All right. Before you remember how angry you are at me, I just want to say that all your reviews mean sooooooo much to me! And that I'm terribly sorry this couldn't get out sooner. My heart just hasn't been in anything lately. And the thought of finishing this story just gives me the willies.
Summary: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.
"You're sure about this?"
Lelouch looked so small against the airport crowd. His arms were crossed nervously and his eyes were trained on the ground. Suzaku nodded.
"I need to know what Nunnally is planning. If she's going to be all right."
"Okay." He held his elbows tighter against his body. "Okay."
Suzaku pulled him into a hug. Lelouch wrapped his arms around his neck and took a couple of deep breaths. He knew that there was a chance Suzaku wasn't going to come back. If Suzaku convinced Nunnally the world still needed Zero, Nunnally could always pull strings and come up with a story for a new Zero. And that meant Suzaku would stay with her instead of coming home to Lelouch. The very thought of losing Suzaku again made his heart swell with anguish.
"I love you," Suzaku whispered to him. "I always will. I promise you that."
"You need to hurry." Lelouch straightened the scarf around Suzaku's neck. His eyes were so sad. "You don't want to miss your flight."
Suzaku smiled tenderly. He leaned in and kissed him with so much love that Lelouch forgot how to breathe. When he pulled away, his eyes were starry and his legs were a little shaky.
"Be careful."
"Goodbye, Lelouch."
Suzaku's hand slowly left his and he disappeared into the bustling airport. With a distressed sigh, Lelouch turned and left the colossal building. In a hurried blur, he took the bus into the city and started walking. His feet knew where he was going even if he didn't. A feeling of panic started to set in; his hands were beginning to get clammy and his heart was trying to tick itself into exhaustion. Tears clouded his eyes, and people stared at him as he rushed past but he didn't care. Lelouch barely noticed him.
He walked underneath a cast-iron archway and found himself in a cemetery. He knew this cemetery. He knew the grave he wanted to visit and where it was.
Suvi was laid to rest in a marble sarcophagus. It was a sleek and simple design and rested in the bottom of a beautiful pool of water. The surface of the water rested just over the lid of the coffin, allowing visitors to read the epitaph that was written there:
The benevolence of her heart, the sweetness of her temper, and the extraordinary endowments of her mind obtained the regard of all who knew her, and the warmest love of her intimate connections. Their grief is in proportion to their affection, they know their loss to be irreparable, but in their deepest affliction they are consoled by a firm though humble hope that her charity, devotion, faith and purity, rendered her soul acceptable in the sight of her redeemer.
Lelouch threw himself to the ground and began to weep. The last two people he had left, both gone in less than a month of each other. First Suvi, gentle, caring, fragile Suvi. The mother he'd never had, the friends he'd lost, the mentor he'd always needed. Then Suzaku. His best friend, his knight, his first and only love. Both were gone, and now he had no one in the world. He was alone again. And back when he was young and naïve and full of ambitions to change the world he lived in, he had always assumed he needed no one. He didn't need companionship or anyone to depend on. That he would be fine by himself. He was starting to realize how wrong he was.
"I'm scared," he said to the little pool in a melancholy, tear-filled voice. "I need someone. You, Suzaku, CC, anyone. I can't be alone anymore. I can't." He wiped the tears from his face as well as he could. "God, I just wish I could talk to you again." He lifted his head. "I wish you were here."
The wind picked up. It tousled his hair, tossing his bangs into his eyes. For a moment, his tears stopped. He sighed airily, trying to let go of the tension in his heart. There was the soft smell of rain on the gusty fall wind, an approaching storm against the horizon. The sea was a violent grey with accents of deep blue thrown into it. Storm clouds gathered over the ocean, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Suvi's grave.
"You know, it's almost funny." He sniffed. "Your name is Suvi. Finnish for summer. When summer faded away, so did you. And then fall came, along with Suzaku."
He closed his eyes and listened to the trees. Their leaves rustled in their branches as the wind hit them. His heartbeat began to slow as his tears dried away, the smell of a retreating Finnish summer lulling him into a feeling of half-hearted peace. He could almost feel Suvi in the weather. The wind was her soft, easy breathing, the leaves her gentle and musical laughter. The scent of roses from the graves around him filled the air, mixing with the heavy scent of the ocean. It smelled like her perfume.
