Chapter 10

He stepped out of the dimness of the building and saw the Impala parked in a lot and it was early afternoon. The scenery outside was completely different than before. He looked around slowly unsure of where he was at and what memory this was that Sam was recreating. He felt like he was walking through Sam's Greatest Screw Ups and wondered where all the good stuff was. Where were the memories of all the lives they saved and people they helped? Where were the memories of relaxing on the Impala, sipping a cold one and watching the stars or catching a game on television or a concert or seeing the sunrise on another day just happy to be alive? His other self walked out followed by a downhearted looking Sam. The words burned in his mind as they came from his lips.

"Dean is there something you wanna say to me?" Sam asked his words tinged with slight anger.

"I tried Sammy, man I really tried but I just can't keep pretending that everything's alright 'cause its not and its never going to be." Dean said sadly knowing he had to speak these words. "You chose a demon over your own brother and look what happened."

"I'd give anything to change things anything to take it all back." Sam pleaded softly.

"I know that and I know how sorry you are, I do. But man you were the one I depended on the most and you let me down in ways I can't even... I'm just having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here you know."

"What can I do?"

"Honestly nothing. I just don't...I don't think we can ever be what we were you know. I just don't think I can trust you." the other Dean said looking toward Sam with a betrayed expression as he opened the driver's door of the Impala to get in. That Dean never saw the complete hopelessness on Sam's face like dream walking Dean did and how utterly lost and defeated he looked right then. It looked like Sam was shrinking in on himself, looking so much smaller than his true for. Dean's soul cried out in pain and sorrow and wanted to rush down there and tell Sam he was sorry.

Dean hung his head when he saw the replay and just how badly he had treated Sam back then. He was so mad and disappointed with him that he didn't bother to think about how Sam felt. He watched Sam for a moment knowing by his body language he was doing everything to hold it together and followed Dean slowly to the car, his head hung low. Dream walking Dean closed his eyes not able to watch anymore. When he opened them back up, the scene had changed again. The other Dean was sitting at a picnic table with Sam sitting across from him. It looked like they were having a meal with a bag and wrappers sitting by them on the table.

"Dean..." Sam starts but is cut off by Dean.

"Sam let's not..."

"No listen this is important. I know you don't trust me and now I realize I don't trust me either. From the minute I saw that blood the only thought in my head...and I tell myself its for the right reasons and my intentions are good and it feels true but I think underneath I just miss the feeling." Sam tries to explain, looking at Dean with such a lost expression. "I know how messed up that sounds, which means I know how messed up I am. The thing is the problem's not the demon blood, not really I mean what I did I can't blame on blood or Ruby or anything. The problem is me, how far I'll go. There's something in me that scares the hell out of me Dean. And the last couple of days I caught another glimpse." Sam stated looking down at his clenched hands.

"So what are you saying?" Dean asked.

"I'm in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back 'cause I'm dangerous. Maybe its best if we just go our separate ways." he says, but deep down he's begging Dean to say no, they should stick together.

"Well I think you're right." Dean finally replies.

"I was expecting a fight." Sam answered surprised there wasn't one.

"The truth is I spend more time worrying about you than about doing the job right. I just can't afford that right now you know, not now..."

"I'm sorry Dean."

"I know you are Sam. Hey you wanna take the Impala?" Dean asked.

"That's okay." Sam said getting up from the table to get his things from the car.

"Take care of yourself Dean." Sam says as a final goodbye.

"You too Sammy." he says softly watching his brother walk away to get bags out of the car and bum a ride from stranger.

He remembered this one vividly because it was the last time he had seen Sam alive and well. He watched as his other self listened to Sam say that he thought it was better if they went their own ways and watched him walk off to catch a ride with a stranger. Now that he was seeing it again, he couldn't believe he let Sam walk out of his life like that and go off with a complete stranger. How could he have sat there and let this happen? How could he have just let him go like that? Why didn't he stop him? What kind of big brother was he to turn his back on his little brother? What happened to Sam was all his fault for letting his anger and stubbornness get in the way of being a brother and breaking a promise he made so long ago. A promise to keep his little brother safe and protect him and he let him down more than once. For that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Dean didn't know if he could take anymore of these gut wrenching memories but right now he needed to focus on finding the real Sam and getting him to wake up.

spn

Bobby leaned forward as Dean's body twitched and trembled and he started panting hard like he was running. He moaned out in his sleep, swatting at some imaginary thing before calming back down. He watched him closely seeing if he was okay before settling back again. He looked over at Cas who was staring from one brother to the next and back again.

