AN - Hello everyone! It is I with another update. It's my tenth chapter which is quite an achievement for me. I never believed I would make it this far when I started writing, and I still have about another 30k words that I have yet to post, so this story will continue for a little while longer. Today was my last day of official school, but I have finals all next week so I'm going to be very busy. I should still get a chapter up that Friday, even though I have a nice SAT subject test the following day (it's math and it's horrible). Despite all that, this story continues to bring my joy, and I've developed a passion for writing which is something I've always wanted (now i just have to learn how to write well)
This chapter took me a while to write, and I struggled some with Light's inner thoughts, but I think it kinda worked out, and the next chapter is one of my favorites. This one is more serious, but the next one will be more light so I think it will balance out nicely. If not, oh well.
Thank you all for reading (especially my long AN that I always seem to do. I really love the feeling of talking to my readers, even if that means lengthy notes at the beginning of each chapter. Don't feel as if you have any obligation to read them. I personally just love writing what I think about each chapter) and thanks for all the reviews!
Chapter 10 - Truth can Never be Found in Liars
Crimson leaves littered the patio surrounding the cozy bakery. Occasionally, breezy gusts of wind blew, throwing up leaves in a whirlwind of fiery colors before they settled slowly down on the pavement. Light watched in a slight daze as the process repeated. The breeze also chilled the air, and Light had thrown his arm around L's bony shoulders in order to preserve warmth between them. L paid no attention to the sudden drop in temperature and instead focused completely on his strawberry coated cheesecake. He eagerly bit into the sweet desert, delighted by the creaminess of the cake. No other sensation compared to the first bite of an excellently made cheesecake. Light could enjoy his apples, but true enjoyment came from the sweet flavors of candy and cake. Speaking of Light, he owed L a long explanation.
"Explain." L ordered while taking another bite of his cheesecake. He felt Light's grasp around his shoulders tighten slightly.
"That was A. He goes by Alexander during the case. He's the detective," Light began.
"I know who A is. And you know him how exactly?" L interrupted.
"He's asked for my help on the Kira case."
"But he also suspects you." L stated, his voice low and quiet. It reminded Light of a rattlesnake tail, warning one to tread carefully or face painful consequences.
"Yes. Alexander investigated me for a while, but was unable to come up with any solid evidence, so he decided to ask for my help. It's really a test to see if I truly am Kira. He has nothing on me." Light fell silent. He could expand more, but sensing L's silent anger, decided to fall quiet.
"And you didn't believe this was important to tell me?" L asked softly. He took another small bite from the cheesecake.
"I was going to tell you. Things happened so fast, and I didn't expect Alexander to show up here."
"Well Light-kun was wrong. He did show up, and I was in the dark during the whole encounter. This will not happen again. You will tell me everything from now on." L ordered, his tone nonnegotiable.
"I don't have to tell you anything." Light declared, attempting to display his dominance from L. He cared for L, but there was no obligation for him to tell him everything. He would tell L what L needed to know, and L would do what he saw fit with that information.
"Wrong." L challenged. He moved to carefully cup Light's chin, before roughly tightening his grasp and pulling him until their breaths mingled in the cold air. "You will tell me everything. You will hide nothing from me, and you will always speak the truth to me. If you do not agree, then consider this arrangement over." Light's eyes darkened upon hearing the ultimatum.
"On the contrary, I will tell you what you need to know. Nothing more. You will not threaten me." Light hissed.
"I will not tell lies for someone who does not trust me enough to tell me the entire truth. If you cannot comply with my terms, then consider this over."
Light laughed softly. "You really think that will do it? You won't leave me L. You have nothing to go back to."
"You'd be surprised at what I have in my life. You are simply a footnote to dispel my boredom in Japan. It would be shame to end this footnote so early on, but if you refuse to disclose the truth, I'm afraid it must happen," L threatened softly. He refused to live on lies. Light would either tell him the truth or tell him nothing at all.
