A/N Okay, I admit it was a lot of fun writing the first part of this chapter. Hope you all enjoy!

Interesting fact: Champagne tends to hit the bloodstream quicker than wine due to the carbonation. Champagne's effects (especially when drank rapidly) register much faster on the brain than the same amount of wine would.

Chapter 10

Jesse was just pocketing his phone and wallet when he heard the door opening again. He sighed quietly in frustration; at this rate he was never going to get out of the building. He turned towards the door and his heart sank as he saw that this time it was Rachel who was invading his solitude. A further quick glance revealed that she was trying to balance two glasses - of what looked to be champagne, while she attempted to push the door shut behind her.

"Jess..seee! Kurt says you don't want to come with us 'cause you're too tired, but you have to have a celebrer...celebra..tory glass of bubbly with me!"

Rachel had evidently already had a couple of glasses of the bubbly, Jesse noted as he swiftly rescued a glass that was in danger of slipping from her fingers. He had never seen a tipsy Rachel before and admittedly he was rather fascinated. However, his good manners quickly resurfaced. "Maybe you should sit down, Rachel. Are you sure you should have another glass?"

Rachel ignored his suggestion of sitting, and looked perplexedly first at his glass, then at hers. "You can help me drink mine too, if you like." she offered generously.

Although he wasn't a big fan of champagne (it was so overrated as far as he was concerned, not to mention the headache it always gave him), Jesse dutifully clinked his glass to hers before draining the contents quickly. Then in a spirit of self-sacrifice, he reached for hers and resignedly drained it too.

"Jess, I've been thinking." Rachel, freed from her liquid burden, had now advanced fully into his personal space and was looking up at him with wide eyed earnestness.

"Thinking about what?" Jesse used the excuse of setting the glasses down to retreat a little, but Rachel simply moved in closer.

"Remember when we came home from the Wiggles concert and we started making out?" Rachel was now wrapping her arms loosely around Jesse's waist.

"Uh-huh." Jesse tried to keep his voice neutral and reserved but the champagne, combined with Rachel's actions, was making that difficult to achieve. Now was most definitely not the time that he wanted to be reminded of them making out on her bed.

Rachel carried on, apparently completely unaware of Jesse's discomfiture; her mind firmly set on sharing her recent epiphany."This musical has taught me so much! I'm sorry I was so clueless. I mean, that night I really didn't realize that inviting you to my bedroom with my Dads away would send all the wrong signals. I thought you just wanted to sing with me again." Rachel giggled, "Boy was I stupid!"

Her face took an even rosier glow than what the alcohol had given her as she continued "You must have thought I was a tease, and even if you were left uhm…" she turned her face and mumbled the next bit into his chest embarrassedly,"unsatisfied; you still stopped when I said no. You could have been selfish like Melchior, but you weren't. You...you are a good man, Jesse St. James!" Rachel declared fervently and proceeded to tighten her arms around him. "Shandra is so lucky. I wish I was Shandra." and she snuggled into his chest.

Jesse froze. He was in a quandary as to what to do about Rachel; in her alcohol induced haze she was completely oblivious to the irony of her words when combined with her current actions. Jesse had already been walking an emotional tightrope all day, and Rachel was now rapidly wearing down his impaired self-control. If he didn't move away soon, he'd likely do something they'd both regret later. But if he pushed her away, she'd probably think she repulsed him and her self-esteem would plummet. Or she'd believe that he hated her (which was patently untrue) but Rachel went for the extremes, the dramatic. Every option Jesse came up with could lead to disaster in their future performances. So basically, no matter what he did, he was in the words of the song "Totally F**ked."

He tried to gently disengage her enough to at least get some breathing space before his body betrayed him but soon discovered that Rachel had attached herself to him with the tenacity of a burr to fur. Fortunately, Kurt chose that moment to show up looking for his missing friend and Jesse greeted his timely arrival with an enormous sense of relief.

Kurt took one look and shook his head. "Sorry about that, I forgot she likely hadn't had much to eat before the performance. We should have eaten first before popping the champagne. As you may have surmised by now, Rachel doesn't handle large quantities of alcohol all that well and she gets rather clingy when she's drunk."

At that comment Rachel immediately unwound herself from Jesse and turned to glare at Kurt. "I am not clingy!" Then she bit her lip nervously and glanced back at Jesse pleadingly. "I'm not drunk and I'm not clingy, am I Jesse?"

"No, no of course not." Jesse tried desperately to keep a straight face and repress the laughter bottled inside, but one look at Kurt's raised eyebrow and he lost it.

