Now that Jay was awake and alive, Erin could relax a little bit. Since the doctor assured her that Jay would sleep through the night, Erin decided to head to her hotel room and get a few hours of sleep in a decent bed.
She pulled on her jacket and lifted her bag to her shoulder. Erin hesitated over Jay's bed.
'Aw, fuck it' she thought, bending over and kissing his forehead.
"I'll be back in the morning," she whispered, thinking about the conversation she would have to have with him. Telling Jay that his unit had died in the explosion wasn't something that she was expecting to do, but Jay had asked, and she wasn't going to lie to him.
And then, of course, there was the discussion about moving him back home for PT, or if he was going to start PT in Germany. Erin was deep in thought for the short cab ride.
Jay was going through hell, and Erin didn't even want to touch on the feelings she was having.
Erin Lindsay was the master at emotional repression, but even she couldn't deny the complete and utter elation she felt at having Jay alive and in one piece.
She had been so happy to see his stupidly gorgeous blue eyes that it had scared her.
Erin chewed on her thumbnail as she waited for the woman at the front desk to giver her a key card.
Everything that Erin had been feeling since Jay's deployment terrified her. She accepted the small plastic rectangle from the woman and thanked her.
By the time she reached the 6th floor of the hotel, Erin had successfully pushed her feelings into a box and buried them in the corner of her mind.
This was about Jay's recovery. Not her feelings.
"Hey, sunshine," Erin poked her head around the doorframe to Jay's room, checking to see if he was awake.
Jay smiled weakly at her from his position sitting up in the bed, "Hey."
Erin's smile faltered when Jay didn't say anything else. She sighed inaudibly and perked up.
"How're you feeling?" she asked gently, lifting her legs and sitting cross-legged in the chair next to Jay's bed.
Jay looked at her, "Like shit. Breathing hurts. My head hurts. Everything fucking hurts, Erin."
Erin sighed, "I know, Jay. It's going to take some time –"
Jay scoffed, "Fuck that. You don't know what this is like, Erin. So don't pretend that you do."
He hit the button to lower his bed into a laying position and angled his face away from his partner, all while Erin looked on, shell-shocked at Jay's tone.
Tears pricked behind Erin's eyes and she mentally reminded herself that Jay had been through a lot and he was definitely not going to be back to his usual self right away.
"I don't know what it's like," Erin said softly, looking down at her hands and twisting a bow shaped ring on her index finger, "But I do know what it was like back home, anxious to see if your unit was on the news, if you were alive. It sucked, Jay. Seeing the footage of your Humvee explode? I thought my heart was going to stop."
Jay cautiously turned his head to face Erin, "I'm sorry about that."
Erin laughed, "Don't be sorry, you dork! It's not your fault."
Jay shook his head and then winced at the pain, "It is my fault, Er. I was in charge. If I hadn't –"
"What?" she said, "Directed your guy to drive right over that buried IED? You didn't know Jay. You couldn't have known. So stop with the attitude and talk with me."
Jay chewed on the inside of his cheek,. Finally he said, "What do you want to talk about?"
Erin tried not to smile too widely, "Well, I can tell you that Platt caught Kim and Ruzek in the middle of hot broom closet sex."
Jay raised an eyebrow and gave the closest thing to a smile Erin had seen from him yet, "Seriously? What did she do?"
Erin grinned, "Told Ruzek to pull his pants up, no one wants to see that. Later she cornered Kim and asked her what Ruzek's gym routine looked like."
Jay snorted, "I always knew those to were gonna get caught."
"They are not subtle," Erin agreed.
Jay sighed and shifted in the bed, "How's everyone else?"
"Good. The same, really. Nothing much has changed," Erin said, shrugging.
"So, I'm the only one that's different," Jay gave a small, angry smile, "Good to know."
Erin bit her lip; saying anything to the contrary might just get Jay to go on the defense, and Erin really just wanted to keep him talking.
"I mean, Voight is okay with the whole Kim and Ruzek thing," Erin said, "So that's different."
Jay nodded, "Yeah, I guess so."
He was quiet for a while after that. Erin didn't press him.
But eventually, she said, "You know, when you woke up last night…you asked about your unit. Do you want to talk about –"
"No," Jay interrupted sharply, inhaling when he jostled his ribs.
Erin narrowed her eyes, "You have to talk about it, Jay."
Jay's jaw was set in a stubborn line, "Not today, and not ever if I don't want to, Erin."
Leaning forward in her chair, Erin said, "Keeping it inside doesn't help."
"I don't care," Jay said, his eyes glassing over, "I'm not talking about it."
Erin sighed; Jay was caught up in his memories probably. Talking to him now wasn't going to help. Instead she stood up and said, "I'm going to call home. I'll be back."
Jay made a noncommittal noise and closed his eyes.
Erin paused at the doorway and looked back at Jay. He was pretending to sleep – badly, and her heart lurched when she thought about everything he was still going to have to go through.
"How's he doin'?" Voight asked, voice even more gravelly with sleep.
Erin fiddled with the wrapper from her coke while she gathered her thoughts. It was lunchtime in Germany, but she wasn't really hungry, so her turkey sandwich sat in front of her.
"He's better," she said, "He won't really talk to me though."
Voight grunted and rolled over in his bed to get more comfortable, "It's only been three days. Give the guy a break."
Erin crumbled the wrapper into a little ball, "He has to talk to someone, Hank!"
Voight yawned. He couldn't wait for Erin to get back to the States, cause these early morning calls were killing him.
"What did the doc say about PT?" he asked, changing the subject.
Erin smiled, "Jay can fly home by Saturday."
It took Voight a minute to catch up since it was only 4am for him, "That's three days."
"Yeah," Erin said, "The doctor says he's stable enough for a flight, even the freakishly long one back home. I'm already looking into PT programs for him in Chicago."
"You're looking into the PT?" Voight said, barely keeping his dissatisfaction for his tone. Erin was getting too close to Halstead's recovery. Combine that with her reaction when he had been gone and then blown up, Voight wasn't so sure he liked where Erin's choices were leading her.
Erin's tone went icy, "Yeah, Hank. I am. Jay's going through a lot. Least I can do is help him sort through the PT."
In Voight's opinion, Erin had already gone above and beyond with Halstead. All of those days in Germany didn't come free. But he could hear the barely repressed anger in Erin's tone and he knew from past experience to back off.
Voight grunted, "Fine. Letting you know that you'd better be back at work the day after you come home though. You've missed a lot Erin. I can't sign off on anymore vacation."
Erin nodded, "Understood. I have to go. It's just about time for Jay's lunch, and I don't want him eating alone."
She said a quick goodbye and hung up, jamming the phone in her jeans pocket as she gathered her coke and discarded sandwich, dropping the turkey into the trashcan as she hurried for the elevators.
Meanwhile, over 4,000 miles away Voight was wide-awake, worrying about the new closeness between his two detectives. No matter what happened, this was not going to end well.
A/N: This one's a little shorter than the last, but I wanted to cut it here. I tried to get into Erin's head a little more. Next chapter, Jay will be back home and we'll have a short time jump.
How excited are you guys for tonight? Leave me reviews, PM me after the episode here or on Tumblr. It's going to be a good one. I can feel it. =)