Hey everybody. First let me just say I KNOW THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU WANTED, BUT LET ME EXPLAIN!
I am working on the next Coco and Honey chapter, but between working nearly 40 hours a week, getting ready for RTX (yes I'm going and super pumped), writing my other fics, annnnnnd maybe playing a little too much Battleborn (I'm only human after all) I don't think I'll have time to finish it before I head down to Austin. So I gave you one of these because I didn't want to leave all you lovely readers hanging for another month and a half for a new chapter.
So here, I hope you enjoy it and stay tuned at the bottom for more details.
Disclaimer: RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth productions...if I owned it at least one of these situations would be completely cannon.
"Hey there folks long time no see!" Toolazy greets cheerfully to the crowd. "Now I'm here to talk about a very serious issue that plagues many people here among us today." Toolazy explains in a somber voice. "Crack Shipping. We all know deep in our hearts that it's wrong, but many a pure hearted soul has been tempted by its devious What if scenarios, head cannon appeal, and the allure of pure adorableness. So that's why, as a writer, I've decided…to cash in on it!" Toolazy throws their hands up in the air with reckless abandon. "So today for our second lovely omake chapter we're gonna spend some time with our favorite blond, no not punchy one or the monkey, Jaune "the shipping bicycle" Arc everybody!" Jaune is teleported next to Toolazy looking confused, very nervous, and then suddenly very ill. Jaune proceeds to throw up violently prompting our host to start rubbing his back. "That's right buddy, let it all out. Feeling better champ?"
"Wh-what's going on? Where am I?" Jaune asks once he's finished emptying the contents of his stomach.
"You my friend are in the lovely and horrifying world of fanfiction. And today you're going to help show our fans a very important moment in every ships relationship. You're going to meet all the girls' parents!" Toolazy proclaims proudly.
"Are you crazy!?" Jaune shouts with a look pure terror and embarrassment.
"Of course not, probably. But why are you complaining, you know I won't steer you wrong Jauney boy. Didn't I already set you up great with Pyrrha and Coco, those are prime waifus. You should be thanking me."
Jaune just narrows his eyes at the mask wearing host. "They're also two of the most dangerous girls in all of Beacon and you want me to choose one over the other. I thought I said I wasn't into suicide back in Volume one."
"Ha! You think you have it rough, try dealing with their fans." Toolazy says gesturing to the audience where the throngs Pyrrha and Coco fans are both glaring daggers at them waiting for a winner. "But that's a problem for a later, right now you have some unspeakably awkward situations to be hurled into, have fun." Before the blond knight can protest anymore he is teleported away with a scream. "Alright folks, let's sit back and let the fun begin." Toolazy smiles as a bag of popcorn materializes in their hand.
Ruby Rose….
Jaune stood stock still in the Xiao Long family living room as he stood before an intrigued Taiyang Xiao Long and a very angry looking Qrow Branwen. It didn't help that his only hope for survival was currently sitting next to her sister on the couch blissfully unaware of the danger her boyfriend was in. "So…" Taiyang finally spook. "This is Ruby's boyfriend?" He asked Qrow who hadn't taken his eyes off the boy.
"That's right." Qrow growled. "I caught him walking out of that Dust shop Ruby likes holding her hand."
Yang gasped in mock astonishment from her place on the couch. "Holding hands, Jaune so fresh." She teased.
"Yaaaang, quit it!" Ruby whined as she began to blush.
Taiyang just nodded and circled Jaune a few times looking over the boy with scrutinizing eyes. "So what should we do about this Tai?" Qrow demanded angrily.
Taiyang just finished his circling of Jaune and stood in front of the nervous boy. Then he grinned and extended a hand to the boy. "I like him, put it there son."
"Wh-what?"
"WHAT!?"
"Ha!"
"Yay!"
Jaune just blinked a few times before quickly shaking the man's hand. "Are you kidding me right now Tai!?" Qrow yelled getting his former teammate's attention.
"Oh c'mon Qrow lighten up."
"Lighten up?! Ruby is too young to be dating, and even if she wasn't he's already two years older than her!" Qrow protested angrily while griping the hilt of his scythe.
"Yeah, I'm not really a fan of the whole age gap thing, but I just got a feeling I can trust him." Taiyang smiled and slapped Jaune on the back making the knight stumble, but still making him feel more at ease. "I mean just look at him, kid's just got a face you can trust."
"I'll show you…a…face…" Qrow paused his threat mid-sentence. He blinked, looked to Taiyang, then to Jaune, then back to Taiyang, then back Jaune again. If you just added a few inches to Jaune, a little bit of muscle, and a dumb goatee they'd be the spitting image of one another. Right down to the goofy vacant expression. "Oh sweet dust it's happening again." Qrow moaned slapping his forehead as his other hand went for his flask.
Yang making a similar connection turned to her sister who had decided now that they had their father's blessing it was the appropriate time to start in on the plate of cookies they'd set out. "Hey Ruby, do you know what an Electra complex is?" She asked.
