Gamer4 in. Once again, here trying to break my usual hiatus-tendencies, so let's get started on the next chapter!
Disclaimer: Maybe, due to the large amount of Lovecraftian shout-outs lately, I should start including him in this...
Chapter X
The Cask of Chuckola Cola
Mario's hopes for Tingle's classes hadn't exactly been high to begin with, but it was becoming increasingly obvious throughout the year just how inept their new Protection from the Evils teacher was. Mario had thought their teacher last year had been terrible, as King Dedede had hardly ever had anything of interest to say, and usually just had them take notes from the book, while he tried to offer what help he could. But, had he really thought those classes were bad? Tingle's classes were an insult to Dedede's classes!
At least in Dedede's classes, Mario thought, they'd actually learned, even if the information could have been presented in a somewhat more interesting fashion. Tingle's classes, however, were starting to feel more and more like a drama class than a Protection from the Evils class. Ever since the 'Batty Incident' as he called it, he hadn't brought anything into class to work with, and while they brought out the books, it wasn't to study, but to practice. They were acting out his books in the style of classroom plays. For some reason, Tingle seemed bent on having Link act in his place, while Mario was frequently the villain. So far, he'd been forced to play an evil king who'd kidnaped the princess of the Waffle Kingdom, an invading alien from some creepy planet somewhere, and a psychotic blacksmith intent on filling the world with weapons and eternal warfare. Today, he was playing an evil sorcerer who'd apparently stolen something called the 'Eternity Wand,' and was currently in a fight scene with Link (playing Tingle himself, naturally) in which 'Tingle' defeated him.
Link was making it very clear (to those who knew him, at least,) that he wasn't eager in the slightest to play the role, but today, he had a special reason to keep Tingle happy. Speaking in a monotone that Rob would have been proud of, he said, "Stop, foul evildoer, for I have gathered the five shards of fire, ice, light, dark, and wisdom. I now have the power to stop you."
Mario, dressed in a purple robe and large purple top hat with a skull on the front, looked nervously over at Tingle, in case he'd caught on to Link's lack of enthusiasm. Seeing Tingle eagerly nodding and dancing around, he figured he hadn't. Turning back to Link, he said, speaking in equal monotone, "You should know by now, Limpah, that the forces of darkness cannot be overturned. So sorry you came so far for nothing."
"Sorry, Pocus, but the light of justice will always prevail," Link said, his face screwing up at how painful it was to say these lines. "My power will counteract yours, and-"
Mercifully, the rest of the scene was cut off by the bell ringing: never had Mario been so glad to go on break. He eagerly ripped off his outfit, returning to his usual appearance (Link's clothes were so uncomfortably similar to Tingle's that Tingle hadn't felt the need to make him wear a costume.)
"Ah, so moving!" Tingle cried, doing some kind of weird spin as he spoke. "Homework: go home and read the rest of Raiders of the Lost Wand, and be ready to perform tomorrow! Remember, you never know if you'll get picked!"
"Which means we just need Mario and Link to read it," Ness muttered, throwing a sympathetic look at them.
"Class dismissed!" Tingle said enthusiastically, doing yet another backflip.
The class gratefully began crowding out, with the exception of Mario, Link, and Zelda, who met at the back of the class. "You ready, Link?" Mario asked, looking over at his friend.
"Yeah..." Link sighed, looking resigned.
Turning, they headed up the class to talk to Tingle, who was picking up Mario's discarded hat and robe. "Um, Tingle?" Link asked, trying not to spit venom with each word.
Turning, Tingle's face lit up like a Christmas Tree. "Ah, fairy boy!" he said happily, dancing in place and clapping his hands. "It's been too long since you visited me!"
"I never did," Link muttered, quietly enough that Tingle couldn't hear. Raising his voice, he said, "I... I agree, and I was... I was only wondering..."
Mario thumped him on the back, trying to help him get the words out.
"Ifyoucouldsignthisplease," Link choked out, holding out the library form. "I... I need your permission to... um... watch the Smash-Up match with you up in the stands. I heard you were a great Smash-Up player, you see, and I wanted to hear your commentary on the match..."
