AN: I like to respond to every review, but something tech-y went all haywire for a while, and now I've lost track of who got a response. So here's a great big THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed, faved and followed on the last chapter. You have no idea how spastically I check my alerts for the first hour or two after I upload a chapter. I'm not gonna play it cool and lie, I totally do that. ;)
And now, some manly feels and discussions of the aftermath.
He had failed them.
Unhelpful as that was, it was the only clear thought that Thorin could muster at the moment.
They had pounded into the midst of the goblin camp not five minutes earlier, and Thorin, mounted on Surly's back, had not moved from the spot since the moment they had first burst through the trees. He wasn't sure that he could.
He was staring at a battleground. The goblin camp was an absolute shambles. Severed hands and lopped off heads were strewn about the clearing, black ichor sprayed everywhere. A charred corpse smoked and crackled nastily in the midst of a dying fire (This had brought on an agonizing burst of cold panic before Thorin recognized the blackened shape to be that of a goblin and not either Kili or Fili), and a one-eyed giant lay in the midst of it all, a goblin arrow stuck squarely in the back of its head. Bofur was standing over this last and kicking at the arrow thoughtfully. A goblin arrow burried in the back of a goblin's head. It seemed that they were met with more and more confusion at every turn; nothing they had seen from the moment they had decided to follow Kili's trail that afternoon had made a lick of sense. All Thorin knew for certain was that he had failed his lads when they had needed him the most. Their first true battle, and where had he been?
The problem was that he hadn't been enough for them. He hadn't been worried enough, hadn't reacted to their disappearance quickly enough, he hadn't driven the search hard enough, or taken the boys' truancy seriously enough, until it was all too late. His lads, his bright, flashing, laughing boys, had had to face this- Thorin's eyes narrowed as they swept over the unimaginable carnage, reminding him with a brief shudder of a battlefield in his own distant past- his lads had faced this alone. The thought was unbearable.
A torturous barrage of images had battered his mind as they had entered the clearing; Fili, tortured and screaming for the uncle that had never come; Kili, butchered and bleeding; beheaded, shot, hacked to pieces, flayed alive... Thorin wrenched his eyes shut as though the nightmarish images were being played out before him. He had envisioned a thousand different outcomes between here and the creek where they had realized the true extent of their trouble, but never in his wildest imaginings had this been one of them.
He ran a shaking hand over his face and dismounted Surly to join Dwalin, Bofur and Bifur in their examination of the corpses. At first, he had been unable to make the effort, knowing that Kili and Fili were surely among those dead. But as the others searched, and no call of discovery was made, he began to hope once more. It was a spindly, weak hope, but the thread of that thin sliver of light kept the heavy weight of dark certainty at bay, and he guarded it jealously. They were alive; their odds increased with every passing moment.
They canvassed the camp, gradually extending their search beyond its borders, and still no Fili or Kili was found. Thorin was peering with disgust at some sort of foul liquid at the roots of a tree when Bifur sent up a shout. His heart stopped beating, he was certain of it, and the world spun briefly before he took in the excited tone of Bifur's call. He clenched his fists, digging his nails in to his palms to stop the world from moving around him, and dashed toward the sounds of the others.
He burst upon them, panting, and with a torturous question in his eyes. His three companions were clustered tightly around something on the ground hidden from his view. A low, droning buzz was coming from whatever had captured their attention, and Thorin blinked away a sickening flash of the carrion birds and flies that had infested the battlefield of his nightmares so many years ago.
Dwalin turned to him with an uncharacteristically blazing grin and stepped back for Thorin to inspect their find for himself. "Well, we've found the rest of Brassy's costume! The lad made a damned poor job of it, but I guess under the circumstances he can be excused." he growled almost happily.
Thorin approached the buzzing carcass at their feet. The remainder of the deer. More confusion! It was all mind games, light and shadows, hope and doubt. He would go mad before this evening was finished, if he wasn't already.
Bofur glanced at his king with a worried look. This was not a side of Thorin that he had ever seen before. He seemed... lost. "Look," Bofur said gently, taking Thorin's arm and motioning to a disturbance among the leaves a short distance away. He clasped Thorin's shoulders firmly and, with a broad, relieved smile, stared earnestly into his king's face to deliver his good tidings. "They're walking away. Home. Both of them!" He laughed and gestured again. "Go on, look! Two sets of prints! Fresh, less than an hour old, I'll wager, and walking free and clear! No limping, no dragging... Our lads are safe!"
