Repost of this chapter! Now, with all those annoying typos removed! Now…to start work on the next chapter. If it isn't posted by the end of today, you reserve the right to shoot me because…I have a good hour and for me that's enough to get at least a short chapter posted. So…be prepared. Hope you like the new and improved version of this one.

Oh yes and…I don't own LOST. But I do own 3 copies of LOST magazine that amuse me to no end.

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The dawn was breaking. Light hit the top of the jungle first, then from that point seemed to spread and touch it all. Sawyer leaned against the wall, Kate asleep against his chest. He had slept, enough for him at least, and he loved watching her. The morning was the only chance he got to really stare at her uninterrupted. During the day, work would get in the way. A thought which reminded him, much as he didn't want to think of it, that it was time to wake Kate and get her back into her cage. Sawyer slid one hand under her shirt and rubbed her back gently, smiling at the way she snuggled closer into him. "Morning, Sunshine."

Kate took a deep breath then forced open her eyes. "Good morning." Blinking sleepily she hid her face in his neck.

"You that tired?"

"Shouldn't I be?" Sawyer chuckled. "That and…you're warm."

Given the fact that he was new at all this, even something like that was touching. Not that he would say it. That, he was still working on. "Well…come on. Time to get up, do some cage climbing."

Kate slid out of his arms, standing and stretching. The growing sunlight shone behind her, around her, and Sawyer was struck by her beauty. The urge came to him to take her back in his arms and kiss her hard, but he knew if he started he'd never have the self control to stop, and it would end with her against the wall and them in trouble when it was time for them to get to work. With some effort he controlled the urge and just moved up to stand beside her. "Right…how exactly are we doing this, now, Freckles? This was your idea. You want me to just lift you up and you can squeeze the rest of the way through?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah. Something like that. Should work."

Sawyer let out a short laugh at her lack of planning but he held his tongue. It didn't really matter. He lifted her easily, then held her up in the air as best she could, letting her brace her legs against his shoulder as she reached for the bars. Her hands grasped them and he shifted to a better grip, lifting her high enough to give her the boost she needed to push herself through. After that, the rest was easy and she was back on the ground in no time. Sawyer grinned at her. "I think we could get that down pretty well. Don't you?"

Kate headed back over to her cage, quickly covering the ground in-between. "Oh I think so. It'll work, at least."

She hadn't been in her cage five minutes, had barely gotten settled on the ledge when Tom was there, walking toward her cage door. "Kate. Come on, you're coming back with me. Ben wants a talk with you…says you have something important to discuss."

"Did he say what that might be?"

Tom held the bag out to her. "Just put it on, Kate. You'll know when you get there."

Sawyer's eyes, the worry in them, followed her as far as he could see. She couldn't see him, but even so she could feel his gaze. Even had he been able to see her, the look on her face would have done nothing to calm his fears.

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When Kate didn't show up at work all day, Sawyer tried to tell himself that he hadn't expected her to. That he had expected her to be gone for awhile, that they would have just returned her to her cage like they had before, but no matter what he told himself, the more time passed the more his heart seemed to be pounding in his throat instead of his chest. When he finally was taken back that evening and saw her, sitting against the back wall, he felt the relief could have nearly killed him. There she was, concrete proof that she was alright. But she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't even raise her head. He waited until the man holding him slid the bar across his cage and walked away before he chanced calling to her. "Hey, Freckles. Missed you at the good old quarry today."

Kate looked up at him, briefly, her eyes as wide as a frightened deer. "Sorry."

Scared, now, Sawyer moved to the front of his cage and laced his arms through the bars. "What'd he want, that jackass? Thought he'd be…in recovery or something."

Kate was once again studying the dirt. "He is."

She was about as forthcoming as a rock. Memories of what they had done to him flashed into his head and he realized, not for the first time, that he was terrified for her. Maybe they had found out about her climbing out last night….if she had been hurt just because she had come to have sex with him, he would never forgive himself. "Kate…it wasn't about…last night was it?"

Kate shook her head, strongly. "No. Not that. It was…something else entirely."

She wasn't going to tell him. At least…not from this distance. "Hey…I don't think they're coming back tonight, Freckles. Why don't you come over here, keep me company?"

She hesitated, far longer than he knew was normal, but she finally rose to her feet and began the climb out of her cage. The sight made him breathe a little easier, though not by much. When she reached his cage he positioned himself under the bars, catching her with gentle hands as she slid through. He didn't let her go, but instead held on to her, resting his forehead against hers. She pulled away from him almost instantly and began pacing a little, her every movement nervous. Sawyer reached out to stop her, steady her, and finally their eyes met and he was able to hold her gaze. Her eyes filled with tears. "I….I love you." The tears escaped her eyes and she couldn't stop crying then, though she tried to hide it it was no good anymore.