"Oh, most certainly, fairy boy!" Tingle agreed, jumping up and down in excitement. "Never fear! I was indeed a great Smash-Up player in my time!" As he spoke, he pulled out an extremely large pen, and happily signed his name on the sheet, hardly even looking at what it was. "I would always be glad to provide a commentary for one such as you!"
"Yeah, well... thanks," Link said, taking the form. "See you... then..."
And, looking like he was going to choke, he turned and sped from the room. Mario and Zelda bade Tingle good-bye and ran after him.
They found Link up in the library already, taking a very long drink from the water fountain. As they approached, he raised his head, inserted a large bar of soap into it, rubbed it around, removed the soap, gargled, and spat it out.
"You alright there, Link?" Mario asked.
"This power-up better be worth it," Link muttered, now rinsing his mouth with another long drink from the water fountain. "Not only that, I'm going to actually have to follow through on that, or he'll think something's suspicious!"
"I don't see why I couldn't have asked him," Zelda said, looking somewhat jealous. "I mean..."
"Hate to say it," Mario said, "but he might have actually read it if it were you."
"Assuming that moron knows how to read," Link said irritably, seizing the library form from Zelda's hand and turning back in to go show it to the librarian, Ruto.
Ruto, naturally, looked highly suspicious when he handed it to her. "Dark Power-Ups and How to Use Them," she read out. "How did you get a teacher to-" here, she noticed the signature. "Ah. That's how." For a moment, she seemed torn between obeying the exact rules or rejecting it based on the teacher that had signed it. Fortunately, the former instinct won out, to a certain extent, but rather than let them into the restricted section, she went back to get the book herself.
Link, sighing, leaned back against the wall. After a while, Ruto returned with a book and handed it over to him. They quickly turned and left.
The first place they went after obtaining the book was right to the Poe's locker room. Link had raised an objection initially, but Zelda had pointed out that it was the least likely place anyone would go, and even if they were interrupted, all they would have to do was hide and wait for the Poe to chase them off. As for them, however, she seemed to have gained the Poe's respect by standing up to him: as they sat there reading and discussing, the Poe floated around raging, yes, but made no particular effort to actually chase them out.
Zelda opened up the book and quickly flipped to the page on transformo-candy. Mario was glad she was quick, because he didn't exactly want to linger on some of the more gruesome pages: the book had definitely earned its spot in the restricted section.
"Found it," she finally said, looking like she was struggling not to turn green. She turned the book around so the others could see it. Mario recoiled almost as soon as he looked: the pictures therein would be questionable if the fic was rated T, let alone K+. When it became clear that Mario and Link were both done looking, Zelda turned it back to herself to take a look at how to make it.
"Well, this one's tricky," she said, looking down at the ingredients and method of preparation. "So many ingredients, exact calculations... and the footnotes! I don't think I've even seen something so finicky!"
"Well, what kind of ingredients are we talking about?" Mario asked.
"Well, a Deku Baba seed, for one," Zelda said, looking down at the list. "Good thing those grow faster than Boku Babas. Also, we'll need some Red Essence, a star egg, and some gold dust-"
"Gold dust?!" Mario exclaimed. "Where the heck are we supposed to get that? On top of Red Essence- what, are we just going to rob from Wolf?"
"But the last thing we'll need," Zelda continued on, seemingly ignoring him, "Is a bit of whoever we're going to change into. Probably Ganondorf or Wario, they're his best friends, after all."
"Hold up, what?!" This time, it was Link objecting. "Even assuming I found the idea of eating any sort of candy with bits of Ganondorf in it appealing, how are we supposed to get our hands on anything of his or Wario's or... whoever you're going to turn into? Knock them out or something?"
Zelda looked up at them with a fire in her eyes that they hadn't seen since Mario wondering whether or not to go to Pit's party. "So, you just want to give up?!" she said fiercely. "Just leave whoever's doing this to attack all the muggle-borns in the school? I guess I can go return this book right now, then-"
"No!" Link objected. "I'm sitting next to Tingle next Smash-Up match for that book, we're making use of it! Heck, it's worth doing it just to see you encouraging us to break rules..."
