The sun had only left the sky. Silver stars had taken its place. The sky had gone from a beautiful blue to a sad dreary black. Not like the normal night sky. This sky was sad, only a few stars had come out to gaze at the earth and the moon was hiding its face from the sadness.

I hadn't left the back of the theatre since the phone call. The thought of getting up off the ground had become to much. I had eleven missed calls from Troy. I couldn't bring myself to answer because I was afraid of what I'd hear, so I sat, in the silence, alone. I could hear people passing, hear them talking and laughing. I could hear the birds who flew over head, and the dripping water from the broken pipe only afew feet away from me.

After a while I stopped hearing people and birds. I could only hear the dripping water. The water that had washed away what I had ripped up from my stomach only hours before.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The sound was peaceful, it filled the air around me. The thoughts of Troy and Taylor together kept running through my head.

I love you babygirl .

I tried to focas on the dripping water. I knew once one drop of water fell from the top of the theatre another would follow, then another, then another.

I pulled my legs closer to me, hugging them for heat. Since the sun was gone down it was cold. I shivered and thought of Troy holding me.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Gabriella?" A worried voice filled the air. I froze and held my breath.

"Gabriella, if you're here please answer me." Troy's voice sounded so smooth, like silk, it flosted through the air but hit me in the face. Hard.

"Gabriella! Babygirl, c'mon please."

His voice was coming closer, I didn't move. Still holding my breath, I put my head in my knees. I heard his converse scratch off the ground.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

I heard his breath slow. "Oh Gabriella." he called out, he seen me, on the ground, tear stained face, eyes puffy and mind srull stunned.

"Baby, are you okay?" He kneeled down next to me and put his arm around me. He tried to pull me into his chest but I didn't move. The heat from his body was tempting, all I wanted to do was curl up into his chest, cry and tell him how much I loved him, but I knew I couldn't. Not after what he did to me, not after getting my best friend pregnant. Instead I kept my head on my knees. I kept my breathing slow and tried my best not to sob.

"Gabriella, please talk to me. Let me explain."

"I trusted you. I let you into my life and told you things I had never told anyone before and you go and do this to me? After everything I've told you, everything I've been throught, and how far I've come?"

"I know babygirl. I'm so sorry, you've been amazing and you've come so far out of depression and then I go and fuck it up, but please. . . Can't you forgive me? Just this once. I swear I'll never do anything like that again. You're the only girl I love. The only girl for me. I love you."

"Is the baby yours?" I pulled myself up to look at him.

"Taylor's baby? What? No! Of course not! Why on earth would you think that?"

"She said it was yours and you were calling her baby when I rang you."

"Taylor was at my house with her because my mom & her mom are friends, and my cousin was there. She's only two years old. She was the one I was calling babe. Not Taylor."

"You promise?"

He moved closer to me and used his left hand to hold my my chin, making me look at him. "I swear on the sun, the moon, the stars. Everything. I'm yours and only yours."

He leaned closer to me and pressed his lips to mine.

I don't know why I kissed him back. I was still upset after hearing him with Taylor, something in the back of my mind was screaming at me to pull back, but i didn't.

My heart was breaking but my mind was telling me to hold on. To keep kissing him because no one would ever love me this way.

He slowly pulled back but pecked my lips again. "C'mon babygirl," He said and stood up. He held his hand down to me, waiting for me to take it. I did. His hand was warm around mine. He pulled me up and I found myself in his arms moments later. I felt safe here, like I could stay there forever. The voice in my head was louder now. Telling me to get away from him, that he wasn't telling the truth about Taylor but I pushed it back.

"You're freezing, let's get you home." He walked out of the back of the theatre infront of me. I didn't want to walk with him. I was scared but he soon pulled me to his side and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you." He smiled and opened his car door for me.

The car ride home was silent. I didn't talk and he didn't want to talk about what had happened. Every now and then I'd shiver or he would look at me. But it was silent, it was awkward but I just wanted to be alone.

He pulled up at my house, my parents were still away so I knew I'd be alone. I needed it.

I sighed and undid the seat belt. I pushed open the car door and was about to get out when he sighed.

I heard his door open and I seen him walk infront of the car, he reached my side and held his hand out for me. I took it and stood up.

