Chapter 10
Apollo stood in the Nav dome alone. Sorrow washed over his soul causing a pain so deep he did not know if he wanted to live or die in the next battle. He'd lost family, first Rae and less than a secton later Jenn. Both had gone so suddenly that it was still a shock.
Still, the night before she'd, he swallowed trying to keep the tears from his eyes, died protecting the fleet from a Cylon patrol, Jenn had agreed to have dinner with him. There had been a difference in her. An unfathomable something he couldn't quite identify. Yet, before he'd a chance to figure it out, she'd stunned him even more by wearing the dress he'd bought for her many, many yahrens ago.
"You look beautiful," he'd complimented.
She smiled shyly, smoothing a slight crinkle in the soft blue fabric. "I never really thanked you for the gift."
"I didn't realize you still had it." Why had he said that?
"Despite the circumstances," she'd taken his arm, "This dress had always been precious to me."
Their dinner had in no way been a romantic one. They'd dined in the public area of the Rising Star, sharing stories about their squadrons or talking of their lives before the colonies fell. Jenn had even surprised him by talking about shared moments with Serina.
Jenn placed her half-filled glass on the table. "Serina's the main the reason I wanted to speak with you tonight." She took a slight breath. "Apollo," her pale green eyes earnestly met darker shaded ones. "You have a chance to love again. Don't be a fool and stay sealed to dead memory."
He'd blanched, both wondering if she somehow read his mind and if she could be speaking of Sheba. Had the fact that Cain's daughter kissed him been spoken of the women's quarters?
"No," she replied softly, again making him uneasy with her intuitive abilities.
Apollo shook his head clearing away the memory of Jenn's final night and stared out into pitch black space. He and Sheba had cried together with Rae's loss, and she'd been a comfort when Antares told him how Jenn had died.
'Grief shared lightens the burden,' Jenn's quiet voice echoed in his head.
He closed his eyes, the tears he'd been keeping in escaping and running down his cheeks. For just a brief micron, he allowed himself to feel her presence in the one place on Galactica they'd both loved. "Good bye, " he choked out.
'Not good bye,' again her voice in his mind. 'We will see each other again.'
He could but hope that would be true as he gave full vent to his grief.
Several centaurs later he arrived at his sister's quarters. Athena looked up as he entered and he offered her a tired sad smile. "How's Dillion?"
"Asleep. Finally." She put aside the report she'd been working on. "Boxey allowed Muffy to stay with him and that seemed to help."
"Where is Boxey?" Wishing he was young again when a daggit for comfort had been enough.
"With our father."
Apollo nodded. "Thanks." He turned to go.
"I lost them too you know." Her voice was so soft he almost didn't hear her.
Startled he spun around and noticed, for the first time, her eyes were swollen and red. More tears spilled down her face and without thinking he opened his arms to her. She fell against him and together they wept, sharing their loss and grief.
Apollo, standing near his father wished he didn't have to attend the ceremony. Yet, as Galactica's Strike Commander, he was expected to. Before him on the deck were personal items from every member of Gold Squadron, as well as some Antares had provided for Captain Jenn.
"We're gathered here today to honor our fallen dead." Adama's voice filled the chapel. His eyes swept the warriors in formation, briefly resting on his son before continuing. "Though we do not have their bodies to commend to space,"
Fingers crept into his and Apollo allowed his attention to break briefly. Sheba stood beside him and he wondered how'd she managed to get there. She should be with Silver Spar on the other side of the room.
"And so, by the Lords of Kobol, we remember our warriors," the Commander went on. "Defenders of the fleet, though sometimes their methods were unorthodox and they disobeyed orders."
A few flurries of laughter quickly subdued.
"Friends to many."
Sheba's fingers tightened on his. Apollo found himself squeezing in response.
"And Captain Raelene, Strike Commander in her own right, just as Jenn was." Adama paused before going on. Apollo could see the pain in his father's eyes. "Both women were like daughters to me. They will be greatly missed."
The colonial flag was draped over the personal items.
"Is there anyone else who would like to share their thoughts?" His father waited expectantly.
It was then he noticed the odd look exchanged between Daniel and Nona though it was Antares who walked to the front and spoke.
"I was Jenn's wingman," his cousin shared, though his position in the Hawk's was well known. "She was an outstanding warrior. I don't think we will ever see any with her talent to track every warrior in the sky again."
Frowning, he wondered why Antares chose to share that.
"She was also a woman of remarkable beauty as well, not just on the outside, but an inner glow that was hard to miss. She loved children, her squadron and the entire fleet." His next words were barely a whisper. "May you be part of that you so deeply believed in." He returned to his place in the line.
Others moved forward, sharing their thoughts, stories, memories of their now gone comrades. When no others took their place, Adama ended the ceremony.
"May the Lords of Kobol embrace you and your journeys continue in the great beyond."
The lines broke up then, small groups forming here and there, while others shuffled out to either return to duty or drink a tankard of ambrosia .
"Apollo," Sheba's quiet tones broke into his thoughts. "What really happened to Rae's squadron?"
He didn't really want to talk about it. "You were told."
"I know Rae," she replied. "I don't believe they were killed while on patrol."
"Sheba," the memory of what actually had happened was still too painful. "Now is not the place."
"Don't you think Dillion deserves the truth?"
In anger he grabbed her shoulders. "Dillion is one person I can NEVER tell the truth to!"
"Let go!" she snapped.
He released her. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"Everything alright?" Adama asked as he joined them.
"Fine," Apollo bit out.
"Yes, Commander." Sheba cast a look at Apollo he couldn't quite read. "I'll see you later." She walked away and Bojay joined her as they left the room.
