Aftermath, Chapter 10 – Callie

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona rode the elevator to Peds, picked up a coffee along the way, and went to her office to check her schedule. Finding nothing urgent, she made a plan for the day. She'd make morning rounds, grab a bite to eat, look in on Karev's preemie, meet with Lauren, make afternoon rounds, and speak with Callie before heading home. She knew she had a lot on her plate, yet felt determined. She wasn't concerned about her energy level, whatsoever. She felt oddly spry and alive. She smiled to herself realizing her vivacity was, in part, a result of the sexual experience she'd shared with Lauren. She thought back to her dating years and tried to recall having comparable sex with someone she'd just met. No one really stood out to her. This was not to say that she didn't have good sex with other women, she did, but usually not from the get-go.

Arizona caught herself daydreaming and consciously set her preoccupation aside. She needed to get her head in the game. Work duties called, as did a need for clarity around parental rights. She considered discussing with Callie her accusation that Lauren took advantage, but knew doing so would require an admission that she and Lauren were connected, once again. She wasn't ready for that, no matter how upsetting the idea that Callie considered her vulnerable. This was something she would discuss with Dr. Eden. She rang her office and made an appointment for the following afternoon.

Morning rounds went off without a hitch. She felt relieved by how easy interactions were with patients and colleagues. She finished early and purchased a gorgeous salad from the cafeteria, which she consumed by herself on the hospital rooftop.

The sun was warm and felt good on her skin. Thoughts of Dr. Avery's proposal surfaced, as they had several time throughout the morning, but she set them aside. There would be plenty of time for sorting after she'd spoken with Callie. Her highest priority, in that moment, was Sofia. It simply was not okay for Callie to have changed daycares without any discussion. Something like that would never have been okay when they were together, so why was it now, she wondered. Making matters worse was the fact that Callie went out of her way to bring Sofia to an independent day-care during a time when she was scheduled to be at the hospital. Arizona just could not wrap her mind around why Callie would do such a thing, unless it was simply to exercise her power. She knew she'd need to broach the subject lightly.

After lunch, Arizona was grateful to find Karev's preemie doing quiet well. She left a chart note stating she'd approve the babies release in the next twenty-four-hours, if that was his recommendation, and went back to her office to finish paperwork. When done, she texted Lauren and let her know she would be free within the hour. She was just about to leave when she thought she heard Callie's voice. For a split second, she wondered if Callie had actually said something, or if it was just a memory resounding in her head. They were together long enough for that to happen from time to time.

Arizona felt Callie's presence and realized she actually did hear her voice. She looked up to find her leaning against the doorframe and noticed tenderness in her eyes. It was an expression she hadn't seen in a while and it tugged lightly at her heartstrings. There was no doubt that they'd developed a form of communication that didn't require words, one made more powerful by all they'd been through. Sadly, here they were again, in the middle of yet another crisis, and one that seemed impossible to reconcile. Woeful over all they'd lost, Arizona consciously dampened her anger surrounding the abuse of power and said, "Hey, Callie."

Sensing a warm welcome, Callie walked into the room and stood a few feet away. Not as close as she'd have stood four months earlier, but closer than she'd have stood immediately after the affair. "I think we need to talk."

Arizona nodded. She had imagined their conversation taking place at the end of the day when she'd had more time to prepare, but realized this was as good of a time as any. She made a gesture for Callie to sit.

Callie accepted and was about to speak when Arizona interjected, "Before you say anything, can you please just tell me why you made a decision to change Sofia's day-care yesterday without checking in with me?"

Callie sighed. "Honestly, Arizona, I already told you why."

"Because she likes a little girl there? That just doesn't make sense. Why was she there in the first place?"

"It's like I said, it's close and convenient."

"But you went out of your way to bring her there. It doesn't add up, unless you're trying to punish me."