"We're on board," Mario agreed, "it's just that... yeah, this will be pretty difficult..."
"How long does it take to make, anyways?" Link asked.
"Hmmm." Zelda said, looking down at the book again. "Well, Deku Babas do mature faster, but it will still take a while for their seeds to be ready... and the Red Essence has to ferment for twenty days, after the seeds are added... It'll probably be ready around Christmas."
"Christmas?!" Link asked, standing up. "Do you realize how many muggle-borns Bowser could have attacked by the-" he stopped at the look on Zelda's face. "Only plan we have, let's do this thing," he said quickly.
XXXX
Mario woke the next morning from a confusing dream in which a sentient mushroom had woken him up to tell him that it was secretly a monster. Vaguely, he wondered if the dream was caused by his nerves for the upcoming Smash-Up match. His team would, after all, be up against the best karts that existed then, and on top of that, he'd be up against Bowser in this match, putting even more pressure on him to pull out a win.
Finally, accepting that he wasn't about to get back to sleep, he rose from his bed, put on his Smash-Up uniform, and headed downstairs to the dining hall, where he found the rest of his team sitting at the breakfast table. Ana and Paula looked nervous, Kumatora and Falcon were discussing the upcoming match with a fire in their eyes, while Kirby and Meta were helping themselves to some sausage, while throwing a few half-hearted jokes around. Mario joined them and pulled some toast and eggs towards him.
Eventually, the time of the match approached, and Mario still hadn't touched his breakfast. Falcon rose from the table and motioned for his team to follow. Wordlessly, they all trooped out of the dining hall and headed out towards the Smash-Up stadium.
It was a fairly nice day, or at least, as nice as it got out there. As Mario headed into the locker room, Link and Zelda appeared to wish him luck, Zelda looking nervous, and Link looking like he was going off to his execution. This reminded Mario of another reason he had to catch the Smash Ball as soon as possible: to get Link off the hook with Tingle.
Inside the locker room, Falcon turned to them. "Alright," he said. "I won't sugarcoat the facts. Sierra has better karts than us, only an idiot would deny it at this juncture. But!" he added abruptly, "A good kart doesn't mean jack if the person driving it has no skill! Likewise, even the worst kart can be a game changer if the person riding it has more skill! We've trained longer and harder than they have, and as long as we remember that, we'll take them down, offroaders or no Offroaders. We'll show them what a true Smash-Up team looks like, and make them regret determining their team by fancy gifts instead of skill!" Turning to Mario, he said, "No pressure, Mario, but you know that a lot of this rides on you. Show that you have enough skills to make a Offroader look like a hot wheels car! There's no option today but to win!"
"Yeah, no pressure," Meta added quietly.
As they headed out on the field, Mario took in the stadium for today. The stadium was specially designed to essentially be a different stadium each match. Today, it somewhat resembled a multiple-level parking garage, with ramps twisting around three floors, with a large gap in the middle. On the first floor was a large raised platform. On one side waited the Nintendo karts, on the other, the Sierras'.
As they all walked up to their respective karts and fired them up, Coach Lakitu, the referee, appeared in his cloud, and cast out his usual large fishing pole, dangling what appeared to be a set of traffic lights over the crowd. The top, red light was currently lit. As they all watched, on edge from the tension, the red light went out, making way for the yellow light. A moment later, the yellow light went out, and up went the green.
Every kart shot off immediately. Mario, following his usual Smash-Up strategy, shot up the ramps, heading for the top floor, so he'd be able to more easily scout out the Smash Ball.
As he headed up, a blur shot past him, but a lingering shout of, "Careful, homey," left him in no doubt that Bowser was showing off his new kart.
Mario probably would have shouted something back, but at that moment, one of the chain chomps decided to come rolling his way. He sped up, managing to steer himself out of the way. The chomp fell through a hole in the floor, and landed on the floor below.