"A what-what now?" The young reaper asked quizzically between bites of her sweets.
Weiss Schnee…..
"So, you're the boy who is courting my daughter." Weiss' father stated coldly from behind his desk staring at Jaune with a look one would give to a tuft of grass ruining an otherwise perfectly trimmed lawn.
"Y-yes sir." Jaune stuttered feeling the imposing weight of Papa Schnee's glare. In all honesty Jaune was sweating bullets right now, or at least he would have been if the place wasn't literally just below freezing. Still he thought he had mentally prepared enough for this meeting, he'd planned out everything from arriving to the mansion, suavely and confidently explaining his and Weiss' relationship to her father, getting his approval, and then Weiss would be so impressed she'd wear that one dress he really liked and they'd have a romantic dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Atlas that served chicken nuggets. This plan hadn't even lasted to the front door. For one thing the Schnees didn't live in a mansion, they lived in a freaking castle. For Dust's sake Papa's Schnee's office was bigger than his parent's house. Luckily Weiss was there with him and even Winter had tagged along, although she opted to watch from the doorway all the way on the other side of the room. That really didn't make him feel that safe.
All the while Papa Schnee just stared him down with his hands propped up on his desk obscuring everything under the man's thick mustache. Finally he spoke. "Very well young man, make me an offer."
The room fell painfully silent for a minute as both Jaune and Weiss let the statement sink in.
"H-huh?"
"WHAT!?"
"Did I stutter? I said make me an offer. Go on, snap to it." Papa Schnee reiterated giving the two a hurrying motion.
"What do you mean make you an offer!?" Weiss demanded bitterly.
"Oh come now Weiss, we're Schnees and there is no way I will let some vagabound into this family who cannot display even a sense of proper business acumen." Papa Schnee explained dismissively.
"This is insane, Winter! Please help me talk some sense into him." Weiss pleaded to her sister who seemed surprisingly unfazed by all of this.
"I'm sorry Weiss, he won't budge on this I'm afraid." Winter said with weary resignation. "I had to go through it too not that long ago."
"And it cost be a case of my best scotch too!" Qrow angrily yelled from Winter's room down the hall making the older Schnee heiress blush.
"Ahem, it's best to just humor him." Winter went on trying to pretend the last outburst hadn't happened.
"Yes, humor me." Papa Schnee gloated before turning his attention back to Jaune. "So one last time boy, what's your offer?"
Jaune gulped. "We-well, I hadn't really expected this to happen so all I have is what I brought in my carry on." Jaune sheepishly admitted unslinging his backpack from his shoulder as Weiss gave him a death glare for even going along with all of this. There went his plans for the dress and the chicken nuggets. Still he went about setting everything in his bag carefully onto the rug beneath them that he was sure cost more than he would probably ever see in his life. Once he was done he suddenly felt really self-conscious about his belongs. He had an extra t-shirt, a Tupperware dish with some leftover homemade chicken parm he'd packed incase Weiss decided she didn't like anything at the airport food court, his headphones, a travel pillow, and one issue of X-ray and Vav.
"Really? This is the best you have to offer in exchange for my daughter's hand?" Papa Schnee just about taunted. "If this is the best you've got then I'm afraid I'll have to…wait…is that the Cor-pirate variant of this month's X-ray and Vav?" He asked, his voice now taking on a tone of stunned disbelief as he sat forward in his chair to try to get a better look.
"H-huh, oh, yeah it is." Jaune said a bit confused picking up the comic off the floor.
"Where did you even find that?" Papa Schnee asked not taking his eyes off the book.
"Oh, I picked it up at the airport bookstore back in Vale, it was the last copy they had." Jaune said feeling weird with the way this conversation was going.
"Well don't just stand there! Bring it here!" Papa Schnee snapped prompting Jaune to hurry over to the man's desk.
"W-wait, you can't be serious." Weiss gasped staring mouth agape at her father as Jaune handed him the comic.
Papa Schnee just ignore her and looked the book over carefully, inspecting it for bends, tears, or creases. When he was done he reached into his desk and pulled out an empty bag and board and reverently placed the comic inside. "Very well, you may have my daughter's hand. But I expect you to learn the family business and no less than three grandchildren, at least one of which better be a summoner."
"WHAT!" Weiss almost shrieked in pure mortification.
"That's that then, now hurry along, I have other business to attend to." Papa Schnee dismissed without looking away from his book.
Once Jaune had gathered up his things they quickly exited the room and Winter bid them a quick goodbye heading for her room which a half-naked Qrow was in the process of trying to step out of. "Well…that went better than expected." Jaune said with a dopey smile.
"Oh shut up you." Weiss huffed while secretly very happy that this all worked out well enough.
"So…does this mean we're married?" Jaune asked jokingly as they started making their way towards Weiss' old room.
"Of course not you dolt." Weiss said in her most serious voice. "It means we're engaged." She said with a smirk as she watched Jaune stare back at her dumb struck.
