"Cooper, if you don't stop pacing around I'm gonna tie you to a chair." James was sick of both seeing his son act like a caged animal and also not tell him the reason for this behavior.

"Dad, you're not helping." Cooper grumbled under his breath.

"Maybe if you told me why you've been acting like this, it would help. At least when Connor does it, there is some sort of explanation." James answered

"Not that it makes any sense to begin with." Mark added. "If you're gonna pace, boy, please stop walking in front of the television. I'm trying to watch West Coast Choppers in peace."

Just on principle, Cooper wanted to kick the screen out, but for a rare moment he held back.

"If Mark and I can help, you know we will." James said "Just tell us who you want us to kill and we'll do it."

"It's not that." Despite Alberto Del Rio giving Cooper as much space as he could, it was only a matter of time before James found out what he'd done to Connor. What really amazed Cooper was that his little brother had kept his promise. It had been almost two weeks and the little twerp hadn't said a word to James.

"Then what is it?" James repeated

"It's Jeff." Cooper sighed

"Trouble in paradise?" Mark asked

"Shut up, Mark." James hissed

"It was a legit question."

"You didn't have to say it like that..."

"Shut up, Dad... both of you." Cooper shouted

Mark and James turned away from each other, clearly surprised to hear Cooper speak so strongly.

"Well, are you gonna tell us or just tell us off?" James finally spoke after several minutes of silence. "If this is about Twinky Dink, I'm sure we can help... has he stopped letting you tap that fine ass of his...?"

"Dad..." Cooper groaned

"James..." Mark echoed the groan.

"What... have you forgotten that I've also had a piece of that fine ass..."

"Only because you won't let us!" Cooper barked "If you seriously want to help, then shush and let me talk!"

"Is he too old to be spanked?" Mark rolled his eyes.

"By us, yes." James stifled a totally inappropriate laugh.

Cooper slapped his forehead. He expected James to be like this, but he really hated it when Mark encouraged it. "Look, dillholes, this is the problem. I've been having these weird dreams lately. Sometimes it's Tom, sometimes it's Joie, and sometimes it's the two of them, but it's always the same. They keep bugging me to do something about Jeff."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. If I knew what I was supposed to do, I would not be standing here talking to you two. I would've taken care of it a long time ago."

"What exactly do they want you to do?" James asked

"I think they want me to marry him." Cooper reached into his pocket for Tom's ring. "Jeff gave me this right after we fuh... got together for the first time."

"That looks like..."

"It is." Cooper stated "And that's what's screwing with my mind. I don't want to be a substitute for Tom. What he and Jeff had is different than what Jeff and I have and if I take this to mean what I think it means, it'll just... I can't explain it." Cooper collapsed onto the couch between Mark and James.

"Son, I think I understand." Mark finally spoke up. "And there's a real simple solution."

"What's that?" Cooper asked

"Tell Jeff you can't accept the ring because of what it represents, both to you and him. If he seriously wants something permanent, Likansuk's credit is still good. Buy something that will make you feel less uncomfortable but still show him that you love him." Mark answered

"Awww... that's so sweet." James cooed "How come you're never like that with me?"

"Because you're a sadistic psycho-killer who's idea of romance is to whisper the Jaws theme before ripping my pants off!" Mark answered

Cooper was horrified to learn that piece of information.

"I think I gotta go before I totally lose my lunch." He was off the couch and out of the living room in seconds.

"Good luck." James called after him. The door slamming was his reply.

"Marky..."

"What?"

"Duh-duh... duh-duh..." James leaned over, an evil leer on his face.

Cooper, wait for me!

...

Jeff and Glenn were at some public appearance somewhere so getting Jeff alone was going to be practically impossible, as was getting Glenn's opinion. Talking to Bearer was out of the question and despite being nice to Matt and Randy, their ideas on the subject were already noted more times that Cooper cared to remember.

"Fuck!" Cooper pulled over and fumbled for his phone. "Please be home."

"Hart residence..."

"Uncle Bret? It's Cooper."

"Hey, kid... it's been a while."

"Yeah, I've been sorta busy..."

"I know. I've been watching you." Bret answered "But I'm sure career advice isn't why you called."

"How did you know?"

"Uncle's intuition." Bret stated "So what's on your mind?"