Satisfied, Mario pelted up another ramp, finally arriving on the 'roof' of the structure.
He'd only been speeding around for a few seconds more when he had to violently jump out of the way again: the chomp was back, seemingly with a vengeance, barking with undisguised rage as it rolled past him again. Mario stared as it rolled around the hole in the center of the floor and turned back towards him.
"Careful!" said another voice, and Mario turned to see Kirby speeding by, taking out his super scope. As Mario watched, he pulled the trigger and shot at the chomp, aiming to change its course towards a passing member of the Sierra offense.
This worked briefly, but, unfortunately, wasn't to be. The chomp turned around, eyes red, and set off after him once more.
"What the-" Kirby muttered, raising his scope again. He fired off a series of shots at the chomp. It changed direction with each one, but once the last one hit, it instantly turned towards him once more, and shot forward at top speed.
Mario shot for the hole in the ground, dropping himself down to the center level. The chomp immediately followed after him, but, weighing so much more, dropped down to the ground instead. Looking briefly back, Mario thought he'd lost it, but no dice: the chomp, not to be deterred, turned and began ascending the ramps, still chasing him down.
"Oh, come on!" he muttered, turning his kart around and flooring it. This wasn't how chain chomps were supposed to operate! Their job was to run around at random, not pick a player at the beginning and focus on them for the whole match.
It was several minutes later, and the chomp was still showing no signs of relenting, when Mario heard the commentator, a friend of Kirby and Meta Knight's named Teddy Ellay, calling out, "And the score is currently ninety to seventy, favor Sierra!"
Mario's heart gave a small jump. Apparently, superior karts made a difference after all. They weren't trailing too far behind, but they'd usually be several points in the lead by now...
Mario threw a glance around him. Kirby and Meta were persistently keeping their eyes on him, super scopes out and ready to shoot if the chomp ever got too close. Looking up ahead, Mario saw Kumatora approaching the Sierra's side of the field, the Smash-Up ball in hand. However, just as she was about to toss it and earn her side some points back, a chomp came careening out of nowhere, knocking her kart aside, and forcing her to drop the ball to the ground, where a Sierra player swiftly picked it up.
Mario sighed. Their team was crippled with both Kirby and Meta looking out only for him. On top of that, they were simply too close for him to be able to maneuver effectively.
Glancing over, he saw a similar idea seeming to form in Meta's mind. Meta, throwing a glance over at his twin brother, asked, "Can you hold down the fort here?" When Kirby nodded, Meta abruptly swung his kart around and sped off towards the Nintendo side of the stadium.
Mario was confused for a moment or two, but this abruptly cleared up as he heard Coach Lakitu's whistle sound: apparently, Meta had been going to ask Falcon to call a time-out.
All the players brought their karts around and shot to their ends of the stadium. Mario sped off away from the chomp, and was glad to finally stop having outrun it as he pulled over with the rest of his team.
"What's going on out there?" Captain Falcon asked, sounding not-at-all happy when they were all standing once again. "That's twice now that we've been ready to score but had a chomp cut us off! Explanation. Now."
"Well, someone's got the other chomp fixed!" Kirby explained, looking uncharacteristically angry. "Not once has it gone for anyone else since this match started!"
"Well, I can't think why that would be," Falcon said, looking up. "Coach Lakitu keeps them safe all the time outside of matches and practices."
"We could ask Coach Lakitu to look into it," Kumatora suggested.
"No, we can't," Mario said, speaking up. "We do that, we'd have to end the match now, and we're not losing to Sierra just because some random chomp decided I looked delicious."
"Then what do you want to do?" Captain Falcon asked, looking at him.
"Simple," Mario said. "We keep the match up like normal. Just one thing: Kirby, Meta, leave me alone, and focus on the other chomp. I can deal with this psychotic one myself, the other one isn't as predictable, and frankly, with you two riding my tailpipe, I'll only catch the Smash Ball if it flies right into my mouth again."
"You're joking, right?" Meta asked, looking at him. He, too, looked uncharacteristically
serious. "I mean, we brawlers are here for a reason. It's our job to make sure you don't get slaughtered by those things."
