AN1: So one of my online friends, one with whom I've been friends with the longest, just told me she discovered this story and I think she's hating me a bit for it. Hahahah, I'm so sorry (not). But her reaction and her words have inspired me to post this new chapter, so here it goes! Thank Anna for this new chapter!

May 27, 1998

Dear Ron,

I guess it's good that I have been sending you letters through the Muggle post service, seeing as I just made a promise that would have ruined any sort of magical communication between us. I don't know how I'm going to stay true to my word, but I have to try, even if it tears my heart in two. Part of my heart will always love my parents, and I don't expect that to change... nor would I want it to. Still, they have forced me to tuck away my love for those dearest to me, and I'm angry, upset, and resigned.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. That must not make much sense to you. Let me start at the beginning.

Things with my parents are on very shaky ground, like I think I told you in my previous letter. There is a divide between us. They don't trust me, and they especially don't trust magic. Not only because of what I did to them, but also because they now know most of what happened during the war and have come to the conclusion that magic cannot be safe. Therefore, they think the magical world is a dangerous place, one where they "cannot follow me to," like my mum said. They're so afraid of it, of what I can do, and what can be done to me, that they have asked me to live a Muggle life here with them, in Australia.

Oh, Ron, I didn't want to say yes. It makes me angry to know I had no choice but to agree. I knew they would forsake me if I said no. I couldn't risk that. I can only hope that in time, they'll realise I can't pretend I'm not a witch. What scares me about that plan, though, is that I don't know when that might happen...

You see, part of their plan is that we will all stay here in Australia. They made important commitments with an organization here, and have decided to stay. They will be teaching dentistry in a Community College. They also think that by being so far away from England and you and everyone, it'll be easier for me to give up on magic.

I guess they're right, in a way. I loathe the very idea of continuing to use Bellatrix's wand, and I wouldn't know where to get a new wand here in Australia. I suppose I could have asked the Ministry of Magic about that, but now it's too late.

When I told my parents I wanted to go back, that there's important people I wanted to see, they said that you all are welcome to come visiting as long as you don't use magic around them. I don't know how that could even be possible, but there it is, those are their conditions. I suppose you and Harry and Ginny, if she wants, could manage to figure out how to get here. That is, if you'd like to come.

Or rather, if you feel you can. I imagine that the very idea of leaving your family behind would be difficult right now. It hasn't been that long since the final Battle, and I would think that you all might be wanting to stay together for a while. Still, maybe someday soon, you can consider coming to see me.

As you can see, my hopes of returning back to England soon have been figuratively destroyed. Also, I had asked you to write to me through the Ministries of Magic. If you want to write to me, and want to ask them for help, please make sure that the Australian Ministry of Magic forwards your letter by using the Muggle postal service; I have a feeling my parents would be very upset if they sent an Owl- or whatever it is they use here in Australia. Another option, that I don't like but may be best, would be for you to use the Muggle postal service directly from England. Maybe you can ask Harry to help you if you don't know how to do it? That would mean that I wouldn't get your letter until about a month from now... well, I suppose it could be worse. At least, in that scenario, I would still hear from you.

It's well past midnight now; I'm incredibly tired, but I needed to write to you. One more thing, though. Today I went for a full physical check up. I'm wondering, have you gotten one? You should!

Write to me as soon as you can, will you?

I miss you.

Love,

Hermione

May 31

Dear Ron,

Not much has happened in my life these past few days, but again, I simply wanted to write to you. Remember how in summertime, whenever I wasn't at the Burrow, we would write to each other every few days? Well, at least in the last few years of school. You never wrote much when we were in our second year, to name an example...

Things with my parents are fine. They seem happy and hopeful that we can truly start rebuilding our relationship. My mum took me out shopping; we got new clothes that fit me better and I also got a haircut. She insisted that I needed to look better than I did. I don't think she meant it in a bad way; I happen to agree with her, I didn't look very well. She was so excited. I think she felt it was a true mother-daughter bonding moment. I didn't have the heart to tell her I don't really care for shopping... I thought that if I did, it would only highlight the fact that she doesn't really know me that well now, after all those years where I practically grew up and became an adult away from her.

Right now they're busy preparing their classes. They will begin teaching in the next term, which should be around July. It's funny thinking how they're in classes here at this time of the year, but those are the ways of the southern hemisphere...

Anyway, that's all I can really say.

I miss you.

With love,

Hermione.

