We talked for a while. What about I can't say. Well, it's not that I can't say it, it's that I won't say it. We talked about some serious stuff in there and… yeah. I'm not going to talk about it. Anyway, after I left his cell I talked to Jim Gordon on the way out.
"Thanks for giving me this opportunity, Jim," I said, praying to God he couldn't see my emotions from the cryfest with Johnny. "We're going to need a few more sessions but I think I can really help him."
"No, thank you, Dr. Hardy," He stuck out his hand and I shook it because I felt obligated. "You're the one who just dropped over here on a whim." We exchanged goodbyes (finally) and I stepped out of the building, going over to my car, going in and locking the door with the windows rolled up. I sat in my car for a little bit and thought. I thought about Johnny, I thought about what we talked about, I thought about Harvey and his girlfriend and the Joker.
And I thought about how I was going to spring Johnny from Arkham.
Yeah, yeah, you all saw it coming. But you don't know how I do things, honestly. I mean, I was a big shot way back when, and I know and knew how to do things. I know how to do them my way. And if you think my way is some fucking passive little plan with sneaky little sneaking around, you are so, so mistaken.
Okay, what follows is like, the craziest kidnap-rescue ever. But I do some stupid stuff that is going to make you question my state of mind. And actually, you should. I know I shouldn't tell you about what Johnny and I were talking about, and I won't tell you specifics, but you have to realize that Johnny was going [more] insane. I learned something about him in Arkham that I never knew about him before. If I didn't get him out of there as soon as I could, he would kill himself because of it. And I couldn't let that happen, you have to understand that.
I put on my costume and waited until it got dark. I put on my metal-cleat heels, picked up a few gas bombs, a gun and a knife, put them in my garter stockings, got out of the car and commenced to scale the wall of Arkham Asylum to the second floor like a bad ass ninja.
I kicked the window in, threw a gas bomb in there, and waited until it was safe enough for me to walk by the sleeping guards and enter the hallway, where more guard saw me and I kicked the shit out of them with my heels. You honestly think they'd shoot a lady? No way.
If I remembered correctly, Johnny's room was on the fifth floor. I was feeling lazy so I just took the elevator. Some jerk ass was in it when I pressed the button so I whipped out my gun and shot him in the leg and let him lay on the floor for a little bit while the elevator went up. It was literally totally one of the most awkward moments of my life, with me just kind of like waiting there all chill with this guy whining on the ground with a bullet in his leg. Completely and totally awkward.
The elevator got to Johnny's floor after what seemed like forever and some guard dudes were waiting in a little room at the start of the hall, you know, like in every mental hospital, and I shot the window, kicked it in, and threw a gas bomb in the room. When the guy was passed out and it was okay to go in, I looked for the button on the panel that released cell eleven. Seeing as I couldn't find it, I just pressed the 'open all cells' button and went on my way.
All the doors opened and some crazy guy came out of one of the cells. He actually looked pretty normal (to me) and he smiled when I walked by.
"Excuse me… What's… going on?" he said politely, lyrically.
"Oh, I'm getting one of my friends out of here. You're welcome to leave if you want to!" I answered cutely and politely as well. He strolled over to the elevator and pressed a button with his nose because his arms were in a straight jacket. As door closed and we nodded our goodbyes. Nice guy, I wonder whatever happened to him.
I kept walking down the hall until I got to Johnny's open cell. He was sleeping. I stepped carefully over to him and bent down, touching his shoulder. He twitched awake and smiled sweetly at seeing me.
"Time to go, honey," I said softly, putting and arm around his little jacketed shoulders and lifting up his legs. I swear to God he weighed about eighty pounds, he felt so light. Just as I was about to leave the cell, a giant buzzer thing went off and the doors closed. A red light turned on in the hallway and the buzzer kept going, like a fire alarm. 'Oh shit,' I thought to myself, 'Arkham's in lockdown.'
Through the annoying-as-hell-buzzer-thing I heard some menacing footsteps in the hall, like the kind you hear in a horror movie. I looked through the window, still holding my baby, peered down the hallway to see the creator of all this havoc, and who else did I see but the creator of havoc himself.
The fucking Joker put Arkham into lockdown just to screw with me.
"Joker!" I yelled from the cell, "Joker, get me the fuck out of here!" He strolled comfortably over to the window and smiled, a grin without teeth.
"Hello, Miss… Sleeper. How'd you get in here?" he said slowly and methodically.
"I'll tell you when you let me out, fuck face," I said half sweetly and half sarcastically. Actually it was like a third sweetly and two-thirds sarcastically. It was like a sarcastic sundae with sweet sprinkles. I saw him walk away slowly, stay away for a little bit, and finally, open all the doors again. I stormed out, Johnny in my arms, running over to the Joker, about this close to killing him. "What the hell were you doing!? You knew I was here, you were doing this ju—," He put a hand to my lips, raised his little eyebrows and pointed at Johnny. He was asleep. I bit my lip and gave the Joker a dirty look. Fuck all those girly feelings I had before; I was in a bad mood already, and in addition, no one gets in the way of matters with my little Johnny. He thought he could walk right in there and screw up my not-even-a-plan-plan?! I stomped towards the elevator, my cleats about as harshly hitting the ground as I wanted to hit the Joker. I pressed the button and got in, the Joker following suite.
"Man, and I thought you looked soft on the outside…" he grinned without teeth in my direction, polluting the elevator with whatever cologne he something he was wearing, which actually smelled pretty good. I guess he got spruced up for his date.
"About as soft as a piece of hard candy," a voice from my bosom muttered. It was Johnny. Apparently I woke him up or something. Maybe Mr. Asshole did. I opened my mouth to say something motherly and loving but the elevator bell rung and we were on the first floor. Plus, I didn't want the Joker hear me getting all mushy when he just heard how tough I was.
We got out of the elevator. There were some dead guys with smiles lying all around the floor and I didn't really care. Some henchmen were standing by the door waiting for the Joker's command. I didn't really care about that either. I made my way out to the car and stuck Johnny in the backseat, the fresh air feeling awesome in comparison to the dank asylum. I closed the door as quietly as I could and made my way to the driver's side where the Joker was waiting for me. He smiled as I reached for the door. I couldn't get it open because he was leaning on it.
"Get out of my way," I sighed impatiently, "I'm not in the mood for this…"
"Then… What are you in the mood for?" He bent over and kissed me. We made out for a minute until I could position him so that he was out of the way of the door, and I broke it off really slowly, one hand on his chest and the other hand on the car door handle.
"You're a jerk," I whispered sensually in his ear, opening the door and bouncing in the car, turning it on and backing out, all in the same motion. I looked in my rearview mirror as I drove away at his pretty little content face and wondered what my next move would be. So far he'd moved his pawns and got my castle, but I still had my king and he still had his knight… this was getting fun.