Chapter 44

Sneaking into his own house was not his idea of fun. Trying to tip-toe through the foyer, he was stopped short by the sound of steady breathing. Turning around slowly he fought a wince as he made eye contact with Buffy. She was not happy and he was more than willing to grovel. It had taken him a heart wrenching conversation with his former best friend, but he finally understood his place in life.

During the hours he had stared at Cordelia's ceiling, he had come to realize that his constant yearning for the past was not only nonproductive and harmful; it was putting his relationship with Buffy in danger. The woman he loved with very part of his soul was standing in front of him and he wanted to focus on her for the rest of his life. He was ready to end his dalliances with the past.

Before he could speak, Buffy cocked her head at him as her face changed; suddenly looking shocked. Before he could comprehend why, there was a lamp headed strait for his head. Reaching his arm up, he expertly caught the appliance. Opening his mouth to speak, he was caught with a left hook to his chin. She had rushed him before his arm had returned to his side.

Assuming a defensive position, Angel dodged to the right. Before she could connect again, he leapt over the couch and positioned himself with his back to the sliding patio door. She had gone insane, he told himself. His mind was drawing blanks as he tried to think of an explanation for her seemingly unexplainable behavior.

"Who is she?" Her voice came out hard and angry.

Angel looked at her as if she had suddenly grown another head. Recognizing his look of consternation, she expounded, "The woman who washed your clothes. I know you don't buy lavender scented detergent!" Her eyes were narrowed and shooting proverbial daggers in his direction. If she could have killed him with a look, Angel was sure she would have done it then.

"Buffy…it isn't what you think."

"I'm sure its not! You didn't come home last night and you shouldn't have come home today! Get out! Get out now!" She pointed towards the door, her eyes searching for something else to throw at him.

His brain went into overdrive. "I didn't sleep with anyone! Buffy, she's a friend. I just went there to talk, that's all! Buffy, I wouldn't…" He didn't get a chance to finish before she had lopped an end table at him. He ducked, turning just in time to see the small wooden table crash through the glass doors behind him.

Taking a deep breath, he realized that his best option was to retreat and come back later. Swallowing hard and fearing for his unborn child, he silently walked the perimeter of the door. Turning one last time to look at her, he watched silent tears roll down Buffy's cheeks. Wanting desperately to go to her and comfort her, he instead held himself still for a moment before leaving through the front door.

His breath came erratically, in great gasping heaves, as he sat behind the wheel of the car. Putting his head on the wheel, he tried to take deep breaths. The woman he wanted to marry thought he had cheated on her. His brain was having trouble comprehending that. He had stayed celibate for years with only will power and the memory of his one night with Buffy. Even occasional dalliances years ago hadn't dampened his inherent and desperate need for her.

Shaking hands turned the key in the ignition and a trembling man turned around and headed for the city once again. He hadn't slept at all the previous night and had left at dawn without saying goodbye to his hostess. After almost missing two red lights and swiping a parked car, Angel pulled the car over a block away from Will's apartment. His friend opened the door after a few hesitant knocks.

Will took one look at Angel and had him sitting on the couch, coffee in hand in what seemed to Angel like mere seconds. Knowing he would have to go to the office in a little over an hour, Angel sighed heavily and allowed his shoulders to slump.

Will sat across from his friend, staring intently at him. "What happened to you?"

"I went to see Cordy last night. Mainly to pick a fight. She put my clothes in the washer; I was covered in blood. I stayed on the couch and left around daybreak. Buffy thinks I'm cheating on her." Angel continued to sip his coffee after finishing his short recap of the nights' events.

"Well that sucks." Will sat back, trying to comprehend what he had just heard. It was laughable. Angel might have had an emotional affair with Cordelia, but the man would surely have ended it by now, Will thought.

"I just wanted to talk. I just…needed someone that remembered. And Cordy knew things. She had visions about Connor and didn't tell me; I needed to hear about that. I just needed to talk to her. I didn't mean to stay the night, really. Well, I kind of knew that would happen. But…I didn't think it would this big of a deal."

Will blew out a slow breath. "Angel, Buffy's pregnant and scared. Try to be a little sensitive."

