Be All My Sins Remembered

"So that brings the grand total to…?"

"14," John answered. "Larrin said she can get 3 or 4 more ships."

"Well that's great!"

"Yeah…"

John didn't seem his normal self. He was distant—something was getting to him, she just couldn't tell what.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," he assured, then added: "I'm taking Teyla off active duty."

Sam looked at him in surprise. "Why?"

"She's pregnant."

Sam looked away, trying to feign astonishment. "Uhh… ok…"

She'd known he'd find out sooner or later, but now she was feeling guilty that he hadn't been told first. She understood why he was taking her off active duty, and was glad. She would've done the same thing a lot sooner, but wanted to respect Teyla's wishes, (both as far as keeping it secret and cultural-wise) and had asked Keller to do the same until further notice.

"Who's the father?" she asked on a more curious note. The question had been bugging her from the moment she found out, but it wasn't her place to ask. She'd have hoped Teyla would have told John.

He shot her a funny look. "I never asked."

Sam looked away, feeling awkward. "Wow. Well it has been one hell of a day," she said, changing the subject. "There's one more thing you need to see," she continued. "McKay has kind of thrown us a curveball."

"Oh, great. I was just thinking we need more of those today."

Sam laughed.

V

"…This is NOT what we talked about Rodney!" John growled, looking away from the screen to glare at McKay.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry, but the block idea didn't fly… this was the only way," McKay said, seeming less than concerned.

They were observing the footage from the security camera where they were keeping the human-form replicator. Sam winced. The girl was wandering the room, running her hands along the walls in amazement. She knew the girl was a machine, but machines weren't supposed to be like this… not supposed to act like humans. She couldn't stand the idea of using her like a weapon.

"Do you have any idea what kind of a security threat this is!?!" John shot back in exasperation.

"It's not as bad as you think!" Rodney countered, his voice still showing no trace of concern what-so-ever. "I stripped down its programming as much as I possibly could without sacrificing basic viability. It can walk, it can talk, but it-it can't replicate or change its form or anything."

"Does she know why she was created?" Sam asked.

Rodney paused. "Of course."

Sam tore her eyes from the screen finally and looked at Rodney. "Well then she has a certain amount of self-awareness."

Rodney shook his head. "Yeah, so?"

"So?" Sam repeated. "I'm not sure how comfortable I am sending her to her death."

"Death?" Rodney asked, looking bored with the argument. "It can't die… its not alive… it-it's a program! I mean its consciousness is just a bunch of ones and zeroes. I mean, you can call it "she" all you want but it's still just a thing—it's a prop… it's a… really advanced radio-controlled weapon. I mean, you don't feel sorry for your bullets do you? …your… bombs?"

Sam sighed. "Alright, still…" she paused, trying to come up with a sufficient argument while Rodney pulled out a data-pad and began working on it. "It's weird…" she finally settled on. "…I mean, I…"

"You feel sorry for her?" Rodney finished for her, looking up momentarily from what he was doing. Sam was so alarmed by his words that she couldn't respond. "Well, let me remind you, Colonel; you also felt sorry for Fifth and your replicator duplicate and just look where that got you."

Sam felt as though she had just been slapped in the face. She knew Rodney hadn't put much thought behind his words, but it still felt like shit to hear; especially after she had stood up for him back with Ellis.

John bowed his head, not daring to say anything, and Sam was actually glad for once that Rodney was too busy with whatever he was doing to pay attention to her, because she couldn't bear either of the men seeing her choke up like this.

She began to back away towards the door, struggling to find words, and when she spoke her voice came out raspy.

"…Alright…" she said. "Sorry. I'll… I'll leave you to it then."

With that, she turned and strode quickly from her own office, not daring to look back. John looked up and glared at Rodney.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked, his tone unimpressed.

The man looked up from what he was doing. "What!?!"

John sighed. He could be so oblivious some times. He shot him another look and swept from the room, leaving Rodney feeling frustrated and confused.

V

"Sam?"

Sam spun around, and then turned her face again to wipe tears away, pretending to be rubbing something in her eye. She couldn't let John know Rodney had upset her. She couldn't let herself think that either; it was stupid!

"Hi John…" she greeted back, looking out at the ocean as he came to stand beside her, and she was glad it was dark out.

John let an uncomfortable silence stretch between the two. He wasn't good at this kind of thing, as Teyla had discovered a while back. And he had never been good at it when it came to Sam. Especially now it would be… awkward. After all, they hadn't spoken for years and years.

"About what Rodney said…." he began. "…you know how he can get…"

"No. He's right," Sam interrupted, turning to face him for a moment and offering a weak smile before turning back out towards the ocean. She had managed to take the sniffing raspiness out of her voice but her face was still red and didn't hide the fact that she had been crying.

John frowned. "It wasn't your fault," he told her.

She nodded. "Guess it doesn't really matter now, huh?" she asked with a weak laugh, which her concerned friend did not return. Instead he sighed and looked out at the ocean with her. He hadn't done much, but it would be enough.

"You going to be ready soon?" he asked, changing the subject.

She nodded, then looked at John. "You?"

He shrugged. "Yeah… I guess."

Sam smiled. "Rodney's pretty sure this'll work."

"I know."

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. "You don't think so?"

"No, no… I'm sure it will, it's just…"

"You can't trust a replicator," Sam answered, smiling in understanding. She was surprised she still felt able to.

John sighed. No… he couldn't trust a replicator. And he certainly couldn't trust the Wraith or Larrin, or even his own judgement for thinking that he could. He stared out at the water one last time as he prepared himself for what was to come. "I'm having problems trusting anything right now," he admitted, leaving Sam to her thoughts.