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Summer Boy
One week. Sora huffed out a bitter laugh. He lasted one week, one little week. He was weak, he was miniscule, pathetic. But he did so well, he did, he tried, he really, really tried. He lifted his hand back up and sucked on the twisted end of the blunt he held gingerly.
As he exhaled, he gasped, tears stinging his eyes. It wasn't an aftereffect from the smoke, no that was for amateurs. He wiped away the offending tears angrily, indignant that the smoke wasn't working yet, not yet taking him to the moon. Fuck, he thought, inhaling a deep drag. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
As he exhaled again he watched the curling trails of the smoke as they lifted into the starry night sky. A sob racked him, shaking his shoulders and clenching his eyes tightly. Still he brought the drug back up to his lips, taking yet another hit. This time he could feel it, a lightness to his bones, a little fuzzy edge to everything. But he still felt it. The empty, the pit in his stomach that never, never went away. He felt sad.
It was a warm summer night. Songs and movies and books were built on nights like these; the summer nights; where the freedom of the day continued into the night. The shingles of the roof were hard against butt, making it numb sooner than not. He snuck out of the window upstairs, found the hidden bundle of a few blunts he hid up here earlier and promptly forgot about and immediately lit one up.
It was a summer night and movies and books and songs were made on these, life was made on these, and he couldn't stop thinking about it. How everyone else seemed to have it all together, were all perfect and great and people loved them unconditionally. Sora sucked in a few shuddery breaths, choking on his own distraught sibs. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.
Kai sniffed at him, nose upturned and looking down at him like he was a bug on the sidewalk. She was going to court in a few weeks for her busted party but sneered at him. "Well, if it isn't Sora sobriety." "At least when you were high you had an excuse for being a slut." "I guess you're only the life of the party when X is involved. Huh. How far you have fallen. See ya around….Or not. Ha!"
Hot fat tears fell down his face, streaking down and down and down, falling from his chin. He continuously sniffed back up runny snot. The brunette wiped away both bitterly, angry at them, himself, and everyone else. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.
How many friends did he have now? How many people could he say were there for him regardless?
The blunt was thinner than usual, disappearing too fast in his fingers, and he still wasn't gone, he still felt the world closing in on him, his hopelessness. He was alone, alone, alone, alone. And the stars had never looked so bright before.
Before he really comprehended what he was doing, Sora's bare feet were hitting the pavement, running as fast as he could.
Riku, he thought, Riku, while tears streaked his face, growing cold as they dried. Riku would help. Riku always helped. Riku was here for him, practically worshipped the ground he walked on. Riku would fight for him, would fix everything. The brunette just needed to say the word and it was done. Your wish is my command.
But then, he also thought, a little whisper in the back of his head, that's when he's happy. That's when he loves you. That's when you don't betray him, lie to him, and try to break him so you can feel better. That's when you don't go out of your way to hurt him and succeed without even lifting a finger. And what have you already done? You're high, you caved, you gave up already. In one week! It's always back and forth with you isn't it? Isn't it?!
He ran faster, legs aching, lungs aching, head aching. Just moving forward, telling himself that Riku would forgive him for this one little, itty-bitty, slipup. He always did, didn't he? One way or another Riku always forgave him. Always.
Later, rather than sooner, he arrived at Riku's home, sweaty and gross and throwing pebbles at Riku's window like he was in a romantic-comedy, smiling as a light went on. Riku's bed-head poked out, leaning on the sill and grinning ear to ear as he spotted the brunette. "So does this makes me Juliette to your Romeo?"
"If you wanna do it that way, sure, fine with me. Come down," he called hopefully. "I wanna be with you."
With one last stunning smile the silver-haired graduate disappeared from view, returning later with a hoodie and jeans on, ducking out of the window and climbing down the side of the house in a fashion that reminded Sora of a squirrel. "Hey there," he whispered in the night, laying a kiss on Sora's lips. Drawing back he saw the brunettes dilated pupils, smile falling immediately. "Are you high? Are you fucking high?"
Sora jumped back at the angry accusation, startled eyes flickering around, searching for something smart to say. "N-No!" He stuttered. He could nearly feel the anger in Riku's glare and when he peeked up he found he was right, Riku's looking for all the world like he really, really, really wanted to punch something.
"Don't fucking lie to me Sora! You think I'm stupid? Jesus fuck!" The tall boy ran a hand through his messy hair, blowing out a breath, trying to calm himself. No dice. "What the hell Sora?! You got high! You give me the third degree when I even talk about it but it's okay if you smoke? It's only okay if you do it. Sometimes you really piss me off So," he snapped. "You're so two-faced! And a hypocrite! You just slammed Selphie for it yesterday and now you go right ahead and ignore your own advice and light up. What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Again, Sora flinched, every word like an arrow, hitting him in just the right spot and his high hardly softened the blow. "Riku," he tried to say but Riku wouldn't even let him finish.
"No." His jaw tight and eyes so cloudy with pissed off-ness, he looked like an angry god, like the furious Poseidon picture the brunette saw once in a book, all wicked perfection and danger. "No. You always do this! I'm sick of it! You keep laying down so many laws and rules with me but you don't even follow them yourself. Whenever I try to talk about it you always give some bullshit excuse and I'm sick of hearing them Sora! I'm so sick of you being a little bitch all the time!"