"And I appreciate it," Mario agreed, "but this is just getting ridiculous now. This is the only chance we have of pulling out a win."
Ana, grimacing slightly, appealed to Falcon. "You're not really going to do this, are you?"
Captain Falcon had his head lowered onto his chest, and his eyes were closed, clearly thinking things over. Finally, he said, "If Mario wants to keep playing in these circumstances, then let's do this."
"Are you kidding?" Paula asked, looking at him incredulously. "We keep this up, Mario will get eaten alive!"
"You heard him," Falcon countered. "He can handle it. Kirby, Meta, focus on the other chomp, and leave Mario alone."
Falcon threw a gesture to Coach Lakitu, showing that they were ready to play. Everyone returned to their karts, though they all clearly had misgivings about this one. Mario jumped into his parked Flame Runner and fired it up. He slammed on the accelerator and headed back into the parking-garage-like structure. No sooner had he entered it than, with a loud, furious-sounding bark, the chain chomp was after him once more, rolling along faster than Mario thought any normal chain chomp should. It's eyes were still red, looking strangely furious at him as it pursued. Mario sped up through the levels, trying to outrun it and keep an eye out for the Smash Ball at the same time. It was easier to search than with Kirby and Meta at either side, but it was still a very small sphere, and no easier to locate with the steel ball of rage chasing him. Inwardly, he wondered, Why couldn't someone fix the Smash Ball to fly towards me? No, it had to be the chain chomp.
After a while of steering around, he dodged a particularly close attempt by the chomp only by throwing the kart into reverse and steering, backwards, off the edge of the floor he was on, dropping all the way back down onto the raised platform on the first floor. As he paused briefly to get his bearings straight, he heard someone laughing at him. The voice that followed confirmed Mario's suspicions about who it was.
"What, scared of the big, bad, chain chomp?" the voice taunted. Mario turned around to see Bowser, stopped just off of the platform, looking up at him, pointing, and chortling at Mario's desperate attempts to avoid the chomp.
Mario would have thrown an insult back at him, but then he saw it, floating around just over Bowser's head: the Smash Ball. Mario stared, wanting to go for it, but not sure how to get into the right position to catch it from this position. Looking up, he saw the chomp rolling towards the edge, ready to follow him down. A plan instantly came to mind, but he wondered if it could possibly work.
He backed up, and put himself into just the position that he wanted. He looked up nervously, waiting for the chomp to descend.
CRASH! And a success. The chomp landed on just the right position on the kart to send it out through the air towards Bowser. Had Mario not been a smasher, he seriously doubted this would have worked. Heck, as was, he had slightly miscalculated: he was flipping in the air. Looking up- currently down- at Bowser, he saw his nemesis's jaw drop as he went flipping over. Reaching out with one hand, he caught the Smash Ball out of the air, and continued flipping.
And, Mario reflected, there was one more thing he'd forgotten to consider: how he'd land. This he reflected on as his Flame Runner landed on its side. He gave a grunt of pain as his arm crashed to the ground under his own weight. There was a snapping sound, and he fell out of his kart entirely. Not bothering to follow its progress, and trying to ignore the pain in the arm he'd landed on, he threw his eyes into his hand. Still in his clenched fist was the faintly glowing sphere imprinted with the symbol of the Smash Bros. A painful victory, he reflected, but a victory nonetheless.
He'd probably have thought of something more profound, but this is about where he fainted.
XXXX
Mario cracked his eyes open. Last time he'd been in a similar position, he'd awoken to find himself in the hospital wing with a giant floating right hand beside him. This time, however, he found himself still out in the Smash-Up stadium, looking up at a guy dressed in green and wearing a watch on a chain around his neck. Somehow, he knew which one he preferred.
"Oh, boy..." he muttered, holding his head in his hands.
"Mario, dear boy!" Tingle called out, jumping to his feet with a freakishly wide grin on his face. "Worry not! We are all here for you!"
