A/N: Just a warning: this chapter quotes a lot of My Immortal, so prepare yourself for worse eye rape than usual.

~ Cookie VanDeKamp ~

"Who wants to read first?" asked Hermione, holding up the copy of My Immortal she'd printed out.

"I'll go," said Ron, taking it from her. He looked it over. "…I don't know if I can read this. The letters are all jumbled and some things just make no sense."

"Just try your best, Ronald," said Luna.

"Well, here goes." He cleared his throat and began to read. "AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!"

"…that's how it was when it was EDITED?" Harry said incredulously.

"I weep for the future of humanity in this universe," said Ginny. "WEEP."

Ron grimaced and continued reading the... you know what; I can't even call it a story.

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)"

"I don't know who Amy Lee is," Draco said hopefully. "Can we stop reading?"

"As much as I'd love to… no," Hermione sighed. "We have to know all we can about Ebory."

Luna decided to help Ron out, and said, "I'll take over for a bit if you like."

"Please," he said, handing the papers over to her.

She picked up where Ron left off.

"I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."

"How pleasant ," Hermione deadpanned.

"I can't take any more of this," Luna said. "Reading it leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

"I'll read some," said Ginny. She took the fic from Luna and read, "'Hey Ebony!' shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!" Draco choked on his own spit upon hearing that.

"'What's up Draco?' I asked. 'Nothing.' he said shyly. But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!" She put the papers down. "Aaaand that's chapter one."

"Let's throw it out," Draco said immediately.

"No," said Ron, "throwing it out won't be enough. We'll have to burn it. We'll have to burn it in a holy bonfire!"

"Agreed," said Harry. "Anyone got a match?"

OoOoO

"Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks," Draco read, the group having reached chapter eleven.

There was a pause as everyone tried to absorb the sheer insanity.

"…burning it is still an option, you know," said Ron hopefully.

"NO," said Hermione, "it isn't. Not until we've finished reading this, anyway. Then, I agree. We burn it."

OoOoO

"'ABRA KEDABRA!11111' I shooted," Harry read. He put the papers down. "And that's the end."

"I wonder what made the author just stop like that," said Ginny. "I thought it would never end."

"Thank God it did," said Draco, who was now lying face down in the grass. "I was going insane just reading that."

"Okay, now that we know all we can about Ebony, we have to think," said Hermione. "Where would her creator be?"

"Well, from what I can tell, Ebovy is basically Tara," said Ron, "so where would Ebony be?"

"Are there any emo or goth bands playing right about now?" Ginny asked.

Hermione shrugged. "Let me check." She bought a newspaper from a dispenser and checked the current events section. "Nope, the only concerts playing around here today are classical, jazz, and pop—all things that Tara would hate."

"Do we even know she's in this city?" Luna asked worriedly. "She could be across the country for all we know. The spell could've just put us here because New York City is a pretty famous place, and it'd be easier for us to blend it."

"You gotta love how no one seemed to bat an eye at six teenagers running around unsupervised with wands," said Ginny.

"Well it is New York," Hermione replied, laughing a little bit. "I remember being amazed by all the weirdness when Mum and Dad took me here when I was eight, back before I knew I was a witch."

"Hang on," said Draco, "I have an idea." He raised his wand and said, "Accio map of wherever the author of My Immortal is, at this very moment."

Since the spell was so specific, they waited for about fifteen minutes before a map came flying towards them and landed in Draco's lap. He read, "Clearwater, Florida."

"Hermione," said Ron, glancing at her, "you know how to Apparate."

"Well, yes, and—" She paused. "Oh!" She took Ron and Harry's hands and told everyone else to do the same. Closing her eyes, she thought of Clearwater.

OoOoO

"AUUGH!"

"Hermione-! Hermione, get over here! Ginny's been splinched!"

They had landed in downtown Clearwater, and Ginny and Apparating hadn't mixed very well. Harry was kneeling by her side, looking at her with concern as blood poured out of her ankle. Hermione rustled through her bag, pulling out a vial of Dittany. She tossed it to her friend, saying, "Pour this where the skin used to be!"

Harry did as he was told and tried to calm Ginny down as her skin began to regrow.

They then realized how much attention they'd been drawing to themselves, when someone walked by and muttered, "Teenagers these days."

Luna sighed. "Oh. That's nice."

Realizing that Florida was much too warm for their coats and scarves (which were needed in New York), Hermione quickly magicked them all into lighter clothing.

"Where should we start searching?"