"I do not act that way!" Sora shouted loudly, indignant and going red with frustration, with embarrassment. "And you can't even talk, you--"
"This is exactly what I mean," Riku interrupted, gesturing to the brunette. "You always do this! Try to put the blame on me so it'll be off you!"
"I do not!"
"You do to! Every single time! Every time you act like you're the victim, like I'm the one who's at fault here. And I'm not! I never am either! Its always you, you, you, you. You're the one that usually fucks up and I just try to confront you and you freak out!"
"That's not true! You cheated on me last time, remember?! You fucked that blond chick!"
"Are you listening to yourself?" Riku asked, shaking his head and laughing a hard laugh. "Last time. The time before that and the time before that, you cheated on me. And I apologized for that Sora," he said, eyes holding Sora's. "I apologized for that and I explained what happened and I never did it again. I only ever slept with other people to spite you. You, on the other hand, you can't even say that."
The brunette flushed, mouth opening a few times to spit out something mean and scathing and something to prove the silver haired boy wrong but nothing came out. He had nothing and it made him even more angry, even more embarrassed and flustered. It was true though… It was true. "Shut up! Just-just fucking shut up!"
"'Cause you know it's true! I always apologized; I always crawled back to you on my fucking knees and begged for your forgiveness, because I was sorry. You are the only person I have ever wanted," he confessed, but his voice was hard and weary, he looked ages older. "Never, not once, did you ever say you were sorry for all those times you screwed around. Never. Do you know how that makes me feel? I feel like a piece of shit, like you don't even give a shit enough about me to apologize. And you do the same every time, giving me an excuse that I either have to take or lose you forever.
"I love you," he said, shoulders slumping as his rant started to end. "I love you but I don't think I can do this anymore. You're killing me. This isn't normal. This isn't how a relationship should be. I give and give and give and give and you just take it all."
"That's not true," Sora murmured, glowering under his bangs.
"Yes it is. It is. Since day one. I don't think I can do this anymore, I don't think I can fight for us anymore. I'm so tired, Sora."
"Don't say that," Sora choked out softly, tears swelling, mood switching from frustrated to so fucking sad like that. "Don't say that, Riku."
Riku ran a hand through his hair again, expression so, so expressionless, looking at him with dull eyes, for once not mirroring what the older boy was thinking. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I quit," he declared with am calm voice, stepping back. "I'm done," he said, turning his back on the brunette and walking toward the door, pulling out his key. "I'm done."
"Riku!" Sora cried. "Please! Don't, don't leave. I'm sorry, okay? I'm so fucking sorry. Just don't go! I need you!"
Riku shook his head, long hair falling over his shoulder. He said nothing but took one last look at his now ex-boyfriend, and for a second Sora could have sworn his lip was quivering, brows furrowing as his face twisted, before he was gone, door shutting gently behind him.
"Riku!"
Sora Taylor stood there, looking at the place Riku once stood, jaw dropped in shock, heart pumping hard, fear rushing through him, panic raging. But that crested, leaving him with a dull, lifeless feeling all the way to his bones. He felt numb, cold, empty.
He turned and walked home, the soft slapping of his feet on the pavement the only sound that really registered with him.
Sora remembered the event Riku talked about, remembered the first time he cheated, the first time Riku forgave him and took him back.
It was after they had sex, all that was left of Sora's V-card a faint bloodstain on Riku's sheets. It was different then, really different. He felt like he had nothing else to give Riku, nothing keeping interested anymore since he had everything Sora was able to give. The brunette noticed more how the junior would look at other people and eventually he began counting the days until he would be dumped, left for someone else to pick up, like trash, or damaged goods.
He thought about this so much, tossing and turning in the night thinking these things (how Riku didn't want him anymore, about how he was pretty plain, only cute and nothing more, maybe a good fuck if you wanted to push things) that he really believed it. He really figured that sooner rather than later Riku would find someone else and leave him.
So he figured, Setzer, a college student, leering down at him, he would just end it before Riku could. Afterward, Sora put his clothes back on and walked home, limping slightly and almost crying. Later Riku climbed through his window and forgave him, forgave him. Riku'd always forgave him, even when Sora got violent, anger and frustration and worries kept inside until it just got too much to handle. When he got too much to handle…. Except for now.
Sora looked up at the starry, starry sky, thinking it was the only time Riku's ever not given him what he wanted. The first time he said no and didn't give in and turn back. Sora'd always gotten what he wanted, hardly ever had to bat an eye for it. Riku was right…. That wasn't normal.
And… he'd always used the silver haired boy as a crutch, whined and complained to him, let the older boy fight his fights and coddle him. The same with Roxas. Was there a time when he ever did things himself? Fought for himself? Was there ever a time when he didn't need Riku to keep him in control? A time when he didn't need one or both of them to do something? He'd always counted on them… and now he didn't have either of them to lean on.
He had only himself. Little Sora Taylor who'd never been alone before.
And being alone was exactly what he hated most, why he worried so much about Riku leaving him, why he kept Roxas tied to him. He'd never been alone before, always had someone putting him back together. Who was he without them? Sora didn't even know, the two more or less defining him.
