Chapter 10: The Wedding & Back To The Hospital
Two weeks later – One week before the wedding
I have tried so badly for the last two weeks to feel something for Gavin especially since Austin started seeing this girl Piper, but I still feel nothing for Gavin. I feel jealous of Piper so much that I function even worse than before.
Piper is all over Austin all the time holding hands, laughing, kissing all the things I wish Austin and I could. Piper is so different from me she's a tall blonde cheerleader and she's popular, no wonder Austin's all over her.
Austin and I still haven't talk about anything other than the song we're working on, I'm getting worse every day since we broke up and worse again now when we're both dating other people. I got to the point now where I eat nothing really; I only eat when we have dinner together as a family because otherwise they would notice.
I hear the final bell of the day; thank god, this school day is finally over. I walk outside where Gavin is waiting for me and I know what I have to do, I can't string him along when I feel nothing, but friendly love for him. We walk silently for a while as I try to find the courage to break-up with him I stop and he turns around.
"What's wrong, Ally?" He asks worriedly.
"I have something I have to say." I say feeling ashamed.
"What?"
"This is not working for me, Gavin. I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore." I say sadly.
"Why do you say that? I thought you liked me." He asks confused.
"I do like you just not in the way you want me too." I explain.
"Is it something I did?" He asks worriedly.
"No, it's not you; you have been amazing and sweet. It's me; I'm still hung up on my ex and I can't seem to let him go." I confess.
"Oh."
"I'm sorry, I know it's hard to hear and I'm a terrible person for telling you this, but I can't string you along like this, it's not right." I say sadly.
"I'm happy that you're honest with me, but I wish I could change your mind." He says looking sad and a bit heartbroken.
"I wish you could too more than you know and if I ever let him go you'll be the first I call because you truly are great." I smile weakly.
"I'm hoping for it." He smiles before he kisses me on the cheek before we say goodbye and I walk home I need to prepare for the Halloween party tonight.
The Halloween party
I dress up as Roxie for the Halloween party were Austin and I are gonna perform tonight, but I'm a little scared because I know that by not eating anything I put myself in danger by now, I didn't get better by dating someone because my heart wants Austin. What if I collapse on stage, I would never hear the end of it and my cover would be completely blown.
I get to Marino High with Austin and we stand backstage in silence waiting for Jimmy calling our names. "Hello everyone, today I'm happy to introduce my two newest stars Roxie and Jake." Jimmy announces and we walk on stage, I see Gavin in the crowd, but of course, he doesn't know it's me, thankfully.
"Roxie and I wrote this song together." He smiles.
"The song is called 'Don't Look Down'." I say smile and for the first time since our break-up the smile isn't fake, the music starts to play and the connection I have with Austin shine through, we follow each other perfectly and in this moment I don't feel the heartbreak.
Austin:
Yeah
Woah
I'm walking on a thin line
And my hands are tied
Got nowhere to hide
I'm standing at a crossroads
Don't know where to go
Feeling so exposed
Austin looks over at me and tosses me a mic that I catch easily, it wasn't planned, but it was awesome and I sing the next verse.
Ally:
Yeah I'm caught in between
Where I'm going and where I've been
But I no, there's no turning back
Yeah
Our eyes lock on each other as we sing the chorus walking towards each other until we're only an inch apart. Our connection is stronger than ever and we're drawn towards each other by our love and our undeniable chemistry. Through the rest of the song, we just follow each other's unrehearsed leads and this is just perfect.
