Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Massacre
Chapter Ten
Bella tossed and turned the whole night, but she could not sleep. She watched the bright green numbers on her alarm clock change until there were dots spotting her vision. She kept the blanket over her body, no matter how warm she got. She was simply numb; dead to what was going on inside her and hyper-aware of the outside world.
She could hear the birds outside chirping as they sat on the branches of the big tree next to her window. Had they always chirped, greeting her with the high notes of their song, or was this the first day? There was the sound of a lawn mower in the distance; who mowed their lawn at 5 A.M.? The hum of cars and heating systems reached her ears when she strained to hear it. Some rustling in the forest closest to her room. The sounds of the TV downstairs were slight and she could make out the loud announcer's voice talking about the players and statistics. Had Charlie often fell asleep, leaving the TV on the rest of the night?
Bella had always prided herself on being so observant. It was a useful tool, to not miss the slight changes in expressions that may reveal a lie or crack a mask. But she now realized she was only observant when it came to people, and even then she missed half of what was going on, either by the former distraction of Edward or the rambling of her own thoughts.
The blanket over her body shifted as she turned around to face her closet. There was a hole next to her hand in the sheet where she'd gripped it too hard while she had cried.
Sweeping her eyes about her bedroom, she realized how little her room reflected her as a person. Wasn't that what bedrooms were for? To showcase one's inner self?
Her bedroom walls were still painted purple from her childhood; it had been her favorite color until she came across the classic look of black and white. Her bookcase was worn at the corners and very small: so small in fact that most of her books resided in boxes in her closet. The furniture was mismatched; nothing really pieced together as a whole.
Maybe her room did reflect her. It was plain and haphazard, as if it had been a rush to put it together. But then again, she wasn't together. She was broken.
Realizing she would have to muddle through the day no matter the lack of sleep, Bella got up. Her feet tingled when they pressed against the floor. The sound of her footsteps seemed extra loud and she cringed.
Once she was in the safety of her bathroom, she turned to face the mirror. Her eyes had a dead look to them. Her mouth was turned down at the corners in what seemed a permanent frown. Her outside appearance actually matched her feelings.
Why was she feeling this now? The numbness. What happened to the progress she'd made? Had she accidentally tucked it away with the CD under her floorboard?
Bella shook her head, sighing loudly. She mentally took back all the times she'd thought she wanted to be numb. Sure, a life without feeling pain sounded amazing, but she didn't like not feeling. It was too safe, too bland. She didn't like who she saw in the mirror. She needed to snap out of this.
She turned the water on full blast, blazing hot. Jumping inside, clothes still on, she sprung on the balls of her feet as the water soaked through her nightshirt to her back. It stung just as she wanted it too.
She turned the water's temperature down and sat on the shower's floor, looking up at the nozzle. Her hair was damp and her face felt dry from the steam. She curled her legs to her chest and let the water beat down on her. Slowly her muscles relaxed and her head lulled to the side.
After a few deep breaths she got up and took care of washing up before she wrapped her favorite towel around herself and stepped out.
"Bells?" Charlie's voice called out, groggy and scratchy. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Bella said. "I'm fine."
Once Angela got there and Bella got in the car, Angela handed her a small pile of ash. She made sure Bella threw it out the window before she backed out of the driveway. Bella didn't question her.
The car ride to school was filled with mindless chatter and Bella delighted in the normality.
"Are you alright?" Angela broke of from her earlier sentence. "You seem...weird."
"Thanks." Bella grinned. "I think finding the stuff kind of shook me up. I'm feeling better now, though."
"That's good." Something in Angela's reply seemed off, but Bella ignored it in favor of adjusting the chain around the mirror.
"I think you should sit with us today." Angela suddenly said.
"Us as in Mike, Jessica, Lauren, and all their friends?" Bella clarified. "Um...how about no."
"Please, Bella, no one's really mad at you anymore! I mean, Lauren hates you but she's petty. I bet if you talked to Jessica you guys could patch things up, and Mike, Tyler, Ben and Eric would all welcome you back."
"Which wouldn't do anything but cause *more* drama." Bella said. "Look, fine, I'll talk to Jess and sit with you guys. But if things go badly, you owe me a lunch."