Thorin almost stumbled over his wooden feet as Bofur shoved him forward. He peered down. Cautious. Disbelieving. Only to be confronted with a sight that he had hardly dared hope to see.
The tracks were there, very clear; He had been a poor excuse for a leader, always one maddening step behind them this entire time, never there at the crucial moment, and yet here he had been granted this miraculous reprieve; a wholly undeserved second chance to have his lads back and to keep them safe. The relief he felt at the sight of Fili and Kili's return trail among the leaves was excrutiating.
A torturous replay of every irritated sigh, scowl and harsh remark that he had ever made towards them hammered at him accusingly even as his heart soared. He had even cursed them for the inconvenience that their delay in returning had caused him and the others when they had become obliged to start their search. What right did he have to this feeling of relief? He had done nothing to earn it.
"Thorin? My Lord?" Dwalin interrupted hesitantly. 'My Lord' was an unusual epithet for his second to use, and Thorin realized that he had not moved or spoken since he had joined them.
"What else can we do now but go after them?" he growled, mentally shaking himself out of his wallowing. After all, following was what they had been doing this entire day. Surely by now even Fili and Kili had exhausted the amount of available trouble that these woods had to offer.
The company heaved relieved sighs and gathered up the horses. Unnoticed by the others as they stowed their weapons and fashioned a lead for Brassy, Thorin crossed over to the slain giant. There was red blood spattered across the goblin's massive knuckles, and Thorin's face became stony. It was obviously not the black blood of a goblin. He bent down and tugged the eye-patch up over its head and slipped it into his pocket, then turned to join the others. With a rigid set to his shoulders, he mounted Surly and they entered the woods once more. By the grace of Aule, he sighed, let this be our last trip through these acursed trees.
"Where are Brassy and Pluck?"
The brothers had walked a long way in cautious silence before Fili dared ask the question.
Kili was grim. "Pluck is probably back at camp by now, but Brassy..." he shrugged helplessly and shook his head. Brassy had very likely met his end at the creek, Kili knew. Deer or no deer, those goblins had been hungry enough to eat a pony if they caught one.
"Kili?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you." Fili said sincerely. "I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't have come. For a while, I thought... Well, it doesn't matter."
Kili looked at him strangely. "You'd have done the same for me."
Maybe. Of course he would have come for him, had it been Kili out there, but would he have charged into it alone? Or, being more pragmatic than his brother, would he have turned back for Thorin and the others? And would he have been too late if he had chosen the latter? He didn't know if Kili's decision had been right or wrong, only that it had ultimately worked. The myriad of possibilities and alternatives was staggering, and emphasized the fact that his brother had just pulled off the impossible.
"You can tell me, you know." said Kili, interrupting Fili's convoluted thoughts.
"Tell you what?"
"Whatever you were getting ready to say before you stopped. It's alright, you can tell me."
They were nearing the well-trodden game trail where they had strategically set out their traps in what seemed like another lifetime ago. The barest trace of evening light showed their way through the woods. Night was almost upon them. Fili scrubbed tiredly at his face, wincing at the sting that came from his torn wrist as he flexed it. "It's nothing, I just- I'm afraid that I might have given you up to them. The location of the camp and the others... Not immediately, mind, but once they decided to do more than just bat me around a bit. I don't know what I might have said or done." He hung his head in shame.
"You can't possibly think that, Fili, I know you! You are so much stronger than you know. You would never have given any of us away." Kili had no doubt in his mind that, although this ugly lesson in reality might have shaken his brother's belief in himself, if it had come down to that crucial moment, Fili wouldn't have wavered for a second. His faith in his older brother was absolute, and Kili's face tightened at the thought of what might have come to pass had he been longer in coming for him.
"I like to think that you're right," Fili said, a small smile creeping over his swollen lips.
"Of course I am. I've been right about everything else so far today, haven't I?"
"Oh, yes, your master plan to fight off a camp of starving, irritable goblins was top notch."
"To be fair, I intended to sneak you down the back way after I cut you free and killed the guard, but then that giant bastard came up the hill and set things rolling."
"Hm. Yes, a covert escape would have been preferable. Alright, now whatever happened with that damned deer? I have to say, we've been through an awful lot of bother and I can't see that we have anything to show for it."
