I am so far beyond sorry this has taken so long, but I swear this fic is not abandoned! This chapter has given me so many problems, on top of some life stuff going on. This has literally been rewritten five times from scratch, not counting the scrapping of massive paragraphs and sections that ended up not fitting. And I'm still not happy with it, but it says what needed to be said and sets up what needs to be set up, so I won't make you all wait anymore. Again, so incredibly sorry for the wait.
Her conversation with Lanie colors all of her interactions with Castle for the next month, even as she tries to push it out of her mind. She thinks she at least manages to keep Castle from noticing, not willing to have the same conversation she'd had with Lanie with him. She's still not sure where she stands on the thought of a relationship, or where he would stand.
The fact that he used his breakfast favor for a family outing just confuses her more. Kate can't tell what that's supposed to mean, whether he's subtly inviting her into his family time, or whether he just doesn't want to leave Alexis behind. Why does every interaction with the man have to be so complicated?
Kate's starting to hate herself a little for overthinking everything he says, every interaction between them. But she can't help herself, reading into every smile, every joke, and every comment. She's not even sure what she's looking for, whether she expects the playboy to reappear, or the opposite.
For his part, Castle seems to settle into a steady routine, balancing his police shadowing and family life seemingly effortlessly. The boys still don't know about Alexis, and Castle seems content to leave it that way. They've gotten curious a few times when he's ducked out to pick her up after school, but after Kate shoots them a glare and a comment about gossiping like old ladies instead of focusing on the case like detectives, they seem to drop it. If they discuss it between the two of them, Kate doesn't know and doesn't care.
It helps that so far Castle hasn't had to duck out during a takedown, just paperwork or theory building at the precinct. He's gotten his mother to pick Alexis up twice, during one of their harder cases when he couldn't convince Kate to leave the precinct and go home, but other than that it's been slow enough for him to easily duck out without suspicion.
Kate's even been by his place for dinner a few times when it's slow or they're between cases. Without the pressure of looking after his daughter, she finds that it's actually nice to spend time with the writer outside of work. Even without the push of their childhood friendship, she's finding that their friendship is deepening into a real connection. The thought bot excites and frightens her, if she's being honest with herself.
She can't deny that part of her wants a relationship with the man, but is it the logical continuation of their deepening friendship and mutual attraction, or is it leftover celebrity awe? When Castle first started shadowing her, his overbearing and annoying antics pushed any semblance of a celebrity crush, and oh how Kate hates the term even in the privacy of her own mind, to the back of any interactions between them. Now that she's come to appreciate his sense of humor rather than want to smack him for it, is the crush rearing its head, or is she just overthinking everything?
Kate Beckett may be many things, talented and experienced adult detective high on the list, but that doesn't mean she's immune to the lure of celebrity, especially when the celebrity in question has stopped acting like a complete ass every case. Still an ass, she can't see him changing that much, but not a complete ass. At least not for the whole case.
Kate Beckett is many things, but she never expected to be so worked up over what isn't even an actual relationship. High school Kate had been too busy rebelling against the moment to consider the future, and college Kate had been too busy learning to live without her mother. Officer Beckett had been too driven by finding justice, and then finding balance between her need for justice and her need for life. And Detective Beckett had put everything into the job, leaving nothing left over for the luxury of a relationship.
Now here she was, expectations thrown out the window, honest to God arguing with herself every time she started to overthink something Castle had said. It wasn't fair, and if she hadn't learned long ago that life wasn't fair, she'd be sure this was all some big joke the universe had decided to pull on her.
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Even with her emotions refusing to behave, Kate manages to keep things level through their latest case. The boys, all three of them, are making it easier to focus on something other than the distracting inner debate about what she's feeling towards Castle. True, it's constant minor annoyance, but it's better than being alone with her thoughts.
Both their main witness and their main suspect are beautiful women, and the three men haven't stopped making comments since the first debrief of their witness. Kate had tried to get them to focus at first, but soon had to give it up as a lost cause. They weren't being disrespectful, she had them trained better than that, but all three were young and single, and she had to admit their witness was attractive, if frustratingly vague on important case closing details.
