Hello lovely readers! As ever thanks to all the kind readers and reviewers who are sticking with me through this story, you're all amazing and i'm so very grateful :D

This chapter is a little shorter then the last couple but not my shortest, it just seemed like the place to end it where i did so i hope you'll forgive me. This is mainly Joshua's story and the parts about women made me feel horrible to write, i hope it doesn't turn anyone off!

As usual please let me know your thoughts and enjoy!

The end of last chapter was a bit of a cliff-hanger, so just to refresh your memories these were the last lines:

Slowly, Joshua stopped crying, he wiped his face on the back of his hand and sat up straighter, gathering himself together he raised his head to look Deeks in the eye. It was as if Deeks' words had awoken something inside him and they were now seeing the proud Marine he had once been, somehow unrecognisable from the broken man of a few minutes earlier.

He took a deep breath and said, his voice steady "Okay, I'll tell you everything I know".

Deeks sat up straighter and all his focus was fixed on the man opposite him, no-one in the room breathed as they waited for Joshua to start his story. Deeks could be patient; Joshua seemed to have just pulled himself back from the brink of nothingness and was now willing to help them find the truth even if it meant risking his own life. He truly was a US Marine.

Joshua took a deep breath and closed his eyes, blocking out everything but the memories as he began. "I was young, naive in so many ways when I joined up, straight out of high school but I knew I wanted to serve, wanted to make it my career." He smiled, a crooked bitter smile at the memory.

"I did pretty well, got along with most everyone and looked up to the older guys. When I got assigned to Bennett's unit I was happy, proud. It was a good post where I was learning a lot. I bunked with Peter and he seemed okay, most people really liked him, especially the higher ups; he was good at his job, a fast learner, likable you know? But things were different, he was different if we were alone, there was just something about him that seemed off when no one else was watching. It's not anything in particular he ever did or said, nothing I could put into words, so I ignored it and tried to stay out of his way. He didn't seem to notice me too much and I was grateful." All eyes in the room were glued to Joshua, Kensi and Deeks both lost in his story as he continued, the sounds of the ocean below playing a strangely soothing soundtrack.

"I got pretty sick one time while we were deployed, we were on the way home after a long tour and I'd had a rough time over there. I'd spent most of the week in sickbay and the Doc had sent me back to my own bunk with orders to sleep. I was already in bed when I heard Peter and a couple others coming, their voices seemed weird, all hushed and urgent. I dunno why I did it but I thought maybe it would be easier to just pretend to be asleep than face them so I did. When they walked in and stopped talking I knew they'd spotted me. I was facing the wall and after checking me they seemed satisfied I was asleep. They talked for what seemed like ages and it took everything I had not to react to some of the stuff they were saying, I think I was frozen, like I didn't know what to do so I did nothing." His voice, his hands, his entire body seemed to be shaking as he paused, eyes still tightly clenched shut.

"Can you tell me anything about what they said? Anything specific? Even the smallest thing could be really helpful", Deeks asked. He tried to keep his tone gentle and encouraging but he was eager, he felt like they were on the verge of getting some real information.

Joshua nodded stiffly and unsuccessfully tried to get the shaking under control before going on. "Peter's voice was the only one I recognised, I don't know who the others were, I never saw their faces. They talked about supplies of something that they had brought aboard. They were talking prices they were gonna get once we docked and how they were going to get it off the ship. Of course I know now they were talking about the drugs, but I had no idea at the time I swear." His voice took on a pleading tone as he continued, begging them to understand, begging for forgiveness.

"I think Peter was already being looked at by then by some kind of authorities because the others were going to take his share off the ship in case he got searched too thoroughly, I don't know how they got it off the ship. It was like some kind of weird business meeting and once all those plans had been settled they started to relax and joke around."

His eyes opened at last and flickered to Kensi, ashamed at what he was about to say, "They were talking about girls and where they would find them and... what they were going to do to them when they got off. One of them was joking with Peter saying about how he had a ready supply of girls just waiting to do his bidding, cos' he could give them what they needed, then the other said he didn't have as many as he used to. Peter got angry then, ranting about how women couldn't be trusted. They had their uses, and he made it clear exactly what he thought their uses were." Every time he tried to tear his gaze away from Kensi it was inevitably pulled back. Having to say these things was bad enough but saying them with a woman standing there was even worse, the memories made him feel dirty, like he could never be clean again.

"He said- he said women were like animals, dogs, who needed the firm hand of a master. If they didn't do what they were told or turned on their master then they needed to be put down like the dogs they were. He- he said he'd had someone turn on him, he wasn't sure who so he got rid of a few, just to make sure, like they were meaningless trinkets tossed away without a second thought. The others laughed, congratulated him in a job well done, they said he was a great man who knew how to handle his business. They all laughed, laughed and joked about murdering people, and I just lay there." Joshua's voice took on a hard and bitter edge, the shame and self loathing he had been carrying for two decades finally out in the open.

"I swore an oath to serve my country and protect people and I just lay there. I don't deserve to be called a Marine; I don't even deserve to be called a man. I transferred and never saw him again. I am a coward and no amount of service, no sacrifice can wipe that from my memory or my conscience. If I live for a thousand years I can never make it right. I'm sure you probably hate me right now, but be assured Detective I hate myself much, much more."

Deeks cleared his throat to try to remove the lump that had settled there. This once proud man had been carrying the guilt and shame of another for twenty years, another life ruined by one greedy man. "You, Joshua Davidson, United States Marine, have nothing to apologise for, nothing to be ashamed of, and there is not a single part of me that hate's you at all. The information you gave today could help us put the man who actually is responsible for all this away for the rest of his life. Thank you for your honesty and bravery today. I want you to know we're gonna get you some help, you deserve a better life than the one you've been living lately and I'm going to help you get it back on track."

Joshua still looked broken, he clearly didn't believe he'd earned the right to any sort of decent life. He got up when Deeks did and shook the offered hand. "I hope it helps, I've buried it too long, it was time I faced it, I'm so sorry it took me so long." Deeks shook his head and replied, "No, thank you. I owe you a debt of gratitude, for your help today and for your service, you're a good man Joshua, you matter."

Deeks and Kensi drove Joshua home and made their way back to the mission in silence, each thinking about and working over everything they had just heard. After what Joshua had had to say Deeks was sure they had enough to get Hetty to agree to pull in Mr. and Mrs. Bennett for a little chat and Deeks couldn't wait to see the look on smug Peter Bennett's face when he personally saw to it he was locked up for the rest of his worthless life. The list of people who deserved justice was getting longer every day.

Hope you enjoyed, let me know, i love feeback it makes me happy dance :P xxx