"A remarkable young woman," his father commented.
"I know." Jenn's words somehow surfacing again though he pushed them away. "If you'll excuse me, father. I promised Dillion and Boxey I'd come back right after the ceremony."
"Dillion should have been allowed to attend."
"No." He shook his head. "It's better he wasn't here."
"Boxey was allowed to see his mother before she died."
"Father," tiredly he rubbed a hand across his eyes. "I didn't even allow Boxey to go to her send off."
"Apollo." Adama's hand fell on his son's shoulder. "You were close to both Rae and Jenn. They were part of our family."
He closed his eyes. He didn't need to be reminded.
"Son,"
"I have to go." He pulled away from his father's attempt to comfort him. "The boys are waiting." Fleeing across the room he couldn't wait to put the stark reality of their deaths behind. Yet, he knew he never would.
Antares joined Daniel and Nona in the officer's club. They shared a look and then included him in their conversation.
"So," Antares began. "What really happened out there?"
Daniel shrugged. "You saw yourself. The cylon blew her viper into cosmic dust."
"And I heard Nona's comment." He leaned closer to the two. "I know a lot more than you two think. I've seen some of your 'secret' practices."
"Like we don't know," Nona replied. "Jenn trusted you to keep our secret. We're doing the same."
"Then tell me the truth. Jenn was too good a warrior to get herself killed by a cylon."
"Antares," Daniel took a deep breath and took a sip of ambrosia before continuing. "We're not really certain."
"All we know, is that we still feel her…" Nona searched for the right word. "Presence, I'd guess you'd say. But it's so faint, like she's far, far away."
"Truthfully, we shouldn't be able to at all. We don't between us," he made a motion indicating the two of them. "Have near as much power as she did."
"In fact," Nona went on. "We didn't even sense her at the academy until she wanted us to." She shook her head, her blonde hair swaying. "You have to be someone very, very old to pull that off."
"I always got the impression," Antares searched for the right words. "That despite her appearance she was older than even the commander."
"We don't have any idea how old she was," Daniel admitted. "Jenn would never tell us."
"What we did know is that she knew how to do things that our teacher," she glanced nervously around before speaking again. "Had only heard legends about."
"Legends?"
"Yeah," her brother agreed. "Stories passed down through the generations."
"How did you two end up in the colonies?" He lowered his voice. "I never did get the impression you'd been raised there."
"We weren't," Daniel admitted. "Our parents were killed when, well, when things went wrong. We were smuggled out by a good friend of our father's."
"He raised us," his sister put in.
"And trained us. When we were old enough he told us what happened."
"He also told us we weren't the only ones who survived."
"Seems several ended up in the colonies."
"Seemed quite natural to come here and train as warriors."
"Wasn't hard to put false records into the computers and get us into the academy."
"Too easy." She giggled. "Our computer systems were much more advanced."
"If we stay on this course," Daniel confided. "It will take us very close to where we were brought up."
"Just hope you don't run into them though. They don't like humans."
"Then why did they raise you?" Antares was puzzled.
"Friendship is a sacred trust to them."
The next few sectons crawled by like the slowest freighter in the fleet. Apollo went through his duties automatically, retiring to his quarters when he wasn't needed somewhere else. Patrols hadn't run into any cylons and there didn't seem to be much else occurring in the void between galaxies.
He sat at his computer terminal wanting to write the report about the none findings but couldn't get his mind to concentrate. It kept returning to the last few centons when they'd known where Gold Squadron was.
He'd heard Gold Squadron was scheduled for patrol and he'd gone down to the launch bay to check both on them and on the improvements one of the techs planned on making to the vipers. When he'd arrived Rae and her warriors were already in their ships. He'd waved and she grinned returning the gesture.
Back on the bridge he'd joined his father as they listened to the banter between the pilots after they'd launched.
"Hey, Jas," Don had called. "Pull up your nose."
"Nothin' wrong with it," the young man groused back.
"Anyone else see that?" Carl, normally the quiet one, spoke up.
"That's strange," Rae agreed.
"Let's check it out," Jerik's bass voice sounded.
"You're just looking for an excuse to delay getting sealed," Stacia teased.
"Naw," her beloved answered. "Just wanting some excitement."
"I have all you need," she purred.
"Enough you two," Rae broke in. "Galactica, this is Gold Squadron."
"Go ahead, Captain Raelene." His father was rarely that formal with her and Apollo had thought it odd.
"We may have found something."
"I advise caution."
"Like I'd be anything else." Her tone had sounded light. Still, Apollo had sensed something deeper.
There had been nothing for several tense centons. Had they found another base ship lying in wait? Run into a cylon patrol? Or perhaps what? Something unknown and they couldn't handle?
"Father," her signal was filled with static.
"Rae," Adama leaned forward as if by the very act he could physically reach out and pull her and her warriors back.
"I'm…sorry."
Sorry? Her comment puzzled him.
More static. Silence. They'd tried for several centaurs to reach Gold Squadron. They never responded. Rae and her warriors simply flew off and their fates were unknown. Apollo had begged to lead a rescue mission. Adama had refused. Starbuck had suggested they disobey and do it anyway. Despite what he'd longed to do, he'd over ruled his friend and obeyed his father.
Now, so much later, he sat back and wondered if he'd made a mistake. Especially every time he looked at Dillion. The boy was devastated at Rae's loss and had kept asking if he was going to be sent back to the orphan ship. Apollo had told him no, though he wasn't quite sure if he was up to raising two little boys alone.
"I so need your counsel, Jenn," he whispered, closing his eyes, wishing to hear her clear voice and sage advice.