Both:
It's like I'm balanced on the edge
It's like I'm hanging by a thread
But I'm still gonna push ahead
So I tell myself
Yeah, I tell myself
Austin:
I'm holding on by my fingertips
Never lose my grip
I can handle this
I'm so strong I'm unbreakable
You can push and pull
You can't make me fall
Ally:
So I'm caught in between
Where I'm going and where I've been
But I no, I'm not turning back
Yeah
Both:
It's like I'm balanced on the edge
It's like I'm hanging by a thread
But I'm still gonna push ahead
So I tell myself
Yeah, I tell myself
Don't look down, down, down, down
Don't look down, down, down, down
Don't look down, down, down, down
Don't look down, down, down, down
Austin:
It'd be so easy
Just to run
It'd be so easy
To just give up
Ally:
But I'm not that girl who go turn my back
There's no turning back
Both:
No turning back
Ally:
It's like I'm balanced on the edge
Austin:
It's like I'm hanging by a thread
Ally:
But I'm still gonna push ahead
So I tell myself
Yeah I tell myself
Both:
Don't look down, down, down, down
(Ally: Dooowwwnnn!)
Don't look down, down, down, down
Don't look down, down, down, down
(Austin: Don't look down! Don't look down!)
Don't look down, down, down, down!
The song ends, Austin and I hug without even thinking about it and the crown cheers loudly. When I feel his arms around me I never want to let go, and this hug isn't fake it's completely real. I can feel that he just like me doesn't want to let go either, we hug for a long time before we need to let go I'm left with the feeling of emptiness again.
"Thank you so much Marino High." Austin yells happily.
"It was a pleasure performing for you today." I yell full of excitement.
We walk off stage where Jimmy stands and he nods with a big grin on his face. "That was an amazing performance." He says joyfully.
"Thanks Jimmy." We say smiling widely.
"I got you two a talk show tomorrow; it takes place downtown on the big mall stage at 11am." He announces. "I walk you to talk about your friendship and partnership, okay?" We both nods as he leaves.
We look at each other, all this is something we've both dreamt of almost all of our lives and we hug again as we did on stage, but this time we don't let go for a while. I look up at him and I know that he feels what I feel; before I know it, I feel his soft lips on mine.
I've been craving his kiss, his touch and well him ever since he kissed me two weeks ago, the kiss is slow, passionate and needing. I throw my arms around his neck not caring about who sees it or the consequences I need this.
He pulls me closer without breaking the kiss for a second, we're kissing as if we are each other's oxygen as if we would die if we let go. I run my hands through his hair trying to get him closer to me even though we are close enough for our bodies to be glued together.
I feel fireworks, sparks and of course love, he is the only one who has ever made me feel this way, I want this moment to last forever, but eventually we pull apart. I see no regret in his eyes, only love and I'm sure he sees the same in mine.
We leave a half hour later not to raise suspicion because the last thing we need is for someone to blow our cover. We get back to Starr Records changing back to ourselves before going back home, we haven't talked since we kissed, but I want to tell him so many things I just can't find the words.
The talk show – the next morning
Austin and I drive to Starr Records early the next morning to dress up as Jake and Roxie before the talk show; I don't know where Austin and I stand right now. I can imagine that he don't want to mention the kiss because he thinks I'll push him away or reject him again, but I wouldn't have to strength or the heart to.
We arrive at the big stage down town 15 minutes before we're on and we get on stage to get ready, I don't know what to say yet because we haven't really talked about it. I hope this won't be awkward or weird because we both want this.
"Good morning Miami, we're live with Starr Records newest stars and they're a mystery to us, today we'll get to know them better." The interviewer Candace introduces us. "So I hear that you two are partners." She smiles.
"That's correct, we write our own songs together." I confirm.
"So you wrote your first duet You Can Come To Me and Don't Look Down together?" She asks impressed.
"Yes, writing songs is fun if you're writing with a good friend." Austin says with a sweet smile and I smile at his comment.
"You're good friends who write your music together, that's cool. How long have you known each other?" She asks.
"Since summer started only." I confess.
"That's not long; I'm impressed that you can write songs like that after such short time of knowing each other. It's seems like your songs is about the two of you, is it?" She asks.
"Roxie taught me that the best songs are the songs based on reality." Austin says charmingly.
"Really? Well your first single sounds more like a love song than a song based on friendship and the second one seems like a song based on problems in your relationship." She asks suspiciously. Oh no… She is right, but it's important that no one knows.
