Lost

The distance grows, I'm sinking down
And what I lost, it can't be found
Although I try
Can't find my way
Nothing is falling into place

"Tell me I'm fine …" two eyes moved from his brother's angry expression to his father's face. "I'm not ill …" his voice became so soft, so incredibly lost, the expression on his face altering to match his tone. "I can't be …"

Time stood still for a few seconds; Leonardo stopped fighting with Raphael and simply stood there, his shadow stretching up and over the sofa. With his quiet admission his head tilted downwards, the room falling into a deafening silence as all stared at the guilty party. In the additional light Raph was able to see the red that marred his brother's lips and left hand from his self inflicted terrifying attack on himself. It sickened him.

"Those cuts need attention." Taking control of the situation, Raph was more than happy to release Leonardo into his Sensei's care. Relaxing his tight, vice-like grip he had to brace his arms as the legs of his brother stopped supporting their own weight. Despite Leo's unexpected collapse his upper torso remained erect as he crashed sideways towards the hard stone floor.

"Leo?!" Raph's eyes locked on the little-boy-lost expression that coated his features, the vacant expression and utter lack of comprehension would haunt his dreams for weeks afterwards. Catching Leo as best he could, his brother's dead weight dragged him downwards to a painful thud onto the floor, "LEO!?" in his peripheral vision Raph saw Donny's terrified expression and registered his horrified cry of surprise. His father came to his son's aid from the left. Shaking him violently Raphael screamed his name once again, before turning his wrath onto Donny.

"LEO! Dammit Donny, what did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Leonardo!"

"I didn't do anything … I – I … didn't mean to do anything!"

"Didn't mean to? Well that is great t'know isn't it?! Cos it don't matta what yo'meant t'do, or nut do cos guess what Donny? YO'DAMN WELL DONE SOMETHING!"

"It … it was an accident …"

----

"Big bro?" no one had noticed the youngest of the family emerge from the bedroom area armed with Mr Blankie and Raph's pillow. They didn't hear his fearful whimper whilst Raph yelled and screamed at Donny. As Donny's lower lip began to quiver under Raphael's angry explosion and demand for rationale, so did Mikey's. His big brother was gone … his perfect, super-cool, big brother was sitting in the middle of the living room floor and not even telling Raph to shut up for making Donny cry. The longer he watched the more horrible the truth felt, he … he wasn't doing anything, his brother; his big brother was gone …

----

"AN ACC'DENT?!" Raph yelled at him, "JEEZ DONNY I GUESS THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTA THEN COS I'D HATA SEE WHAT YO'DO WHEN YO'WANT T'DO SOME GODDAMN DAMAGE!?"

Leonardo could hear their voices, feel them shaking him violently and stroking him gently. It drove him deeper within himself. His eyes never left the small space that lay in the middle of nowhere.

"Leonardo?" Splinter knelt before his son, his hands cupping the boy's slack jaw. "Come back to me my Son." One hand moved to wipe some of the drying blood from his mouth, "Come home." His eyes sought for a sign of life from his boy's glassy eyes only to be greeted with a heart-breaking vacancy. Turning his attention from his eldest son Splinter addressed his still lingering children, "There is nothing to be achieved by staying up. Go join your brother in bed."

"'e might wake up in a second …"

"Raphael, please!"

Observing their father's distressed plea the two moved silently away. "Yo'want me t'move him?"

"No Raphael, I want you to go to bed." Splinter paused, sensing Donatello's desire to apologise he added firmly, "This is no ones fault. And I shall hear no such recriminations." His eyes flickered from one son to the other, his attentions returning to his catatonic son only after Raphael gave a small nod. "Leave us in peace." Their father's tone softened some more, "Please."