"You okay Cas?" Bobby asked him.

"Yes...No...Not being at full strength puts me at a disadvantage and I can not help them." Cas admitted pitifully.

"It's not your fault Cas, you did what you could. Now it's up to Dean. I just hope he can find him." Bobby said. "There's no telling what he might run into in there. Sam went through some bad times when Dean was gone and it still haunts him. I know the boy thought he was getting revenge when he killed Lilith and had no idea that it would free the devil. He was tricked by demons and angels alike and didn't stand a chance..." Bobby sighed removing his ball cap long enough to rub a hand over his head before replacing it. He felt like Cas did, useless at the moment. All they could do was wait and be there for both of them, no matter what happened.

"I felt Dean was truly sorry that he let Sam leave." Cas said randomly.

"Why did he do that to begin with?"

"I think Sam was feeling guilty about what he did and Dean couldn't get past what Sam had done. Not about freeing Lucifer, but choosing a demon over him. It broke him in ways I can't explain...There are still human emotions and feelings I have not yet come to understand."

"Yeah, I could see how that would rub Dean the wrong way and make him do lame ass things." Bobby admitted shaking his head. "Some things are hard to forgive."

Nearly a day had passed now and Dean still hadn't come back from dream walking in Sam's mind. Bobby had come and gone numerous times ever watchful of the two young men. Castiel remained at the bedside never leaving their side in case he was needed. He could feel internal struggles in both the brothers but couldn't tell how Dean was doing in trying to convince Sam to wake up. If this didn't work, Cas didn't know how Dean would handle it.

spn

When Dean turned, everything had changed again and darkness was falling around him. He looked around for anything that looked familiar, but didn't see anything to jog his memory. A quiet noise caught his attention and he cautiously eased toward it. He heard it again and thought it sounded familiar as he strained to see into the shadows that were lengthening and growing darker. Dean was finally able to make out a shape wedged into a corner near him.

"Sammy..." Dean whispered, faltering in his steps for a moment before slowly approaching the huddled form. "Sammy, bro, its me, Dean..." he said moving very slowly toward him so he wouldn't spook him.

Sam's body shivered and shuttered as soft sobs escaped from his mouth. He jerked and tried to swallow them back but couldn't stop them from coming out. He had his arms wrapped around his legs and was hugging himself as tightly as he could. He didn't notice or hear the person coming toward him until they knelt, getting in his line of vision.

"Sammy...Can you hear me bro?" Dean asked trying to look into his haunted eyes. He could just barely make him out and wished it was a little lighter so he could see. Without warning, the scene lightened and Dean glanced around quickly in surprise. "That's freaky."

Sam shivered as coldness seeped through his body, making him shake uncontrollably. He raised his bloodshot eyes far enough to finally see the face of the one he let down. He blinked several times wondering why he would be here and jerked away as if shocked when Dean reached out a hand to lay on his wrist. It was warm against his ice cold skin and he lashed out hitting Dean in the face, splitting his lip and knocking him over.

"No, no! Not real..." Sam mumbled as he started rocking again. "Can't...Be real..." he mumbled as he zoned out again lost in his mind.

"Sammy, you gotta snap out of this man." Dean said picking himself up and kneeling back by Sam. "You gotta wake up. This isn't real; it's all in your head dude. We're at Bobby's and you're safe. All this, all those nightmares are memories of the past, you gotta let them go...You gotta make your mind wake up."

"Ho-ho-ho ya 'ere?" Sam stuttered out as his teeth clicked together and the shaking of his body got worse.

"Here." Dean said pulling his jacket off and draping it over Sam's shoulders pulling it tight around him. "Dream root. Cas got some from Missouri. Man Sammy! You feel like an icicle." he said encasing his hand with his. He caught both of his brother's hands and began to massage them trying to get some warmth back into them. "Do you remember anything? About what happened?"

"M' fa'lt..." Sam whispered just loud enough for Dean to hear. That was all he kept saying as he rocked slightly not really focusing on Dean anymore.

"No Sammy it's not and I was wrong...I should never have let you leave. I was mad and upset and yeah, disappointed...But I should of talked it out with you, got it all in the open and then let it go. What happened to you was my fault and I'll never forgive myself. Please Sammy, you're the only one who can do this and wake yourself up. We can make this right bro...Please give me a chance to make this right...I'm sorry Sam, I broke a promise I made to you a long time ago, but if you'll come back I'll make it right. Please come back Sammy..." Dean begged running his tongue over his bottom lip and tasting blood. He clamped down on Sam's wrist again, just a little tighter this time hoping it would keep him from getting away now that he had the right one. "I'm not gonna leave you Sammy, no matter how long it takes. If you wanna sit here, we'll sit here." he said slipping to a sitting position to lean back against the wall with him and putting an arm around Sam's shoulders to pull him toward him hoping there would be no others memories he was have to face.

