I know my chapter numbers are all screwed up. Please ignore.

Chapter 10

The moment she didn't kiss back, Dean realized his mistake. He released his grip and pulled back. "Oh God!" He scrambled back on the couch, distancing himself more as he raked a hand through his hair. No. No No. What in the hell did I just do? Wild eyed he looked up at Nicole, who now sat wide eye staring at him. "I-"

Guilt and remorse sliced through him at breakneck speed and he sucked in a quick breath. How could he possibly kiss another woman? Suddenly feeling like a caged animal he pushed up and began to pace. "I-I don't know what came over me." Half way across the room he paused, glanced back at Nicole and felt a second stab of guilt so powerful it nearly took his breath away. He loved Zoe, damn it and no matter how lonely or needy he felt, he couldn't possibly bring himself to cheat. "I-I need to go."

Shame coursed through him and without looking at her again, Dean started for the door. "Thank you for the pizza," he called over his shoulder. The moment he reached for the door handle her hand came down over his, stopping him.

"Dean," her voice was soft, yet unyielding in tone and made him look up. She had every right to be angry with him and he expected her to be ready to kick his ass out. Instead, he found compassion in her gaze. "Don't go."

"I can't-" He tried to pull back, but she held tight.

"Listen to me," she said, her tone the same as someone might use with a wounded animal. In reality he was wounded and apparently much, much deeper than he ever realized. 'I'm not asking you to stay so we can have sex. I'm asking you to stay because you're my friend and you're hurting."

Wasn't that the truth, he thought as dueling emotions warred inside his head. Once his physical wounds began to heal and Zoe awoke from her coma everyone just assumed life would go back to normal. Nobody seemed to understand that normal for him didn't exist anymore. Nobody realized just how badly he hurt, nobody until Nicole. Was that why he'd been drawn to her?

He glanced between her and the door. He didn't really want to go, but staying now felt wrong. "I shouldn't have kissed you," he finally said on a shaky breath.

A small smile tipped her lips. "You're right, you shouldn't have, but you know what?"

"What?"

"You made a mistake. Nobody's perfect, Dean, We all make mistakes from time to time."

"But I feel so guilty," he whispered.

"As well you should, but we both know that kiss wouldn't have gone any farther. I know you love Zoe and no matter how much I miss having good sex, I wouldn't have let you go down that road."

He almost smirked at her statement, but couldn't quite find his sense of humor. "I still think it's best if I leave."

She shook her head. "I don't."

"Why?" Why was he even debating this with her? He needed to leave and he needed to go right now.

"Because if you walk out that door, I'll never see you again."

Her words struck a direct hit, leaving him hurting even more. "That's not true."

"It is true," Nicole fired back. "You'll wallow in the guilt and instead of forgiving yourself for making a mistake, you'll resolve to remove me from your life in order to sate your conscious."

He paused now and took a long look at her. Right now that was exactly how he felt. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he'd had no intention of ever looking back once he walked out the door. By the look on her face, she knew his intentions even before he had.

Man, he'd fucked up royally. Now, in addition to dealing with his own emotions he had Nicole to worry about. There were times when he felt so lonely he wanted to curl up and die, yet just the thought of what he'd almost done had him reeling in another way completely. In his bid to ease some of his own pain, he'd risked his friendship with Nicole and wreaked havoc on her emotions.

"Please, Dean. Don't leave like this. Come in, sit down and we'll talk."

Not wanting to ruin the one good relationship he had at the moment, he released the door handle, turned and slowly walked back to the couch. "I feel like such an idiot."

"It's okay," she replied as she eased down next to him. "We all have idiot moments."

How could she be so nice, so understanding about what happened? "Still." He tangled his fingers through his hair as a fresh wave of emotions washed through him. "I love Zoe," he nearly choked on the words. "But I'm just so..." How could he possibly make her understand his feelings when he couldn't make head or tails of them himself.

"I know," Nicole whispered. "You're heartbroken, tired and just wanting your old life back."

As her words sank in, his gaze lifted to hers "How did you know?"

"I can tell by the way you talk and the way you act." She shrugged. "Mostly though, I can see it in your face." Then she reached out and took his hand in hers. "Look, I like you, Dean. I consider you a friend and I don't want to lose that friendship because of one little mistake. I forgive you. Now you need to forgive yourself."

For a moment he studied her while her words danced in his head. Could he really forgive himself for doing something so unforgivable? "I don't know if I can. I mean what do I tell Zoe?"

Nicole sighed. "I don't know. Maybe you don't tell her anything. Maybe it would be best if you just let this fade into the past and move on. Especially since you're still trying to rebuild your relationship with her. That's something you'll have to decide for yourself. All I'm asking is that you let me be your bridge to normal when you're feeling down."

When he arched a brow she grinned. "Not in that way. No kissing and definitely no sex. Just two friends hanging out." She pointed to the television. "Watching wrestling," she said with a snort. "And arguing about which sport is more dangerous."

Could he do that? Could he just be friends with a woman? With the rest of his team only coming to visit once a month now, he'd felt more and more alone. Would it really hurt anything if he continued to hang out with Nicole from time to time? After all he really did like Nicole, but he liked her in the same way he liked Amber and Lexi, as friends and surrogate sisters. Thinking of Nicole in those terms helped quite a bit and eventually he nodded. "Okay, I'll forgive myself, but no more alcohol when I'm here. I-" he paused as he gathered the strength to find the right words. Admitting he had a problem with alcohol didn't come easy. It meant he had a weakness and Dean Ambrose wasn't weak. "I have a tendency to let the alcohol get in the way of good judgment and I don't want to make that mistake again."

"Deal." Nicole put her hand out and he shook it.

"Now that's settled," she said with a sigh as she eased back into a more comfortable position on the couch. "You want to explain why this guy is swinging this other guy around in a circle?"