June 5

Dear Ron,

I have to say, life as a Muggle is not as difficult as I thought it would be. I know it's only been a few days, but so far, I haven't missed the use of magic, or at least, not so much. Like I said before, I think it really helps that I despise the only wand I have access to.

Even so, how I wish I knew how you're doing! I worry, I can't help it. I still feel badly about leaving you when I'm sure you needed all the support you could get. And also, well, if I am to be honest, I also regret it for entirely selfish reasons. You see, I was hoping that we could finish that conversation we started in the Great Hall, immediately after the Battle. It doesn't make me proud, but it's my genuine answer.

Again, I feel terribly foolish writing these things on paper. It makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. But I've been thinking and, well... we might not see each other for a few months. I don't know if I can stand going so long without knowing for sure; wondering what you would have said that day if Harry hadn't interrupted us.

Alright, I'm going to be brave and write it. I can always choose not to send this letter after, right?

The thing is, I hope you know how I feel. I want to think that me kissing you is all you need to know. But I want to say this in case you have any doubts, and believe me, how could you? Yet I know how your mind works sometimes, so here it goes.

I hope we can be together. As a couple.

Gosh, it looks so strange, written in ink on white paper. It also looks strangely formal, but I don't know how else to say it. I guess that what really matters is that it should be clear now that what I feel for you is more than friendship.

Part of me is terrified that what you were going to say that day was that you're not interested in me that way. If that's the case, please be gentle in telling me so. I don't think I can handle harsh words on top of a broken heart.

You have no idea how difficult it is for me to write this. The main reason I'm doing it is because I hate uncertainty. Also, because I don't want to feel like I'm in limbo, which is a feeling I have had to fight a lot here in Australia. And when the promise of something between us is at stake, well, I guess I simply have to try.

Good, it's out now. And I better send this letter before I lose all my nerve.

Love, and now you know exactly what kind of love that is,

Hermione

Jun 6

Hi Ron,

Just a quick note. I suppose I can't ask you not to read the letter I sent you yesterday; you might have read it by the time you get this letter, anyway. I just wanted to say that you don't need to feel pressured by what I said, and don't worry if you don't feel the same way, we're still friends and it's all right.

Simply write me a letter saying whether we are still friends or something more. If you like.

Okay, that's the last I say about the topic.

Now back to being friends until I hear otherwise.

Hermione

June 9

Dear Ron,

Something happened and I need my best friend.

First of all, know that the full physical exam I told you about determined I'm in relatively good health. They gave me some medicine and a few vitamins to speed up my recovery, but otherwise, all I need to do now is to eat properly and I'll be fine. It appears that what is happening to me is more psychological in nature. If I haven't told you before it's because I don't want to worry you unnecessarily. Basically, I'm doing it to myself, and I'm trying to deal with it.

In the beginning, I got really, really anxious at any time of the day, more than usual even for me. Now it mostly happens at night. Well, just two hours ago I had an anxiety attack. My mum was trying to calm me down; she was hugging me and talking to me, only that I didn't want her touching me or to say anything. I got really flustered, so much I couldn't even speak to explain to her I just needed some time by myself. Then my dad came home and saw what was happening, and they both were hugging me and I just needed to breath for I felt like I was suffocating. I needed space so badly that I think it caused me to have an outburst of uncontrolled magic, just like when I was a little child.

My parents fell backwards, like I had physically pushed them back away from me. It wasn't too bad, I don't think, but it was obvious for the three of us that it had been magic that had caused it. After the shock wore off and once I finally started feeling better, I tried to explain that I hadn't done it on purpose. I think they believed me; they remembered other things happening as I grew up and before I went to Hogwarts. I told them I couldn't help it, that magic is still a part of me even if I'm trying to push that away. That maybe that was partly why it had happened, because I'm repressing it.

I think it made sense to them, even if it didn't make them very happy. I'm afraid to hope for too much, but maybe it will show them that I can't live a Muggle life because, well, I'm not a Muggle. I don't want to be one, either. Maybe, with some time, they'll come to accept that.

It is strange to me that something bad like what happened is giving me hope. It's just a tiny step towards returning to my life with their blessing. I don't think I can purposely create a divide between us by leaving them here in Australia and returning to England, especially not before they have fully forgiven me for everything I've done to them. So I guess I have to sacrifice my wishes in order to have a good relationship with them. I hope that it's worth it.

Love,

Hermione

June 12

Dear Ron,

How are you? I long to hear from you. How about Harry, Ginny, and the rest of your family? I miss you all so much. I haven't written to anybody else, but maybe I should. Do you think it would be all right if I wrote to your parents, as well? In any case, do tell the others to write to me, too.