Blake Belladonna….
Blake sat on a log reading Ninjas of Love in the clearing that was the White Fang's most recent camp. On either side of her sat the White Fang members affectionately known as Deery and Banesaw. Deery was the first to speak after a while. "Sooo….you're dating a human now huh?"
"Yup." Blake said simply as said human came sprinting through the clearing screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Blake! Help me!" Jaune wailed as he dashed through the camp.
"Get back here human Scum!" Adam bellowed not far behind the blond knight while waving his sword angrily.
"He seems nice." Deery said cheerfully as they watched Jaune begin to weave through the tents. "And he does have nice legs." She added knowingly.
Blake chuckled and stole a peek at said legs, as well as the butt they were attached to them. "Yes, yes he does."
"And you're sure he's not a Schnee?" Banesaw asked polishing his chainsaw as he watched Jaune and Adam make another pass through the clearing.
"Yes I'm sure." Blake said flipping to the next page of her book.
"Get back here so I can murder you already!" Adam howled still chasing Jaune.
"Why would anyone ever agree to that!?" Jaune shouted back as he ran.
"Do you think maybe we should stop this before it gets out of hand?" Deery asked as she watched Adam take a wild swing at Jaune and nearly take Perry's head off when the blond ducked out of the way.
Blake just looked back up and admired how the sweat Jaune was working up made his shirt cling to his body while he ran. "Let's just give them a few more minutes to try and work things out." She smirked as she dog-eared yet another of the steamier pages in her book for reference for later that night.
Yang Xiao Long…
"And so then I said, Officer I'm not loitering I'm just Taiyang'n around!" The blond Huntsman finished before bursting into laughter followed by his daughter and her boyfriend.
"St-st-stop it sir, you're killing me." Jaune managed to get out between laughs as he leaned on the father for support.
"See sweetie, what did I tell? If you find a guy who can enjoy the family sense of humor you'll never go wrong." Taiyang boasted patting Jaune on the back happily.
"Well to be honest sir it took a little time to get used to all her puns, but now I just Yang on her every word." There was the briefest pause before his two fellow blonds erupted into another bout of laughter.
"Aw vomit boy, that's so sweet." Yang coed wrapping an arm around his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek.
While this is going on across the living room Ruby and Qrow sat on the couch watching in horror as the three slipped back into a round of puns.
"Uncle Qrow." Ruby finally said with a voice that had lost all sense of hope.
"Yeah kid?" Qrow asked unable to look away from the train wreck of all things humorous going on only a few feet away before taking a long swig from his flask.
"I'm scared." Ruby replied wishing there was something she could do to make it stop.
"I know kid, I know." Qrow said simply absentmindedly offering the flask to his niece then pulling it away and handing her a cookie instead.
Nora Valkyrie…
"So, you two have started dating?" Ren asked impassively staring at his partner and their leader while the blond in question scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
"Yeah, it's official and everything." Jaune assured.
Ren's face suddenly took on a serious expression as he went under his desk and retrieved a large box full of books, binders, and other odds and ends. "Well then Jaune you're going to need this." He said dropping the box at Jaune's feet.
"Whoa! Ren what's all this?" Jaune gasped in surprise.
"This…" Ren said reaching in the box and then placing the first book in Jaune's hands. "This is a list of Nora approved recipes along with dietary restrictions and list of allergies. This is a specialty book on how to electrically baby-proof the home and some outlet cover." Ren went on for several minutes piling book after book into the young knight's arms forcing him to strain under the weight. But he wasn't done there as he then produced a binder so massive it would have made Weiss' knees go weak at the sight. "And finally this is a list of shops, stalls, arcades, office buildings, playgrounds, and food trucks Nora has been permanently banned from." He said plopping the binder onto the pile in Jaune's arms almost making his legs buckle from the strain.
"Gah, someone help." Jaune groaned.
"Alright." Ren said as he deftly reached behind the books into Jaune's hoodie pocket pulling out the boy's Scroll and quickly typing away. "I've just given you the number of the chief of police and invited him over for afternoon tea. You'll be seeing a lot of him from now on so it's best to make a good impression early." He explained before slipping the Scroll back into Jaune's pocket.
"Chief of police?!" Jaune gasped in disbelief as Ren disappeared into the closet only to return a moment later with a fully packed duffle bag.
"Yes, the chief of police. Now, since I know Nora is in good hands I'm going to take some time off and pursue my lifelong dream." He said holding up a flyer for the Remnant World DDR Grand Prix. "Soon." He said wistfully to himself as he stroked the image of the trophy on the flyer. And like that Ren exited the dorm leaving a very happy Nora and Jaune ready to collapse.
"Nora, a little help here." Jaune pleaded as he began to shake from the strain of all his newly acquired reading material.
Nora just turned on her heels with a big old smile plastered on her lovable face and placed a finger on Jaune's nose. "Boop." Jaune just smiled and then collapsed.
Pyrrha Nikos…..