Lelouch felt something brush his jaw. He wanted to imagine it was her hand, soft and smooth against his tear-stained and salty face, but when his eyes opened he found nothing but a wind-blown leaf against his cheek, held there by the persistent breeze. He removed the small, rust-colored leaf and twirled it betwixt his fingers.
He would eventually get up, but for a while he was content to just sit there, reading and re-reading the epitaph on Suvi's grave. Perhaps there was some comfort or condolence to be found in those words.
Getting back to Britannia was not as difficult for Suzaku as it would seem.
Nunnally often had him leave the country on classified missions, without the guise of Zero. He would wear a disguise, use false identities, and when he returned to her villa he used specific security codes and passage ways installed exclusively for him. The codes he used would erase memory from security cameras, ensuring that he was never seen.
It was a long flight, which he was disguised for. Suzaku wore a black wig and brown contact lenses so he wouldn't stand out and used the fabricated passports and documents he was meant to use when he came back as Zero. Upon landing, he hailed a cab outside and traveled deeper in the capital city. Nunnally's villa was just outside of the capital, in the countryside to the west. Getting there was not difficult; people often drove to look at the beautiful estate. Getting in was an entirely different matter.
Suzaku's cab took him to a small restaurant about two miles from the estate. In the woods behind the little café was an ancient, crumbling well. Hidden beneath a loose stone was a secret touchscreen panel. Suzaku entered a code into it. The rope one might use to lower a bucket in the well snapped taut. He reached out for it and began his descent.
At the bottom of the well was a small shuttle, meant to hold two people at the most. It took him the extra two miles underground, and when he finally reached the villa he hopped out and looked around. There was a secure doorway on the wall in front of him and a hook with a suit-bag on the wall to his right. Inside the bag was a servant's uniform, fake staff ID, and envelope with a fake message inside of it. Once he was dressed, Suzaku punched another lengthy code into the panel on the door and with a rush of air it slid open for him. Envelope in hand, he began his walk to Nunnally's study from the vast cellar of the royal estate.
The letter was to give him a reason to find Nunnally without looking overly suspicious. She was usually in her office this time of day, working. Her tea should have already been brought up and sometimes Suzaku would visit with her while she sorted through her mail and nibbled at her tea sandwiches. Sometimes she would completely ignore her mail and just talk to him.
He finally reached her study. Through the door he could hear her humming sweetly, papers rustling under her fingers. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.
"Message for you, your majesty."
"Oh." Her voice was soft and he could hear the caring smile in it. "Come in!"
He opened the door and stepped inside, the letter forgotten in his hand. Nunnally's eyes shone up at him as he approached her desk. When he removed his wig, she gasped and her hands went to her mouth.
"Suzaku!" she said "I barely recognized you! You look… so different." He pulled a chair up next to her desk and smiled. "You don't look the same way you did the last time I saw you." Her hands went up to his face, softly stroking his cheek with her thumb. She gazed at him like she was studying him. Her grin widened and she giggled. "You look so happy!"
"I… I suppose I am happier."
She kissed his cheek and pulled her hands away. Her expression suddenly saddened a bit. "I know why you're here," she murmured quietly. "I knew you would come. It's about Zero."
"What are you planning, Nunnally?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me what you were—"
"Suzaku, I know Lelouch is alive."
His words froze in his mouth. She sighed and took his hand in hers.
"I know CC gave him her code. I know that he didn't die three years ago, and I also know that he didn't have the code anymore."
His brows furrowed. "How… How do you know that?"
She smiled. "CC came to see me a few months after Lelouch's funeral. She told me she wanted to give me her code."
"Give you her code?" He thought about it. "But you never made a contract with her. Even if she had made a contract with you that day, there's no way you could take it, it wouldn't have been long enough."
"I was under Geass for almost my entire life, Suzaku. It leaves quite an imprint in your mind, and the longer you're under it the larger the imprint becomes. Even large enough to hold a code."
"You… You have CC's code?"