"Well…"

…

James whistled under his breath as he flipped through the numbers for various takeout places in his little notebook. It was time to get something to eat and he was having trouble picking out place to call. He knew Connor's vote would be for pizza once again but honestly, he (and he was sure Mark would agree with him on this) was getting sick of pizza. The next obvious choice was Chinese but he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for that. He thought about forcing himself to get up and actually going to go out to eat but he felt too lazy to do that. He would much rather call something in and then make someone else answer the door.

"Vroom vroom! Vroom vroom!" Connor came running into the room, his arms stretched out because he was pretending to be an airplane. He had his title in one hand and Snoopy and Spike were trailing as close behind him as possible. "Vroom vroom! Vrooooooom!"

"Connor?"

"Vroom vroom vroom!"

"Connor."

"Vroom vroom vroom vro-"

"Connor!"

"WHAAAT?" Connor turned to him and gave him an impatient look. "What do you want Daddy?"

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza!" Of course. Why would it be anything else?

"I don't really want pizza-"

"So? You asked me what I wanted Daddy. I don't care what you want." Connor flopped down on the couch and gave him an impatient look. "Well? Aren't you gonna call for it?"

"Don't you wanna try Chinese?" James asked. He was already regretting asking Connor this question. Once Connor made up his mind that was it. It was pretty much impossible to get him to change his mind. "Chinese is good we can get fortune cookies."

"But I want pizza!" Connor objected. "I want pepperoni pizza with breadsticks and the chocolate dunky thingies and I don't WANT stupid Chinese food Daddy! I want PIZZA!"

"What about Mexican?" James knew that it was useless to keep trying at this point but he was doing it anyway. "We could get tacos-"

"NUUU!" Connor shook his head vehemently. "I don't want Mexican because Alberto Del Rio is a meanie!"

James frowned. "And why exactly is he a meanie?"

"Because-" Connor suddenly stopped himself.

"Because why?"

"Because he just is." Connor was trying to keep his promise to Cooper, he really was. It wasn't easy because he wanted to tattle but he was trying his hardest not to. "I know an infidel when I see one and he is a big giant infidel."

James frowned. He could sense that there was something more to it than that but for the moment he wasn't going to push the subject. He would just coax it out of Connor later. "What about we eat-"

"Daddy! I want PIZZA and I want it NOW!"

"Fine!" James was just going to give up. He couldn't win this fight. "We'll get pizza."

"Yay!"

…

"So what do you think I should do?" Cooper asked once he was done pouring his heart out to Bret. It had felt just beyond nice to be able to talk and not be interrupted. Bret just let him ramble to his heart's content and was waiting until it was his time to speak and not saying anything about tapping Jeff's ass (something he needed to talk to James about not reminding him of that-that was just awkward to think about). "I mean I know what Mark told me to do but what do you think I should do?"

Bret mulled that question over for a bit before giving his answer. "Well actually-and I can't believe I'm saying this-I agree with Mark on this one."

"But what if he like…gets mad that I want to give it back?" Cooper asked nervously.

"If you explain to him why you need him to take it back he should understand. You're not trying to be mean or rude or anything. You appreciate the gesture and stuff but you just can't take it. Not with what it means to you and him. Jeff's a good kid, he'll understand. You just have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. I know that's a difficult concept for you sometimes because you like to bottle shit up but you can't keep doing that. You have to communicate. You understand?"

"Yeah," Cooper confirmed. "I'm not a complete idiot."

"I never said you were. I just implied you were horrible at communication. There's a difference."

"Of course. Thanks Uncle Bret."

"Any time kid."

…

Randy watched as Matt picked at his food restlessly. They had gotten some Chinese and taken it back to their hotel room so they could eat it while they watched a movie. Matt had been the one to make the suggestion in the first place but now he was acting like something was bothering him. "What's the matter?" Randy finally asked.

"Nothing," Matt lied. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Why are you asking?"

"Because I wasn't born yesterday." Randy pushed his food aside and Matt did the same thing because he clearly wasn't even hungry. "What is it?"

"You won't like it if I tell you," Matt told him.

Randy just barely suppressed the groan that was dying to escape his lips. "Don't tell me you're still all obsessive about Cooper and Jeff. I love you to death babe but there's really only so much of this I can put up with."

"I just…Jeff's getting invested. I mean like big time," Matt said as he rubbed his temples. "Like I every time I see him looking at Cooper he's giving him this lovesick puppy look."

"And that's bad?"

"What do you think?"

Randy couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes. "I think that you think way too much about this subject. I think you are worrying just to worry and that's just not healthy nor is it very attractive. And I think it's time that I firmly distract you from this subject."

"Oh yeah?" A bemused grin crossed Matt's face. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that?"