It didn't help that the reason their main suspect was their main suspect was because of a catfight behind the scenes of a pole dancing studio over stolen clients and boyfriends. She was honestly glad that none of the men had been in the conference room with her as she spoke to the witness, the glazed looks on their faces as she recapped her notes was frustrating enough.
Right now she was ignoring the boys, focusing on the notes in front of her as she tried to find something other than a relatively minor altercation to give her a starting point on motive. Kate knows that even such a small fight is enough to get someone killed in this town, but without something tying the suspect to the victim closer to time of death it's not exactly the slam dunk that leads to a closed case. Hell, such an argument in this city isn't even enough for the most basic of warrants, not when it was only words flying, not fists.
It doesn't help that she's desperately arguing with herself over whether or not she should call or visit Lanie. Underneath the annoyance and focus on finding some kind of answer, the way Castle's acting has her on edge. It's no different than the boys, and objectively tame compared to how he used to act, but it's the most playboy-like he's been since he started to settle down.
In the middle of all of her worry about what she's feeling and whether or not he feels the same, she's somehow never considered the possibility that he's just hiding the playboy behind a more serious façade in order to fool her or the boys. The fact that it makes almost no sense even to her practiced over-thinking mind should be a clue to step back and let that line of thought drop, but she's nothing if not stubborn. Even when the she's only being stubborn in her own mind.
The running worry beneath her focus is starting to take the place of her case related thoughts, and Kate is honestly angry with herself for being so distracted by a guy that she's losing focus. Friend or no, there's a victim in the morgue that deserves justice and answers, and Kate is nowhere near getting them, and not getting any closer after the fifth time she catches herself composing a text to Lanie in her head. The fact that the boys are all gathered around Esposito's desk giving her no one to bounce ideas off of doesn't help either.
This is shaping up to be a longer case than it has any right to be, and she's honestly debating leaving work early for the night in favor of a girl's night with Lanie to get needed perspective on at least one issue in front of her right now. She knows there's no way she will, there's no way she'll leave work undone just for her own comfort.
She does give in to the urge to text Lanie though, needing some kind of balance to settle her mind. She finds that she doesn't even need the response, as soon as she sends off the admittedly wordy and rambling text her thoughts settle enough to let her focus on the phone records in front of her. At this time of day she knows Lanie is likely busy with an autopsy or some other procedure, not anywhere near her phone. But even just getting her thoughts out in a disorganized jumble of words that seem totally unlike her usual collected self is enough to let her push them to the back of her mind.
It's almost an hour later before her phone buzzes, the boys still gathered around Esposito's desk, though they at least seem to be focused on three separate tasks rather than huddling together talking in hushed whispers with nervous glances her way. They're focused enough that they don't even look up at the noise, and Kate finds she's grateful for that.
Quit overthinking it.
Wow, Lanie, that's helpful. After practically an essay, she gets three words from her friend. Kate supposes she's actually lucky, last time she complained to her friend she got "Just jump him". To be fair, that response was to a much less rambling text, more a complaint on not knowing what her feelings were doing.
Helpful, she sends back as she rolls her eyes out of habit. That's advice she can give herself, even if she's just as bad taking it from herself as she is when she gets it from Lanie.
He's a guy. So are Ryan and Esposito. Unless he asks her out or something, you're just worrying too much.
What if he's just playing me? She's losing focus on the papers in front of her now, but the words were beginning to blur together anyway, and she knows she would have taken a coffee break or something soon anyway. It helps her feel less guilty as she waits for her phone to buzz again without even pretending to read a report.
Then he's a bigger idiot than you're being. It's been months, Kate. You're worth waiting for, but a Mr. Playboy wouldn't be the type to do the waiting.
She knows Lanie has a point, she honestly does. But she can't seem to believe it, no matter how hard she tries. She can't manage to remember Rick, right now she's back to seeing him as Castle, that arrogant ass who claimed he could be one of her conquests. What if he's just been in it for the challenge?
She doesn't answer Lanie, and her friend seems willing to let it drop there. Either that, or Kate's finally managed to annoy her friend with her constant problems. Right now, she wouldn't be surprised.
A laugh from the boys draws her attention, and her stomach clenches as she sees the old, familiar smirk on Castle's face as he shows something on his phone to the boys, earning another laugh from them. That damn, womanizing smirk.
It's going to be a long case.