Now Pyrrha had tried to warn Jaune that her mother could be a bit strict. What Jaune hadn't anticipated was that this was possibly the biggest understatement of the century. "So you're the one who thinks they're worthy to court my daughter!" Boomed the large, tan skinned, dark haired, and very muscular woman who was currently towering over Jaune like a hungry Beowolf.
"Mom quit it." Pyrrha whined in embarrassment.
"No Pyrrha I will not quit it!" The taller Amazon barked back. "If this boy think's he is man enough to believe he can have relations with my daughter he must first be able to pass the trials!"
"T-trials?" Jaune gulped.
"Oh not this again." Pyrrha sighed.
"Yes, trails. Meant to test your bravery, skill, intellect, fortitude, and of course combat prowess." Pyrrha's mother boasted proudly. Before she could go on with what Pyrrha could only assume was a ludicrous plan another voice called from the front hall.
"Honey, why are you yelling? Did someone disagree with you online again?" The voice asked sweetly as a short redhaired man with a large smile stepped into the living room carrying a bag of groceries. "Pyrrha, you're home early!" He gasped before pulling the girl in question in for a hug. "And you brought company!" He said his eyes lighting up when he saw Jaune. "You must be Jaune, our little Pyrrie-pooh has told us so much about you." He said shaking the boys hand vigorously.
"O-oh, well it's a pleasure to meet you too." Jaune said realizing very quickly where Pyrrha got her sunny disposition from.
Suddenly though Mr. Nikos gasped and looked very worried. "Oh no, I didn't know you were coming. I don't think we have enough food for dinner, no wait, we've still got plenty of left over brisket!" He said triumphantly as he began mentally preparing a new menu.
"Dear this is not the time to be thinking about brisket!" Pyrrha's mother interrupted in a stern tone, but this time at a much more indoor reasonable volume. "We have trials to…" She trailed off when Mr. Nikos turned to her with a hurt look in his eyes.
"But I thought you loved my brisket." He said with a genuine quiver in his voice.
"I do, it is both sumptuous and full protein." She defended making her light up once more.
"Great, then it's settled, now Thetis you and Pyrrha go and bring in the rest of the groceries while Jaune helps me start getting dinner ready." Mr. Nikos said heading for the kitchen dragging Jaune with him.
"But dear, what about the trials?" Thetis pleaded losing a bit of her imposing demeanor now.
"Now honey, we both know Pyrrha and Jaune aren't going to be here that long so the last thing we want to do is spend all that time watching you drag poor Jaune here through grueling and dangerous trials for days on end." Mr. Nikos chastised lovingly as he put on a powdered blue apron.
"Fine, then we will have one trial by combat tomorrow at dawn!" Pyrrha's mother proclaimed.
"Actually can it wait til after brunch? I finally got the recipe for Mrs. Burn's teacakes and I'm just dying to try it out." Mr. Nikos asked as he opened the fridge.
"Fine, we'll meet for trial by combat tomorrow after brunch in the backyard!"
"Oh no, the neighborhood association already warned us once about all the gladiatorial combat and the tomatoes are only just now coming in in our garden. You can have your trial in the park." Mr. Nikos insisted sternly.
"Very well, trial by combat, after brunch, in the park." Thetis sighed waiting to see if her husband would force her to make any more concessions.
"Great, now that that's settled Jaune let's get this brisket reheated." Mr. Nikos beamed happily as Jaune nodded and began busying himself in the kitchen and Pyrrha and her mother went to retrieve the remaining groceries.
After a few moments of awkward moments of silence only broken up by Mr. Nikos admittedly jaunty humming Jaune finally decided to speak up. "So, this whole trial by combat thing…" He began.
"Oh that? It's nothing to worry about, Thetis will open with a full on spear strike from the front and mostly stick to straight forward heavy attacks. You'll only be fighting until one of you is forced to take a knee so just tank her attacks with your shield until she gets tuckered out and then just bop her in the left knee with the flat of your sword. She'll go down and then everything will be just peachy." Mr. Nikos explained not even looking up from washing the vegetables he was preparing to use in their soup.
Jaune just stared at the older man in sheer dumbstruck amazement. "Sh-should you really be telling me how to beat your wife?"
"Oh don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but she tends to get all riled up about these sorts of things so sometimes I have to step in from time to time." Mr. Nikos explained. "I'm just glad Pyrrha's finally found a nice boy to bring home, now let's get cooking, you're gonna need all your strength for tomorrow's battle."
Jaune just gulped a proceeded to carefully pull the brisket out of the oven.
Coco Adel….
Jaune felt out of place in the bustling fashion studio as he watched frantic assistants running back and forth with things like full trays of expensive and fancy cups coffee or swaths of fabric. But nothing made him feel more out of place than the gaze of Coco's mother. She was tall, lithe, and despite her age just as stunning as any of the models in the room. She wore an obviously custom tailored chocolate colored business suit that fit her so well one might mistake for a second skin, a cream colored scarf, and a pair of dark obscuring shades that failed to hide her disapproving expression. "So this is your boyfriend?" She asked.
