After, I go to the bathroom to wash my face to erase the remnants of my tears. I don't want the group to see me like that. It was hard enough to let this Tobias see me like that. And even though he didn't know me, he didn't judge me. After I dry my face, I look at myself in the mirror and I make sure that I look okay enough to go back out. And that's when I notice Christina. She's standing by the door and I feel my heart start to beat a little faster in my chest. She's scowling at me and I know that this is not a social call. And then I realize it. I'm now scared of Christina and what she could do to me. I may be taller than her, and quite a bit stronger, but I'm scared. Ever since coming back here, to Dauntless, to this life, because of everything that I'm so unsure of, I don't know what to expect…and it terrifies me. The people that I thought I could trust…they're gone. They're all gone now.

"How could you?"

I let out a breath and close my eyes shaking my head. I don't know what to say…I don't know how to explain myself. She won't believe me if I try. It sounds crazy even to me, and I'm lucky that Tobias even trusts me enough to believe it. I turn to look at her. "You don't understand, Christina…'

"You're right," she snaps at me. "I don't understand. I thought we were friends."

"We are friends," I tell her. "I wouldn't do this to you if I didn't have a good reason. It's just really complicated."

"I can keep up," she says.

"You're not going to believe me."

"Try me," she says, narrowing her eyes at me.

I lick my lips and look away from her. "When I woke up in the infirmary the other day, that isn't the last thing I remember."

"What do you mean?"

"I was…we had left the city. You, me, Tobias, Caleb, Peter-"

"Peter?"

I nod. "Yeah, Peter," I say. "And we found this place…or rather they found us. It's way too complicated to try to explain to you right now, but something's happened…something's messed with our memories and I partially feel like I'm in a sim right now because this isn't my life."

She's staring at me like I'm crazy, and I don't blame her. "Okay…" she says slowly.

"And Tobias and I are together. We're supposed to be together. Ever since last year. He and I…we…we just connected and I hate that I'm doing this to you, but it's just not real."

The scowl is back on her face. "How do you know that your reality isn't real? That your memories are the sim? Because as far as I know, you hit your head when you went into the infirmary and you've created some alternate universe where you get what you want. You've always been jealous of me anyway, so why not come up with a story to steal my boyfriend?"

I gape at her. "Are you serious right now?" I ask her. "What about me says that I'm jealous of you? Or of anyone for that matter?"

"Please," she says rolling her eyes. "You're a Stiff. Who aren't you jealous of?"

I scoff and I nod slowly, surprised that this is the person that memory serum has turned her into. Memory serum takes what makes a person themselves, and wipes it clean. The Christina that I once knew is gone. I have no idea who this is standing in front of me, looking like she's disgusted with me; by my choices. "All right then," I say. "Fine. You can think whatever you want of me and whatever you want of my actions, but if this is who you are, then you can stay the hell away from me."

She just stares at me, glaring. I want to give her a chance to speak, a chance to let the information sink it, and I know that it's hard, it's so farfetched, but I want it. I want my best friend back. I look at her for a second, to see if there's a glimpse of her somewhere deep inside and all I see staring back at me is an empty girl who has no idea who I really am. So I go. I push past her, half expecting her to grab me or come after me, but she doesn't. And that makes me think something worse will come later. I know that I have to try to not let it get to me, but lately, everything has been working its way it and I'm slowly unraveling…slowly reaching my breaking point.

I must look flushed or aggravated or something because when I make it back because when Tobias sees me, his eyebrows furrow in confusion and I can see the question on his lips, but I shake my head. I'll tell him later…or I won't tell him at all. Because I don't want him worrying about me more than he already does. It just isn't fair to him. I turn to the group and I bite my lip.

"I know Lauren was teaching you guys on the roof with the guns and everything, but I think we should focus a little more on hand to hand combat," I say. "From what I saw yesterday, you guys have a long way to go."

They look at me, with their eyes narrowed in offense, like they can't believe what I've said to them. At the moment, I am too annoyed to care.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I ask, shaking my head. "Toughen up you guys. This is Dauntless and you have to be strong." I hop down from the platform and head to the fighting mat. "A year ago, I was where you are now. I was ranked in last place and I didn't think that I would make it. I wasn't strong. I was the weakest one. But then I got stronger…I trained, relentlessly, and I got my ass kicked on this very mat. I had a concussion and I was out for nearly an entire day." I take a break to look over at Tobias who is smiling. I don't know how it went down for him, but I'm telling it my way. I can't help but smile as I think back and turn my attention back to the group. "But I got up and I got better. And Four, he's the best there is. I'm just the lucky girl who got chosen to train with him."

I see Tobias move out of the corner of my eye and he comes up next to me on the mat. I look at him as he speaks. Watching him speak is kind of dazzling…and amazing. It's hard not to pay attention to him. "Now you're all here because you chose to be here," Tobias says. "And when you're done with initiation, you'll be given jobs. And some of you will be given the job to protect the gates to the city, to protect us from what's outside them."

"Is there really anything outside the gates?" A Candor boy asks.

"Not that we know of," Tobias says. "But just in case there is something out there, we'll need to be ready."

I swallow my response and I take a breath, before nodding. "Pair up, you guys," I say clearing my throat. "And then in about half an hour we'll pair you guys up and you'll have to fight. It doesn't matter that you guys are friends, you'll need to fight and you'll need to make it good."

"Good?'

"You need to fight like you mean it," Tobias said. "Like your life depends on it."

"When do we stop?"

"Until we can't go on?"

"Until one of you concedes," Tobias says. "That used to be how it was before, but now it's if one of you concedes."

I look at Tobias and smile. "Try not to kill each other."