A/N HI! :)

Thanks everyone so much for the reviews/alerts/favorites! :)

I have a question for you all! :)

I was rereading everything that I had written for this story so far and... O.o"

Chapter 1 and 2 are horrible (in my opinion...).

So my question for you is: Should I rewrite chapter 1 and 2? Because I think I'm actually loosing potential readers, because they're so put off by the first two chapters.

If you do think that I should rewrite the chapters 1 and 2, what should I change/rewrite?

Tell it me in a review or PM me about it. Please! I need to know!

Okay. :) That was that.

So for this chapter. This chapter goes back in time a little. This starts just when Gibbs, Tony and Tim had arrived at Gibbs' house. So don't be confused about that. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own this show :'(

Tony sat down on the couch with a sigh.

He and Gibbs had just put Tim to bed in the guest bedroom.

He closed his eyes in exhaustion and sighed a few times before opening his eyes again.

When he opened his eyes he saw that Gibbs had sat down next to him on the couch.

After a few moments, Gibbs broke the silence.

"So, how's everything going?"

Tony immediately assumed that Gibbs was talking about Tim.

"Well Tim hasn't improved much. He's still having nightmares and he-"

"No, I wasn't talking about him," Gibbs interrupted him.

"I wanna know how you are holding up."

"What do you mean? Tim is the one who was … you know. I'm not the one you should be asking this," Tony replied frowning.

Gibbs didn't reply, He just gave Tony a skeptical look.

Tony looked down at his lap, secretly knowing what Gibbs was talking about.

Gibbs wanted to know how he was doing. Everyone was only worried about Tim and wanted to help him. Not that that was wrong. Tim had been through something no one should ever go through. He needed all the help he could get. But what everyone forgot was him.
No one really thought about Tony.
He just got thrown into taking care of Tim. Of course he didn't mind. He really cared about Tim. He was gladly taking care of him. But that didn't make it any less difficult. It was not easy to take care of Tim.
Tim was like his little brother. He felt so helpless seeing him so broken.
Tony looked up at Gibbs and saw him still looking at him.

"It's hard," he started slowly, deciding that talking to Gibbs might be a good thing to do.

"I feel so useless. It's like I can't really do anything for him."

"We all feel like that, Tony," Gibbs said.

Tony felt anger welling up because Gibbs wasn't getting his point.

"No, not like me."

He stood up, suddenly feeling really angry, and began pacing around the living room.

"Don't you know how hard it is to see the person you see as your little brother breaking down in front of you? To see him hurting so much and the only thing you're able to do is give him a hug and tell him that it's gonna be okay? It's not enough! It's just not enough!

He didn't know where the anger was coming from, but he felt that he needed to let it out.

"I need to do more for him, but I don't know how. I don't know how to help him."

He stopped walking, looked at Gibbs and said with a soft voice: "I just want to take away all his pain. To make him forget what happened and to be able to get him happy again."

Tony felt the anger die down, and the sadness come back.

He lowered himself to the couch again.

"It's just hard," he said with a strained voice, "I feel so useless."

He swallowed once, trying to get the lump in his throat to disappear.

"Sorry," he said, feeling bad for his outburst.

Suddenly he felt a slap to the back of his head.

He looked up in shock and saw Gibbs looking at him.

"Oh, right, apologizing is a sign of weakness," he said with a little smile, realizing why Gibbs had 'headslapped' him.

Suddenly Gibbs lifted his hand again and slapped the back of Tony's head again.

"Ow! What was that for?" Tony said, trying to rub the sting out of the back of his head.

"For thinking that you're not doing enough for Tim," Gibbs said.

"You took him into your house, you took some time off of work, and you are helping him through every breakdown, nightmare and panic-attack he has! You're doing more than anyone of us is doing."

"But it's not enough!" Tony yelled in frustration, "Don't you understand? Whatever I do, it'll never be enough! He's always gonna be more comfortable around women than men, he's always gonna flinch whenever someone touches him and he's always gonna have those horrible memories!"

"So?" Gibbs said calmly.

Tony felt the anger rising even more.

"Don't you understand how horrible this is?"

"Yes, I do," Gibbs replied, still calm.

"How can you be so calm about this!" Tony yelled, feeling the anger rise to an impossible level.

"Why can't you? What makes you think you should do more than you're already doing?" Gibbs replied.

"Because it's my fault!"

Tony quickly clasped his hand on his mouth in shock.

'Did he just say that out loud?' he thought horrified.

"What?" Gibbs said disbelievingly.