Mario glanced around. Sure enough, the rest of the Smash-Up team was there, looking both anxious at his predicament and happy at his catch. Link and Zelda stood beside them, sharing the same look, with 'disgruntled' added to the list of things showing on Link's face.
"Great, thanks," Mario muttered, trying to rise to his feet, but collapsing back to the ground as he remembered his now-broken arm.
"Relax, my boy, relax!" Tingle said. "I just thought I'd come down here and fix you up a bit."
"No, I think I'll go to Nurse Tessie, but thanks for the offer..."
"Yeah, he probably should be going to the Nurse," Captain Falcon interjected. Looking back at Mario, he threw him a thumbs up. "Way to go out there," he said. "If nothing else, you've proved that physics don't apply here."
"Yeah, great capture," Kirby agreed, smiling. "Come on, let's get you to Tessie," he continued, shifting briefly into human form so he had a shoulder to offer to him. Mario struggled to get up and lean on it, but Tingle butted in once more.
"Not necessary, my boy!" he said excitedly. "I know a fair amount of healing myself! I'll have your arm fixed up better than before!"
"No, I really-" Mario started to say, but he was cut off as Tingle spun his watch around, did another backflip, all while calling out his usual mantra of 'Tingle-Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!'
Mario's arm suddenly felt incredibly stiff and cold. The fact that everyone else gasped, with no immediately obvious cause other than whatever Tingle had done to his arm, just made the red flags even redder. Mario didn't know exactly what Tingle had done, but every sign that was currently being given to him indicated that it wasn't good.
"Yes, ah... ahem," Tingle said, standing up and running his hands through his hair. "I may have been a bit... um... enthusiastic. But, hey, at least it's not broken anymore!"
"Yeah, big improvement," Link muttered, looking darkly down at Mario's arm. "Come on, let's get him to Tessie."
Kirby nodded, and he, Meta Knight, and Link all bent over to help him up. Ominously, none of them attempted to move his arm. Now genuinely curious, Mario attempted to move it himself. No dice, it didn't seem like it wanted to move. Finally, bracing himself, he glanced down at his arm again, and proceeded to wish he could use it to facepalm.
The skin on his arm had gone incredibly shiny, and was now an entirely different color. Everything coming together, the new look, the chill, the stiffness, and his lack of ability to move it, Mario realized what had happened.
Great job, Tingle, he thought to himself. I've always wanted a steel arm.
XXXX
It was a long walk up to the Nurse's office, especially when one side of his body now weighed so much more than the other. At one point, they were intercepted by Pichu, who desperately tried to get a picture, only to be shooed off by Link and Meta. At another point, they got stopped by Adam the bedsheet-wearing ghost, who, for some reason, seemed very interested in Mario's condition.
At long last, they finally heaved him into a the hospital wing, where he collapsed onto a bed, glad to no longer be lugging around the new weight of his arm.
When Tessie appeared, she had nothing particularly good to say about Tingle. "Why didn't you come straight up to me?" she asked furiously.
"He tried," Link explained, "but Tingle didn't listen..."
"Yeah, I suspected as much," Tessie muttered, examining the steel arm and banging at it a couple of times; it made a strange, out-of-place clanging noise. She was so intent on examining it that she didn't notice Zelda quietly entering behind her. "Well, the good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, it's not as simple as just fixing the bone would have been. You'll have to stay here tonight, for one thing. Just a second, I'll go get the medicine..."
As Tessie turned away, Link rounded on Zelda. "Well, I hope you won't try to justify Tingle this time!" he said. "How the heck could he have mistaken 'fix a bone' for 'turn my arm into metal'?"
"Anyone can make a mistake!" Zelda retorted. "You should know that better than anyone!"
"Yeah, well, after spending that Smash-Up match listening to his advice, now I'm sure he has no clue what he's talking about," Link muttered. "I'd have gotten better kart-driving advice from sitting next to one of Crazy's special crops than I did from him!"
Mario watched carefully as Kirby and Meta Knight left- to where, he didn't know. "I'm just curious about what Bowser did to that Chain Chomp to make it come after me," he said, once he was sure that Link and Zelda were the only ones in earshot.