Maybe… maybe he just needed to be alone, be Sora for awhile. Count on solely himself for awhile. Instead of needing someone to love him (which Sora knew was why he did everything he ever did) he would just love himself for awhile. He would get his head together like he wanted…alone, counting on himself. He could do it, he could do anything. He just needed to learn how to pick himself back up and do it alone for once.
He inhaled a breath of cool summer air and kept on walking, soldiering on by himself.
-----
It wasn't bad at all, Roxas decided one day, being a male maid. He stepped back to observe his work, nodding once at it. It didn't seem slow and menial at all anymore, especially with Axel waiting patently to sweep him away after hours. That lone fact made him grin and bear it when he saw all the white sperm stains on the dirty sheets. It made him actually hum while scrubbing the tiles of the bathroom. It made him not scream when he had to wash the toilet too.
Yuffie watched him quietly, eyes slightly narrowed as when he didn't complain at all about the toilet. She had to suppress every desire to say something, actually from the lack of having something intelligent to say and 'what have you done with Roxy, you alien scum?!' didn't quite fit the cut. At the end of the day she had an idea about his too happy atmosphere. It was one thing to not be a gloomy grump but another to be this starry eyed and only one thing came to mind when she thought about it?
"So…? Who's the lucky lady?"
Roxas looked up. "Excuse me?"
"Oh. Come on! I'm not your mom, you can tell me."
"What?"
"Don't play stupid, bud. I see the look on your face. You met a chick! And you liiiiike her, huh?" Yuffie grinned, nudging him with her elbow.
"What?"
"Roooxy, just teeeellll, meee," she whined. "I wanna know. What's she like? Where'd you meet her? She pretty?"
The blond fumbled with the sponge, frowning at it. Yuffie thought he met a chick? A part of him wanted to explain that he met a boy, but that would more doors than he wanted and he didn't really feel like explaining his relationship with Axel…he paused, did he have a relationship with Axel? He knew he did, but did he? Was he Axel's boyfriend? They hadn't really talked about those things. "Uhm, yeah. Really pretty… I met -her- around town. We, uh, just kept bumping into each other. She's really awesome," Roxas said, getting into it. "She knows all the really cool places around and is just, she's really awesome. I really like her."
Yuffie cooed, smiling big at him. "Ooooh! That's so awesome Rox, I'm really glad you found her. You seem so much more happy. And don't worry, I wont tell boss man," she crossed her heart. "Your secret is safe with me."
God he hoped so. He really, honestly hoped so. He didn't know what he would say to his father if she slipped that he was seeing someone. He also didn't to fumble through the awkward conversation of 'safe sex' and 'responsibilities' that would surely follow. It would just… be too awkward.
---
"Well, Daisy, Roxas is doing fine. I've had no trouble with him whatsoever," Donald replied monotonously while looking over papers.
"That's good. I think this trip has really helped him out, I just hope it stays that way," she sighed, static brushing over the phone. "I just want you to know how thankful I am that you took him in. Really. I appreciate it so much."
Don grimaced, dour. "He's my son too, Daisy."
The other line went quiet for a moment; even hundreds of miles away Daisy must have felt the spark of irritation on his side of things. "I…I know that Donald. I'm sorry; I hope I didn't come off as--"
"It's nothing. Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But… Roxas has been doing great here, he hasn't been misbehaving like you thought he might, he hasn't been talking back or rude, and I think he really likes it here."
"….Do…Do you think he should stay?"
"Do you?" he shot back but sighed after, rubbing his eyes and looking at the time, wondering if he was gonna get anything done today at all. He'd been thinking this about for awhile. "Honestly, I think you should at least try to bring him back. And just see. If it doesn't work out, Roxas is always welcome here. The schools here are good. And my door is open if he wants to come back of his own will too. I just want you to know that as well."
"…I know… I...I know. Thank you, Donald. Really. It's good to know that I have an option if things get crazy again."
"Why didn't you call me when things started? We could have dipped it in the bud." The other line was quiet again and don realized that he made have said that a little too harshly and Daisy had always been sensitive to things like that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude--"
"No, no it's okay. I guess I deserve it. I'm sorry, Donald. I just, I just wanted to see if I could handle it myself, you know? I didn't want to call for back up if I didn't need it. I didn't want to worry you."
"I would rather be worried than not know how he's doing. I just want you to call me as soon as things happen again. I don't want you to wait until the last second. Next time Roxas might actually get hurt. And don't look at this like I'm trying to take him away from you, and I know that's what your thinking, Daisy--"
"I am not."
"Ok, fine. I don't care if you are or if you're not, just know that I'm not gonna take the backseat to this anymore. I'm going to be more involved so let me be more involved, okay? Obviously you need a little more help sometimes. You're not perfect; just let me take care of things sometimes okay?"
"….okay," she breathed. "Okay."
"Okay," he replied, blinking at how easy it was to say it, how simple it was, and how easily she folded. After he hung up, he let out a held breath and nodded to himself, picking up a thick packet and getting to work on it, encouraged.
---
"I'm cold," Roxas whined, rubbing his arms up and down. "You got a jacket or something I could borrow?" It'd been gloomy all day, threatening to rain soon. They'd been wary to venture out, Axel cracking a joke about how he was at a greater disadvantage for getting hit by lightning than the blond, but they had been going out and watching the moon rise lately and it was almost like a tradition so they went anyways.