"Deal." Angela smiled brightly.
"Oh so excited for my social execution." Bella joked.
"Stop being over dramatic," Angela swatted Bella's hand away from the chain. "If you go in thinking the worst—"
"Then you don't risk disappointment and if it goes well, it's an even better surprise." Bella finished.
Angela merely rolled her eyes, smirking, before turning the radio on to the local rap station.
Bella hated rap.
--
The school's parking lot was already half full, and Bella spotted Lauren, Mike, Tyler and Jessica leaning against Tyler's van across the parking lot.
"Come on." Angela said, angling her head towards the group. "If you talk to them now it might make lunch easier."
Bella opened her mouth to speak but couldn't argue with Angela's logic.
Lauren's head snapped up as soon as she heard footsteps. A smirk made itself onto her face and she turned forward, causing the rest of the group to look over as well.
Bella ignored the heat that was manifesting itself in her cheeks and kept walking. Tyler and Mike looked happy to see her, and Jessica looked indifferent.
"Hey." Angela greeted.
Bella gave a tentative wave and what she hoped was a small, greeting smile.
"Well," Lauren sneered, "I guess she decided we're worth her time."
Jessica offered a small snicker. Tyler and Mike looked at each other.
The atmosphere turned extremely awkward.
"Good morning to you, too, Lauren." Bella said finally. "Anyway, how are you guys?"
Tyler slipped an arm around Bella's shoulder. He smelled like a mix of cologne and coconut shampoo. "I just got better."
Mike shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. Meanwhile, Lauren crushed the paper she'd been holding into a compressed, ruined ball.
Bella slipped lightly out of Tyler's grasp. "Um...good?"
Tyler looked undeterred, though, and merely stepped closer. "So...if you're free..."
"Tyler." Jessica snapped. "It's all too obvious she's not interested."
Bella sent a grateful towards Jessica and she smiled back.
Tyler shook his head, his shaggy hair falling in front of his eyes. "Yeah, that's cool." He looked up at Lauren. "So...Lauren...?"
"Not happening." Lauren snapped.
Tyler shrugged. "Whatever." He gave them all a parting glance before trotting to a group of girls near the school's entrance.
Lauren scoffed, grumbling something under her breath. "I'm gonna go reprint my paper." Her cheeks turned the lightest tinge of pink as she speed-walked away.
"And then there were four." Angela said ominously.
Jessica side-glanced at Mike, and they shared a look. He left minutes later, muttering something about getting a snack.
"So..." Jessica shifted her feet. "I'm sorry about all that stuff...I was stupid and I was going through some problems and needed something to take it out on."
"I understand." Bella said. "It's okay...but don't expect me to trust you wholeheartedly."
"I know. I'm not a very trustworthy person anyway." Jessica blushed. "What with my big, gossiping mouth and all."
Bella giggled and pulled Jessica into a hug.
Angela looked on smugly, winking at Bella in a I-told-you-so way. The bell rang and the three girls turned and walked together into the school's entrance.
The halls were full of stares and whispers of the supposed-make-up between Jessica, Bella, and perhaps even Lauren. For once, Bella was able to completely block it out.
The rest of the day went by pleasantly. Jessica and Bella had a more in-depth talk about their friendship, or what was left of it really. Jessica updated Bella on everything she'd missed within the small group.
Lunch was an obstacle. Even if Lauren left halfway through and Bella ended up leaving to sit alone for the rest of it, Bella liked sitting at her old table while it lasted. It restored, even more, the sense of normality she hadn't realized she'd been craving.
Whilst sitting alone she'd read through the free newspaper that was kept in a stack in the far corner of the lunchroom. It was a bit of a downer: more deaths were happening and cops didn't have any leads. Bella had decided not to read it afterward, wanting to preserve her good mood.
By the time she got home and was settled in with her Biology homework, Bella had a deep sense of calm about her. She could only hope it would last.
--
A/N: I hate putting bottom notes, but this ones important and I don't think anyone reads the top ones.
I hope you guys like this chapter, there's something I really like about it. It's a quick update, too! Don't expect many more, I start school very soon so please be patient.
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Thanks so much for the support on this story, I'm really glad you guys like it.
(Sorry for the extra long rambly A/N. =P)