All tenderness, Sawyer stepped forward to take her in his arms. "Hey….it's alright…it's alright. What's wrong, Freckles?"

Kate shook her head, taking deep shaky breaths. "Nothing, nothing it's just….I love you, so much and….it's nothing. I just love you, that's all."

Filled with more worry than he had ever imagined possible Sawyer tucked his head in against her shoulder, keeping her as close to him as possible. "I know you love me, but that's never made you cry like this before. Come on Kate, darlin', tell me what's wrong."

Kate almost smiled at him then, sounding so much like the southern gentlemen she knew he wasn't. But that, just like everything else, reminded her of how much he meant to her and any happiness the idea might have afforded her was washed away. "I can't, Sawyer…I can't…"

"Yes you can." Sawyer wouldn't let go of her, wouldn't let her move away from him. He didn't want her to go, and he could feel in her just how frightened she was, and she was so much like him. Too much fear and she'd run.

"No. No, Sawyer I…I can't. You remember, when they took you, and I asked you….I asked you what happened. You lied to me, you wouldn't tell me."

Sawyer cradled the back of her head with his hand, nestling her more comfortably against his chest. "I had a good reason. I was…tryin' to protect you."

Muffled by her sobs, Kate still answered him. "Maybe I'm trying to protect you."

Sawyer shifted, took her face in both his hands. He stroked his thumbs against her cheeks, wiping away the worst of her tears and waiting until she looked at him. "What did he do to you?"

"He didn't do-"

"Don't get technical, Kate." His voice had a warning, an edge, but it was only out of fear for her and he hoped she knew it. "What did he have them do to you?"

His eyes were killing her, so full of love and pain, fear and worry, and she closed her eyes against the sight. "No…please, stop, Sawyer….I can't….I just can't….I don't want you to ever know…." Another sob broke from her but she seemed to come to some sort of decision and though she was now shaking, she kept going. "Just….no matter what…no matter what happens, now or later…I love you….you know that…please, you have to know that…."

He had never known, never known he could feel this much fear or pain, and he thought he was beginning to understand why he had never wanted to be in love. It was hell on your nerves. "I know…Freckles, I know….why are you telling me this?"

Kate crumpled against him, burying her face in his shirt and holding on to him with all her might. She said nothing, and he didn't ask again. He nuzzled his face against her neck, leaving soft kisses there between words as he whispered to her. After awhile, he could feel her tremors slow, then cease, and she relaxed in his arms. Taking her hands in his he linked her arms around his neck, then lowered his to lift her and lay down with her on the soft dirt floor of the cage. She didn't say a word, but she did unbutton his shirt to get closer to the warmth of his chest before she curled in against him and fell into a deep sleep. For his part, Sawyer didn't once shut his eyes. He watched her, watched the way she would move against him in her sleep, the way her hands never left his chest. No matter how he tried to shut it out his mind kept replying the way she had looked at him, the way her cries had shook her entire body, and she had never seemed so small or vulnerable. He was running only on his urge to protect her, and if that could have only been enough he would have had her out of there that night, out of those bars and across the water to where she would be safe. But he could do nothing, and it was driving him crazy. He had never been a religious man, but looking at the still fresh cuts on her arms and remembering her tears he could not help but swear to whatever God may be listening that he would give his life, everything, if only he could find a way to save her.