"L, think of what you're saying. I'm the best thing ever to happen to you. I am offering you everything." Light growled, annoyed at L's stupidity and stubbornness. L had absolutely nothing besides Light. He had been a loner before Light had stepped into his life, and Light highly doubted L would be willing to return to the drudgery of college curriculum. Also, Light was offering the chance to outwit one of the shrewdest people of the century while creating a better world. No rational person would refuse this opportunity, and it would not be like L to shirk from the challenge. He also knew L hated to admit defeat under any circumstances. He was much like Light in that manner.
"Except the truth." L stated, digging his nails lightly into Light's cheeks. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it caused some discomfort.
"I don't do truth," L declared, narrowing his eyes.
"Then you will either try to, or we will say goodbye." L declared. Light pulled back from L's grasp, angrily rubbing at the marks L's fingernails left. Light considered the options. He could refuse and risk losing L. However, he was confident in his abilities to win L back. L was his, and he would not lose him over a small scuffle. On the other hand, if he did refuse and L returned to England, there would be no chance for Light to see L anymore. He would lose a valuable asset. There was no denying that L was important to him, and that he would do almost anything to ensure that he wouldn't lose him. But to tell the complete truth about this…he would place himself completely at L's mercy. L already knew too much, but he couldn't do much about it. If he suddenly went off about gods of death and notebooks that killed people, people would immediately disregard him as crazy. Alexander may put more thought into L' claims, but if they couldn't find the notebook, they wouldn't be able to prove anything. The only worry would be if A apprehended Light and restricted his freedom. He had criminals saved for a situation such as that, but it would be a large set back.
However, to tell L all of his plans and thoughts would be a huge step up. L could destroy those plans if he choose, greatly hindering Light's progress. Light Yagami wasn't one to tell the truth. He dealt in lies which had never once failed him. Lies proved effective in all of Light's ambitions and through them, Light had gained power over all the people faulted by their gullibility. Lies also became masks, covering Light in faux personas and creating an indestructible barrier. Lies protected him, for if no one really knew the true him, then no one could ever possess the power to destroy him. He knew L would never tolerate his lies, for L sought for the truth. That didn't necessarily mean L was truthful. In fact, far from it. Light had only recently picked up on L's little lies he scattered here and there. Light had been stunned at first, for he was usually incredibly adept at noticing lies. He would even dare say that L lied just as well as him. He had yet to confront L about his lying tendencies, but now wasn't the time to engage in the argument. His mind had begun to prickle with exhaustion, and he didn't have the strength to engage in a full strength argument with L. This was bad enough already, and Light wanted to avoid making it any worse.
Light had to make a decision. Was the risk of losing L enough of a reason to discard the masks, abandon lies and attempt the truth?
No, it wasn't. Nothing would ever exist as a good enough reason for Light to forsake his dishonesties, but L didn't need to be aware of that fact. Instead, Light could begin to tell half-truths. The half-truths would convince L, while preserving Light's inclinations. It was ideal for this situation.
Light ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "L, I can't…" he muttered, his eyes downcast. Acting hesitant was vital if he wished to convince L of his deceit, for L would believe he was achieving some form of progress.
"How are you planning to outwit A?" L asked bluntly. He noticed Light's apprehension and decided that the best course of action would give Light the opportunity to speak the truth. He would either prove himself or not.
"Outwit A?" Light asked, his eyes widening slightly as he was taken back by the sudden question.
"Yes, you must have a plan. I want to hear it." L continued, shifting slightly. Don't mess this up, Light Yagami, he thought.
"What will you do if I tell you?" Light asked, his expression guarded.
"I will decided once Light-kun tells me," L responded and moved to take another bite of cheesecake. Disappointed, L realized he had finished the thick slice of cake; the only remnants were a few crumbs and whipped cream. L couldn't let the cream go to waste, so he picked up the plate and in one long move, licked the whipped cream off the plate. His tongue danced across the plate before drawing back into his mouth. Light watched the whole action, but made no comment. Instead, he thought about L's request. He quickly thought through his plan and selected the information he could disclose to L.
"I need his name." Light stated. L cocked his head, listening closely.
