AN: Hello everyone. Being a senior is tough. I have senioritis, I'm planning my graduation party, have tons of makeup work from missing for field trips, have a research paper to write…and I had nice three days to do all this. Instead I went to chocolatefest, did a Death Note cosplay photoshoot, and I'm going to the museum with ten other people. And now I am here writing this. My paper is due Friday and worth 400 points, WHY am I not doing it?

/…/…/…/…/

Chapter 10: Confession

Mello had said he was going to be in the library, so that's where I headed.

L was right. Mello and I had been through a lot together. He had helped me before he had even known me. He had protected me the best he could after he did get to know me, not only from my dad multiple days or the conditions on the streets, but emotionally holding me up, keeping me together. He would never hurt me. He had never hurt me intentionally.

Except that one time, but he had been apologetic immediately afterwards.

We had been fighting. I don't even remember what started it, but it had escalated into a shouting match about Near, and Mello does have quite a temper…

"Why would you even think of doing that? What's wrong with you?! Bullying someone like that makes you just like your father."

I've never seen Mello so enraged. "How dare you?!" he screeched, launching towards me. "I'm nothing like him! Nothing!" His hand fisted in the material of my shirt. "Knocking over his stupid dice towers and taunting him is nothing compared to what he did to me!"

"You're still bullying," I retaliated. "You're still tearing someone down. In my opinion that makes you like our parents."

It happened fast. Mello's hand swing back and his fist connected harshly with my jaw. I stumbled and fell backwards and landed on the ground.

I panicked. Mello was standing over me and he still looked so angry, so enraged. The expression on his face reminded me too much of my dad. I was suddenly terrified of him. I stumbled backwards on my hands and knees until my back hit the wall, closing my eyes and drawing my knees to my chest. I raised my hands to protect myself but no further hits came.

"Matt." Mello's voice was drained of all anger and I opened my eyes, peering up at him. He looked shocked. He slowly fell to his knees and began to crawl towards me. His movements were slow; as if afraid he would frighten me off. "Matty," His voice was weak and his face was drawn in regret. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He paused in front of me, hesitating. "I didn't think…I didn't mean…" Words failed him and he cautiously reached towards me. "I'd never Matt. I'd never treat you that way. Please forgive me."

The terror was fading and I leaned forward, allowing his fingers to brush my jaw. Reassured by my reaction, he crawled forward and sat beside me.

"It's okay," I told him, allowing him to take hold of my chin and gently inspect my jaw.

"No. It's not," Mello said, looking downcast. His hand dropped, but he didn't move away. "You were right. You didn't do anything and I hit you. After all you've been through, and I know better than anyone what it's like, and I still did it."

"You're not your father, or mine," I protested. "I should never have said that. It was wrong. You're nothing like either of them."

Mello was silent a moment before he spoke again. "Matt…I need you to not forgive me."

"What?"

"If I ever hurt you like that…if it was ever on a regular basis…don't forgive me."

"Mello," I tried to interrupt.

"I don't want to turn into my father. If I ever hurt you, stay away from me. Promise me."

"You're not doomed to repeat your father's mistakes."

"But it happens!" he said. "Just promise me. Don't ever let me hurt you." He was so determined at that moment, and I knew I had to promise. I wasn't worried though…I trusted him.

"I promise."

That was when he started keeping to his vow to not hurt me or scare me away. That was why he had been so apologetic when he had to restrain himself when I was accidentally named as second. I had promised I would not forgive him if he ever hurt me again.

In all honesty though, I don't know if I could stick to that promise. Not then, and especially not now.

It didn't take long to reach the library. I slowly opened the door, glancing in to find Mello. It was easy to spot him, since he was in the middle of the library talking with a girl.

I froze at that. I recognized her, although I couldn't remember her name. Her hair was shorter than his and nicely styled, proving she must spend at least an hour on her hair each morning. It was just a little darker than Mello's and she looked nervous. I was going to interrupt when she started talking.

"Mello I really…I admire how hard you work and I…I really like you Mello!" she said, not making eye contact.

I just stood there. This was so similar to the day I realized how deeply I cared for Mello. It had been a confession just like this that had made me realize I wanted to be with him forever.

"I barely know you," he told her. "So I can't say the same about you."