"I told you ya should've brought one, but did you listen? Noooo," Axel teased, while standing up. "'Cause I'm Roxas and I don't need jaaaaackets." The blond narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out childishly, pouting. "But, yeah, I might have something, I'll go check." Roxas hummed, leaning back against the grill of the car.
The redhead clicked his tongue as he checked the seats, finding no forgotten sweater or discarded jacket laying around for him. His collection of keys jangled as he pursued the right one, 'aha!'-ing to him as he found it and pushed it into the trunk, fingers drumming on his lips as he squinted. Let's see, shopping bag; nope, pair of old jeans, empty cup of coffee, another shopping bag, nope, nope, nope. Axel clicked his tongue, pushing the random contents around and locating a duffle bag… that held nothing! Axel frowned, why did he have so much junk in here?, and threw it to the other side.
And right under where the useless bag once laid was what he was looking for; an old folded up leather jacket that made him smile sadly for a moment. It would be big, but a jacket was a jacket and Roxas would be happy anyway. He was just about to announce he found one and skip back over but he paused, eyes catching something he forgot he had, much like the worn jacket.
It brought bad memories to mind, running his fingers over the bumpy surface, tracing the scars and nicks in it. A beaten up guitar case he bought for three bucks years and years ago, back when he was fourteen. He stared at it for awhile, trying to decide what to do with it, if he should do anything at all, remembering why it was in here in the first place, before shutting the trunk with a SLAM.
"Roooox," he called, grinning. "Found one! You're gonna look like a baby punk!"
--
Axel hands felt rough against his, palms pressed flush together, his fingers coming short by at least an inch. "Ahh, see? My hands are a lot bigger than yours…" Axel grinned at him, devilishly handsome features darkened by the lack of light, black tattoos even darker on his pale face. "But don't worry baby face, eat your veggies and drink your milk and you'll be as tall as me one day."
Roxas barked out a laughed, intertwining their fingers. "As if. I think I'm done growing."
"You'd be surprised. I grew about two inches overnight when I was fifteen. I had to buy all new jeans. I friends called me flood for awhile since all my pants looked like floods. Don't laugh, it was traumatizing," Axel smiled, eyes dropping to their hands, squeezing a little. Roxas squeezed back, bending forward to kiss the older man's lips. He breathily laughed.
"Seems like all of your high school memories are traumatizing."
"Only most of them," Axel laughed, eyes half lidded and looking at him fondly. "But I had some good times too. This one time me and friends broke into the gym locker-room during class and took everyone's clothes and stuffed them into this one big locker on the other side. So throughout the entire days kids were wearing their gym uniforms 'cause they couldn't find their clothes. It was so funny. And one time in chemistry I knocked over the Bunsen burner and set fire to my friend. Ugh, yeah. I had some good times."
The sophomore broke one hand free and traced the black triangles under Axel's green, green eyes. "These one of your 'good times'?"
Axel smiled, eyes crinkled up. "Yup, those too. Got 'em as a high school grad present. Hurt like a bitch. And now I kinda wish I never got 'em, ya know? People look at me weird."
"I think they're sexy."
Axel blinked, taken back by Roxas's bold smirk before grinning himself. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I think they make you look like a rock star, all hardcore an' shit with your hair," he tugged on a strip of bright red. "Is this real too?"
"Not a chance," Axel said, flushed by how close Roxas was getting under the pretense of examining his hair, nearly straddling him. "I dye it. Rustic Red. Can find it in all of your conveniently located convenience stores."
Roxas laughed, pushing hair apart to look at the roots in several places. "Hmmmm. So you're not a natural redhead…. Are you a blond?!"
"What?! No way!" The faux redhead laughed, gently pushing the natural blond away. "Do I look like a blond to you? Can you honestly see me as a blond?"
"So then are you a brunette?" Roxas ventured with a small, flirty grin. Axel leaned back and regarded him with a wry expression. "Wouldn't you like to know," he said simply, teasing.
"I would like to know," Roxas agreed, nodding. His eyes ventured from Axel's drawing down past his chest and down past his stomach and resting right on his crotch. He gently placed a hand on Axel's upper thigh, green eyes shooting immediately to the area. He didn't think the older man was the type to dye his pubes too. "…And I think I know a way to find out…" he said, rubbing circles with his thumb and biting his lip in a way he thought would look really sexy.
Axel gulped, glancing back and forth from Roxas's hand to his face, trying to think of something smart and witty to say. He didn't really know what to say to that, unsure if what he thought was being offered was really being offered and if he should let it happen. The blond knew only physical relationships and Axel didn't want it to be like that. And then Roxas bit his lip and OH MAN, shit, there went every thought about stopping him, right out the window. "Okay."
The blond blinked, hand stilling on his thigh. And then he laughed, head thrown back like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Unsure, Axel chuckled too, wondering what was going on. "You're funny," he said, smiling so hard that his eyes became so squinty they were just a sliver of blue. "You're funny," he said, falling over in a sort of twist that left him side by side with the redhead, looking up at the ceiling in the motel room. Axel lowered himself down, now flat on his back and stared with him.