"Yup, mother this is Jaune. Jaune this is my mother Café." Coco introduced proudly despite her mother's attitude.
"Charmed I'm sure." Café said not shaking the hand Jaune offered her. "You know Coco dear, when you told me you'd found a new boyfriend I expected him to be a bit more…presentable." She said coldly making Jaune feel a little uncomfortable but doing little to offset her daughter's own confidence.
"Mother, mother, mother, I think you're losing your touch." Coco said with a smirk. "Sure, honey here might be a little rough around the edges. But I can tell you first hand that he has a lot of potential just waiting to be tapped."
Café's expression morphed from cold indifference to bemused at her daughter's words. "Oh really now? I don't suppose you can back any of that up right now could you?" She challenged meeting her daughter's bravado head on.
"Of course I can." Coco grinned before turning to Jaune and giving him her by now infamous apologetic pout. "Honey, I apologize in advance for this."
This made Jaune increasingly nervous. "Apologize for what—Oh sweet Dust!" He squealed in surprise as Coco proceeded to strip him with, what Jaune was embarrassed to admit, practiced ease soon leaving the young knight in nothing but his boxers and his socks. "Why!?" Jaune squeaked with embarrassment as several of the assistants and designers stopped what they were doing to steal a peek at what was going on.
"Oh don't be such a drama queen honey, it's nothing anyone here hasn't seen before." Coco chuckled giving him a reassuring pat on the rear. "Plus I did already say I was sorry." She added as her mother just began circling Jaune like a judge examining a dog for best in show.
"Hmmm, well he does have good bone structure, decent muscle tone, a little pale but that's nothing that can't be fixed with some time at the beach house." Café muttered to herself while Coco just beamed with pride despite her boyfriend's mortification. "You may just be onto something darling." Coco's mother finished with an amused smirk.
"Well I did inherit more than just your stunning good looks." Coco stated matter-of-factly.
"Still, while you're here why don't we see what we can't do for him here in the studio?" Café decided snapping her fingers twice. "Jean-Paul?" She called prompting a thin effeminate man in an incredibly tight shirt to hurry over.
"Yes ma'am?"
"See if you can't find something a bit more fabulous for our friend here." She directed briskly.
"Yes ma'am, right away ma'am." Jean-Paul said before fixing Jaune with a coy smile. "Come here little boy, let's see what we can't get you slipped into." He said as he began ushering Jaune over to one of the work stations.
"Okay, fine. Hey watch those hands buddy!" Jaune snapped as they headed away from the mother and daughter.
"Well I hate to say it, but Coco dear you were right." Café admitted somewhat proudly. "With some polishing I think you'll have yourself the perfect accessory."
"Well what can I say mother." Coco mused reaching for her Scroll. "I've always had a thing for fixer-uppers." She smirked as she snapped a quick pic of Jaune in his boxers and set it as her new background.
Neopolitan…..
Roman was having a lovely evening. The safe-house was quiet and pleasantly empty, all the White Fang members were out chasing their tails on some kind of mission or some such nonsense and the rest of his crew were out living it up at Junior's club. That just left him. So here he was sitting in his comfiest stolen chair with his feet kicked up on a crate of stolen Dust drinking probably the most expensive stolen wine in all of Remnant straight from the bottle. He actually didn't have to drink it like this, they had a complete set of crystal wine glasses that they'd stolen along with the wine, but he just loved the thought of the rich schmuck they'd stole it from having a fit about drinking it straight from the bottle made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside…or that could have just been the wine, he was about halfway through the bottle by now. Just as he was pondering if he should light up a cigar the door to the hideout was kicked open and in strolled Neo wearing a big childlike smile and dragging a heavy looking sack behind her. "Ah, there you are kiddo." Roman waved from his seat. "Looks like you had a good night, real big haul?" He asked pointing to the bag with the half empty bottle.
Neo nodded enthusiastically as she tried to hurry to her room. That is until the bag began to squirm. Roman narrowed his eyes at the girl and slowly stood up. "Neo, what's in the sack?" He asked as he took a few wobbly steps towards the ice-cream haired girl and her bag. Neo did her best to look innocent but by now the bag was starting to make noises. "I swear…" Roman began as he opened up the bag. "If this is another sack of puppies I'm gonna…" But the sack was not filled with stray dogs. No inside was a young blond boy with his hands and legs tied and gaged. Roman blinked then turned to Neo who was still pretending to be innocent, now adding a pantomime whistle for effect. Just then Jaune tried pleading with him through his gag and being the world class criminal that he was Roman he spoke gagged kidnap victim fluently.
"Help me please!" Jaune begged through the rag in his mouth.