"We're just friends; it's just easy for us to write songs together." I say trying to change the subject.
"Hmm… Okay, I do believe something are going on between the two of you because of your amazing chemistry." She states.
"No, just friends." Austin states.
"So are you dating anyone, Roxie?" She asks.
"No, not at the moment." I admit and Austin smirks.
"What about you, Jake? She asks.
"Nope." He smirks and I smile.
The interview goes on with Candace asking us about our friendship and when we figured out that, we wanted to be a performer. After the interview we drive back to Starr Records, Jimmy is impressed with the talk show and we dress into ourselves again before we drive back home.
The days passes by and I have started to like school again because at least I can do homework. It's better than thinking because if I think it hurts even more. Austin and I are still not talking; things are complicated right now. I can't keep count on the days as the pass by until I wake up that dreadful Saturday… The wedding…
The Wedding – the second weekend of November
Austin and I haven't really talked since he kissed me a week ago, he doesn't even look at me anymore and he mostly pretends as if I don't exist and today we have to attend our parents wedding. I have to walk arm-in-arm with Austin down the aisle and I just know that the contact will be painful after three months without being near him like I want to be.
I haven't smiled or been happy since I broke up with him with the exception of our performance and the talk show where I thought things with Austin and I were getting better. I just do as I did before I keep myself busy with school work and I'm thankful to have school otherwise I wouldn't have been able to keep it together. I barely hold it together now I miss Austin so much, he took my heart with him and I'll never get it back.
It hurts to breathe, eat and it hurts even more to see him and hear his voice without being able to touch him, assure him that I love him that I never stopped loving him. I haven't had a decent night sleep since I came back from camp and I'm unable to eat if I do I throw up just because I miss him so much and the last two weeks have been the worst.
I haven't eaten a proper meal since camp either and I'm seriously underweight now, but I'm good at covering it up since I've done this before. I'm happy no one noticed because then they would be all over me at all times and I just want to be left alone. I have been using make-up to cover just how dead I feel inside and thankfully it's working.
"Ally, it's time come on." Mimi says sweetly, I walk with her to where Austin stands, and I feel the pain hitting me just from seeing him, it has been even more unbearable after our performance where we hugged and kissed. I walk over to him and my arm links with his as they instruct us to and just as I suspected the touch is something I crave, but unbearable.
The music starts to play and we start to walk down the aisle together, as we get to the end of it, Austin lets go of me as soon as he can and we walk our separate ways to stand in the right place just like the rehearsal.
Mimi walks up to where we stand in her beautiful white wedding dress and as soon as the priest starts to talk I tuned out until I hear them say 'I do'. We get to the reception and there I tuned out as well to protect myself since Austin is there too and I'll just breakdown.
We're at a fancy restaurant that our parents picked for dinner after the weeding and I once again feel no desire to eat, but I pretend to anyway the last thing I want is for them to question me. After a long day, our parents left for their honeymoon and I could finally get home.
Our parents is gonna be away for two weeks and I have to be alone with Austin, it's gonna be living hell we didn't even look at each other all day less alone talked. When we get home both Austin and I walk straight to our rooms without looking at each other for a second.
I lie awake almost all night again thinking about Austin and missing him so much, when I finally do sleep I wake up screaming in pain. I know Austin would normally have checked on me, but he began to wear headphones to bed a month ago with loud music so he properly didn't even hear.
The Next Day
I just say in my room only leaving when I have to go to the bathroom, I don't eat at all if our parents isn't home. Around dinnertime, I hear the doorbell, but I ignore it and after a while, I hear Austin talk to someone.
I'm curious so I look out of my window, but instantly regretting it. He is kissing a tall blonde girl on her cheek before he leaves with her, he clearly moved on from Piper too and things with us is properly never happening again, but I guess that's for the best. The pain in my chest is just unbearable seeing him with another girl felt like someone ripping my heart from my chest and I need to find a way to block the pain out.