"How do you intend to do that?" L asked gently. It would be good to ease Light into this gradually. He obviously had trust issues.
"Alexander wouldn't be such a fool to reveal his name to me, considering how I'm his main suspect in the Kira case," Light said, before hesitating. He thought over his next few lines of dialogue. "There is a way for me to discover his name, but it would require me to impart half of my life, something I refuse to do." Light took a deep breath before continuing. "However, a possible deal between a shimagmi and the owner of the death note which enables the owner to view the names of every person they encounter is valuable in its implications, and therefore a potential idea was to force someone else to make that bargain." Light paused, noticing L's apprehension. "It would be a criminal, L. Someone already determined to die so half their life span is insignificant," he clarified. "I would arrange it so the criminal gifted the ability to see names would be within eyesight of Alexander, and consequently would discover his name. He would then write the name down and deliver it to me. Using that information I could write Alexanders's real name down, and that would be the end of that."
"There's a catch, isn't there Light-kun?" L asked doubtfully. Light's plan made sense; however, a lot that could go wrong if he wasn't careful.
Light took a deep breath before continuing. It wasn't easy telling L all this, but he had to admit it was nice getting this off his chest. He had someone he could bounce ideas off now, and with L, he could expand the plan to become practically fail proof. Therefore, he decided to divulge bit deeper into the nature of the skinny black notebook.
"The only way to make this eye-deal is if the person is in full ownership of the notebook. That requires me to give up possession. When I give up possession, I will lose all memories regarding the notebook and Kira, which would be catastrophic. Thus, it is essential that I get my hands back on the notebook, which is why I am hesitant to put this plan into play. If for some reason, I lose possession of the notebook, I lose the game and the criminal world, the world I am fighting so hard against, would acquire a powerful weapon. It would be a disaster. I have considered writing the criminals actions in the notebook, so even if he gains possession, he would be forced to complete what I write." L started at this information.
"I was unaware that you can control a person's actions through the notebook," L murmured.
"If I write down the person's cause of death, they will die in such a way. It's useful." Light offered before returning to his previous train of thoughts. "Logically, that would work. He would be held accountable to the Death Note, and would complete the written actions with no resistance. However, if something does happen…if he is apprehended or fails to complete the actions, I would lose everything. That is not a risk I am willing to take so easily. The plan must be fail proof before I commence. Thankfully, Alexander has only been a mere irritation. He has nothing on me except empty suspicion. If he starts to become more of a concern, I suppose I will have to continue with the plan and run the immeasurable risk of failing."
"Not anymore," L declared.
"Excuse me?" Light asked, startled by L's short statement.
"If you give up possession of the diary, you will lose your memories, correct?"
"Yes." Light stated as the implications of the L's plan began to dawn on him. "But you wouldn't lose your memories…or at least you shouldn't. I can ask Ryuk, but he isn't always the most helpful."
"If I retained my memories of the notebook and you, I would be able to ensure that plan is followed exactly, and if something happens I could get the notebook back to you, or at least make sure the criminal doesn't hand it over to someone else. There would still be a risk, but I with my help there is an 88% chance this will succeed."
"You really would be willing to do this?" Light inquired. L's assistance would be invaluable; he only had to be willing to place everything in L's hands. Light wouldn't be able to stop L if he decided to take the Death Note and leave Light.
"Yes. But most importantly, do you trust me enough to do this? You would have to be concrete in your trust in me." L asked, his eyes focused deep into Light's own.
"No, I don't trust anyone enough to do this, but you would be the closest I would get." Light admitted, drawing in a deep breath. With L's help, he may be able to defeat Alexander. Of course, he ran the risk of forfeiting the game as he lost his memories, and if L took the Death Note for his own…
"I have no intentions in taking the notebook, Light-kun. I do not take pleasure in killing others. If you trust me with this, I will return your notebook to you." L reassured, noting Light's reluctance. "Since it is such a large risk on your part, I will provide you with information that would direct authorities to suspecting me as Kira. Therefore, if I do not return the notebook, you will possess a confession that would rob me of my life. I would become a fugitive and lose all hope for my future. Does that satisfy your concern?" L finished. He truly had no desire for the notebook; there was no one he sought to kill. He suppose he could kill criminals, but Light was already doing an excellent job with that, and L enjoyed catching the criminals more than actually punishing them. He would leave Light with his notebook of death. He just had to make sure Light realized that.