Rachel promptly punched his shoulder and turned away in a huff. "Hummel, I no longer wish to speak with Mr. St. James, I think we should go."

"Yes, that's probably a good idea, your Dads are waiting and if we don't hurry we'll be late for our reservation," Kurt smoothly agreed as he placed a steadying arm around Rachel so that she could make a somewhat dignified exit. "Good-night, Jesse."

"Good-night Kurt, Rachel." Once Jesse was no longer at risk of doing something idiotic (like kissing Rachel senseless) he was able to fully enjoy the humor of the situation and he headed home with a grin still on his face.

Awakening the next morning after a fitful sleep, and with a headache, he didn't find it quite so amusing. His disrupted sleep he blamed partly on the champagne and the rest on Rachel. What exactly did she mean when she'd said she wished she was Shandra? How much of her words and actions were true and how much were just the product of too much alcohol? Aside from that, the dynamics of their off stage relationship seemed to have shifted just prior to their performance and Jesse was at a loss as to just where it was headed. It was all getting way too complicated for his liking. Thank goodness he had until Saturday to try and make some sense of it all.

But by Saturday morning, Jesse was still no closer to figuring out what he would be facing at the theater later that day. Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer and sent a text to Kurt.

"How's R?"

The reply came sooner than expected. "Yesterday? Hungover. 2day, ok."

"Has R said anything?" Jesse was pretty sure Kurt would know what he was really asking.

"No. Says CRAT after 2nd glass. She's asked me," there was a pause and then another text. "but I just said she'd shared some bubbly with U B4 we left 2 eat." Kurt didn't add that he didn't fully believe in Rachel's alcohol induced amnesia, but if that was the way she wanted to play it, he'd respect that. It was probably for the best right now anyway.

"OK. THX. TTYL."

Jesse was relieved. Even if Rachel did remember, it appeared she was going to pretend nothing occurred. He would take his cues from her and with a bit of luck, things could go back to normal. He quickly stifled the ridiculous feeling of disappointment that also accompanied that thought.

xxx

Rachel had awoken the morning after their debut feeling somewhat worse for wear. Kurt had thoughtfully left a large glass of water and a couple of painkillers on the nightstand, which she'd immediately chugged down and then she'd vowed to never drink like that again. It had been while she was taking a long warm shower that her interactions with Jesse came into focus with humiliating clarity. What must he think of her? What would she say the next time they met? She had been so relieved when she remembered she was merely on standby that evening with Jeffrey. With no need to see Jesse until their next performance on Saturday, it had given her plenty of time to perfect her "I was so drunk, I remember nothing" alibi/excuse. It was the only way to carry on normally as far as she could see. But the first person she had needed to convince of her memory loss had been Kurt. That had been a true test of her acting abilities.

And so the Saturday had come and gone with Rachel and Jesse pretending that the incident had never happened. But something had changed ever so slightly; they achieved a camaraderie that had previously been lacking. It was completely platonic, and offstage they both kept a polite distance physically, but the atmosphere between them had eased that night of their first performance.

As the weeks passed Rachel knew she should just be glad that they were now friends; that they could once again discuss/argue about the merits of various musicals and songs, and share bits and pieces of their lives since they'd arrived in New York. But they never discussed their past (not even Jeffrey's tenacious efforts were able to pry a word from either of them), and the topic of relationships was still a taboo subject. Also, since Jesse now had a girlfriend, Rachel saw no point in informing him that she and Finn had broken up, and she forbade Jeffrey from disclosing it.

Rachel told herself she should be happy and contented with what she had and she tried, she really did. On stage she maintained her character and Jesse maintained his. But even though Melchior was so different from Jesse, Melchior's scent was still Jesse's, and his mouth still tasted like Jesse's. His body pressed against hers was Jesse's, and no amount of acting could change that. At night her dreams were increasingly invaded by Jesse and her body longed for his touch. It was as if he was an infection that she couldn't cure; a magnet that she couldn't resist. She wanted to be Jesse's girl in every sense of the word; but he belonged to Shandra. The distress Rachel now felt when imagining Jesse with Shandra was the worst she'd ever known. The idea of Jesse, at some future date, getting married to Shandra or anyone else made Rachel physically ill. She gained an entirely new perspective on how Jesse must have felt when she had become engaged to Finn.

So despite the applause of the fans, the acclaim of the critics, the joy of performing, and her friendship with Jesse, Rachel was quietly, deeply, unhappy. There was a growing realization that becoming a star without sharing her life completely with the man she loved, was going to be a somewhat hollow achievement.