Tony stayed quiet.

"Tony. What do you mean? How is this your fault?" Gibbs asked.

There was a moment of silence before Tony finally said something.

"It's my fault Tim got kidnapped," Tony replied softly.

Gibbs didn't reply this time, urging him to keep going.

"The night he was kidnapped, we were supposed to meet at my house."

Tony stopped and licked his lips nervously, not knowing if he should continue. But after looking at Gibbs expectant face he know that he couldn't stop talking now.

"Me, Abby, Ziva and Tim were all supposed to go to my house, that night, to have a drink and just relax. Just when we were about to leave and go to the cars, I don't know why, but I decided to make some stupid joke about Tim never going out. Tim went all mad at me and went straight home, saying he was tired of my jokes."

"That doesn't make it your fault," Gibbs said, looking confused as to how that related to McGee's kidnapping.

"It was not your fault. Yes, you made a joke, but you weren't the one who hurt McGee. That was those bastards' faults."

Tony shook his head, not agreeing with Gibbs.

"But if I hadn't made that stupid joke, he wouldn't have gone home so early. If he wouldn't have gone home so early he-"

"No," Gibbs interrupted him.

"You're not going to do this. This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You only made a joke."

"Yeah and that joke got Tim kidnapped," Tony replied.

"No, it didn't. He got kidnapped, that had nothing to do with a joke you made. What do you think would've happened if he did go to your house? Would've that made those guys decide to not kidnap him?"

"Well, maybe they would've got tired of waiting and had gone home," Tony replied, already knowing that his argument was stupid.

"No that wouldn't have happened and you know that," Gibbs said.

"But-" Tony started, still not seeming to believe that it wasn't his fault, but got interrupted by Gibbs.

"No. Listen to me. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault," Gibbs said slowly, hoping that Tony would finally get it.

But Tony didn't reply. The thought that it was his fault, didn't want to leave his mind. It was true that if he hadn't made that joke, Tim probably wouldn't have gone home so early. But, like Gibbs said, it didn't matter what time Tim would've gone home, they would've kidnapped him no matter what.

But still, he still had a nagging feeling telling him that it was all his fault and that he needed to make it up to Tim.

"Did you tell those bastards to kidnap McGee?" Gibbs asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"No. Of course not," Tony answered, horrified that Gibbs would think something so horrible.

"Did you make that joke about McGee, just so he would go home early, so he would get kidnapped?" Gibbs asked.

"No!"

"How is this your fault then? It's not your fault. It's the fault of those bastards who kidnapped him."

"But… I… I don't know!" Tony exclaimed in frustration, "I just have this feeling that I have to make it up to him, somehow, because it was my fault."

"So the only reason you're helping him is because you feel guilty?" Gibbs asked.

"No! Of course not! I didn't lie to him. I love him like a little brother. Although I don't admit it a lot to him, I do care about him. Even if I didn't feel guilty, I would've helped him. The guilt is only driving me to try to help him even more."

"Yeah, it's driving you to try to do the impossible," Gibbs continued for him.

"You can't get him to forget. The only thing you can do is to try help him deal with what happened, and get him to move on. And right now you're doing one hell of a job doing that."

Tony sighed. It was starting to get through to him, that Gibbs was probably right. But what was that feeling he was having then?

"I.. I'm just…," he started.

He stayed quiet for a few moments, not knowing how to say what he felt.

"I'm just… scared, I guess."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"I'm scared that Tim one day will blame me for what happened."

Tony stayed quiet again, thinking about what to say next.

"I don't want him to get mad at me. I know I tease him a lot, and that it makes him mad sometimes. But that's different, somehow. When he gets mad because of a joke I know that he will get over it. I'm scared that he'll one day blame me for what happened. I don't want to lose my best friend."

His voice cracked when he said the last sentence.

"Tony," Gibbs said with a soft voice.

"Listen. It's not your fault. No one blames you for what happened and McGee doesn't either. Nor will he ever do that. Don't you see how he looks up to you? He sees you as his big brother. You're the only person he feels safe with right now. He trusts you. He would never blame you for what happened. You need to understand that."

Tony stared down at his lap. It was all getting too much for him. Feeling guilty, seeing Tim so broken, having his life turned upside down so he could take care of him, and trying to stay strong through all that, for Tim.

He felt his eyes start to water. But he couldn't let them fall down. He needed to suck it up and be strong for Tim.

How could he help Tim, if he, himself couldn't even stay strong?

"Tony?"

Tony was brought out of his thoughts. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked up at Gibbs.