I walk downstairs where I find a bottle of bourbon, well that should be a good way to forget at least for now. I take the bottle along with a glass before walking back to my room I pour myself a drink and empty it just as fast. I keep going until I'm half through the bottle and pass out.
The Next Morning
I walk up the next morning the major hangover, I pour myself a couple of drinks before I walk downstairs to get some painkillers, but I regret it when I see Austin in the kitchen, I just can't face him. I turn around so fast that I can't see straight as I walk back upstairs, but as I get to the last step I can't find the strength to keep myself up anymore and everything just went black.
It feels familiar when I wake up to a beeping sound. Oh no, I'm in the hospital again. They know now. Fuck! I open my eyes slowly and I see Austin by side, he looks scared. He rests his head against the hospital bed I don't feel strong enough to talk to him, but I know I'll have to.
"Austin? What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" I whisper.
"Ally? You're awake." He says looking relieved and he caresses my cheek softly.
"Yeah." I say weakly. "What happened? Why am I here?" I ask again.
"You fell down the stairs and got yourself a concussion." He explains painfully.
"I don't remember that." I confess.
"How could you possible remember, the doctor told me that you were wasted?" He snap.
"Oh." I say remembering Austin with the blonde girl, my heart twitch painfully.
"Why did you drink?" He asks worriedly his eyes searching mine.
"Doesn't matter." I snap.
"Tell me."
"No! Just stop, okay! We haven't talked without fighting for three months so why start now?" I look at the door and a doctor enters.
"Ally, you're awake. Remember last time you were here and I told you to gain weight?" He asks softly.
"Yes." Oh no, I know where this is going and Austin stares at me not really understanding what's happening. He's properly not going to like this…
"If you remember then why have you lost even more weight now? If you don't gain weight now you'll be in danger, in fact you're already in danger. You're body collapsed from underweight this is serious, Ally." He says worriedly. Oh no, I see Austin's face change to fear. Great!
"I know." I whisper.
"I'm gonna make you stay here for at least two days and after that you'll need to come in here every day since I can't seem to get you eating." He states before leaving and Austin looks at me.
"Why did you starve yourself?" He demands in shock.
"Doesn't matter." I say refusing to look at him.
"Damn it, Ally! Tell me, why?" He almost yells. I crack and the hurt takes over my body.
"Because it hurts!" I scream at him in tears.
"Where?" He asks worriedly.
"Everywhere… It hurts everywhere, in my heart; I can't eat without throwing it all up again." I whisper.
"What do you mean?" He asks confused and it's clear to be that he actually believed me in the end when I said I didn't love him.
"I can't." My bottom lips starts to tremble.
"Ally, you could have died, tell me or help me god I'll make you tell me." He warns.
"I can't handle heartbreak! I love and miss you so much that I can't eat! Happy now?" I yell in frustration.
"What?" He whispers in shock.
"I hurt you by telling you that I didn't love you and what hurts me even more is that you believed me. I've always loved you, I never stopped loving you." I whisper with tears rolling down of my cheeks.
Out of the blue, he just kisses me passionately and I kiss him back, I've missed him so much that my heart won't stop hurting even now when he kisses me. He pulls back looking into my eyes and I see the pain he still feels.
"I never stopped loving you either; I couldn't even look at you after you broke up with me." He says painfully.
"I don't think you understand how much I love you, I cried myself to sleep every night waking up screaming in pain. I couldn't eat and if I did I would throw up." I confess.
"Ally, why didn't you just talk to me? It pains me that you tortured yourself this way. I knew the break-up hurt you too, but this." I see tears in his eyes.
"I knew we couldn't be together because our parents was getting married." I shrug.
"I don't care, I've never felt pain like this before and if you felt this pain too we can make it stop." He says looking into my eyes.
"I felt pain trust me, just look at this." I say pulling up the dress to he can see how much weight I lost and he gasps.
"Ally, fuck!" He curses getting up running his hands through his hair. "This is my fault, I should have noticed." He says in pain.
"You couldn't have, I hid it by wrapping other fabrics around me just like last time." I confess.
"Why would you do that?" He asks.