Roma just gave him a vaguely sympathetic look. "Sorry kid, nothing I can do." He apologized watching the boy's eyes go wide. "Girl's got a thing for blonds." He added straightening up and turning back to Neo. "Alright Neo he's all yours, just don't go making another mess and try to keep it down." Roman warned pointing seriously with the bottle as Neo gleefully nodded and grabbed Jaune's sack once more before heading towards her room. "And don't forget to put him back where you got him when you're done!" Roman called after them. Once he was alone Roman looked to his bottle a swished around the mostly depleted contents before taking another big swig, suddenly he had the feeling he'd be needing a lot more wine tonight.
Emerald Sustrai….
"Mercury what the heck are you wearing!?" Emerald blustered loudly as she and Jaune stepped into the guest dorm room. The young silver haired assassin in question was wearing a ratty looking sweater-vest, a pair of thick glasses, and was smoking a hickory pipe which appeared to only blow bubbles.
"Aw, don't be like that Emmy, it's not every day you bring a boy home with you." Merc said pointing at the pickpocket with his pipe.
"Oh gee, I wonder why?" Emerald snapped back sarcastically.
"Well anyway I figured that since you don't have any parents we could play the role and meet the boy whole stole our sticky fingered little girl's heart." Mercury went on in sickeningly sweet tone.
"You're really just gonna let him do this?" Emerald asked Cinder who'd been quietly sitting on her bed and sewing until now.
Cinder just looked up with a horribly uninterested expression. "You act like I let Mercury do any of the things he does." She said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.
"Point taken ma'am." Emerald groaned.
"That's the spirit." Mercury smirked as he slipped between the two and wrapped an arm around their shoulders. "So why don't you start by telling us how you two crazy kids met."
Jaune laughed nervously. "That's kind of a funny story actually." He said scratching the back of his head while Emerald suddenly seemed keen on not making eye contact all of a sudden.
"She stole your wallet didn't she?" Mercury deadpanned watching as the two teen began to blush. "Wow, seriously? That's freaking hilarious!" Merc laughed allowing Jaune and Emerald to wriggle out of his grasp. "So how much did she take you for?"
"Well that's the funny thing." Jaune sheepishly admitted.
"All he had in his wallet was a metro card and a promotional coupon for a free pizza." Emerald pointed out a tad belligerently.
"What, you're kidding?" Merc was doubled over laughing at this point and even Cinder couldn't help but snicker a little.
"Yeah, when I saw that I just kind of felt sorry for him so I gave it back." Emerald admitted embarrassedly. "I just told him he dropped it on the ground."
"Oh c'mon, nobody is dumb enough to believe that." Merc protested until Jaune gave an uncomfortable cough. "No freaking way?"
"I mean it's not the first time it's happened and I thought it was nice of her to give it back." Jaune tried to defend.
"This can't be real." Mercury said staring at the pair incredulously. "What do you even see in this putz?"
"Hey don't you talk about him like that." Emerald snapped entwining her arm with Jaune's as she became oddly defensive. "Sure he's goofy, but he's nice, kind, and so generous." There was a brief pause as Mercury and Cinder looked to one another and then to Emerald.
"He gave you that free pizza coupon didn't he?" Mercury asked dryly.
"So generous!" Emerald reiterated loudly pulling Jaune closer to her and making the young boy blush.
"Makes sense. She does have a complex about going hungry you know." Cinder said simply as she set what she'd been sewing down and stood up. "Just make sure whatever you two get up to that you get Emerald back here by 11, we have plans for 11:30." Cinder chuckled darkly to herself as she walked out of the room.
"What are you guys even doing that late?" Jaune asked only for Emerald to hold up a silencing finger.
"Jaune, what have I told you about asking questions?" She asked sternly.
Jaune just sighed and drooped his shoulders. "That my mouth is good for a lot of things, but asking questions isn't one of them." Jaune tiredly repeated.
"That's a good boy." Emerald cooed giving Jaune's arm a squeeze.
"And that's my cue to get out of here." Merc hastily said heading for the door before either of the pair decided to elaborate on that last point.
Cinder Fall…..
"My, my Cinder. Just what have you brought with you today?" Salem purred darkly from atop her throne making Jaune's blood run cold. "Is this immaculate little beacon the consort you've told me so much about?"
"Yes mistress." Cinder said placing her hand on Jaune's shoulder. "Jaune, this is Salem, my mistress and benefactor. Say hello." She ordered sweetly pulling the blond from his terror induced stupor.
"H-h-hello." Jaune stammered out as his eyes nervously darted between the two women. "I, uh, thought you said we were meeting your parents."
"Oh, well I'm afraid our relationship is a bit more…adoptive in nature." Salem offered seemingly amused by the boy's nervousness. "I guess you could consider me more of a step-mother of sorts." She chuckled.
"A wicked step-mother to be precise." Another voice interjected from the shadows.
"Hush you!" Salem snapped sending a glare into a darkened corner of the throne room.
"Why didn't you tell me we were expecting guests, I would have brewed some coffee for us. Or at least I would have if I wasn't otherwise indisposed." The voice retorted sarcastically.