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It was one day out in the hot sun hauling rocks, just like any other, when Sawyer realized the details of the hatch, the beach, were beginning to become fuzzy in his mind. Before, he had seen them with perfect clarity. He could have walked from his tent to the caves for water in his sleep. Now…it was getting harder and harder to recall. Two and half months since he had found himself kneeling on a dock next to Kate and Jack. Two and half months since he had seen Mike drive away in the boat. As close as he could figure, that was an estimate of how long they had been here. It had all slipped into disturbing familiarity. The days were filled with hard work, blood and sweat, and more only increasing confusion as to what the purpose of moving all this rock really was. It was the nights that he counted, that brought to his existence a calm that seemed so out of place with their circumstances. He still wanted to escape. Wanted it even more every time Kate was asked to skip a day of work for God knows what reason, only to come back with the look of the dead on her face, but he had grown accustomed to spending every night with her, whether they made love or whether they just fell asleep in each others arms. If had had told himself, in his life before, that he could have such a high, such joy from watching one woman sleep, he would have told himself he was insane. He knew that, knew it beyond a shadow of doubt but it was true all the same, and it was what kept him going. Her, and her presence…and the ever present hope that some day an opening would present itself. But it hadn't happened yet, and the days stretched on and on. He realized, sometimes, that the others from the plane were probably looking for them, but had failed to think of them being on this island. Maybe they had, and they were building another raft. Maybe they presumed them dead and had already held funerals. Maybe somewhere, there was a grave with a cross marked 'Sawyer'. He had a lot of time to think. Carrying rocks didn't really require brain power. He had a lot on his mind today, both with the realization that his life as he had known it was fading into the past and…Kate. He was concerned, more than usual. She hadn't been feeling well the past few mornings, had hardly even wanted breakfast, and though she tried to brush it off nagging little possibilities, worries and possibilities, had started to chase themselves around his head. Reaching for another rock to load into the wheel barrow he let his eyes focus on Kate herself, chase the worries from his thoughts. His eyes wandered over her body, and before he knew it he was undressing her in his mind, sliding her jeans from her hips…the shock jolted him hard in the back and he yelped before he realized it. Juliet stepped around in front of him. "Keep your eyes on your work. Let's go. Get this load moving."

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Sawyer lifted a rock and briefly contemplated dropping it on her foot before he decided it wouldn't be worth it. "You know how much I hate you?"

"I wish you didn't hate me at all."

Sawyer glared at her. "I told you, Blondie, I don't buy it. Now just give it up and say you hate me too, and we'll just have had a perfect emotional sharing moment for the both of us."

Juliet smiled, drifting away. "I would, Sawyer, but I'm not a liar like you."

He clenched his hands into fists. He might could hit her head from this close distance, even heavy as these rocks were. Once again…it just wasn't quite worth it.

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They had it down to a science now. At the end of the day, early evening they were taken to their cages. They'd wait an hour or so, making sure no one was coming around on rounds. Sometimes just to be safe they'd wait until they had full cover of darkness. Then it was over her cage and into his, dropping into the safety of his arms. Tonight, Sawyer caught her and immediately kissed her, driving her back against the bars. When he pulled back, she was grinning at him, laughing softly. "Hello to you, too."

"You know why she shocked me today?" He was rubbing her hips, her sides, her arms. He couldn't keep his hands off her.

"I can imagine that I've got a few good ideas. Let me see…you were staring at my ass again, just like you always do while we're working…" Her laughter made him smile and he nuzzled his face against hers.

"I just can't help it, Freckles…you're so beautiful. Makes it hard on me, watching you getting all hot and sweaty like that…gets my mind going…not to mention…" He had that cocky grin, the same one he had worn so long ago, telling her that he knew her type, and she slapped him playfully before he could finish the sentence. "Honestly…you know what you do to me? hmm?" He was rubbing his face against hers, sandpaper rough and soft at the same time. He took one of her hands in his, slid it up to his neck and pressed her fingers there, right over his pulse. He let her fall into the rhythm of his heartbeat, the steadiness of it. He kissed her then, hot and passionate, coaxing her tongue to dance with his. His right hand fell to her hip then, and he rubbed against her just enough to make her knees weak and fire shoot through his veins. She could feel it, his heartbeat racing under her fingers. All for her. And it pleased her, just like he'd known it would. He took her hand back in his, pinned it down low against the bars, his right hand already working the button on her jeans. By now he had more of an easy familiarity with her clothes than with his own and he had them down her hips with a twist of his wrist and she stepped out of them, pushing them aside. He rubbed against her again, more insistent this time now that here was one less barrier between them. Her knees grew too weak to support her and he slid one arm around her waist, prompting her to wrap her legs around him. He trailed a line of open mouthed kisses across her collarbone and up her neck, ending at her mouth where he tipped her chin up and kissed her forcefully. He could feel her tighten her hold on his hand and he broke the kiss, taking his lips back down to her neck and shoulders. One hand slid between them and down, and his hands were familiar enough with her body to draw an immediate response, her hips arching as far as they could against him. "James…." No matter how many times he heard it, the warmth that washed over him was the same. He was James when they made love, almost always James and rarely Sawyer. It sounded so good hearing his name, his real name, from her lips like that, breathless and filled with love and pleasure. And it seemed so right to him, somehow, that he was James at times like this, the little boy that had lost so much, the one inside him he thought had died, had been overcome through his transformation into Sawyer, had finally become a man in loving her. He had found a balance between the two. He was contaminated, he was damaged by the world and he could never be fully just James, just the good man. But her touch had cleansed him, washed away the worst of the pain, and he could no longer be fully Sawyer either. Some nights he took his time, poured out his love for her the way her never had with any other woman, but times like now the feel of her was too overwhelming, too intense to take things slow. When it was over he held her tight still against him, panting against her shoulder and feeling her tremble in his arms, both of them basking in the rush that came with the aftershock. A little reluctantly he withdrew from her, savoring the catch in her breath as he did. She stood on her own feet again, a little shaky still, and he leaned forward to leave a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you…"

She tangled her hands in his hair and tucked herself in close to him. "I love you too."