"Another thing to interrogate him about, I suppose," Zelda muttered, putting her 'making a mental checklist' face on.
They were prevented from saying anything else by Nurse Tessie suddenly reappearing with a bottle in her hand. "Here," she said, pulling up a glass and pouring some of whatever was in the bottle into it. "This is Chuckola Cola. It's a great healing power-up, it'll fix most afflictions. It'll just take some time."
Mario took the glass she offered him and took a swig. It was a good taste, but left a very strange after-taste. It definitely didn't taste anything like Cola, though.
XXXX
Later that night, Mario was in the middle of a dream about a star with a moustache imprisoned in a playing card attached to a cross. "Mario," it was saying. "You must go to star haven, Mario!"
"What? Why?" Mario asked, having no context for what was going on, even if it was his dream. "What's there?"
"You have to find the star spirits to fight the one who stole the star rod!"
"What's the star rod?" Mario asked, getting increasingly confused. It was like the dream was trying to creep him out, but not doing a very good job.
"It's only when you have the star rod-" the star started out once more, but it's voice suddenly changed, becoming deep and, for the first time, genuinely creepy, "-that I can kill you."
"What?" Mario asked, reaching up with a pinky to clean his ears, certain that he'd misheard.
"Everything in this world is born for the purpose of dying," the star growled. "I only help the process."
A fire suddenly sprang up around the cross, which, Mario noticed, was steadily gaining height. "What are you talking about?!" he asked, genuinely freaked out for the first time so far.
"Another victim..." the star said, looking around with suddenly demonic-looking eyes. "I have found... another victim!"
Mario suddenly opened his eyes. He was still in the hospital wing, looking up at the ceiling, but the voice was still there, growling out its usual horror phrases. Mario listened all around, trying to trace where it was coming from.
"Awake!" it was saying, steadily growing quieter, as though it was receding. "I am awake! The world shall suffer for my absence!"
Mario looked desperately around, until his eyes fell on something- or someone, rather- that made him jump back forcefully.
"Mario Mario!" this someone said. "Yoshi has finally found you!"
If you can't guess who this someone was by now, why are you even reading this story? For those of you who know, but apparently need the painfully obvious stated to you anyways, it was Yoshi.
"Y... Yoshi?" Mario asked, confirming the author's suspicions. "What are you doing here?"
Yoshi's eyes were tearing up. "Mario Mario came!" he said, looking sadly down at the ground, his hands together. "Yoshi tried to warn Mario, but he came anyways! He missed the Great Fox, but still found his way to the Smash Mansion! Why? Why didn't he stay? Why didn't he go home?"
"We had this conversation already," Mario said. "I mean, with Gamer4's update schedule, I guess it's not that surprising that you forgot, but still! It was only-" here, he threw a glance upwards at the chapter number- "eight chapters ago! I can't stay at the Smiths'! The Smash Mansion is my real home!" Suddenly, Mario was hit with what Yoshi had just said. "Hold it!" he shouted, and the words briefly appeared in a stamp in front of him as he said it. "How did you know I missed the Great Fox?"
Yoshi trembled, looking up at him with a look of abject fear. "Yoshi... Yoshi thought... Yoshi thought that if the Great Fox left..."
"So you closed off the advertisement, too?!" Mario asked, bewildered. Yoshi solemnly nodded.
"Yoshi had to punish himself for what he did," he said, "but it was worth it, to make Mario Mario safe! But Mario stays, no matter what! Even after the chomp, he still-"
Mario sighed. "Don't tell me," he said, glaring at his visitor. "You fixed the chomp, too, didn't you?"
Yoshi's shrinking pupils told him he'd hit the nail on the head. He glanced down at his arm. It was still stiff, and didn't seem like it would be up to moving, but the skin at least looked like normal flesh again. "Okay, Yoshi, here's the deal. You have until my arm gets back to normal to get out of here, or I'll toss you out that window," he said, nodding at the window at the side of the hospital wing, looking out at the grounds below.