"I don't know." I look down.
"Listen to me; I'm never letting you leave me again. I don't care if it's wrong of us to be together we need each other." He says determined.
"What about your new girlfriend?" I ask and he look shocked at me.
"Who? I don't have a girlfriend; I broke up with Piper just before the Halloween party you know that." He states.
"Stop, I saw you with a new girl the other day outside."
"I don't know what you mean?" He says confused.
"The blonde girl you kissed on the cheek, come on Austin. Why did you think I drank a half bottle of bourbon last night, I had to block the pain out." I say full of pain.
"Ally, that's my cousin Sophie she just moved here." He clears up, looking worriedly at me.
"Oh." I say feeling stupid.
"I can't move on from you, Ally. You own me heart, body and soul." He says caressing my cheek softly.
"I can't move on from you either you were right when you told me that I felt nothing for Gavin." I confess.
"And I felt nothing for Piper, I just tried to move on, but it didn't help so I broke up with her." He confesses.
I let my tears fall and I do something unexpected I grab his shirt bringing his lips to mine, he kisses me back instantly and I know now that we need to stay together. None of us can take the pain of being separated any longer, I know it's wrong, but there is just no fighting it anymore.
He pulls away. "I'll be right back." He assures me and I wait for around fifthteen minutes wondering what he's up to before he returns with his hands full of food, he puts it down on my bed. "Now I'm not gonna kiss you again before you eat." He says seriously.
"I'm not hungry." I say. For food anyway…
"I don't care, eat." He orders and helps me sit up; I decide that now would be a good time to figure out if my body will accept the food. "I didn't call our parents." He suddenly says.
"What?" I ask surprised.
"I didn't call them, at first I just didn't want to ruin their honeymoon, but now I think it was smart not to call them because this they would have put it together." He says sadly.
"I know."
"I won't tell them, but I will make you eat and bring you here everyday trust me I might be harder on you than they would have been." He says seriously.
"I guess I deserve that." I agree as I start to eat and I'm surprisingly hungry, it's the first time in three months that I can eat. I'm surprised when I'm able to eat all of it without getting sick.
"That's good." He smiles and kisses me; we pull away just before the doctor returns.
"That's amazing; you got her to eat all of that?" The doctor asks surprised.
"I did." He smiles.
"I can let you go home if you can make her eat like that." The doctor smiles.
"I'll make her eat, trust me I won't let her get to this again." Austin promises.
"Then you're free to go, but call me if anything happens." He warns.
"I will I won't let her be alone for a second." Austin says protectively.
"Good, feel better Ally." He smiles before he leaves.
"Come on." Austin says helping me out of bed, he collect all of our stuff before he carries me to the car because I'm too weak to walk, and drives us back home.
He carries me back to my bed in my room and lie down beside me; we both drift off to sleep almost instantly. I feel safe again and I have the feeling that this will be one good night sleep and I just cuddle closer to him, he holds his arms close around me.
The Next Morning
I wake up in my bed alone and I get an overwhelming fear that I dreamt everything there happened yesterday, but then Austin walks through my door with breakfast. "Here, I made pancakes, eggs and bacon for breakfast." He says sweetly.
"You have to eat as well, get in here." I demand smirking.
"If you insist." He smirks back.
"I do." I smile weakly and he get in bed next to me as we share breakfast, I can finally eat again now that Austin and I are back together.
After eating breakfast, we spend the rest of the day together in bed just watching movies and he makes me eat almost all the time. I already feel better because I have food in my system again, but I know it will take some time to get back to normal.
The pain is slowly disappearing I know now that leaving Austin didn't solve anything it only made everything worse. Austin also seems to really smile again, I did hurt everyone with my decision and now we need to get back to normal, we need to heal from all of this pain together. Just being back with Austin slowly makes my heart heal, but I'm so afraid of losing him again because what I did to him, I can't believe that he's still here it's a miracle.
*Disclaimer I don't own Austin & Ally or anything else you might recognize. :) I only own this story.