For nearly an hour, I sat on the cold ground with my eyes closed, listening for any sign on Dean Winchester's whereabouts. There were many angelic whispers expressing disfavor for him, but none of those helped me. It wasn't until a human shouted prayers to the heavens that my eyes snapped open. The next second, I was standing alongside the bearded man and Dean. "You pray too loud," I growl, touching the man's forehead to get him out of the way. Dean did not have time to so much as breath my name before I had grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him into the narrow alley behind us.

I threw Dean against the brick walls of one of the buildings enclosing us. He staggered, heavy on his feet as I screamed at him. "I rebelled for this!?" Pulling him back upright, I slammed him back again and punched him in the face. And again, making my anger make it's point against his already bruising flesh. Grabbing onto his lapels again, I drew his face close to mine so that his gasping breaths licked at my face. "So that you could surrender to them?" He groaned something that might have been the start of an answer, but I was not listening. Instead, I hurled him against the opposite wall and pulled back so that I could ram my fists into his stomach again and again, my teeth gnashing furiously with each blow.

"Cas… please," he panted. His begging did not make me stop, but egged me on, so I threw him again against the other wall.

"I gave everything for you!" I snarled at him, pulling our faces closer again. "And this is what you give to me!" His body was giving way under the grip I had on his jacket, but that did not stop me from punching him more and then kicking him backwards through a chain linked fence. He fell, sputtering on the blood in his mouth from where my fists forced his teeth into his lips and clutching at his broken ribs. I advanced upon him, ready to finish the job and show him just how much I could hurt him. He had hurt me ten times more than the damage I had already done to him, after all.

Glancing at my clenched fist, Dean swallowed hard. "Do it," he groaned. Then he looked up into my eyes, pleading with me. "Just do it!"

I looked down at him, my lips quivering in my now-subsiding anger. We held one another's gaze, blue and green, still fighting but without words or actions. Our relationship was born for tragedy, and we never should have been. And we never even were. Not really. And now here he was begging for me to end him. And I could. But those green eyes, so full of misery and torment, so ready for death at the hand of someone who loves him. I just couldn't give it to him. Because yes I did hate him in this moment, but hate is just a vicious form of love. I touched his head, and he fell unconscious, his body limp at my feet.

There was important work to get immediately back to at Bobby's, but I could not bring myself to leave just then. All of my fight had gone out of me so quickly, so my vessel felt drained of everything. I had no more to give, because I had taken it all out of Dean Winchester. I really had given him everything now. Heavily, I sunk to the ground, kneeling next to Dean's unconscious body. I cradled his head in my lap and just sat for a few minutes, stroking his hair, dampened from the light rain that fell upon us in the dark night. I ran my fingers over the contours of his face, I had them all memorized by sight, but now I had them by touch. It seemed only fair for me to revel in this small luxury at the end of it all. The angels cheered in my head; for they had Adam in their possession. They would have their Michael with Adam or with Dean, because we would go to rescue him. I could see the future: the sacrifice of myself for Dean to walk straight into the enemy's arms. This sacrifice would surely kill me, so I didn't feel that the time I took for myself to just sit with Dean was wasted. It was my last request to have one last peaceful time with the man who had ruined me.

When Dean and I got back to Bobby's I wasted acted quickly once more. Sam and Bobby were in a panic over the loss of Adam, but I took all of their concerns in with a few somber nods and told them what we'd do. We would go to save him, because I knew where they had taken him. Nervous, but relieved, Sam began making arrangements for out trip to Van Nuys, California. In the meantime, I cleaned up Dean's wounds that I had inflicted upon him. And after Sam and I had talked it through, I went out to the porch to sit quietly as Sam talked to Dean about the rescue mission we were allowing him to accompany us on.

In a matter of minutes, we were saying goodbye to Bobby who had us a curt nod and wished us the best of luck. I looked at him fondly and thanked him for helping me look for my father when no one else would. "I'm sorry that didn't work out, Cas," he told me. "And I want to thank you for looking out for my boys." Before I could say anything back and make the moment more sentimental than he was comfortable with, he said, "Okay, now we're wasting too much time. You boys should get going."

We touched back down a block away from the warehouse where the angels were holding Adam. As we walked, I ignored Dean's disbelief that this is where 'the beautiful room' was located. I was not about to explain perception filters to him. That was not what I wanted our last conversation to be. I wanted our last conversation to be him pleading for forgiveness at my feet, telling me he was wrong and that he loved me. And then we'd kiss and it would be a beautiful and tragic end to our story. But real life is not a romance, ours more not so than any others.

Our actual last conversation was worse than the one about perception filters, but I was still hurt at his failure. "Tell me again why you don't just grab Adam and shazam the hell out of there," Sam asked as we reached the door.