Angels' shoulders slumped a little more. Nodding slowly, he finished his coffee and slipped his shoes off. Swinging his legs up onto the couch, he covered his eyes with his arm. "Wake me in an hour. Maybe I'll dream how to fix this." Recognizing that he wouldn't be able to keep from going insane if he was awake, he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. His tired mind couldn't deal with anymore trauma.

Standing, Will went back into his bedroom. Closing the door, he started dressing for work. He hadn't slept all night; he had been too worried about Dawn to sleep. Looking at his cell phone sitting innocently on his nightstand, he wished so hard for Dawn to call that his chest hurt. She hadn't answered her phone, nor had she returned his calls. He was hoping that she would show up to work so he could apologize in person.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he looked longingly out the window. He remembered Dawn here, naked and laughing in the early morning light. He had to smile at that memory; he loved her laugh. It was loud and sometimes she snorted, but it was hers and therefore beautiful.

Fishing a note pad from his nightstand, he shook both his hands for a second before trying to write. The first few lines were scratched in an unsteady scrawl, and many pages ended up strewn on the floor. Finally, after a half dozen attempts, he was able to commit his thoughts and feelings to paper. Hoping that she would read it before throwing it out, he folded the note and slipped it into his pocket.

He meandered quietly around the apartment, checked his email and responded to a few from the legal team. When his cell phone rang, he nearly tripped over his own feet to get to it. Not bothering to read the display, he opened it and exclaimed rather fervently that he was there and his name was Will.

"…Umm, okay, man. Hi to you too."

He sat down hard on the bed. "Hey Gunn. What can I do for you?"

"You need to come in. Now. And where's Angel? Connor's here and he is none too happy. Get your butts in here."

Cursing loudly, Will hung up the phone and shook Angel awake. "We have to go now."

Groaning, Angel moved his aching shoulder. They drove silently to the office, both men thinking of the women they loved. Riding the elevator, Will shuffled his feet and moved his hands in and out of his pockets. Angel stood stalk still, his chest barely rising and falling with his breath.

When the conference room door opened, both men winced internally. Connor was standing across the room, his arms crossed and a very unhappy look on his face. Fred was sitting next to a bassinet with Allison in it; Gunn, Wesley and Xander were sitting at the table with rather guilty looks on their faces.

Waiting for the two newly arrived men to take seats at the table, Wesley cleared his throat before speaking. "Connor heard the argument you had with Buffy, Angel. We…cleared up his misconceptions. Although I do not know what woman anyone is referring to, I do know where we all were last night. We told Connor what happened."

"Why wasn't I included?" Connors' words were laced with venom.

Angel took a slow breath before responding. "It didn't yield anything, Connor. It was pointless."

Angel's son took a menacing step forward. "That doesn't the matter! You said I could be included, Angel!"

"I did. And I'm sorry. I wanted to find a lead and get some information. The way it happened, though, we ended up diving in head first. Mistakenly. Trust me, Connor, if we would have brought anyone back here for questioning I would have called you."

"Trust you? How can I? You keep doing this stuff, Angel! You keep excluding me!"

"I didn't mean to. I just wanted to get you answers faster. That's all."

"Did you? Do I have any answers?" He stood, his arms crossed, looking expectant.

Angel hesitated for only a moment. "No. I don't have any answers for you."

Connor exploded. Slamming his fist into the table, he said, "Liar! Where were you last night? Buffy thinks you were with another woman and you admitted you went to talk to someone! You know something!"

Keeping his features calm, Angel responded, "I don't have any answers for you Connor. I don't think I ever will."

A devastating silence fell over the room. It was broken only by Allie's cries after a few seconds of Fred discontinuing her rocking motion of the bassinet. Lifting the infant into her arms, Fred stood and started pacing the room, rocking her baby back and forth all the while.

The intercom buzzed, making a few of the rooms' occupants jump in their seats. Angel's secretary came through the speaker, "Mr. O'Connor, there's someone here to see you."

Angel gritted his teeth as he pressed the button on the intercom to speak, "Not now, Arlene, I'm a little busy."

A voice Angel recognized immediately came over the line. "You might want me in there."

Angel took one stilted breath. "Come in Cordy."