After what seemed like five minutes of full silence, Axel felt Roxas entwine their fingers together silently. For some reason Roxas just randomly holding his hand on his own seemed really cool to him. He just kept thinking about that, over and over. He thought about how cold the boy was when they first met and how he now smiled all the time. Axel liked that, really liked that.
--
Roxas squealed, giggling laughter pouring out as they ran across the road, rain splashing all around them. It started out a beautiful warm looking day but in less than five minutes the sky turned from bright blue to near black. The clouds that were once blue were now angry thundering storm clouds, belting out big drops of rain onto the soon drenched town. And the car was at least three blocks away and on the other side of the road.
He was wet just from the very first step out from under the awning they'd been huddling under and by the time they got to the other side, Axel firmly holding his hand and laughing the whole way too, he was positively soaked. Together they all but crashed into the side of the building, teeth clipping together once as their lips smashed together. The blond could feel the smile on the other's lip, the laughter in the kiss. Axel was grinning as he pulled away, smile crinkling his eyes, dark wet hair clinging to his face and neck. "C'mon," he said, motioning to the storm that went on feet away and pulled on their clasped hands. Just looking at him smile made Roxas smile.
And again he running, shoes and socks becoming soaked through as they seemed to splash in every single puddle they passed. He heard himself laughing, dulled out by the loud splattering of rain and cars zooming by, windshields on hyper drive. Roxas's hair, which he usually kept elegantly disheveled, was plastered to his face, in his eyes. This combined with the pelting down rain obscured his vision until he could hardly see. But he felt Axel's hand in his and continued following wherever he led, grinning all the while.
Was this really his life? Running hand in hand in the rain, getting soaked in a shirt he laughed and said you could have? Was this real? This didn't happen in real life, being kissed in warm summer rain, droplets falling right in-between both of your lips.
It just didn't happen, this much happy without sad. Not in this lifetime, not in this time period, not to him.
But it was.
And thinking those thoughts just made him want it more, pulling the taller boy closer, making the kiss deeper, hoping his eyes and face said something like I love you because even if he wasn't too sure what it felt like, what it was, he was sure was fucking feeling it, thinking it, knowing it.
And when they finally pulled apart and Roxas wiped away his bangs and looked at Axel smiling so brilliantly at him, he opened his mouth. And maybe it was so say those three magic words songs and movies and every-fucking-one else made such a big, huge, humongous deal about. But in the end he just leaned forward, standing on his tiptoes to just kiss him again, pressed his body against his like Axel was the only thing keeping him from falling over because that would just have to be enough for now and he didn't really know how to say it.
---
There were times when the past, which only sometimes, very rarely, actually acted like it was the past, came back to sucker-punch Axel in the face.
It happened on the fourth of July, it happened when he was in Wonder. It happened in a store in Macaulay, less than ten minutes into the small town. It happened several times on the road. It's been happening for eight months. And every time it was nearly the same. He'd grown to dislike it, hate it, abhor it. But he also loved it, the kind of love that you can't stop or even really start and had no choice in the matter. It was like that. He couldn't change the dial quickly enough, couldn't get out of the store or gas station fast enough, fled the area like there was fire on his tail. But if Axel considered himself anything anymore it was that he was a fan of good music. And the song was good. It was magnificent.
And it was playing right now.
He was stuck again at a red light, behind an old car that needed a new paint job when it came on. The DJ announced that coming up was a new band that just registered on the radar named The Nocturnal Culpa and that this was their new single 'Come Home'. Enjoy. There was a starting guitar, soft but growing louder, a catchy riff after catchy riff. Then the singular thump of bass drum being hit.
"New York," a voice said morosely. "Annapolis, Chicago, Las Vegas. There's so many places you could be. I like to think I'm only a step behind but I bet you're ten in front of me." And then everything sped up, guitars gaining speed and dishing out lively chords, bass going deep and melodic. The drums went wild and the thought made Axel smile.
"I'll never know what happened and I can't say that I care, all I know is that you're not here and that loss is too much to bear," the male singer sucked in a harsh theatric breath. "Oh! Gone, gone, away from this place. You left us in such disgrace like it was a race to run and get out of this place. Where did you go?!" he screeched. "Where have you been?! How many times have you looked at a map and planned your next getaway? Just come back and stay," the singer pleaded.
Axel bit his lip, thinking that the lyrics could be a little smoother on the uptake and that this was the longest red light he's ever fucking been in. Ever. But for once he didn't have the heart to turn it off, a thought of Roxas running though his head, forcing himself to listen, to hear for once, for just this one time. Just this one time and then never again.
"Where have you been?! Where did you go?!
Why don't you answer your phone?! And why don't you ever call home?!
How could you just go?
These punk rock Mecca's in the burbs,
They don't sound the same since you left
But I figure if you still follow the screaming gospel
Then I can bring you back, I can bring you back.
I will find you through the airwaves,
I'll find you through the airwaves
And tell you to come home, come home.
How many times have you looked at a map wishing you could come back?
Just come back.
Where did you go? Where have you been?
New York, Annapolis, Chicago, Las Vegas.
There're so many places you could be, so many places to be seen.