"Professor Ozpin?" Jaune gasped recognizing the voice and earning a sigh of displeasure from Salem who snapped her fingers causing a large hunk of crystals jutting from the far wall to illuminate revealing the gray haired headmaster incased up to his shoulders inside the lighted crystals.
"Hello Mr. Arc, I'm glad to see you're doing well." Ozpin said with a smile. "Though I must say I'm not entirely fond of the company you chosen to keep." He added gesturing with his head towards Cinder who shot the trapped man a heated glare while subconsciously moving her hand to clutch Jaune's.
"Nonsense Ozpin." Salem chuckled returning to her earlier demeanor. "I think they're perfect for one another. After all, everyone knows every queen needs a knight of her very own." This put Cinder back into a good mood as Jaune noticed she relaxed her grip on his hand, but still gave it a reassuring squeeze all the same.
"So professor…what exactly are you doing here?" Jaune asked against his better judgement, but still he really didn't like being the center of attention like this, especially with Salem eyeing him so intensely.
"He's being punished for his crimes." Salem said angrily. "One in particular, one so foul I can barely bring myself to even utter…"
"I hit it then quit it Mr. Arc." Ozpin stated bluntly making Jaune's eyes go wide and forcing Cinder to begin massaging her temples at the thought of what the old headmaster had just instigated.
"Bite your tongue!" Salem hissed slamming her hand down on the arm of her throne. "How dare you trivialize the dishonor you've perpetrated against me!? For that I'll…"
"You'll what?!" Ozpin snapped back. "Invade my kingdom? Destroy my school? Hang me from a wall and force me to stay up watching old romantic comedies and predicable sitcoms all night? Oh wait, you've already done all that!"
"I don't know why you're complaining, as I recall you were rather found of the idea of Schneetflix and chill!" Salem shouted back rising from her throne.
"Coming from the woman who knows nothing of the word chill!"
Cinder just sighed in defeat as she watched the two's shouting match wage on. "I hate it when mom and dad fight like this."
"Yeah." Jaune said while absentmindedly watching. "This is getting super awkw—wait what!?"
Reese Chloris…..
"Reese, you do realize I'm your leader and not your mother right?" Arslan sighed in frustration.
"Well duh, of course I know that." The mohawked girl answered matter-of-factly. "But you are basically like our team mom so it's totally okay."
Arslan growled in annoyance. "I'm not the team's…"
"Arslan!" Nadir whined from the other side of the room. "Bolin is hogging the tv again and won't let me watch Stephan Nebula!"
"That show is bad and you should feel bad!" Bolin argued back.
"Bolin let Nadir watch his shows, you know this room doesn't have a SchneeVR so he can't record it!" Arslan barked back.
"But Arrrrrslan!" Bolin whined as Nadir began to wrestle with him over the remote.
"No buts! And Nadir get off him, what have I told you two about rough housing!?" Arslan yelled making the two separate in fear.
"That if we fought as hard as we did with each other we wouldn't have lost in the first round of the tournament." The two repeated in unison.
"Exactly." Arslan huffed crossing her arms.
"See what I mean, you're basically the closest thing to like a real adult here." Reese smirked watching as the tan skin girl realized her teammate was right. "Plus you'd probably care way more than my folks would about who I was dating anyway."
Arslan just took a deep meditative breath. Reese was right, in her own weird Reese-y way at least. She did care who Reese dated, if only because Reese attracted trouble like fear attracted Grimm. "Fine." She sighed turning to the blond boy next to Reese who'd been remarkably silent through all of this. If her team had taught her anything it was that silence was never a good thing. "So you're Reese's boyfriend huh?"
"Y-yeah." Jaune said stepping forward to greet the martial artist. "I'm Jaune, Jaune Arc." He introduced extending a hand.
"Arslan Altan." The fellow leader replied shaking his hand, but also giving it a firm squeeze. He flinched but tried to play it off, she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. "So, how exactly did you two meet?"
"Oh, oh, oh, Jaune! You tell her." Reese squealed excitedly. "You're like so much better at telling it than I am."
"Wait, exactly how many times have you told this story? And to who?" Arslan questioned eyeing the skater girl.
"Oh, just to Jaune's team and his friends." Reese said shrugging. "Hey, would you believe he lives across the hall from those girls who beat us in the tournament?"
"What?!" Nadir gasped tearing his attention away from his show.
"Not cool." Bolin muttered.
"So when exactly were you planning on telling me about all this then?" Arslan asked crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at Reese.
"Aw c'mon Arslan, lighten up." Reese urged moving next to her leader and wrapping an arm around the taller girl. "Just relax and listen to the story. Go ahead Jaune." Reese insisted giving the knight a hurry-it-up gesture.
"Okay, well I ran into Reese in Vale. I'd just picked up the last copy of this month's X-ray and Vav, Reese showed up right after me looking for it and when she saw I had the last copy she challenged me to a kickflip contest to see who got the issue. I told her I didn't know the first thing about skating so she insisted on teaching me how to kickflip. That took a couple of hours, and then once I got the hang of it Reese decided it was time to start the contest and did a kickflip and smacked face first into a wall." Jaune explained.