Yoshi smiled a very not-happy smile. "Yoshi appreciates the effort, but the threats just make Yoshi feel more at home," he said, looking down again. "At least six threats a day, Mario knows..."
Mario, looking over Yoshi's bowed head, saw the saddle once again. "What's with the saddle?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"The saddle?" Yoshi asked, trying to turn to look at it. "It marks Yoshi as enslaved. As long as Yoshi wears the saddle, he'll never be freed."
"How exactly do you free a yoshi?" Mario asked.
"A yoshi can only be freed if he is presented with a written work," Yoshi said, bowing his head. "But Yoshi's masters make sure they never give him even a textbook to carry, because it might count. That is one of the few duties Yoshi gets to avoid."
Yoshi spent a moment looking down at his feet, but then looked urgently back up at Mario. "Please, Mario Mario, go home!" he said. "The horrible things that Yoshi saw all that time ago, they are moving! The Dungeon of Secrets is open, the Smash Bros. Horror unleashed!"
Suddenly, Yoshi looked horrified, and Mario had to reach out and hold him back with his good arm to stop him from smacking his head against the wall. "The Dungeon of Secrets?" Mario asked. "That thing Proton Jon built? You mean it is real? But why would I be in danger anyway- everyone on my Dad's side of the family was a smasher!"
"Please don't ask!" Yoshi cried, struggling to escape. "Yoshi can't tell more than he has already! Mario Mario must leave, must be free of the danger!"
"No!" Mario repeated for the 8,999th time. "Proton Jon's heir wouldn't care about me anyways, but they'd care about Zelda! She's muggle born, and she'll be high up on the list of targets if the Smash Bros. Horror is real!"
"Yoshi wishes he could save everyone," Yoshi said solemnly. "But he is not as great as Mario. Mario wishes to save his friends, but he cannot! The thing in the Dungeon is not something that can be fought!"
Suddenly, there was a sound of footsteps out in the hall, and Mario lost his concentration, letting go of Yoshi as he did so. Spinning around, he saw several fragments of something appearing around Yoshi. They gathered around him to form what looked like an egg, which jumped up in the air, and shrank until it was gone.
Stunned, but not eager to be discovered up so late, he leaned back in his bed.
The door swung open, and three people entered. One was Nurse Tessie, and the others were Samus Aran and the Master Hand himself.
"What happened, though?" Nurse Tessie asked, holding up a flashlight as the Master Hand , in full hand form, entered, carrying something in a clenched fist.
"Another attack," Samus said grimly, as the Master Hand floated over to a chair and deposited whatever was in his fist into a bed. "Master and I found him on the staircase, with his camera next to him, like always. He had a get-well card and a box of chocolate next to him. Probably trying to come up here and visit Mario."
Mario fought not to gasp. Steadily, he got up and looked at the bed. Sure enough, there was a small, mouse-like creature there, frozen with an expression of shock etched across it. Pichu had been the next victim.
"What's doing this?" Nurse Tessie asked, anger evident in her voice. "I'm used to seeing all sorts of accidents, Master, but this is different!"
Samus quietly reached down to the camera. "What do you think?" she asked, glancing back up at the other two. "Maybe he managed to get a picture of whatever got him?"
The others nodded, and Samus did something with the camera that Mario couldn't see from where he was laying. Samus cursed. "No dice."
"How?" Nurse Tessie asked. "Whatever this was, it can melt the insides of cameras?!"
"No, the batteries were dead," Samus muttered. "Maybe Pichu thought Mario would be able to recharge the batteries. He does look on him very fondly."
"But still, what could have done this?" Nurse Tessie insisted.
"What else could it be?" Master Hand asked, sounding very serious. "The threat was genuine. The Dungeon of Secrets has been opened again."
This time, even Mario's bones went cold.
XXXX
Sorry about the wait. I actually got started on this one fairly early, but then there were power outages, and then my computer wouldn't connect to the internet... but hey, at least it wasn't nine months this time, right? Anyways, please R&R, constructive criticism more than welcome, flames not so much, Gamer4 out.