I haven't heard from you yet and, to be honest, it makes me very nervous. Have you not been receiving my letters? Or worse, maybe you have, but choose not to reply for some reason? I can almost hear you say, "Hermione, don't jump to conclusions and relax," but if you know me at all (and you do), then you'll know I can't unless I see proof that there's nothing to worry about. In this case, the perfect proof would be to receive a letter from you, and until that day comes, I'll simply have to learn how to live with uncertainty… nevermind how much I hate that feeling.

Anyway, even if my letters are currently a one-way conversation, they still help me feel closer to you and to our world. So let me tell you what I imagine you have been doing this summer so far.

I think you have been a nice son and a nice brother to your family, trying to be supportive of them and Harry. You are probably trying to keep your temper in check, so as to not upset anybody. I imagine you have been eating a lot, compensating for all those months of near starvation. Mornings are probably a lazy time, where you take your time to do the chores that are your turn to do. Then, in the afternoons, the three of you go to the pond or to play Quidditch, like you would usually do during the summer time.

It sounds idyllic, but I do know it probably hasn't been as nice as I make it seem. I fully expect it to still be difficult for all of you to adapt to such tragedy. Still, I like to imagine you having a bit of peace after everything that we have been through.

I think that's all I can write about today. My life is not very eventful of late.

Things are back to a status quo with my parents. I sometimes get the feeling they're looking at me differently, but I'm not sure whether that's good or not. I will let you know as soon as I know.

Love,

Hermione

A few days later, Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, a bottle of pills in her hand. She had been given medicine to help her sleep, which she hadn't used yet, and another to stabilize her mood, which she took every day. Although she generally hated the idea of depending on chemicals for anything, she knew she needed help.

The psychiatrist had confirmed her suspicions, she had PTSD. He had said that symptoms should go away with time, but that if they didn't, she would need a stronger dose of medicine and therapy to help her cope.

She didn't want to get to that point.

Yet tonight she seemed to be having more problems than usual to fall asleep, and was wondering if maybe she should give this second set of pills a try. One of the main things stopping her from taking it was that she had heard they could make you really groggy, and she didn't want to feel like that. The stabilizers already made her feel strange, and she didn't want to add more on top of that. So she hesitated.

She left the bottle on her bedside table again, undecided. She could just write Ron another letter, and see if she would be tired enough after sealing the envelope.

Yet... had she been writing too many letters? She probably had. What if he wasn't interested in her? What if he felt overwhelmed by the amount of letters she had sent? She didn't feel like she could stop herself, though. Like she had written in one of her previous letters, she needed to talk to her best friend. Besides, it gave her a good excuse to leave the house for a little while, so that she could go to the post office and send it. Even if her hand shook as she gave the new letter to the clerk behind the counter, like it had a few days before.

Merlin, it still made her nervous to think of that letter. She felt sometimes like a constant debate was going on in her mind. Sometimes she chastised herself for sending it, and yet others she became resolute and simply told herself all the benefits of having taken the risk: if he felt the same way, they could figure out a way to be together; if he didn't, she'd rather know so that she could figure out a way to move on. When she was seeing it optimistically, she willed the days to go faster and faster, so that she could get his letter, and faster yet, so that she could see him again. When she was seeing it pessimistically, though, she barely managed to at least be glad she was on the other side of the world. She might need that distance to get over her love for him.

Not that she had much hopes of moving on. She had tried many times before. When she had first realised she had a crush on him, when she had realised she was in love with him. When he had chosen someone else. When he had left during the hunt. She had tried it all, and it never worked. One way or another, she had always ended up admitting she loved him, and that was it. Now she didn't want to have to try again, and was hoping against hope that things would work out for them.

But what if they don't?

Annoyed, she got up and took a few steps to stare outside her window. She hated that back and forth in her head, how she was doubtful then hopeful then back to doubtful again. She wished she wasn't always doubting, and that she wasn't so good at being her own devil's advocate.

I miss you, Ron, she thought. You know how to get me to stop doing that, to work myself up like that.

She knew she had been slightly misleading in her letters. She hadn't told him the extent of her issues, but really, what was the point? He couldn't do anything about it, and she knew that knowing would make him worry. She didn't want that for him, not when she was sure he was dealing with many things on his own.

A knock on the door distracted her, and she turned to see her mum open it slightly.

"Dear? Are you still up? I saw the light under the door."