Sam tried to resist Dean's advances and pull away, but he had a tight grip on his wrist and he couldn't pull it free. The surroundings got dark as Sam fought and a wind began to blow bringing drops of rain with it. The drops struck both brothers, quickly wetting their clothes and running in streams down their faces, but still Dean never let go, nor did he complain about it. Sam felt a strong arm being wrapped around him and could feel the warmth of his brother's body as he held him close. Could he believe what Dean said? Did he really want him back even after all the screwed up things he had done? He tried to remain stiff and unmovable as tears continued to run down his face and mix with the rain. Dean ran his hand gently up and down Sam's arm that was covered with his coat as he started humming softly ignoring the rain and wind and darkness. If this was what it took to get him back, he'd sit here forever how long it took. He wasn't leaving without his brother, not this time.

Before he knew it, Sam was leaning into him, letting his head rest on his shoulder and the rain started to slowly go away. He closed his eyes and tried to absorb the body heat his brother was emitting. He never noticed when Dean thought of a blanket and draped it over Sam's body to help warm him. The soft humming relaxed him even more and he sniffed wiping his nose on the blanket. The surrounds around him was slowly starting to lighten and his shivering was growing less.

"That's it Sammy, gotta get ya warmed up so you can wake up." Dean mumbled into Sam's ear. "Think maybe it's time bro? You've been out of it for awhile now. Got everyone scared that you won't wake up but I never doubted it. I knew I could reach you. Bobby's here and so is Cas. They're waiting for you..."

spn

Bobby and Cas both got up when Dean almost fell off the bed and blood began to trickle from a cut on his lip. Bobby held him in place as he struggled for a moment before stopping, going limp in his arms.

"What's happening?" Cas questioned looking to Bobby for the answer.

"Don't know, something must of happened in Sam's mind." Bobby said. "Told the fool kid to be careful..."

They both turned to Sam who moaned and turned his head as he raised a trembling hand to his face. They could see tears running from his eyes and he shivered uncontrollably. He seemed to be trying to get away from someone as he pushed out with his hands for a moment before all movement stopped. Sam raised his hand again, only to let it fall limply back to his side as he drew in a long breath before forcing his eyes partly open, but couldn't see anything since his vision was blurry with his tears.

"Sam?" Bobby asked looking over at him as he licked his cracked lips. "Cas give him something to drink."

"Of course." Cas said picking up a glass of water and holding the straw to Sam's lips. He watched as Sam greedily sucked in a little water letting it wet his dry mouth and parched throat. He drank a little more and spit the straw out, letting his head fall back on the pillow as he tried to get his body under control. Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes as he worked on drawing in deeper breaths and to stop all the emotions and memories tumbling around inside of him.

Bobby looked to Dean waiting for him to wake up and started to panic when he didn't move, until Dean suddenly sprang up coughing and wheezing as he tried to gulp in mouths of air. He looked around for a second before turning to his brother to see if it had worked.

"S'mmy..." Dean gasped out as he reached for him. He broke out in a smile when he saw Sam open his eyes to slits to look at him. "Welcome back bro..." Dean said hoarsely as he cupped his face with his hand and brushed his tears away. He knew they weren't out of the woods yet, but it was a start. He was awake at least and whatever problems there might be; he would deal with them. He wasn't running or leaving his brother this time. He was going to be there for him no matter what. Dean dropped back down on the bed as exhaustion took over now and closed his eyes but kept an arm draped over Sam's chest. He could feel the slow steady breathing as his chest rose and fell with each breath. He let his eyes close and shut out all the noises around him letting his mind drift away as he was pulled under.

"They are both asleep now." Cas told Bobby looking from one brother to the other. "They have been through a lot it seems."

"I'd say that's probably the best thing for both of them. Let's just let them sleep for now." Bobby said with a sigh knowing this wasn't over yet, it was just beginning.

A/N: This was a tough one to write, but at least Sam is awake. It's not going to be smooth sailing for either brother so be prepared. Thank you to all who decided to read my story and thank you to any guest who have left me reviews, they are appreciated. As always reviews are welcome. NC