"Sounds like Reese." Bolin laughed only to receive a stifling glare from Arslan.
"She hit it pretty hard so I took her down to a clinic to make sure she didn't have a concussion." Jaune went on.
"I told him he didn't have to." Reese chimed in. "We all know how hard my head is y'know." She said proudly tapping her knuckles playfully against the side of her head.
"That's not a good thing Reese." Jaune and Arslan said in unison making the two feel more than a little uncomfortable despite how much it seemed to please Reese. "Either way she was fine and said she had to thank me for taking her to the clinic so she took me out to eat at a burger place. We hit it off and things just kind of went from there." Jaune finished.
Reese just beamed proudly. "See? Didn't I tell you he was way better at telling the story?"
Arslan just blinked for a few moments. That was without a doubt the most Reese-ish story she'd ever heard. Combined with the fact that this Jaune guy just went along with it like it was normal almost baffled the lionhearted girl. "Well, I guess I can't argue with that." She conceded. "I guess you have my blessing." Reese cheered happily and nearly tackled an unsuspecting Jaune with a hug. "But that doesn't mean I don't expect you to take responsibility." Arslan added firmly.
There was a brief pause followed by Jaune blushing intensely and trying to stammer out a reply. "Wh-what, I mean there's nothing to, that is we've talked about it, but we haven't gone that far yet, but still we'd use protect…" Arslan simply put up a silencing hand before the knight could embarrass himself anymore.
"No, not that kind of responsibility. I mean regular responsibility." Arslan elaborated. "As in the No Reese, that's how you get thrown in jail responsibility." She waited and watched as the realization hit Jaune and suddenly a very tired look came across his face. "Yeah, let that sink in. Also you're going to need this." She said moving over to her bed and pulling a helmet out from underneath and passing it to Jaune.
Jaune looked at the simple black coconut shell helmet then back to Arslan. "We both know she's never gonna wear this." He said.
"Yeah, they ruin my doo!" Reese said stubbornly.
"Who said it was for her."
Arslan Altan…..
"AAAAUUUUGH!"
"Jaune, stop that. You almost startled father." Arslan chided.
"Arslan that's a lion!" Jaune shot back taking a step away from the several hundred pound wild cat standing next to his girlfriend and eyeing him dangerously.
"First of all Jaune, that's just rude." Arslan said sounding more than a little miffed. "Secondly I don't see why you are so surprised. I told you I was raised in the wild by lions."
"I thought you were joking!" Jaune said having trouble taking in the whole situation.
"What? How is that even a joke?" Arslan countered.
"Well most of your jokes are kind of bad so I just assumed…"
"My jokes are great!"
It was then that Arslan father growled loudly interrupting the two and nearly making Jaune jump out of his skin in terror. "You're right dad, we are getting off track. Listen Jaune, I like you and I was so glad when you wanted to start getting serious about us so I thought this would be the right time for you to finally meet my family."
"I guess I can understand that." Jaune admitted sheepishly feeling a little guilty for his earlier behavior.
"Good, oh look here comes mom with dinner." Arslan beamed happily waving at something behind Jaune. The blond boy turned around to see a full grown lioness stalking towards them dragging a freshly killed wildebeest carcass in its teeth. "Ah mom, you didn't have to go all out on dinner for us." Arslan said as her mother dropped the wildebeest down between them and moved towards Jaune purring warmly. "Aw, she's already taken a liking to you." Arslan said proudly as she plopped down next to the carcass. "C'mon Jaune, let's hurry up and eat before it goes bad." She said rubbing her hands together.
Jaune just stood there feeling all of the sudden very sick while Arslan's mother rubbed her head against his hand as she continued to purr and her father just continued to glower at him and growl.
Well I hope you had as much fun with that as I had.
Now for some of you wondering why I did another OMAKE so soon, here's the deal. Your typical Coco and Honey chapter takes anywhere between 2-3 weeks to come up with, then another 3-4 weeks to get plotted out, written, revised, and then posted. Whereas these OMAKEs take all of like a day to come up with and another 2-3 days to get all banged out.
Plus I tried to give a little something for everyone, like how I made sure Pyrrha and Coco's bits here were a bit longer than the others.
In the back of the room an assistant pipes up. "But then how come Weiss and Reese's segments are just as long as Pyrrha and Coco's?"
Toolazy discreetly closes a folder of adorable fanart on their browser. "O-oh, no reason."
But hey thank you all so much for reading, We've nearly reached 100k views and I've received some really great OC's for my other stories from you the fans. (Slots still open, act fast!)
Lastly to the artist TyberZann2814, I'd love to see you draw out some of the scenes from this story, as long as I and the story are credited I couldn't be happier. Please send me a link if you ever do.
Well I need to get back to work so that you all don't want to kill me for being a tease. Don't forget to review and check out my other stories. Until next time.