Interlude—Chapter 9

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"I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions."

--Lillian Hellman to the Committee on Un-American Activities

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Kam wasn't in the Captains quarters when Jack returned to the Welshman. Slipping off the jacket he'd worn onto the space station (and, out of deference to his new roommate, hanging it up rather than just throwing it onto the nearest piece of furniture) Jack headed back out to look for him. The observation deck was devoid of occupants, as were the bridge, Kam's old cabin and the infirmary. Jack wasn't sure why he'd left the mess until last in his search, but that was where he found Kam, sitting at a table with Roberta Tolbert and Kai Jennings, sharing cups of coffee, and laughing. Aware his entry had passed unnoticed, Jack got his own cup and then made his way to the table. Kam spotted him first and jumped to his feet.

"Captain, Sir."

"At ease, Mr. Anders. We're not on duty. Mind if I join you?"

The two other crew members rose and made as if to clear out and Jack stopped them with a hand in the air.

"No, please, all of you. I wanted to give you an update on our status. Easier to do this here than call a conference." He indicated the table and the three crewmembers sat, with varying degrees of reluctance. Jack met Kam's eye and gave him a quick smile.

"You look like you're feeling better."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

He looked at the other two.

"I understand that you're both staying on with us."

"Yes, Sir," answered Tolbert, "and sir, if I may say so, I'm looking forward to it."

"Thank you, Ms. Tolbert. As a matter of fact, so am I." And as he said it, he realized it was true. True maybe for the first time in a long, long time. He continued, "I wanted to let you know, we've hired replacement crewmembers for the spacers who chose not to continue with us. They should all be aboard by 18:00 tonight, and we'll head out not long after. Do you know where we might be able to find Mr. Chibnall," thank goodness he'd remembered to ask Smeed the other kid's name, "and Ms. Ali? I'd hate to fill the openings we have and then be missing members of the original crew."

The trio at the table exchanged glances.

"What?"

"They're on board, sir," Kam answered. "Don't worry, we'll make sure they get the message." The twinkle in his eye clued Jack in exactly what the two missing crewmembers were up to. How had he missed that? Jack usually knew who was getting it on with whom even before the participants realized they were attracted to each other. Kam read his thought process in Jack's expression.

"You've been a little preoccupied, Sir."

Ruefully, Jack acknowledged the understatement.

"Yes, I suppose we all have. Well, good for them." He looked around the table. "Thank you for letting me join you. Finish up anything you still want to do on Omega. Everyone be sure to be back on board by 18:00. I won't be happy if I have to come looking for you." And with that, he left.

Jennings watched his departing back thoughtfully.

"What happened to, 'If you're not on board, you'll be left behind?'" he mused. "Big difference between those two statements."

"You know what happened, Kai," Roberta told him, nodding at their companion. "Kam happened."

"Don't give me any credit," Kam protested. "He's a good man. That's all. He can talk a good show, but I don't think he would have left anyone behind." He schooled his face to a neutral expression. He too had absolutely believed that if he slipped off the ship before departure, he would be left behind.

"You just keep telling yourself that, Bucko," Tolbert told him, but Kam heard nothing unfriendly in her tone. He'd come to the mess looking for milk for his coffee, not actively avoiding his crewmates, but certainly not looking for companionship. When he'd seen Tolbert and Jennings, he'd intended to get what he came for and get out. But when Roberta had seen him, she'd asked him to join them, and Kai had seconded her welcome. Kam had joined them hesitantly.

"Kam," Tolbert started by addressing the neon purple blinking elephant in the room, "I—"

"WE," interjected Jennings.

"WE," she corrected herself, "can not begin to tell you how sorry we are about what happened to you, and how ashamed we are of not having done something to stop it. Or that we didn't realize just how bad it had gotten. We know there's nothing we can do to make it up to you, but we hope that some day maybe you can find it within you to forgive us."

"And we know it's too little too late, Kam," added Jennings, "but from now on, if you need it, we've got your back."

Kam looked at their sincere expressions, tears welling up in his eyes.

"There's nothing to forgive. You knew what I was, you thought…"

Tolbert interrupted him.

"We all have a past, Kam. People come out to the margins of the Empire for fresh starts. The tattoos you had on your wrists are part of your past, your own history, not something that is anyone else's business. And no one, absolutely no one, has the right to do to anyone what Fletcher was doing to you." She paused, then reached out and touched his hand so that he looked up and met her gaze. "And that," she continued, "is the last time either Kai or I will bring this up with anyone. Any time YOU want to talk to us about it, just say so. But we're not going to raise the subject again. Fair?"

Kam nodded, unable to speak.

"Okay, then. Kai was just telling me about this guy he met on a transport he took a few years ago…"

Kai's story was hysterically funny, and Kam found to his amazement that being with his two crewmates was easy and—fun. He'd never actually had friends before. Of course, there'd been other people he liked in the Red Houses, kids he connected with from time to time, but everyone's primary motivation there was survival, and with no room for generosity or true friendship. One's loyalty had to be first, second and always to one's self. Sitting with Kai and Roberta, he found himself relaxing, joining in, fixing everyone a second round of coffee. He'd been almost disappointed when Jack had come into the mess, afraid the captain would upset the delicate friendship that was developing. But Jack, to his surprise, had neither ignored him, nor made the others feel uncomfortable, joining them, acknowledging his concern for Kam, but not focusing on it. He'd addressed an issue of importance to all of them, and then he'd gracefully left. At the moment, yet another of the bands binding Kam's heart loosened and released. Maybe, just maybe good things didn't only happen in dreams and trashy novels.