A/N: Thank you so much for the kind reviews!
Eyes 10
After agreeing to meet downstairs in half of an hour, you each retreat to the respected bath room to shower. The morning has not started off too awkward; however, your shoulders are extremely sore due to the conflicting emotions coursing through your body in the past twelve hours. The hot water is going to feel like a slice of heaven on the physical aches and pains. As far as the emotional aches, that is a far different story. You feel fairly confident that you and your best friend have shown each other a glimmer of what feelings have been going on behind the curtains of your souls. There is so much to discuss today and you have decided that the best approach is to listen more than speak. It is not that you are not willing to commit, you are just unsure and how deeply she feels and wants this.
In the shower, you attempt to push all thoughts aside and just concentrate on the water. Closing your eyes, all you can see is what you saw last night when she kissed you at the dance club. Has it really been that long ago that she kissed your neck and then planted one on your lips? You cannot help but giggle, more so at the irony of that moment, because you were always afraid that you would make the first move and be subsequently rejected. When she made the move, you were shocked and awed. And now you have to figure out what path forward she wants to take. Once again, the feeling of being in this situation that is out of your personal control is frustrating as you are a bystander to your own future, with your best friend making all the decisions.
"Damn it! This is not fair". But you are getting ahead of yourself, and remember that you have the entire day together to talk, to learn about each other's thoughts and feelings. This is far from over, and you also have a say so, a voice in this mess. Instead of relaxing, your tension is increasing. Let the water relax you, after all, you are going to need to be at your best to sort this out.
The image of her in the shower just mere rooms away enters your mind. You picture her slender naked body using soap to lather the suds on her beasts as the water cascades over her nipples. Maybe it is the time for some self-romance to calm your nerves. OH, if only you were behind her. You would push her long hair to one side and place your mouth on her shoulder and neck. One arm would be wrapped around her torso with your hand cupping a breast, the other moving over her hip area towards the center. She would lean back into your front and then you'd turn her around to forcefully kiss….. No wait, this is not how to relax. Stop thinking of what you could possibly have in case she takes it away from you. You sigh, damn it. So close and yet so far.
After dressing in a pair of jeans and a charcoal sweater, you descend the stairs and find her seated at the bar in the kitchen. Dark jeans and a green buttoned blouse fit her like a super model. She looks refreshed, hair slightly damp with no makeup. This is how you like her, simple and yet simply breathtaking. It is difficult to resist the urge to bend over to kiss her, but instead you pick up the mug she has left on the counter and fill it with coffee. "Hi, sorry my shower too longer than half an hour", you apologize to her. "That's quite alright, I had to release some tension myself. I just came down". Oh shit, your mind instantly goes back to the vision you had of her in the shower, except your hand is replaced by hers. Maybe she was just talking about the hot water? Oh this was indeed going to be a long day.
Gathering your thoughts, you decide to suggest "Hey, why don't we go out for breakfast this morning? It looks nice outside. What do you think?" In your mind, it is better to get away from the shower, the bedroom, the counter, the floor, and oh the endless possibilities that are within reach. You attempt to keep the mood light and she seems to welcome the idea of leaving her home.
At the restaurant, you decide to order a bloody mary simply because it is your day off and a little keep wouldn't hurt. She smiles and orders the same. While you play with the celery stick, you wait for her to begin talking. Apparently she is doing the same because the table is still silent. Two best friends beating around the celery stalk as if it were a bush, oh that is almost laughable. Breakfast comes and you welcome the bacon and fried eggs with wheat toast. This is good hangover food, although you are not hung over from last night. Well, maybe emotionally. You reach for the strawberry jelly. She has an order of scrambled eggs with vegetables and dry rye toast.
There is not much conversation while eating breakfast, and you are wondering if she knows what she wants to say. The small talk has been about the weather and that new theatre you two double-dated a while ago. That seems like a lifetime away, or at least as you now deem to call it Before She Kissed Me. This causes the corner of your mouth to smirk and fight off a smile. Your best friend kissed you and she wants you. Or wanted you. Damn.
