working on someone, someone with the hint of a grey tousle of hair; covered in blood it was hard to tell. The face was all mashed up, the body in such a weird posture I couldn't figure out whose it was.

I desperately looked around me, panic rising like clawing rats trying to crawl out of my chest, I suddenly found it hard to breathe again. As I didn't find a second body, I clutched the arm of the paramedic, staining her jacket a dark, rusty blood red.

''Please!'' I pleaded, my voice turning very brittle. ''I'm... I... Who is that?''

She smiled and put a steadying hand on my back, trying to help me to stand up.

''Sir, if you will just come with me to the ambulance - ''

On shaky legs I got up, trembling as I fell against her.

''I think I've... my ankle'' I said, looking around me still as if I've lost something. ''Please, tell me, who is that?''

''Sir, it's better if you just come with me and let the police handle this.''

I grabbed her collar, panic scorching through my eyes I think I frightened her, my voice a strained, high-pitched plead.

''Please, just tell me who it is! I won't be any trouble, I swear! Just... at least tell me if he's going to live!''

She smiled at me again, looking torn between annoyance and sympathy. Her eyes wandered towards the body, surrounded by paramedics trying to stop the bleeding, checking for a pulse and screaming at each other.

''I can assure you my colleagues will do the very best they can.''

She put her hand on my shoulder and much like a shepherd, herded me out away from the jetty towards the parked vehicles, trying hard to speed up my pace. I kept throwing worried glances over my shoulder, straining my already cramping neck, looking for signs of life, for Kai, for Boris, for anything that could make just the tiniest bit of sense.

But there was nothing, and I left feeling completely, utterly hollow.

X

A feeling had been spreading through my chest since I sat down. Something cold and ruthless, spreading through my body like a disease, it killed everything in its way, leaving behind it a rotten, hollowed out shell. I felt empty, and yet my every thought filling me with screams. The paramedic was just about done stitching me up, checking me for any serious injuries she gave me a solemn look and smiled.

''I think you should come with us to the hospital, sir, you may have a concussion. And that neck and ankle should be looked at, you may have gotten a whiplash injury.''

I looked at her, eyes fogged and unresponsive.

''Your friend is fine, by the way'' she said, and when I raised a brow she nodded towards the sleek, navy blue sports car parked a few feet away. I drew a breath of relief. ''He's fine, just a little roughed up... the car's fine too. He wants to talk to you. Are you feeling up for it?''

I nodded, slowly as to not aggravate my muscles. With a nod in response she disappeared, and soon I felt the looming, ominous presence of Kai. I could feel how much he wanted to yell at me, but he looked too tired to even manage a half-decent glare.

''Kai - '' I started, but he just shook his head and sighed.

''That was the stupidest thing I have ever seen someone do. Not even Takao would be so goddamn stupid as to - ''

I smiled weakly. At least, as long as Kai was yelling at me, something felt normal. I'd have been more frightened if he hadn't yelled at me, at least now I knew things were normal between us.

''Really, Rei'' Kai shook his head again, like a parent on the verge of giving up, sitting down next to me he crossed his arms. ''What the hell was that supposed to accomplish? We could have died, you know. We could have crashed into the lake and fucking drowned! What the hell were you thinking?''

''I don't know what I was thinking!'' I croaked. ''I just… I don't know, Kai. I just… I panicked, I… I didn't know… They were fighting and I… I'm sorry. Kai I'm really sorry, I'm… I'm horrible! God, I could have killed you!''

This sudden guilt had been gnawing at me for a while, but now got me in its complete mercy, and I felt sick. I just barely managed to calm myself down as to not throw up again, forcing myself to look at him. I was too ashamed to really meet his eyes, but I needed to take my responsibility. I had caused Kai immense danger, not only could I have killed myself, but Kai, Boris and even Garland – even if he wasn't innocent in that manner, it was still a life.

''Don't you ever do anything that stupid again.''

I gave him an apologetic look, my vision blurring, I found it hard to keep focus on one thing for too long.

''I'm so sorry Kai. I can't… words can't ever make this right. I hope…'' I didn't continue that sentence, I deserved no mercy. I would understand if Kai would never speak to me again. Whatever the punishment I would accept it.

''Rei… just…'' Kai sighed. ''You're a goddamn idiot.''

I flinched.

''But'' Kai continued. ''Right now we need to get you to the hospital.''

I bit my lip, feeling this was Kai's way of saying he forgave me. I didn't know what I had done to deserve it, but felt the icy glare he was giving me was something to be grateful for. Reluctant, I swallowed to wet my dry throat, but managed only to aggravate it. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to ask the question that was on my mind.

''Boris?''

Kai said nothing, giving me a flat look I suddenly felt like I was tilting over again. Looking away, he spotted the previous paramedic and waved her towards us.

''We'll talk about this later. You need to rest now.''

''But – ''

One glare was all he needed to shut me up. The paramedic was soon on the scene, hosting me up on the cot, Kai jumped into the ambulance and she closed the doors. Lying down, my body was catching up with the ache, but I didn't stop to ponder it as a much heavier question was on my mind. Where was Boris? Where was Garland? If any of them had died, it would all have been my fault, my wrongdoing. I would be a murderer. Could I live with that? Would they lock me up? They should, I deserved it. More so than Boris ever had.

But maybe that wasn't so bad. Maybe, I hoped, prison could be a comfort. A refuge, a sanctuary away from danger. Maybe then I wouldn't have to continuously look over my shoulder, and although the sins would never be repented, at least it was a try. And that's all I really remember from the ride to the hospital. I knew my eyes were open, but even to this day I can't remember much else. All I can remember, was the desperate hoping that his time would be the last part of this entire, insane chapter in my life.

That maybe, finally, this running would end.