"Because there are five angels in there," I answered.

"So? You're fast," Dean offered.

Taking off my tie, I waved away his comment. "They're faster. I'll clear them out; you two grab the boy." The plan was ordered to Sam, because I did not trust myself to look at Dean. "This is our only chance."

"Wait," Dean projected, grabbing my arm. I looked down at it and starred. This was where we started, but now the roles were reversed. His grip loosened, and he let me go. "You're going to take on five angels?"

"Yes." My answer was simple, and finally I looked him in the eyes.

"Well isn't that suicide?"

I squared my shoulders and narrowed my eyes. "Maybe it is, but then I won't have to watch you fail." He flinched, blinking at the sting of my words. "I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does." My words sunk in and I watched the emotion working to stay hidden behind the soldier's eyes. Not long ago I had told him that he was special. I had told him that I believed in him above all else, for he had been there even when my father wasn't. And now here I was taking it all back. I just couldn't help but break him a little more, adding another chapter to our tragedy.

Finally, I looked away from Dean and dug in my pocket for the pen knife I had taken from Bobby's house. "What the hell are you going to do with that?" Sam asked.

"I cannot defeat the angels with my sword alone. Greater measures need to be taken." Sam looked at me, starting to understand what I wanted him to do. "You need to carve the banishing sigil into my chest, Sam."

"No." He stood taller and jammed his hands in his pockets.

"It's the only way to get rid of them for sure," I insisted.

"You'll be banished too, Cas! And you'll be weakened. Dean's right: this is suicide."

I stepped closer to him looked up into his face. "Your little brother is in there, Sam. Do you want to see him safe?"

"Of course, but-"

"So do it. My part is over in this battle. After this, I will have given everything for you and your brother. Let me help you one last time."

Sam's face softened and he nodded, taking the knife from me. "Fine. Thanks, Cas… and I'm sorry."

With my back against the warehouse wall, I unbutton my shirt and bare my chest for Sam to start cutting. He hesitates, but I simply nod and he set to work. Sam was quick in his work, but that didn't make the pain any less. I gritted my teeth against it, not daring to make a noise that could give us away. I claw at the wall as Sam closes the circle carved into my chest. And then, I feel a warm hand take one of my own as it spasms through the pain. I tear open my eyes to see the sweet, harrowed face of Dean. "I've got you, Cas," he said, softly into my ear. "I've got you. It's almost done." My heart swells for him and I press my forehead against his in thanks and apology for the things I'd said.

When Sam is finished, the pain subsides enough for me to do my shirt up once more. I nod to the boys and assure them that all is well. I shake Sam's hand. He had been a brother to me when all of my family had turned against me. And then I turn to Dean. We shared one of our long looks that are worth all of the words in the world, and I touched his arm, right where I'd gripped him in hell. "Goodbye, Dean."

I entered the warehouse, looking all around me but seeing none of my brothers or sisters. They were there; I knew it for sure. I would just need to stay on my guard for whenever they attacked. The room where they were keeping Adam was not far off. I walked to it at a brisk pace, and just as I suspected, one of my brothers lurched out of the shadows before I could reach the door. He was taken by surprise much more than I because I was ready for him. With a quick maneuver, I brought my own sword down into his left thigh. He screamed as his graced seeped out from his open wound. I bunched the front of his shirt in my fist and forced him onto his back. Then, quickly, I pulled my blade out of his leg and instead drove it into his heart. With a shout, his grace burned out, and I was satisfied that I now had one less family member to defeat.

The rest would soon be here to finish me off, so I crossed to the middle of the room to wait for them. One by one, they came, baring arms against me, closing me within their circle, just as I'd planned. Each one of them wore battle faces, their hatred in their eyes burning rapidly for me. I cocked my head, my lips smirking slightly in arrogance and dropped my bloodstained sword on the ground. "What are you waiting for?" I taunted. "Come on."

Always so ready to follow orders, they charged me, their blades eager to absorb my blood. But they were never to reach me, because at the moment they were within reach of me, I ripped open my shirt and slammed my hand into the centre of the sigil carved into my flesh. There was a blinding light and my siblings and I were sent screaming into oblivion.

I have died before. It was an extremely unpleasant feeling that I did not want to relive ever again, but I was sure that I would. I was sure I would relive it when I blasted myself and my four siblings to random corners of the Earth… and I did. My vessel was ripped apart and my thoughts were scattered far from me. My grace fizzled and burst until it was a tiny flame unable to withstand being lit anymore. But then I was fully alight again. I was alive. But I couldn't see why or how. Consciousness didn't allow me enough time to even perceive where I was. The last thing I felt before passing out was the pound of cool rain against my burning skin.