Kili explained sorrowfully what had become of the deer. "So you see," he finished, cheering, "We do have something to show for it. You!" He grinned. "Although, you're right, that's really not all that much. I'd rather have had the meat."
He received a gentle shove for his last remark and almost toppled over under the weight of all the bags and the saddle that he carried. When he regained his balance, he asked, "How did you kill the two at the creek? One was obviously missing a very important appendage, but what about the other one?"
Fili switched his own bag to his other shoulder, grimacing as he did. "Broke his nose with my head. Must've hit him just right, he dropped like a stone."
"Nice one."
They walked a bit further, Kili anxiously scanning the woods and listening for sounds of pursuit. Goblins weren't known for their subtlety and, after a moment's silence, he was satisfied.
"D'you feel any different?" Fili suddenly asked.
"I'm more than a little sore, if that's what you mean." Kili replied, and followed up with a colorful chain of swears as he tripped on a rock and the saddle flew from his startled hands.
Stooping to pick up the saddle, Fili shook his head and clarified. "No, I mean after- After killing something. Something, well... Would you consider a goblin sentient?"
Kili considered, carefully feeling himself out for an honest answer. "Yes," he said slowly. "I feel different. But it's not like how I thought I would feel."
"How's that?"
"I thought I would feel... I don't know, I guess I thought that I would feel happier. And I'm glad that they're dead, each and every one of the murderous bastards, don't get me wrong, it's just... It's a sort of hollow happiness." He sighed. "I'm not making any sense. Blame it on the tumble I took off that ledge."
"That," Fili said, with a shudder, "Scared the life out of me. I thought the goblins at the bottom had you for sure. I couldn't hardly hold my sword at first, and I just knew that I wouldn't get to you in time." He was not at all embarrassed when he had to blink away a bit of wetness that welled up in his eyes.
"But you did." said Kili softly, hitching aside a bag and slipping an arm around his brother's shoulders to give him a heartening shake. "You were there when it mattered, just like you always are. I don't know how you do it sometimes, honestly. You're like a- a guardian Jack-in-the-Box, who pops up whenever I need him!" He laughed, and the oddly apt comparison brought a smile to Fili's face as well.
Fili sobered abruptly. "You're going to need more than one guardian if you plan on going around doing such stupid things for very much longer. What were you thinking coming after me alone? And going into that camp was pure suicide!" His face was serious and he frowned almost angrily at his brother, who pulled back, bewildered by his sudden attack. "You should have gone for Thorin, at least you would have been safe then."
"But you might not have been." His tone was puzzled and hurt, and Fili could tell that the idea of turning back for help had been dismissed from his mind early on. "And under the circumstances, I turned out safe enough! You want to know what I was thinking? I was thinking that you would most likely be dead by the time I returned with help! And if that happened, the whole world would have come crashing down on me as punishment for my cowardice. I thought-"
"No, you didn't think," Fili broke in angrily. "You never do, and this time it almost got you killed!"
Kili lifted his head defiantly and backed away. A host of things unsaid filled the gulf between them. "That's not true! Well, alright, I did almost get killed, but you can't say that I didn't think things through! You and Thorin seem to think that I'm stupid, but every plan that I had tonight worked. If it hadn't been for me, you'd still be there, or worse!" His voice cracked on his final word, and he coughed, massaging his painful throat with his bleeding hand.
Fili was shocked. Never had he thought of his brother as stupid. Kili's devious mind and inventive pranks often left him secretly filled with admiration. Perhaps too secretly, it seemed.
"Kili, stop." Kili's hands had been flying during his impassioned speech, and Fili stepped forward and gently pinned his arms to his sides. Frustrated tears threatened in Kili's eyes. "You can't really think that." Fili said. "Thorin and I have never thought that you were stupid, not once! It's just, well... You're hard to predict sometimes, is all."
Kili snorted and freed his arms with a shake. "'Hard to predict,'... That's just putting 'hare-brained idiot' into a pretty package and tying a bow around it."
They glared in a stubborn stalemate until Fili did an odd thing.
He dropped to his knees.
"Do you want me to sing your praises? Because I will, for all the forest to hear." He lifted his voice in a mocking salute. "Thank you, oh exalted Kili, for coming to my rescue and vanquishing the vast horde of my dastardly captors."
"Stop it." Kili was furious.
Stopping was not on Fili's agenda. "Where would I be without your massive intellect and strategic planning?" His voice swelled, wavering slightly as he strained his goblin-bruised vocal cords.