Her cheeks turned red in what I assumed was embarrassment, but when she looked up at Mello rage was burning in her eyes. "You don't care about anyone's feelings Mello!" she accused. "You have never once given one person a chance except Matt, and you guys came here together. Is that why you reject every girl?"

"What?!" Mello exclaimed as my eyes widened from my spot beside the door. Neither had noticed me, wrapped up in their conversation, and I was really glad for that now. Mello's reaction seemed to spark something in that girl, and she looked up at him defiantly.

"Is that the reason? Are you and Matt 'special friends?' It would certainly answer a lot of questions like why did you come here together? Why did you choose to share rooms, and as the rumor is, beds? Why is he the only one you even let near you?" She seemed sure of herself now, but Mello's back was to me so I couldn't see his expression. I didn't need an expression though, the words were enough.

"How dare you make a wild accusation like that? I don't even know your name, how can you make any assumptions about me?! I have certainly not done anything with Matt, and I most certainly will not be doing anything with you! I am not opposed to hitting annoying girls so get out of my face before I make you move!"

"You certainly vehemently protest it Mello. Maybe you're denying it? Embrace who you are. I don't see how anyone else could put with you anyway," she said, turning abruptly and walking away.

"I'm not denying anything you delusional witch. Just because I don't want to date a hag like you doesn't make me gay!"

I sensed more than saw Mello turn and quickly retreated from the doorway. Not wanting to confront him now, I moved quickly to our room.

My confidence had been torn away after that girls remarks. Mello's reaction had just been so…shocked. Like he couldn't believe it was possible; like he couldn't even consider it. What would he say to me if I confessed right after those girls comments? Would he even believe them to be legitimate?

But by his tone…he sounded so disapproving. Suddenly I didn't want to tell him anymore. I didn't want to risk it.

What if he was that harsh towards me? I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle being completely alone.

I could assume by his exclamations that he wasn't gay. If he wasn't gay he wouldn't return my feelings.

It was amazing how one could go from being so confident and excited to so down and insecure.

And he had said he wasn't denying that he felt that way towards me, which meant he didn't feel that way towards me, which would at the best make everything awkward and at the worst ruin our entire relationship.

Maybe I was being selfish but honestly I had suffered a lot in my life. Did I deserve to be selfish for once? Is it so wrong to not want to be hurt? Is it so wrong to want to have someone stay by my side?

But he wouldn't not forever, not if I didn't' tell him.

But if I told him he may not stay by my side at all.

I didn't know what to do. Was it more right to tell him or try to ignore it? Could I ignore it anymore? I was so stressed by this tension that could build when I was too close to him, to stressed trying to hide my stares and watching what I said. I didn't want to keep doing this. I didn't want to keep hiding. Maybe I could-

Mello walked in then, but paused at the site of me. An awkward silence filled the room. He shifted uncomfortably in the doorway and just stared at me. It was kind of unnerving, and I didn't know what to say. Slowly he closed the door and walked to the opposite bed. He laid back and stared up at the ceiling.

"I hate annoying, brainless girls, don't you?" he asked.

"…Yeah."

That was that. I couldn't tell him. Just that remark, it completely disregarded everything that girl had said. Even though he didn't know I had heard it, he had said it, meaning to him everything she had said was useless. Every comment she had made about us was false and could never be.

It hurt. It hurt a lot. It hurt that I had got my hopes up to have them come crashing back down. Mello and I had both grown up in a terrible environment, but he turned out more normal than I. He would grow up, get married, have children, have a life. I would grow up with no one except a best friend and my games.

But could I go back to normal now?

Could I just pretend I didn't like him? That I didn't love him?

Now he might be watching me closer, and he'd notice the way I acted around him. He'd notice my need to be near him and to touch him. He'd notice my glances and my stares. He was a genius, he'd figure it out. It would be so much worse if he figured it out on his own.

So I'd just have to keep more of a distance from him. Less physical contact, less watching and strange comments.

It couldn't be that hard…right?

/…/…/…/

AN: Please don't hate me xD I promise the REAL confession will happen soon, and as frustrating as this part is it is absolutely necessary. I'd say I'd try to get a chapter up sooner to make up for it but I have an eight page paper to write due Friday morning that I haven't started. I'll work my hardest.

Matt jumps to a lot of conclusions, no? He just loves to angst haha. If all goes according to plan there should be four more chapters.

Until next time, bye guys. Sorry this chapter is so short.