I like to think I'm only one step behind but I bet you're ten in front of me.
I bet you're ten in front of me.
These punk rock Mecca's in the burbs,
They don't sound the same since you left
But I figure if you still follow the screaming gospel
I can bring you back, I can bring you back, bring you back
I will find you through the airwaves and tell you to come home.
Come home!
Where did you go? Where have you been?
Little rock, Los Angeles, San Fran's lookin' awful nice this year.
There're so many places you could be, so many places to see.
Nashville, Orlando, Miami, Dallas; check out those cowgirls.
Sacramento, Portland, Seattle, maybe you're still in Boston; who knows?
There's so many places you could be, so many places to be seen.
Where did you go? Where have you been?
Where did you go? Where have you been?
Where did you go? Where did you go?
Where did you go? Where did you go?
Just come home, we miss you…"
Axel bit on the skin of his thumb, driving mechanically, distracted eyes barely registering the road at all as the music faded out. The song was really good… catchy in a way. No wonder why it followed him all over the place, people must eat it up. He idly wondered if it broke onto the top one hundred billboard but scratched that thought off as the billboard of top songs was a sham. The announcer came back on telling him once again that that was The Nocturnal Culpa's single from their new album titled Forget It, I'm Done after their song of the same name, which was out in select stores under their independent record label Thirteen Records. Check it out.
Axel was not going to 'check it out'.
Instead he parked in the Flying Lion's lot, locking Lucy up for safe keeping before digging out the key Roxas gave him to his room. The teen was sleeping in, having worked the night shift last night and Axel knew from experience that he was rather cranky (a gross understatement) after being woken up before two in the afternoon. So he crept in quietly, grimacing with every noise the lock made as it gave and with every creak the floor gave under his bed. Roxas was sleeping, apparently just tossed the cover over himself and conked out, not even bothering to take off his shoes. Axel chuckled softly, undoing his laces of his very colorful hipster shoes and gently laying them on the floor.
The bed groaned loudly as he laid back, turning to his side to face the sleeping teen. We spend every day together, he thought as brushed aside a lock of hair. I've spent nearly a month here. With him. It was the longest he'd stayed anywhere for the past two years. He never would have thought that he would have ended up spending so much time in such a small town. He always drifted toward the big ones, looking for things in their tall spires, searching for things in the skylines. They reminded him of Boston, the big city part of Boston. Every big city nearly resembled it in some way, some little similarity. And it always made him want to leave right away. But he always kept coming back, like an insect to one of those bug zappers. It hurt but he kept on doing it.
Roxas squirmed, murmuring as he blinked a few times, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes. He squinted at Axel and upon recognizing him, flopped his head back down. "Whaddaya doin'?"
Axel smiled softly. "Watching you sleep."
The blond smacked his mouth, yawning widely before considering the redhead. "Creeper," he smiled, near charming with his messed up bed head and sleepy eyes. "What time is it?"
"Almost eleven." The teen groaned and pushed his face into the pillow, curling up again. He mumbled something about going back to sleep, his breath evening out moments later. Axel laughed and pulled the blanket to cover him up more, sneaking under the covers himself. The redhead would have laughed in your face if two months ago you told him he would be cuddling up with a teenager, spend nearly every moment with him too. It just wasn't on his schedule; he didn't even spare it a thought before it actually happened.
He just really, really liked Roxas. That was the only thing tying everything together. Without the boy he would have gone straight through the town after a day or two and never look back, just like every other town he'd been too. It would have been the same. Axel blew into the blonde's face, smirking when he twitched and made a noise in his sleep. Roxas changed the whole routine.
He thought before that if Roxas grew up with him or if they had just met before then maybe everything would have been different, maybe he wouldn't have left. Maybe everything wouldn't be so fucked up and strange, weird. But now Axel realized that even if they met before, were together before, everything still would have happened. He still would have left. He just would have taken Roxas with him.
While idly rubbing his thumb against the boy's cheek, he wondered what Roxas would say about the situation, about the song. It hit him like a canon that Roxas didn't know about it at all, had no idea what the song meant at all. He didn't know about Axel's amazing running away ability, or anything. The redhead never told him. While Roxas answered each and every question that popped into his head, Axel never gave a straight answer or avoided the subject altogether.
It always felt like the thing to do, almost ignoring that he had a life two years prior. It was just easier that way and that way he didn't think about it too much. That way Roxas didn't know. He imagined how the boy would look at him. With pity? Embarrassment for him? What?
But he had to admit…it was douche-y of him to do that. Roxas deserved better than that. The next time the teen asked about it, Axel decided then, he would tell him. But not before, only if Roxas wanted to know. Only if he asked the right questions.
About three hours later, as Roxas rubbed at his eyes and yawned about twelve times and did a full body stretch, Axel, with a mad desire to get out of the small room, all but swept him out of the room. Roxas, squinting under the hot sun, didn't complain. They walked into a different part of town, pressing their noses to store windows, pointing at people and squatting down to examine a heart shaped rock on the sidewalk. Axel slipped it into the boy's pocket later.
