Dark Respite

Dani sat in her house in complete darkness thinking about the events of the day. This was trouble she'd brought upon herself with her damned desire to know things. In truth it was trouble she'd welcomed, sought out and unearthed, but it affected Charlie far more than it ever would her. She knew things about Crews now that no one else did. She knew the weak spots in his armor by feel and by heart. This revelation would rock him to the core. It might be the one thing that could break an unbreakable man.

Charlie's adoration of his mother was one of the few pure things left to him. Dani knew the ugly truth that no one is perfect, not even Charlie's mother or hers. But why Rayborn? Was she trapped in a loveless marriage? Did Rayborn seduce her? Did she love Mickey Rayborn? Did her own mother know about her father's illicit activities? Did both women cover for the men they loved just as she knew she would for Crews? It was meaningless wondering. They were answers she couldn't know. Dani had never even met Charlie's mother.

Charlie's mother died while he was still in prison; she alone was untainted by time and she was a testament to the power of truth, love and compassion. She was Charlie's holy grail. Would he want to know a truth that would steal that from him? Could she tell him and watch the last of his innocence dissolve? Agonizing over it brought her to silent, hot and bitter tears sitting there alone in the darkness of her empty shell of a home. She missed the warmth of her partner and the shaggy, clumsy innocence of Chester.

What Dani did not realize is that her dismay did not take her where she used to go in times of trouble. She did not reach for the easy escape of alcohol. She owned her troubles and demons and shouldered them squarely for the first time in many years. She did this not for herself – not yet – but for him. She would not take the weak and easy way out and leave him to deal with her pain, her failure and the problems she'd brought on them both.

Rayborn and her father had both been right. Not knowing was easier. Knowing did not equal understanding. Maybe there was no understanding some things she thought. That thought made her envision Charlie puzzling over the unknowable, the un-understandable. She could see the curious look on his face, his unfocused eyes and tilted head as he examined the dilemma of nothing and nowhere and not understanding. Dani found herself missing her partner profoundly.

She reached into her pocket for the cell phone there and fingered his number. She wanted to call, but the hour was late – or rather it was early - in the wee hours of the morning. He would be asleep, slumbering in their giant bed with Chester at his side. She thought of his blonde lashes brushing his freckled face and dialed without conscious thought.

He answered immediately with a quiet, "hey," as if he were expecting her call.

"Where you sleeping?"

"No," he lied, a suppressed yawn betraying his fatigue.

"Charlie…I…." she stammered softly at a loss for words, but simply listening to him breath calmed her.

"…couldn't sleep?" he finished in his fashion.

She nodded as though he could feel her answer.

"I was calling to check on Chester," she fibbed. In truth she missed the sound of his measured breathing and the warmth of his arms against her skin.

"He misses you," Charlie lied back. Chester was safely ensconced in Rachel's bed dreaming of chasing rabbits and ignorant of the suffering of his master and mistress.

"Really?" Dani asked sounding faraway.

"No," Charlie relented. "He's in bed with Rachel, but I miss you."

"We really need counseling. We've been apart what? Six hours?" She joked lightly.

"Seven hours, forty three – no forty four minutes, but who's counting?"

"Crews," she sighed in the way that made him want to hold her close and not let go for a long time.

"I could come get you," he offered with subdued eagerness.

"It's late and a long drive," she objected half-heartedly.

"There's not much traffic now. It wouldn't take me long," he pled his case.

Her sigh travelled the length of the phone line. "It seems silly but dammit…" she swore silently her cheeks still salty from her recriminations, "I just wanted to…"

"…hear my voice," he volunteered.

"Yeah," she admitted softly in defeat. She was irretrievably in love with the tall red haired man who wanted her to wear his ring and take his name. "I know pathetic right?"

"No," he said firmly. She could hear the smile return in his voice. "Comforting."

There was a light knock on her door. She closed the phone and opened the door without looking. She knew it was him.

He smiled shyly, "too stalker-ish?"

"No," she kissed him gently, "just stalker-ish enough."

"I figured I could not sleep at home or I could not sleep here in my car in case you needed me," he confessed as her arms encircled his neck and his hands slunk from their cautious purchase on her hips to encircle her waist. He pulled her snugly against him and delivered a slow, patient, sweet kiss that begged for forgiveness though he knew not what for.

"You'd better come in though before somebody calls the cops," she said coyly her humor returning with her ray of walking sunshine – her guard against the gloom.

"Honey, I am a cop," his sense of humor returned and his smile with it. It was one of his low wattage; genuine smiles and she closed the door plunging them back into darkness again. Dani led him through her darkened apartment on trust alone. He could not see but would follow her anywhere.

When they reached the bed she began disrobing him, silently in the dark with great care and gentleness. He was quiet but his touch was everywhere, light but warm and real. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm…"

"Shhh," she said laying a finger across his lips. "You didn't do anything and you didn't not do anything." His smile against her finger let her know he felt this Zen and humorous all at once. "Let's go to bed, Charlie."

He climbed in after her and held her close. She breathed in the scent of something she could not have imagined missing so dearly. He was like oxygen and she was fire. She was the shore and he the sea, he longed for her even if their meeting was brief and fleeting. Only after they settled in did they both issue a ragged uneasy sigh that contained the confusion and discord of the day – releasing it into the silent void of night.

Tomorrow would bring new challenges, it would reignite dormant fires and dilemmas would shine sharply like dangerous diamonds under the hot sun. But for these few hours in the cool quiet of the night respite was theirs together. It would grant them anonymity from troubles and they would face the day with the strength that comes from standing with someone, for someone, instead of against them.