"I know you're still mad at me." He mumbled as I walked to the door.

"No I'm not."

"Gabriella, fucking hell why can't you just forgive me. I said I was sorry." He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.

"Let go of my troy, I'm not in the mood! Just fuck off!" I pushed back from him and unlocked the front door.

I walked inside and slammed the door behind me. I didn't look back. I didn't want to see him. I just ran upstairs, straight to the bathroom.

I could hear his car roll out of the driveway. I could see this lights of his car shining into the bathroom. Tears bagan rolling down my face. I glanced around the cold dull bathroom. The only thing that seemed to sparkle was the razor blade. It was sitting on the floor in the shower. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and sighed.

My phone began ringing. "Miss Nothing" by the Pretty Reckless played loud filling the bathroom. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was my dad. I sighed and pressed the green button.

"Heya dad." I said into the reciver.

"Hi darling, how are things?" He asked.

"Things are good. I was with Troy today and I just got home."

"He's not there is he?"

"No dad, he's not. We had a fight. . ."

"Oh, well you had something to eat right?"

Tears began falling from my eyes. My dad was away with my mom to try to get her feeling better but the depression had gotten the best of her. He did so much for her and she never thanked him. She never told him she loved him, she never hugged him. He did everything and expected nothing in return, and then this happens to me. Before he didn't notice I stopped eating. He was too busy but then he started noticing, he tried to get time off work to help me at school and get me back performing but he couldn't get off and we grew apart. My mom became his main care. She hadn't had a conversation with me since my grandpa died. Any time we did talk we just started fighting and I'd storm out of the room or she'd start crying and run off to dad. He was amazing and I fucked everything up by getting depressed. By being obsessed with my body image.

I sighed and slightly smiled into the phone. "Yes daddy, I ate."

"Alright good, well your mom says hi, and we should be home soon. I love you."

"I love you too. . . . so much. I miss you." My voice cracked at the last part and my tears were hitting the bathroom floor.

"I miss you too. I'll see you soon." The phone went dead after that. I sighed and put it down on the sink.

I walked over to the shower and took the razor out. It sparkled in the dim light of the bathroom. I walked over to the bath and sat down on the ground. The tiles were cold but the razor was colder on my skin. I gasped when the blade hit the skin on my arm. Blood began making its way out of the gap in my skin. It slowly ran down my arm and fell onto the white tiles.

I just want to be someone else. Someone who isn't me. Someone who's happy. Someone who has a nice life. Sexualy abused is what the doctors tell you it was. It's what the judge called it. It's a nicer word then raped. It doesn't send horrible thoughts through your mind. It shocks you but not as much as rape does. Rape you think attacked, beaten, forced. Sexualy Abused, what do you think? It's the same but people don't think it.

Attacked. Beaten. Forced. It's all the same.

People know you when it happens. Word travels fast and people pretend to care so they can get all the details of what happened. How they did it. How you couldn't fight back. Why you couldn't fight back. Some people think you're strong, some people think you're weak. Some people think it's funny.

I cut again. More blood hit the tiles. More tears fell from my eyes.

I've come to the point where I don't make new friends. I stay in a world where I'm safe. A world where men don't look at me for "cheep sex". A world where someone loves me. I thought I had that world in real life. I thought Troy was my reason to leave the make believe world but he was the reason for me to fall deeper into it. Everything I told him, everything I've done and gone through he throws it away.

You are worthless. You are fat. You deserved to be raped. By your best friend's dad. By your best friend. They did it for a reason. Every hates you. They wanted to kill you but they also wanted you do that. To end your horrible fuck up of a life. You don't deserve anything. Troy didn't love you. He doesn't love you. He's with Taylor right now, kissing her, making love to her. They laugh at you when they're together. They think you're fat, and ugly. Because you deeper. Let the blood flow from you're body and onto the cold tiles and let the life drain from your body.

I cut again. I cut the pain away. I felt more blood flow down my arm, hit the floor. I felt sick. The breath left my lungs and I felt the room spin. I felt myself move, I tired to get up, but before I could everything went black. I could feel myself falling. I could hear my phone ringing. I felt my head hit the cold tile, then. Nothing.