"Yes, come in. I'm still up."

Her mum came in and sat at the foot of her bed, looking at Hermione with concern on her face.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

Hermione sighed and sat at the chair in the corner of her room. "I'm okay, I guess. Just couldn't sleep."

"Yes, I've noticed. You still haven't tried the sleeping pills, yet, then?"

Hermione nodded her head no. "I don't want to take too many pills at the same time."

"And how's your mood? Is it better?"

"I guess. It feels... flat, I think. With spikes of strong emotion. It's strange."

"Hermione, love, why do you think this is happening to you? Is it the PTSD only, or do you think there's more?"

Hermione looked at her mum's face, trying to decipher what she was thinking. "What do you mean?" she asked when she failed reading her. "Do you think there's more than PTSD?"

"No, not like an illness, but—" she sighed to try to collect her thoughts. "The thing is, I've been observing you. And thinking. I remember you growing up and doing things your dad and I couldn't understand, and your joy when they visited us and explained you are a witch. You were so happy when you came to see us during breaks; busy as always with schoolwork, even stressed by it, but happy. What I don't have any memories of is of you being like this, depressed and anxious to the point of needing medicine to help you through it."

Hermione looked down to the floor, deciding exactly how to respond to that. "I don't think I had ever felt like this, no," she finally said.

"And are you feeling like this only because of what happened to you, or is there more?"

Hermione looked up to her mum, not wanting to say what was on her mind in case it wasn't what her mum was getting at. "What are you asking, mum?"

"I guess that what I mean is... is our request making it worse for you? Being away from your friends, from your magic? I've seen you writing all those letters, and it made me realise that you're not ready to leave all of that behind; that you truly do care about them."

"But I love you and dad, too! I love my friends so much, and yes, I do miss my world! I don't know how to explain this to you, because I don't want to hurt you. But... I don't belong here. I can't be a Muggle, because I am not. And even if you can understand that and are fine with me using magic again, I wouldn't know how to make it work. I can't simply replicate here the magical world I belong to in England. Yet if I go, you won't go with me, and it's like I'm forced to choose between you and the life I want for myself. I couldn't do that," Hermione said, wiping her face dry, surprised that she was crying. She hadn't actually cried in days. "No," she insisted, "I couldn't do that."

"Oh, love!"

Hermione's mum came to her, and Hermione reacted by standing up and meeting her half way. They hugged, holding each other close.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," her mum said. "I never meant to cause you pain."

"I get it. What I did was horrible. I just need to know you have forgiven me. I swear I'll keep magic around you to a minimum!"

Her mum laughed. "And I do appreciate that, but I want you to understand." She let go of Hermione and put her hands on Hermione's shoulders. "I think that only now I can truly see what this all has cost you. I can see why you felt you had to do what you did to us, even if I still don't approve of it. You came right away to find us and have done your best, your best to mend the relationship. You have given in and done everything we asked. I think it's time we did some giving, too."

Hermione nodded her head in understanding. Her mum lifted her hand to Hermione's face in a loving caress.

"Anger and fear got in the way of us truly looking at you, and for that I'm sorry. Relationships are always a two-way balance. I could not stand knowing we're happy at the cost of your own happiness. We need to find that balance. Is that all right?"

"More than all right, mum," Hermione replied, thankfulness and hope filling her chest.

"C'mon, your dad is still awake. Let's go tell him. We'll figure it out."

AN2: Well, this is definitely a game changer! I'm so excited to show you guys what's coming next! And I'm curious… what do *you* think is going to happen next?

I want you to know, I have to think about when is a good idea to post again. I don't want to post too quickly or else I'm going to end up posting everything before I have a chance to write enough to always stay a few chapters ahead. This was chapter 10 and, as of now, I'm writing chapter 22. I *think* there're going to be around 10-15 chapters after this, for a total of ~35 chapters. Oops! I sure hope you guys like long stories… Should I say that I'm sorry? Because I'm not, really (sorry for not being sorry, perhaps.)

Before I finish, I want to add a disclaimer: Hermione's thoughts and reactions are what I imagine is realistic for the character, based both on how I understand Hermione's character and decisions I've made in regards to the story's plot. I'm not trying to endorse this particular treatment for PTSD, nor trying to create a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of any of the many potential treatments available for PTSD or any other mental health issue.

Please, for the love of whatever you hold holy, and even if you hold nothing as holy, do not let this fic influence your views on what should be the correct therapy for a mental health issue. That's what professionals are for. If you need it, ask for help, okay?