He picked her up, carried her gently to the back wall. They settled quickly into the now familiar comfort of just being together, one of her hands playing with his battered, fraying jeans. "You should take these off more often." He chuckled.

"I do. Every now and then. I'd say you do more of it than I do."

"Not enough." He knew her now, was learning her like the back of his hand. And he knew that behind her teasing tonight she was nervous. She was trying too hard to put herself at ease, trying too hard to relax. Something was up. But she was like a frightened animal when she was nervous, and if he said anything she'd be immediately either on the defensive or on retreat. If he was quiet, maybe she'd approach him about it.

"Sawyer…we need to talk." Sooner than he'd thought. He shifted her in his lap to better look her in the eyes.

"Well alright. What about?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry…I don't want to tell you this…I can hardly believe it right now, with everything else and…" She went quiet but he didn't say a word. He was waiting. "I…I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

Sawyer tensed, his eyes clouding. "Not entirely unexpected."

"You…you knew?"

"I said I suspected. Not the same thing." His voice came out much harder than he had intended and she looked away, her eyes downcast.

"I know…I know this doesn't work right now."

"At all." Kate's eyes were filling with tears and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in his chest and let him comfort her…but he sounded so angry with her. She didn't even know what to say.

Sawyer shook his head. "Ah hell, Kate….this is really bad."

She was hurt, frightened, but she had learned over the years that anger was a good shield and that's what rose in her now, prompting her to pull away from him. "This isn't just my fault, Sawyer."

Sawyer jerked away and rose to his feet, pacing the cage. "Did I ever say it was?"

"All you can do is snap at me, tell me how terrible it is; well you should have thought of that before you…"

Sawyer rounded on her, his glare hard enough to freeze her in place. "Before I what? Don't give me that, Freckles, you started this just as much as I did. So don't you tell me this is my fault."

Kate was crying now, trying not to and failing miserably. She hadn't quite expected it to go like this. "It's not anyone's fault, Sawyer, please…don't be so angry."

"Oh and what do you want me to be, Kate? Happy? Hell yeah, I'm thrilled, we're having a baby in the middle of psycho-island concentration camp! Why don't we just run out and tell all the neighbors?" She wanted to fight with him, wanted to scream at him and tell him to leave her alone but it failed her. He was right. The timing was terrible. It couldn't have been worse. "Come on, Kate, did you really expect me to think this was a good thing?"

Kate found her voice. "No. I don't know." She was getting a little strong, finding some force, some conviction to put behind her words. "I don't know, Sawyer, but yeah, I guess I expected you to, I don't know, maybe CARE that you were going to be a father other than telling me everything that I already know about how much this doesn't work right now!"

Sawyer slammed his fist into the bars. "And you think that's good news? You think I'm cut out to be a daddy? You know the kind of example I had?"

"Sawyer…please…"

"My old man shot himself in front of me. I was eight years old. And you think…." Sawyer laughed, bitterly. "Somehow you've got it in your head that I can be a father, that I'm gonna be just overflowing with joy about something that I can never be?" Sawyer was staring out the bars, staring at the jungle, his hand clenched so tight around the metal it was painful.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't turn, didn't hear Kate moving until she was dressed and climbing the bars to try and reach the top on her own. Swearing under his breath he grabbed her easily and pulled her struggling back to the ground. She fought hard with him, but he had a grip on her arm she couldn't break no matter how hard she tried. "Sawyer, just let me go!" She was crying hard, looking at everything but him.

"No." He was determined, still angry, but despite it all he could feel his heart softening now that he was watching her cry. She kept fighting. "Kate, come on, you don't want to go."

"Yes I do! Let go of me!" She twisted her arm, forcing him to let her go or hurt her. He released his grip, grabbing her around the waist as she turned, sweeping her backward to pin her to the ground beneath him. She twisted, tried her best to escape his hold.

"Kate, dammit, stop! Stop it now!" He took her arms in his, pinned them up over her head. She tried to glare up at him, but she was still crying too hard to look effectively vicious. "Stop it." She stopped struggling, her chest heaving from the fight. She couldn't, however, stop crying and it was pulling insistently at his heart.