"Cut it out!" Kili hissed.
"No, no, you must be given your due, my Lord! Your extreme savviness must be shouted to the very tops of the trees, for only a mind of unimaginable magnitude could ever think to tie a deer to a pony!"
Kili was laughing now in spite of himself. "An unimaginable ass is what you are, now shut up before you bring the rest of those goblins down on us. I should have left your worthless hide tied to that tree like a mangy dog that no one wanted to let inside."
Grinning, Fili pushed himself up from the ground. "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
With their disagreement magically resolved, they turned their minds to more pressing matters.
"Alright, genius, what are we going to do about supper?"
Kili blew a strand of hair from his face thoughtfully. "It's almost fully dark, they've probably starved to death by now. But I guess it wont do to return empty handed after all this time. I saw some watercress by the creek?" he ventured. "We could forage for some along the way, and a few cattails besides."
At the mention of non-meat related food stuffs, Fili wrinkled his nose, immediately regretting the action when his lumps and bruises reasserted their burning presence.
"Ugh, roughage. We'll check a few traps close by, but I'm sure they're all empty by now."
Kili was grim, most likely picturing their fellows' reaction to their meager harvest. "Onward, then. Let's get this over with."
Echoing Kili's thoughts, Fili said. "After all of this, Thorin is still going to flay us alive. Then the rest of them are going to slaughter us for not feeding them on time, and Bombur..." He shook his head sadly. Poor Bombur. Fili could picture the look of crushed disappointment that must have settled on the rotund dwarf's many-chinned face once he finally accepted that the brothers weren't going to be returning any time soon with fresh game for his stew pot.
Kili sighed guiltily. "I know, I know..." He brightened suddenly, and Fili rolled his eyes at this fickle display. "But better to take our lickings with the lot of them than be stuck through with a filthy goblin blade, eh?"
Aule help us both, thought Fili. As far as he was concerned, there could be nothing worse than wandering home shamefaced, beaten, and empty handed and having to recount the entire evening's embarrassing events to their furious uncle. "I'm not sure that you've got your priorities entirely straight," he said.
"Pssh," Kili chided. "There's no help for it now, may as well look on the bright side. Still alive and kicking, aren't we?" He jabbed Fili lightly in the ribs for emphasis and his face fell as Fili sucked in a sharp breath. "Sorry," he whispered, instantly contrite.
"No, you're right. We should be thankful. We must be the luckiest dwarves in the whole company."
Kili's smile returned.
"Untouchable," he agreed merrily, glad to see his brother's mood lighten. "As long as we're together."
By the time that they returned to camp and were welcomed stumbling wearily and grinning into the warm embraces of their frantic friends, the pair had gathered a heaping amount of edible, but largely unappealing, vegetation. Elf-fodder, as Fili put it. Bombur did not appear half so formidable as they had supposed he would be, although his quiet acceptance of the results of their foraging may have been influenced heavily by the brothers' alarming appearance.
"Where is Thorin?" Kili asked apprehensively as he knelt to help Bombur rinse the mud and silt from the plants. Oin was tending to Fili's swollen eye in the light of the fire, smearing some sort of ointment across its lid. Kili frowned at the tight set of his brother's clenched jaw.
"Out lookin' fer you lads still, I expect." came the answer, accompanied by a pitying look.
"Should we go out after him?" Kili asked, guiltily fiddling with the strap of his quiver, which he had not yet taken off. It was odd, but he felt like he couldn't relax without it on; Its presence was reassuring.
"No!" Bombur exclaimed, horrified at the thought of having to explain to Thorin that the lads had come and left, should they miss each other in the woods once more. "No, the pair of you stay right where ye are!"
Kili opened his mouth to protest, but stopped as five dark shapes separated themselves from the trees. "Nevermind," he whispered.
Thorin had arrived.
PS: One more chapter! Kinda makes me sad. BUT, because I am apparently *insane* with the Hobbit-ness, I have started a fourth freaking story. It's more of an anthology of the boys Greatest Hits of Mischief, really, so humorous one-shots will abound. I tell you this not only to hock my wares, but also to explain why my updates have been taking forever. Sorry! All of my Hobbit stories fit in relatively canon, or preceding canon, and I'm keeping them within a timeline of the same version of the brothers so we can see them at varying ages.
Alright, I'm done badgering you to read my stuff!