"Yes." She lifted a hand to her bangs and moved them out of the way, and on her forehead was the deep fuchsia insignia he'd grown to know remarkably well. "She told me that Lelouch was still alive, but that was all. She avoided all my questions and wouldn't tell me anything else."
"She gave it to Lelouch, but took it back not long after the Requiem," he said. "She told him he couldn't handle eternity. But I don't think that's why."
"Neither do I." Nunnally smiled softly. "Then we went to Finland. I saw Lelouch at Suvi's funeral, and I saw how miserable you were." A tear fell from her left eye, falling down her nose. "You didn't deserve to be so sad, Suzaku. Neither of you did. I wanted you to be happy."
"So you told me to stay there."
"Yes." She wiped away the tear and a small, breathless laugh fell from her lips. "You've done your part, Suzaku. You've helped me to bring the world back from its knees. Zero did what he was created to do, and now he's no longer needed. So I came up with that story, that you died of a fever in some far away country."
"Nunnally…"
"I love my brother, and I love you. I want the both of you to be happy with each other, they way you deserve to be. Neither of you should have to live broken and unhappy lives, not after what you've done. For Japan, for everyone. For me. I want you to go back to Tampere, I want you to go back to my brother, and I want you both to live happily ever after. The way you should."
For a few moments he just gazed at her, watched the tears dry on her snowy cheeks, and he thought about how funny it was that no matter how much she had grown up these past few years, how beautiful and hardened by the world she had become, she still thought some people deserved a happy ending. Suzaku leaned forward and wound his arms around her soft frame. There was a smile on his face, a truly happy smile that made his face hurt. He had not smiled like that in a long, long time. Far too long a time.
"Thank you, Nunnally," he whispered, and he felt her arms tighten around him. "Thank you so much."
His little seaside cottage was unbearably quiet.
There was no pleasant chatter over the clinking of breakfast dishes, no bubbling laughter from the gardens in the sunny afternoon, no soft whispering of sentiments during the lonely nights. Lelouch felt as if he were a ghost in his own home. Without anyone else there, the house felt as if it were frozen in time. Once more he was slowly becoming accustomed to being alone.
That morning, Lelouch ate his breakfast in silence. Again. Outside his window the sun was shining cheerily, completely oblivious to his turmoil. He cleared his dishes and cleaned the small kitchen of what little mess he had managed to make.
He supposed he should get a cat, or a dog. Something to fill all the time and loneliness that consumed his days. Maybe he could even pick up a hobby. Perhaps teach himself to play Suvi's beautiful baby grand piano that was just sitting under the conservatory window. It couldn't be that hard to learn how to read music.
Suzaku's clothes were still in his closet. He had no need to take them, instead opting for a small duffle bag filled with things like a toothbrush, documents, and a single change of clothes. Lelouch thumbed through the clothes-hangers, examining his own wardrobe. With autumn nearly upon Tampere, he would have to pull his winter-wear towards the front of his closet. His eye caught a sweater of Suzaku's. It was white, knitted wool. When Lelouch touched it, it was soft against his fingertips. He'd never seen Suzaku wear it; the price tag was even still attached to the sleeve. Pulling it off the hanger, he decided what he would wear that day.
The cottage was unbearably still. Unable to take it anymore, Lelouch took a blanket and opened the front door, plans of an afternoon on the beach in his head. It was chilly outside, even with the abundant sunshine. The wind blew in from the ocean and against his thin frame. Lelouch took a deep breath and relished the salt in the air as it filled his lungs. It was invigorating.
The blanket was spread out on the ground. Lelouch felt the sand underneath his hands and, to his surprise, found the sensation lovely even if the warmth from the summer sun was absent. It was cool and his palms tingled atop the sand. An idea struck him, and after dusting his hands free of the clinging sand, Lelouch reached down to take off his shoes and remove his socks. Dangling his feet over the edge of the blanket, he sighed at the feeling. The sand poured into the spaces between his toes and cushioned his heels. His eyes closed and for a moment he laid there, unmoving and relaxed.
He missed Suzaku. Terribly. When Lelouch woke up these past few days, alone, it was almost enough to keep him in bed and deter him from rising. But something always got him up each morning; a slim glimmer of invisible hope that, maybe, just maybe, Suzaku would come back. Maybe he wouldn't be alone for much longer. However much he clung to that small shard of optimism, reality always butted in to remind him that there was also a chance Suzaku would never return and that he'd be back where he started. By himself.