"I'll need to think this over, L," Light glanced away.
"Of course, take as much time as you desire," L assured and brought a hand up to Light's cheek. Light leaned softly into the added warmth, and his eyes flickered shut.
"It's a good plan, L. I just need to think it through, and I'm not completely certain that you won't lose your memories too. What would really be great is if someone already had the eyes and would be willing to help. Then we wouldn't have to worry about this at all…" Light murmured, his eyes still shut. L cocked his head to get a better angle, and smiled at the view of a tired Light.
"How much have you been sleeping Light-kun?" L asked, jolting Light from his doze.
"How much have you been sleeping L?" Light shot back.
"I suffer from insomnia, so I, consequently, do not sleep much. However, Light-kun should make sure he gets at least eight hours of sleep a night if he wants to remain with top functioning mental capabilities. Sleep is important for you."
"What are you, my mom?" Light mumbled and let out a yawn. He admittedly was very tired, and he hadn't been getting enough sleep lately. He was constantly busy, whether it was studying for college or acting as Kira. Maybe that was why he was acting so open with L? Academics at To-oh weren't difficult by any means, they just required a lot of work. On top of that, Light had to create a perfect world and outwit the world's greatest detective, all while masquerading as a perfectly ordinary eighteen year old boy. Light usually took good care of himself, but with all the added stress from both school and Alexander, he had found himself slipping. Fatigue was sneaking up on him, but Light managed to push it back. However, the whole encounter with Alexander and the two arguments with L had left him exhausted, and he was surprise he wasn't falling asleep on his feet. A good night's rest would be extremely beneficial; Light just didn't have the time to waste precious hours sleeping.
"No. I am your boyfriend, as you stated earlier." L paused, observing how Light could barely keep his eyes open. "Come on Light-kun," L stated before standing up. "My apartment is close by, so I will be taking you there so you can sleep. I would take you to your house, but I am not certain you will remain awake long enough. Now, come along." L half lifted the tired boy from the bench, and began moving him along the path. Light struggled against L's help, before eventually succumbing and leaning heavily on L's shoulder. L buckled slightly, surprised at the weight of Light. For someone so thin, he was awfully heavy.
After a difficult ten minutes of walking through the darkening streets, L finally managed to arrive at his apartment and force the nearly asleep Light into his bed. He arranged the pillows around Light's head and tucked him under the blankets. He didn't use his bed much, so the sheets were clean, something he was sure Light would appreciate. He looked down at the sleeping boy. Light had relaxed completely, and his face radiated peace and contentment. L ran a finger from Light's forehead and down the side of his face, before stopping at his lips. He traced them softly, marveling at the velvety softness. He paused in his actions when he felt Light shift under his movements, and after a moment of hesitation, L leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Light's lips. He remained with his back bent and his mouth on Light's for a while, feeling the other boy's soft breath ghost off his skin. Only after, Light parted his lips and turned his head slightly, did L deem it appropriate to leave Light to his slumber. Light would wake up eventually, and L had a dozen donuts waiting for him in his cupboard. He also needed to call the Yagami's, so that they wouldn't worry about the where about of their son.
L hovered over Light a second longer before pulling back and moving to the door. At the doorframe, L paused, his silhouette illuminated by the light radiating from the kitchen. He turned back, observing the sleeping boy once more. Of course, from this distance, sleep easily became death and death, sleep. They became indistinguishable for they were so alike. The only difference being that for one, you would eventually wake up and rejoin the world of the living, while the other involved a venture into a world of the dead.
"Sleep well," L whispered into the darkness of the bedroom, before stepping into the bright lights of his kitchen.