"Listen. I know it's hard," Gibbs started softly.

"And even though I can't help McGee directly, because he still only feels safe with you, I can help McGee by helping you. Whenever you feel like it's getting too much, or you don't know how to help McGee sometimes, you can always come to me. Don't keep it all inside. I know you want to stay strong for McGee when you're with him. But when you're with me you don't have to."

Tony looked incredulously at Gibbs.

How did he know exactly what he'd needed to hear?

Finally, a tear had escaped from his eye and slowly made his way down his cheek.

An hour ago he would've probably tried to hide the fact that he was crying, but now, he knew that he didn't have to. Gibbs understood that he needed to let it out.

More tears started sliding down his cheeks. Silently he sobbed into his hands.

He felt Gibbs putting his hand on his shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Just let it all out," Gibbs spoke softly.

"You don't need to be strong when you're with me. I know it's hard," Gibbs continued reassuringly.

Tony continued sobbing for a few minutes, before the sobbing was finally reduced to a few hiccups.

"Thank you," he said with a trembling voice.

Gibbs didn't say anything, he only gave Tony's shoulder another squeeze, as a 'you're welcome'.

Tony sighed in exhaustion. His lack of sleep was really catching up to him. Tim wasn't the only one who hadn't slept much these past couple of nights, he hadn't either.

Suddenly he remembered that Tim was sleeping alone upstairs. He tried listening if he could hear any sounds coming from Tim, in case he was having a nightmare. But he didn't hear anything.

'Weird,' he thought.

Tim didn't have any nightmares since he fell asleep back at his house.
Normally Tim couldn't even sleep for ten minutes without having a nightmare, but he was already sleeping for two hours without having any nightmares.

He figured that it probably was because Tim was so exhausted that he fell into a dreamless, deep sleep… for now.
He didn't know how it would be later on through the night, when Tim would've already had a few more hours of sleep.

He dried his eyes and stood up.

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep," he said to Gibbs.

"You can sleep in my bed," Gibbs said, also standing up, "I'll take the couch."

"No, I think I'll sleep in the guest room with Tim," Tony answered.

Gibbs looked confused.

"He needs me in case of nightmare," Tony explained.

"Oh, okay. Sure. I'll be in the basement," Gibbs replied.

With that he walked away to the basement.

Tony walked up the stairs to the guest room.

When he walked inside he was met with a peacefully sleeping Tim.

Tony smiled when he saw that. He was happy that Tim was finally having a few hours of peaceful sleeping without being interrupted with those horrible nightmares.

He quickly changed clothes and laid down on the bed next to Tim.

It didn't take long before he was sleeping too.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"Please, don't. No, no, no! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Tony woke up out of his deep sleep.

"Please, I don't want this."

He sleepily opened his eyes, not knowing what the sound was that was interrupting his sleep.

"No!"

Finally it hit Tony that Tim was the one that was making the sounds. He quickly sat up and looked over at Tim.

What he saw shocked him.

Tears were streaming down Tim's face, sweat was gliding down his forehead, his breath was sped up, his eyes were scrunched together, and he was thrashing around with his arms trying to defend himself against the invisible attacker.

Tony put his hands on Tim's shoulder and turned him around so he was facing him.
He laid back down again and pulled Tim towards him. He put his arm around Tim while trying to avoid Tim's flailing arms.

He started moving his hand in circles while talking soothingly.

"Ssshh,.. It's okay. You're safe. You're not there anymore."

Slowly Tim seemed to calm down. His arms stopped moving, his breathing slowly returned back to normal, and the tears stopped streaming down his face.

Tony closed his eyes again, happy that Tim's nightmare seemed to be over.

His eyes shot open again, thinking that Tim was having another nightmare, when he felt him start moving again.

When he looked at Tim he saw that Tim didn't look like he was having a nightmare.

Tim was unconsciously moving forward, towards Tony. He kept moving until his face was against Tony's chest and then finally settled down and went back to sleep again.

Tony felt his breath getting caught in his throat. Tears started welling up in his eyes.

Gibbs had been right. Tim does feel safe with him. Tim trusted him and was depending on him. Tim didn't blame him for what happened. Nor would he probably ever.

A smile ghosted over Tony's face when that realization hit him.

Slowly closing his eyes to go to sleep again, he promised himself to keep Tim safe and help him get through everything. And not because he felt guilty, or felt obligated to, but because he loved Tim like his little brother, and wanted nothing other than happiness for him.

With that thought he fell asleep again, while unconsciously tightening his hold around Tim.