By the time they plopped down on a wooden bench somewhere in the northern area of town Axel had nearly forgotten about the event in the car. 'Nearly' because things like that always stuck around for a few days, lurking around to jump out when things got quiet. Like now. It just literally snuck into his train of thought. One moment he was looking at the store in front of them, wondering if it was worth it to get up and then he saw a man walking in front of it, bobbing his head, white head phones stuck in his ears. He thought about that guy, wondered what he was listening to and then it snuck in like a little ninja and he could almost feel himself halt his train of thought, taking a moment to push it away.
"Are you okay?" Roxas worried beside him; head on Axel's lap and feet dangling off the side of the bench. He only opened one eye and squinted it, the effect a comical grimace that made the redhead grin and softly chuckle. "You'rrrrrre kinda spacey today."
"Sorry, I… I just zoned out for a second," he lied and didn't know why he lied. "How was your, uh, night? Busy?"
"Nope," Roxas clicked his tongue. "I don't even know why we bother to stay up all night. I never get anyone. Ever."
"It's probably because you always glare at the cars going by. They get a bad vibe, Rox," Axel told him seriously. Roxas made a face at him. But it was true. The one full night Axel spent with him on his night shift Roxas stared down the passing cars, glowering when they passed by.
"Oh, shut up Axel. You don't know nothin'." Roxas sniffed. "I think it's 'cause of all the dye you've used. Inhaled a few too many fumes."
"Oh, let's not even talk about inhaling fumes, mister," the redhead said, raising an eyebrow at him. "'Cause you know you'll lose." And Roxas glared at him for that but let it fly by with a rolling of his eyes. He wasn't so sensitive anymore to comments like that and usually teased right back. The blond once told him that when Sora was told comments like that by people he didn't know he was quick to start a fight. He was glad Roxas was a lot more mellow than he other teen. Hmmm…Sora.
"So…uh, random, I know, but uhhh. You and Sora didn't really leave off on a good foot," he ventured slowly. "How do you think it's gonna be when you meet up again?"
Roxas opened both his eyes, blinking confused at the redhead above him. "You're right, that is pretty random. What brought that up?" Axel shrugged exaggeratingly, making Roxas laugh. "I dunno. I'm not sure how it'll be for awhile. I would like to call him, tell him I'm alright, tell him I'm happy, that I'm sorry and I forgive him and give him the chance to forgive me, or at least see if he will, ya know? That's all I want. If I could make that happen I'm sure everything would be alright." Roxas shrugged, awkward while lying down. "But what can I do? I can't. I'll deal with it when I have to deal with it."
And Axel nodded, because that sounded perfectly logical and proceeded to interrogate the boy about his asymmetrical hairdo, Roxas giggling, eyes twinkling below him.
Soon the sun was setting, the sky a pretty rainbow of colors that colored the town orange and pink and then a dark purple color as the light faded. "Ya know," the teen started as they walked toward his room. "I was thinking about what you said earlier. About Sora?" He bit his lip, blue eyes searching for green. "Do you think it'll be bad? When we see each other again? Do you think he'll be angry with me?"
It came out before Axel even really decided to say it. "He'll be happy you're home, Rox. He won't care about what happened." Then Axel grinned sheepishly, took his face into his hands, kissing his forehead. "Besides," he joked. "No one could be mad at you. You're an angel."
"I hope so," Roxas sighed. "Goodnight, Axel. I'll see you in the morning, right?"
"Of course. Do you even have to ask?" Axel grinned charmingly, leaning in for one more kiss. And then another. And another until Roxas laughed, pushing him away with a big smile. He had to get up early tomorrow for work. "Goodnight, Roxas. I'll see you in the morning." For a moment after Roxas smiled slyly and shut his door, Axel remained where he stood, pondering his own words.
He had that itch, that feeling deep in his bones.
Axel walked toward the car, taking out his keys, the metal cool and sharp under his fingers. Lucy was right where he left her, body dark and shiny in the diminishing light. He was glad there was a ray or two still left, he might need a little light. The door opened effortlessly but had a little squeak that made the man frown. He'd need to fix that next time he was around a gas station. As he sunk into the driver seat his hands immediately shot to the glove apartment, almost having to cleave it open. Several maps flopped out, one disappearing under the passenger seat. Axel was fairly certain that under the seat was a black hole so the map was long gone.
He'd need to get a new one.
But for now he ignored it, shoved around papers, registration and other important documents he'd need on the road. He took them out, flinging them on the seat to better look around the little alcove. He tsk-ed. No luck. He searched the sides of the seat, also getting his hand stuck and still nothing. He stepped out of the car, taking his key out of the door as he crossed to the back, muttering to himself. It was dark, the last rays of light leaving quickly. He had to squint to make out the general shapes of things, all but climbing in to get a better look at the collection of items he threw in there.
"I know it's here somewhere," he murmured, tossing aside an old extra large soda and an empty box of pizza. He really needed to clean this shit out before it started rotting and he had a real problem on his hands. The top layer held nothing for him, the redhead tossing it out as soon as he laid his hands on stuff, narrowing down his search one item at a time. He picked up a foam finger he didn't remember buying, looking at the poor condition of it, the large finger nearly falling before chucking it behind him.