A small sob bubbled forth from his lips. Cringing, Lelouch rolled on to his side, feet twisting in the sand. His arms curled around himself and he squeezed, feeling his ribcage under his fingers. He remembered the first time he had brought Suzaku to this beach; this place that he and Suvi had shared together. Lelouch remembered the way Suzaku had smiled and how his face lit up. They'd played in the ocean like children, pant legs rolled up to their kneecaps and feet muddy with wet sand. Suzaku had chased Lelouch in the surf and it was comical how little time it took for him to catch up with his best friend and capture him in a tight embrace that left his feet dangling inches from the ground.
Lelouch stood. He was tired of feeling like this. Tired of being lonely and miserable and weak. He knew it was what he deserved, after all he had done, but he couldn't help but to hate it. Determinedly, he sat up to roll the legs of his dark jeans up then got to his feet.
The water was cold. Freezing. The intensity of it took his breath away as he stepped into the surf. It lapped around his ankles greedily. White foam broke over the tops of his feet. For the moment it helped him to forget the tears drying on his skin and the ache in his chest. Lelouch looked up from his foot and looked to where the sky met the sea. The ocean was so beautiful that day. Its waters were calm and the sky was a beautiful blue without a cloud to be seen. It was such a contradiction from his current predicament, but he couldn't help but enjoy how beautiful the scene was.
Lelouch's eyes widened. He had heard something. His heart jumped and he looked over his shoulder to where he thought the source of the sound would be. Someone, several yards away, was walking towards him. His breath caught in his throat. He couldn't quite make out who it was, but that didn't stop his wildly beating heart.
There was the noise again; they had shouted to him. Lelouch still couldn't quite make it out, so he took tentative steps in the direction of the person, ears straining. He could make out a familiar green jacket and a duffle bag slung over a shoulder but that was all he could see from so far.
"…ouch!" He caught the tail end of what they were shouting. It was…
"Lelouch!"
And then he was running. He ran faster than he ever had in his life. Neither the wet sand or loss of breath was going to slow him down. He slammed into the person and it was Suzaku he wrapped his arms around, warm and firm and too real to be a figment of his grief-ridden imagination. Lelouch couldn't help himself; he started to cry when he felt himself being squeezed against Suzaku's muscled chest and a pair of lips against his temple.
"You came back," he cried into Suzaku's neck. "I thought you were gone for good, but you came back."
"I'm sorry." Suzaku took in deep gulps of air, breathing in Lelouch's scent. "I'm so sorry."
Lelouch kissed him. He lifted his head and pulled Suzaku's face towards his and kissed him. There were tears on his lips, some his own and some Suzaku's, but it didn't matter. Suzaku was back and he was his, and he wasn't going anywhere. He felt Suzaku hum into the kiss, lifting him off of the ground and holding him there. Lelouch carded his hands through curly brown hair, twisting it around his fingers before breaking away and touching his forehead to Suzaku's.
"You talked to Nunnally?" he asked breathlessly. He traced Suzaku's lips with his little finger, more tears welling up against his lashes.
"Yes." Suzaku nodded. "I'm not going back. Never." Lelouch let out a small, happy sob and kissed him again. One of Suzaku's hands rose to cradle the back of his skull. "I'll never leave you again, Lelouch."
"I'll never leave you." Lelouch whispered those words against the corner of Suzaku's mouth. There was a grin on his face that threatened to split it in two.
"We'll be together from now on. Forever."
The End.
I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I've just been too heartbroken to write anything. My boyfriend of two years just moved out of state and we split up. I've been in a bad place for quite a while, but writing this gave me a chance to feel a little better. Even though I won't get a happy ending, I can make sure that everyone in my stories does.
This story was amazing to write. It's been one of my favorites that I've ever written, but I'm glad that it's finished. I want to thank everyone dearly who kept reading, even after all the slow updates, and I especially want to thank all of you that left wonderful reviews that helped shaped the way I wrote and felt about this story. All of it means so much to me.
P.S.: Bonus points to anyone who can guess whose epitaph that really is.