Callie wasn't ready to admit that she changed daycares to prevent Arizona from introducing Sofia to Lauren. She offered a different explanation, "I bring her there sometimes in the evening or over the weekend when I'm not working."

Arizona was baffled by Callie's response. Without measuring her words, she sounded off, "If you need evening or weekend care, why don't you bring her to me? I'm her mother and I have as much right to her as you do."

"We have a custody arrangement, Arizona. Yes, it's informal, but it's an arrangement, none-the-less. When I have our daughter, it's my decision where I bring her." Callie immediately regretted the harshness of her tone.

Suddenly Arizona understood. Callie needed evening and weekend day-care for a personal reason and one she wasn't willing to share. She felt a pinch of jealousy and knew she had no right to it. She couldn't contain her anger, however. "We would never have had such an arrangement when we were together, Callie. Neither of us likes the idea of Sofia being with strangers. And, this arrangement, as you put it, is feeling a bit imbalanced! Imagine if the tables were turned and you went in search our daughter and couldn't find her!"

Callie considered Arizona's position and understood her point. She spoke clearly and measured her words carefully. " We have an arrangement that I believe works for both of us. I should have consulted you about the change; I know this now. I will continue to bring Sofia to the hospital facility so we can both see her throughout the day, but we need to establish some ground rules."

"Ground rules?" Arizona said raising an eyebrow. "What kind of ground rules?"

Callie took a deep breath. She'd thought about how to approach the conversation all morning. She exhaled slowly, made strong eye contact and said, "For starters, I want a say in who Sofia meets and who she spends time with when she's in your care."

At first, Arizona was mystified. Then, she realized exactly what Callie was getting at with her assertion and felt her blood boil over. It was way too soon for her to even think about introducing Sofia to Lauren and the accusation was appalling. Before she could stop herself, she blurted, "What do you think Callie, that I'm so damaged that I would put our daughters needs second to my own?"

Callie tried to make a neutral facial expression, but failed. She considered Arizona indiscretion an act of selfishness and believed that her decision to have sex with a woman she'd just met was connected to some form of PTSD.

Seeing the look on Callie's face further exasperated Arizona. "Jesus, Callie, you really think I'm that fucked up!"

Callie questioned whether this was an appropriate time or setting to share her concern. She wasn't sure if it was her place to call Arizona out on something as serious as PTSD. She was a spouse, and a cartilage specialist, not a psychologist and not Arizona's psychologist. Still, the woman she knew pre-plane crash would never have cheated. She bit her back teeth together, realized their conversation was already too volatile to answer, and took refuge in silence.

Arizona, considered Callie's non-answer a response. Without measuring her words, she tersely stated, "Seriously, Callie, you are so far off on this one! I didn't have an affair because I was injured in a plane-crash! And, you have some nerve thinking my moment of weakness was the ONLY thing that broke us!"

Callie felt her head spin. She was there to apologize for changing day-care without discussion, but the conversation went from Sofia to PTSD and now they were both hurt and angry, all over again. She considered asking Arizona to come back to couples therapy, but the words just wouldn't come.

Arizona was extremely frustrated with what she now believed was Callie intentional use of silence. The woman was rarely, if ever, at a loss for words, and now three times in one conversation, she'd used silence as a weapon. She suspected it was a measure of Callie's pain, but couldn't take any more. She openly and gently said, "I can't do this, Callie. When you're ready to talk about our daughter and my rights as her mother, I'm happy to sit down with you and go over your needs, as I hope you'll be willing to discuss mine. As for this idea that I'm somehow vulnerable or damaged, I am neither of those things, and I will not let you tell me otherwise."

Callie heard and felt the impact of Arizona's words. She watched her get up from her desk and leave the room. A few seconds after she was gone, she heard herself whisper, "I'm sorry." Why she couldn't apologize sooner was beyond her. She stared at Arizona's desk and considered leaving a note. Perhaps with pen and paper she could string together words that would get them talking again, not arguing and making accusations, but actually talking to one another.