"Sawyer please….I understand, alright? You're mad at me because of where we are….I know that, I knew that already-"

Sawyer interrupted her. "Because I'm scared for you, dammit!" They both didn't breathe for a minute, neither of them moving or even blinking. The whole world seemed to stand still. She could feel her heart pound a little slower in her chest, some of her fear fade away, but for some reason she only cried harder.

"I'm still sorry…sorry that you would have never even wanted this anyway…"

"Because I'm not cut out for this!" He was still yelling at her, still seemed just as angry, but this close to him, she could see the pain coming out in his eyes. "I can't do this, Kate! I'm not….I'm not the right man to be father. You want that, I'm sure Jack would be more than happy."

Fury rose in her at that. "You son of a bitch! You think that I'm with you just because we're here together, just because you're so good that I couldn't resist you? You really think I'd just go to Jack, that I'd be happy that way? You know I thought that you were actually smarter than that, Sawyer, but apparently you're more of an idiot than I thought if you don't even know that I love you!"

Sawyer looked away, easing his grip on her a little. "That doesn't mean I can be a father. I can't do it. I've done told you before. I'm just a bad man. It's…what I became. And it's all I'll ever be." He sounded so hurt, so lost and bitter, and when he sat up and turned away from her she surprised both of them by sitting up and wrapping her arms around him from behind, letting him rest between her legs.

"That isn't true. And I know it isn't true. You're a good man."

"No. No I'm not."

"Stop it, James." He was still tense, his hands clenched in fists so hard he was digging blood out of his palms. Kate pulled him back against her, pulled his head back against her shoulder like she had when he had been shot. "I know you're a good man. And I don't want to know…what you're afraid of. I just want to hear from you because….I know this is…the worst time and I wish it wasn't true but it is…and I thought…."

"I do love you." She didn't even finish, but he knew what she was thinking, knew her fears. "Kate…I can't…I don't know the first thing about being a dad. And I never wanted a chance to screw things up the way my father did."

Kate stroked his hair back from his eyes. "You won't. But you don't have to tell me you'll be perfect. You think I know how to be a mother? I didn't have the best one of those, either." Kate closed her eyes, rested her forehead against the top of his head. "Just…just tell me you'll try. That you would want to try. That's….that's all I ever wanted to hear."

Sawyer swallowed hard. "Yes. Hell yes, I'd want to try. I'd give…." He took another breath to steady himself. "Freckles, I'd give your….our child everything I had, every….every effort I could manage. I'd give anything."

Relieved, she smiled a little, whispering "That's what I thought."

Sawyer shook his head. "But that isn't the question or the problem right now, Freckles. But I know what the answer to the real one is…" He sighed and sat up, reluctantly pulling out of her arms, then turning to face her. "I've got to get you out of here. We can't…wait anymore. You heard that French woman…more than anything, these people want babies. Soon as they know you're pregnant…and hell, for all I know they could be watching us right now…they'll keep you here for good. Maybe even separate us, lock you up inside. And they can't…" Sawyer gritted his teeth, his hatred for the Others almost consuming him. "I will die before I'll let them take our child, I promise you."

"Sawyer…" His words were so heartfelt, so honest. This, this was why she loved him. Underneath the front he put up for the world, underneath the anger, there was a good man who loved her. Nothing else mattered. Forcing himself to calm, he reached for her pulled her in to him.

"It's alright. I promise. It's gonna be alright. I'll get you out of here. I'll find a way." Kate rubbed her hands against his chest, and before he really registered it he had her back on her back on the ground underneath him. This time there was no need to make her stay.

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Kate was asleep on the ground, curled on her side. He watched the morning light her from behind, but his heart wasn't in it. He had too much on his mind. He had thought about it all night after they had made up. That much he found humorous enough…the ridiculousness of the fact that they could go from screaming in each others faces to making love in about 2 minutes. But that was the good part. Everything else…was a mess. But after thinking about it he knew what he had to do. It would hurt, it would rip his heart from his chest, but it was for the best. It was for her, for the baby. And the two of them had to take precedence over everything else…including his own selfish desires. He trailed one hand across her shoulder, careful not to wake her. She was sound asleep, and he knew it would take more than that before she'd notice. "God, I love you so much…" A tear escaped his troubled blue eyes but he didn't stop watching her, drinking her in. He was only grateful she wasn't awake to see him cry.

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Longest chapter yet…and I hope you liked it. Drama…skex…angst…and the question of…what's he planning? lol something I know but you don't. hehe maybe you'll know pretty soon….leave me some encouragement? Please::meow:: (weird mood…can you tell? lol)