Disclaimer: See last chapter

~ Chapter Nine ~

Chad watched Sonny as she walked down the corridors, the opposite way from everyone else as they made their way to lunch. He sighed and shook his head, biting down on his lower lip before looking down at the floor. He hated not knowing what was going on with her, he knew something happened to her when she went back home but he had no idea what.

He looked over at the 'So Random!' table and shook his head, trying to smile when Tawni caught his eye. He had no idea why he felt the need to be nice to any of them but he had noticed that everyone else was down since Sonny had come back, he could see the concern in their eyes that reflected his own.

Portlyn lightly touched his shoulder and sighed,

"She's going to be okay, maybe the pressure has got to her." Chad shook his head,

"That's not it, something happened at home when she went back." He muttered, standing up and throwing his food in the bin before walking out. He had to know what was wrong with her, he just had to make sure she was going to be okay.

- - - - -

Sonny looked at the man in front of her and sighed, she looked down at her feet as she tried to hold back the tears. She had no idea if she cared or not, the old Sonny Munroe would have cried and begged him to not do this. But this Sonny, she wasn't sure what she felt anymore. She considered the thought for a moment, the only thing keeping them in Hollywood was her job, but if she just got suspended then they could wait for her to be better again, right?

"I am sorry Sonny." She nodded before looking up at him,

"I can't have you on the show anymore, I don't know what is going on with you and I wish you would tell someone. But until you feel better, I am sorry." She nodded,

"It's okay." She whispered,

"I understand." She looked back up at him and smiled as best she could, knowing it never reached her eyes, not like it used to.

"Just pop in every now and again whenever you feel up to it so you're not too far behind, okay?" She nodded, biting down on her lip as she thought about it – she could stay away from Wisconsin and still have that chance to get better one day. She knew if she went back there things would only get worse and she would never get better.

"Your mum is going to pick you up in a minute, I have already spoken to her." Sonny nodded and stood up slowly, not looking behind her as she walked out. Ignoring everyone as they watched her walk outside to meet her mum.

Chad watched the girl as she walked outside, her arms folded over her chest as she looked down at the floor. He could see the tears that ran down her pale face before she pulled her hood up as it usually was and stood outside. He bit down on his lower lip, wondering what to do before deciding to walk up to her.

"Sonny?" He kept his voice low, knowing that even the littlest things made her jump nowadays. She looked at him and gave him a small smile,

"Where are you going?" He noticed how gentle his voice was, it was as though she was about to break at any moment,

"Home."

"Why?"

"Marshall said I can't be on the show anymore." She whispered, looking into his sparkly blue eyes, wishing she could just see him like she used to. She used to imagine herself kissing him, longing to wrap her arms around him but now all she could think about was Jack's lips on hers, she couldn't even look at him the same way.

"Oh..." He muttered, biting down on his lip, he watched as her mum's familiar car started to pull up and sighed,

"Can I pop around yours sometimes? I will miss you too much." She nodded and smiled at him,

"I will see you then?" She nodded again as she wrapped her arms even tighter around herself,

"Bye Chad." She whispered before running into the car, giving him a light wave before her mum drove off.

- - - - -

Sonny ran into her bedroom as quickly as she could, ignoring the looks that she got from her mum as she avoided any eye contact with her. She sighed when she finally got into her bedroom, looking around before her eyes settled on the pair of scissors by her bed.

She thought for a moment, but then it wasn't as if she had anything left anymore. Sonny quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheek before locking her bedroom door and running over to her bed, she couldn't believe what she was about to do but she knew she had to get all the pain out somehow. She had to make everything feel better.

She looked down at her shaking hands before rolling up her sleeve, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to think of something good in her life, sighing when nothing came to mind. Jack had stolen it all from her, he had taken away everything that made Sonny, Sonny. And she had no idea what to do about it.

She slowly brought the scissors to her wrist, biting down hard on her lip as she did so. She hated that man for making her like this, she hated herself for letting him win but she couldn't help herself, she had to make it all go away.

She smiled a little as blood started to drip down her arm, hitting the carpet in an instant as it mixed with her warm tears. She closed her eyes as relief drifted over her, she could feel the blood flowing down her arm as she cried. She sighed and put the scissors down, looking at her wrist, feeling a little better as she lay down and closed her eyes.

She wished she could just walk away from all of this, just run away from everything that had made her like this but she knew she couldn't. Nothing would make her forget, nothing would help her through this.

She looked back down at the blood, she had never thought it would work but for now the pain was gone, she had managed to drive the pain away for the first time in weeks. She felt so alone, it was as though nobody else understood and now here she was, left to deal with everything – the pain, the hurt, the nightmares, the hate.

She curled up in a tight ball and closed her eyes, she wished she could just make it go away forever but she knew that as soon as she cut healed all those feelings would come back and she would have to do it all over again. It was only going to get worse.