"Ahhh!" he cried triumphantly, hand shooting for the glint of green metal he spotted out of the corner of his eyes, half hidden under the guitar case. It didn't look too good, body holding more scratches than he remembered it having. He supposed that maybe the phone wouldn't work, not being used in two years or that he wouldn't have coverage. (Oh god wouldn't that be a bitch? Can ya hear me now?) But to his surprise the welcoming tone greeted his ears, AXEL IS AWESOME displayed on the welcome screen before the normal background flickered on.
He paused, seeing the update of how many calls and messages he'd missed. He didn't look at them, pressing a button to make it go away. All of a sudden it didn't seem like a great idea, a pit in his stomach, so worries running through his head that he just wanted to throw the phone back in. Axel looked at the working phone; saw how many bars he had, and knew he had no sound reason not to do it. Only cowardice preventing him from going into his phone book and scrolling down until he found the name he wanted. And he was done from running, Axel decided, pressing the call button and putting the phone from his ear.
The first ring sounded so loud.
It made him freak out, heart jumping into his throat, pounding so hard. The knot in his stomach grew at the second ring and he contemplated just hanging up, forgetting it, forget everything, what he thought before be damned.
--
Demyx Peirce groaned, whining that when he was almost, almost, nodding off into sleep the annoying as fuck sound of an incoming call shook him out of it. Arms draped over his eyes he wondered if he should even answer it. It might a resilient fan that's gotten his number. God those chicks could be so annoying. And while the urge to just ignore it was really running strong at the moment, Demyx figured that they would call again and again if he didn't tell them to stop. And that would really end all hope he had of actually getting some sleep.
The little phone rang again, beam of light flashing from its screen and lighting up the room. "Alright, alright, already," Demyx told it while twisting around in the sheets, leaning over the side of the bed to snatch it up with barely open eyes. God he was so tired. But they made eighty bucks in tips alone tonight so he couldn't really complain. "Yeah? Hello? Who is it?" He grumbled, already back in bed with his eyes closed, prepared to tell the chick to beat it, nicely of course, but to beat it all the same. There was quiet breathing on the other line and Demyx frowned, annoyed.
"It's…It's Axel."
Demyx sputtered, lurching forward, eyes wide. "Axel?! Oh my god, Axel is that you?!" A quick glance at the screen showed the caller id AXEL and an old picture of him, more than two years old. "Ohmygod, Axel? Are you okay? What's-what's, I mean--" the young man cut himself off, running a hand through the long strip of hair he maintained, heart thumping hard. Axel. Axel. "How are you?"
"I…I'm good. I'm really good, Demyx." Axel laughed, light sounding on the other line.
The sound of his voice alone was making him tear up, the musician sniffling and wiping his eyes quickly. "Oh yeah? Thank god, Ax. You have no idea--I--it's really good to hear from you. I was really worried."
"…I know. I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry. But I'm happy where I am at least, so that's good right?" Axel chuckled but Demyx could hear it was mostly fake. "And, I just, I just wanted to tell you that. Let you know…."
"Thank you, Jesus fuck Ax," the faux-hawked man inhaled a deep breath, feeling lighter than he had in a long, long while. "Where are you? I'll come get you right now. I'm still in Boston so it'll take awhile but, seriously man, where are you? What are you doing? Why didn't you fucking tell me you were leaving?! Where are you?" It was quiet on the other end and Demyx figured Axel was settling in to tell him the whole story, tell him to come pick him up 'cause he missed everyone and wanted to come home.
But the silent moment stretched, becoming minutes fast and when he looked back at the screen it was back to the original background. The call was over.
Axel hung up on him.
Fury coursed through him, fear riding on its back. "FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed, really shouting now. Axel, who was who knows where, gone for two years without a word, his best fucking friend since they were in diapers dammit, just hung up on him. He just fucking hung up on him. "GODDAMMIT," he swore, throwing the phone.
Footsteps rushed toward his room the light of the hallway illuminating everything, making the features of his bassist seeable. Marluxia look worried, and ridiculous, hair in pig tails and braids everywhere. Rikku must have been doing his hair. "What's going on?"
"First, you look ridiculous," he stated while frowning, finger pointing accusingly. "And second; it was Axel. Axel just called me."
"Axel?!" The bassist nearly shouted, eyes wide. "What? Where is he? Is he okay? What did he say?"
"He's fine. But I'm calling a fucking band meeting right now. Right fucking now. Go call Larx. BAND MEETING."
Marluxia sighed, mouth curving down in pure anxiety over the new information, stomach turning like it hadn't for two year. "Yeah, yeah, okay. BAND MEETING." Demyx ran a hand through his hair again, cursing Axel again and again and then thanking god he called. Two years, he thought solemnly. Two fucking years.
How long were they going to wait for their guitarist to come back home? They'd already waited so long…
Yeeeahhhh..... yeah. woot. awesome. ILU guys, without you SB never would have gotten this far, or been this long, sheesh. ha hah. I'm really proud.
Uhm, next chapter that's gonna be up is gonna be a SB, 'cause i did some math and--- well, whatever, nevermind, the next chappie is SB, up next monday.
Got a thought, click that green little button right down there. its really easy, and i don't mind even if you give one word messages. i think its awesome to hear from you guys. Have a good week!
OH BTW,I forgot to say last chapter but we crossed over the hundred page mark last chapter at 105, woot! uhm, happy 120 pages?