Say My Name
AN: Song: Don't leave Me by Greenday. /Song Lyrics/; 'Thoughts'
Don't Leave Me
Spike sat quietly hunched over on the edge of the bed with an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. The starlight of space shone from a glass window in his room, bathing his world in a heavenly soft white color. He chewed on the filtered end of the cigarette. His mind raced as visions flashed in his false eye.
He could feel Faye's nervous gaze burning a hole into his back.
He hadn't said a word since Ed left.
He could see her, standing there before him begging him to come to her.
His feet touched the icy metal floor as he held his head in his hands. Faye bit her lower lip as she tried to move closer to him. The bed springs squeaked, reverberating off the metal walls, sounding amplified by the chilling silence.
'What if he leaves me for her…?'
/I'll go for miles
Till I find you/
'I searched the cosmos looking for you and now you just show up?' He pulled at his deep green hair, trying to argue with the ghost in his mind. He shut his two-toned eyes tight, hoping to force her out. It had been months since he last had a vision, but here she was once more. The woman he would have gone to the ends of the universe to find now wanted to see him. She just appeared out of thin air and demanded him to come at her beckoning call. His heart was torn, no matter how much he had tried to deny it one minuscule part of him still longed for his fair-haired angel.
He loved Faye now but Julia was his first. He will never love her again, will he?
'Why won't you let me live my life with Faye?' He wanted to be free of his past once and for all.
/You say you want to leave me/
She had left him, treated him as if he was something to be used and thrown away. He could feel the prickling of anger and hate bubbling inside him. What once was a love no force could reckon with is now a hate but one life can end. He wanted to kill her for still having a hold on his tarnished heart.
'Now I've become the bitter, homicidal ex.' He was so confused by his emotions; he wanted to scream. 'I'll go. Tell her I'm done. She can fuck Vicious all she wants. She never loved me.'
/But you can't choose
I've gone thru pain/
The mattress squeaked as he stood up. Faye shifted to sit in the warm spot he had been occupying. He turned to look at her body, bathed in the pale milky white starlight. He had gone threw so much shit to get to where he was now with Faye. He wasn't about to throw that all away for a manipulative vixen. He wanted Julia to see the pain she had caused, the utterly destructive force she had on his life. He wanted to see her pain as he told her he loved someone else. He wanted to see only joy in Faye's eyes, never sorrow, never melancholy, never a sad smile. She would never become like Julia. He wanted to see Faye's emerald eyes shine with happiness and love.
/Every day and night
I feel my mind is going insane/
She was driving him crazy, to the point where he was beginning to question who he loved.
'Julia or Faye?'
It was like comparing light and dark. He wasn't sure that if he saw Julia again his hear would simply do what it had done before. All would be forgiven. Shove all the bad memories away and only preserve those few golden moments that made their relationship together seem like a perfect, rosy dream.
He looked into Faye's tear glazed emerald eyes.
'No tears Faye, please.' He saw all her emotions laid out before him in those eyes, pain, worry, fear, love. He bent down, bringing his face to hers. 'I love her…right?' Faye raised her hand to the cigarette in Spikes mouth, removing the limp, unlit stick from his lips before tilting her head up. She pressed her full lips to his in a short chaste kiss.
In that simple kiss existed ten times more passion than any kiss Julia had ever laid upon his lips.
'Faye…always Faye.'
/Something I can't fight/
He couldn't fight the feeling that welled up deep within him; he didn't want to fight it. No one could resist that feeling of true love that burned deep within Spike.
He cupped her pale face in his hands kissing her again. Her eyes slid shut as she enjoyed the simplest touch of his rough hands against her soft skin. It didn't matter if he did not said I love you everyday, that wasn't him, a kiss was simple enough.
"Faye I love you," he whispered against her lips as he idly rubbed her hot cheeks with the callused pad of his thumb.
/Don't leave me/
Her eyes still closed she begged him to stay.
"Then don't leave me." She hugged his neck pulling him on to the bed next to her. She never wanted him to leave her. Hadn't he promised he would never leave?
/Don't leave me/
"But I have to. I have to tell her its over and that I'm with someone that she'll never measure up to." He got off the bed, leaving Faye behind. Logically, she understood, but it couldn't drive away her fears and doubts.
He changed into his normal blue suit, tugging on the yellow shirt over his bandages and buttoning it up. He was rolling up the sleeves when Faye came to him, finally moving from the bed.
'Give him something, Faye, so he won't forget,' a voice whispered in Faye's ear as she pulled at the gold bracelet around her wrist. She took his hand in hers giving him the bracelet. He looked at her cocking an eyebrow.
"Wear it? For me."
/A blank expression
Covering your face/
He slipped it on with a blank face.
"I'll come back don't worry." There was no expression in his flat voice. She knew what he was doing was very serious; he was finally going to forget his past for sure. He could finally find his closure.
He brushed past her, walking to the door.
/I'm looking for directions
For out of this place/
She followed him down the hall to the hanger. He was really going to leave.
'I'm sorry Faye, I don't want you to think I'm leaving forever I just need closure. I need for her to know it's over. I need a real ending to my dream in order to start truly living with you.'
/I start to wonder/
'What if he is lying? What if he's gonna run off with Julia?' She held her swollen stomach as she trudged after him. She wanted to see him leave; she wanted to make sure he was going to come back.
/If you'll come back/
'What if he's never going to come back?' Faye tried to brush those thoughts away as Spike stopped to look back at her. She saw a strange emotions flash in his two toned auburn eyes when he looked at her face.
/I feel the rain storming after thunder/
A storm of emotions was brewing in both of them.
/I can't hold back/
She quickly brushed away a single tear that escaped the corner of her wide, green eyes.
/Don't leave me/
"Spike, come back," she whispered. He quickly walked back to her, wrapping his arms around her. He buried his face in her jasmine scented neck, holdin her close to his warm frame as she held him tightly.
/I'll go for miles/
"I'll come back don't worry." His hot breath tickled her skin as he spoke. He kissed her neck, breathing in her scent one last time.
/Till I find you/
"I'd search all of the heavens 'til I found you," he murmured in her ear. She shut her eyes, squeezing him tightly before letting go. She knew he had to do this, do this for them, for their child.
/You say you want to leave me/
'Why do you want to leave?' Under her rational thinking mind she couldn't understand, she didn't know why he wouldn't just let the past die.
/But you can't choose/
Spike turned his back on her and began walking away. She couldn't make his decisions for him. She just had to trust him; she had to have faith in him. She reached out silently to him as her eyes began to mist over with unshed tears.
/I've gone thru pain/
She didn't want to feel this pain. The rejection of being left behind.
/Every day and night/
She had lived with that pain before, nights and days on end full of a dark ache that loomed over her. She wasn't ready to live like that again with out him.
/I feel my mind is going insane/
She knew he was just going to end his former life so he could start over, but she couldn't stop the nagging voice in her that screamed he would never come back. It was the same voice that taunted her before.
'He'll remember his love for her and push away all the bad memories, just like he did before and you'll be alone with his bastard.' She wanted to scream. She didn't know what was happening; she didn't know what to believe.
/Something I can't fight/
Faye leaned against the metal wall of the hanger, clutching her stomach in pain. Her eyes spilt over with tears she could no longer hold back. Her body crumpled to the ground.
"I can't live without you," she whispered, gritting her teeth as she felt something within her break.
/Don't leave me/
'Spike don't leave me!'
/Don't leave me/
But he was already gone…
Next Chapter: Used to Love Her