Randy was glad he asked. He got up to his feet and stripped himself of his shirt before grabbing Matt by the hand and pulling him up to his feet. Matt let Randy take his shirt off for him before hopping on board with this plan and kissing him hard. A distraction like this was way more than welcome at the moment. He had tried to just stop thinking about the whole Cooper/Jeff thing but no matter how hard he tried, it kept creeping back into his mind. It was like a disease or something and one he really did not appreciate.

Matt and Randy started stumbling towards the bed, Matt easily dominating the kiss. Randy was already moaning lightly, letting Matt have his way with his mouth. When he ran back right into the bed he laid back and arched his hips up so Matt could get his jeans off easier.

"Fucking so hot," Matt said in appreciation as his eyes roamed all across his boyfriend's body. He leaned over him, kissing him only a bit before letting his lips travel down to Randy's throat and then his chest. His tongue flicked across the younger man's nipples, taking great delight in the way he shivered underneath him. He then pulled on them with his teeth just enough to make Randy hiss and moan before kissing and nibbling his way down further south. He dragged his tongue across Randy's smooth abs while also rubbing his cock through his boxers.

"That is not even fair," Randy complained as he arched his hips up and grinded into Matt's hand. His cock was rock hard and the cotton of his boxers was a cruel barrier between his cock and Matt's warm, strong hand. "Fuck Matt, touch me already babe."

Matt smirked and pulled Randy's boxers off, tossing them aside to where their jeans were laying. "You mean like this?" He wrapped his hand around the base of Randy's cock and started to stroke it.

"Yes!" Randy hissed and pumped his hips up towards Matt's hand.

"So that's how you like it?"

Randy nodded and pumped his hips faster.

"Well what about like this?" Matt held down Randy's hips and flicked his tongue over the head of his cock, taking just that bit into his mouth and sucking on it when Randy moaned loudly in response. Randy was trying as best as he could to escape his grip but Matt wasn't having it. He held down Randy's hips more tightly and started taking more and more of Randy's cock into his mouth, eventually sucking on all of it. Randy was writhing on the bed, settling for grabbing on to Matt's hair and holding his head down there firmly.

"Fuck…Matty…Jesus fuck…"

Matt smirked internally and sucked harder, bringing Randy very close to the edge before removing his mouth completely.

"Maaatt," Randy groaned as he tried in vain to get Matt to return his mouth to where it was. "Come on-"

"Patience Orton," Matt said with a smirk. He went over to his bag and grabbed the lube, his smirk growing bigger as Randy immediately ceased his complaining. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He popped the top up and drizzled a good amount on to his hand and coating his cock with it as he walked back over to the bed. Once his cock was nice and lubed up he slid two fingers into Randy's body, scissoring them apart and probing Randy's prostate just to get him even more worked up.

"Fuck Matt come on." Randy was moving himself back against Matt's fingers, his words coming in between his gasps and moans. "Come on please just fuck me already."

Matt's cock was way too hard and ready for him to deny that request. He removed his fingers and climbed on to the bed before sliding his cock as deep into Randy as he could. Randy moaned and wrapped his legs around Matt's waist. Matt gave him a moment to adjust to him before thrusting hard, his lips fusing with Randy's in order to try to keep their moans somewhat quiet. It wasn't really working but it was the thought that counted, wasn't it?

"Harder," Randy begged as he met Matt's thrusts way more than eagerly. "Fuck me harder babe."

Matt thrusted harder and swiped his thumb over the head of Randy's cock. "Like that babe?"

Randy nodded desperately and arched his hips up so more of his cock was in Matt's hand. Matt took the hint and started stroking it, slowly at first but then faster as his pounded harder and harder into his body. Randy put his hand over Matt's to help him stroke even faster and he ended up cumming first, shooting his seed all over Matt's chest and stomach. His walls tightened around Matt's dick and he only managed a few more thrusts before he came deep inside of Randy. "Fuck…" his body felt weak with the force of his release so he just collapsed on top of Randy, who didn't seem to mind too much. He just grinned and kissed Matt's forehead.

"Love you babe."

Matt smiled at him. "Love you too."

…

Jeff was humming the new Britney Spears song he had heard earlier under his breath when his phone rang and interrupted him. He looked around for it, forgetting where it was until he realized it was in his pocket. "Hello?" he said as he answered it.

"Jeff?" It was Cooper. "Where are you?"

"The hotel. Why?"

"Stay there, I'm on my way. We need to talk…"