She lets you pay for the meal and as you are walking out of the restaurant, she asks if we can go to the park and talk. This is your favorite park and it feels like a comforting place to discuss the future. The drive over is fairly short; however, your leg begins to bounce. So much for the relaxing bloody mary earlier working to calm your nerves. She notices and places her hand on your arm. "It's ok, I am nervous as well" she says. You glance over and see those beautiful eyes that you love looking into yours. It will be ok.
After parking, you spot a bench over across the pond and point in that direction. "Let's head over there, shall we?" You put your hands in your pockets, it is a nervous habit that you have. Contain and make yourself smaller, you will not get hurt. You are like a turtle with its head peeking out, as you think that is a better thought than an armadillo rolled up into a self-protecting ball. You chuckle as your mind wanders away from the task at hand. Any excuse to mentally escape, if only for a moment.
Finally at the bench, she sits down and watches the swans in the water. There are seven of them and you wonder if they are male or female, what's the odd duck out? You cannot help but compare the lonely swan to yourself. You believe it to be female as you watch her gracefully gliding along the water's edge. Underneath, she is paddling furiously. Isn't that you right now? You sit beside your best friend and face your knees towards her direction, putting your clasped hands between your thighs. Please go first, as you do not know what to say.
Looking up, she says a simple hello and smiles. Yes, you are both nervous and unsure where to begin. "Where do I begin?" she says. "Well, how about the beginning."
"Robert" she sighs. Letting out a deep breath, she goes on. "When I first started dating Robert, I thought I had a chance of feeling like a normal person. He is handsome, treats me well and makes me laugh. At the time, it helped me to focus on him and forget about these feelings I have for you. When he proposed, I was excited and finally believed that someone would love me for me, with all my quirks and that I, in turn, could love him back. I tried to compartmentalize our friendship and put you out of my mind. And he wants children already. That scares me as I do not want any additional commitment to anyone else. It is not working, as I now realize that I cannot forget you." You do not want to interrupt her, as you are unsure what you have to say in return.
She pauses and you wait. "Can you please tell me how you feel about me?" she asks. The question makes you nervous, as you are unsure of how much to divulge about how you would move mountains just to ease her path.
Wiping the sweat from your hands onto your jeans, you begin. "Thank you for starting this conversation, I know it must be difficult for you as it is for me." That seems like a good start and is honest and from your heart. "You are my best friend and I do not want to lose you. I am terrified that you will run away from us and I will be left to pick up the pieces by myself. I want to ask if you are in love with me, but I am afraid of the answer. No wait, I am afraid of the answer being no". You end your thought with a little more force with the last sentence. You search her eyes and realize you have not really answered her question. Find the courage to continue.
"When you kissed me last night, I felt all the stars in the sky falling down on me. It was a beautiful feeling and one that I hope I get to experience again. With you." There. You are shaking because you are finally telling this woman that she means everything to you. You never thought the day would arrive, and here it is. And thus far she has not run away.
She stands up and walks over to the edge of the pond. You are somewhat confused by this reaction and are unsure how to proceed. You give her a moment to collect her thoughts, as yours are all over the place. What could she be thinking?
She turns around and has a grin on her face. "Do you love me?" she asks, almost too quietly.
It now seems to be the moment of truth. Taking a deep breath, you try to contain a sob while saying "with all heart and until my dying day, yes". The tears that have been welling in your eyes have overflowed and are streaking down your face.
She walks back over to you, puts her hands on the side of your face and wipes the tears away with her thumbs. She is crying now as well and you wonder if now is the time to do so, yes it is. You lean in and softly kiss the girl of your dreams. It is better than the one that you remembered last night.
As you touch forehead to forehead, you both giggle as relief sweeps over. Here you are standing in the park with the woman that occupies your heart. You do not seem to care that you are both two women and maybe this is not a good idea to express such in public. To hell with them, that is a battle for another day. Today's victory is sweet!