A Tale of Three Druids
Love is in the Spritzer
"What do you mean I killed your assistant?" Nordelei screamed in the face of a goblin.
"Well, when I walked over here," the goblin explained, "you were standing over my dwarven assistant with a blade, so you obviously are the homicidal dwarf-killer that's been running around!" There had been a dwarf-killer running about, but the reports had started a while back, while Nordelei was still at the Ebon Hold, and the reports were of a person with a larger body, presumably an orc, or some type of fat troll. But this investigator guy refused to believe anything that the blood elf said.
"Since my assistant is no longer living," the goblin said, with an angry tone, "you're going to help me with my investigation!
"But," Nordelei said, getting impatient, "I was planning on going to Northrend. There's a campaign against the Lich King!"
"What's more important, fighting the Lich King, or stopping love spreading through the air?"
The investigator immediately realized how stupid the thing he just said sounded, and started to figure out ways to reword it in his head. As the goblin was deep in thought, Nordelei slipped away and behind a building, out of sight from the love-hater.
He mounted his Deathcharger and ran to the Horde Registaration Center.
"Why do you want to join the battle against the Lich King?" the troll secretary asked, making Nordelei think that trolls weren't as energetic as they were made out to be.
"Well," Nordelei said, "I really want to help the Horde and-"
"You just want the money, don't you?" the troll accused the death knight.
"No!' Nordelei retaliated, "I want to help defeat the Lich King!"
"Yeah, yeah," the troll said, monotonously, handing him a form, "Just fill this out and come back when you have it ready. If it's good, then you can go 'help people' or whatever it is that you do."
Nordelei walked away to a writing center, a place where quills and ink were available to people who didn't have them at their house. Or to people that didn't have a home, which was the case for most death knights. He walked in and sat at the nearest available table. After filling it out, Nordelei came to the center again and handed it in.
Name: Nordelei
Class: Death Knight
Specialization: Blood
Race: Blood Elf
Level: 69
Residence: N/A
Age: 34
The troll looked over the form, put it at the bottom of a large pile consisting of many other forms, and started writing something down.
"Well," Nordelei expectantly said, "do I get to go to Northrend?"
"We'll get to your paper in a few months and let you know," the troll explained.
Nordelei was distraught as he walked away, wondering how they could pass on such great warriors just because they were at the bottom of the pile.
"Let me guess," a voice said from an alley, "You got put at the bottom of the pile and you don't think that's very fair." The owner of the voice walked out from the alley, showing him to be an orc. He had a bow on his back and heavy armor. It wasn't plate, just mail. From this, Nordelei concluded that this person was a hunter.
"How'd you know?" Nordelei questioned.
"I applied to that too," the hunter said, "I figured that because it's cold and snowy up there, dwarves would love it there, and I would be able to kill them. Now my dreams are ruined." He frowned at the last sentence.
Nordelei assumed that this was the homicidal dwarf killer that had gotten him in trouble earlier, but he was going to let it pass.
"How about we go to Northrend?" Nordelei asked cheerfully.
The orc looked at the blood elf like he had said that he wanted to be friends with a gnome (which was terrible because gnomes were the most widely hated race in all of Azeroth, even by the Alliance).
"I mean," Nordelei further explained, "we should sneak onto the zeppelin to Northrend."
"Brilliant!" the orc exclaimed.
"Okay," Nordelei said, "I'll meet you at the inn in a half an hour, all right?"
The orc nodded and ran off, happy that his homicidal rampages would continue. As Nordelei started to devise a plan in his mind, he was grabbed and pulled behind a building. The puller was none other than the idiotic inspector from before. Nordelei saw the goblin's nametag, it reading "Investigator Snap Snagglebolt".
"Okay," Snagglebolt said, "a weird epidemic's been going arou-"
"I am not your assistant!" Nordelei argued.
Snap looked at Nordelei with angry eyes, and then started again. "The Crown Chemical Company has created a perfume, that when applied to someone, it makes them love everyone and be nice." He said it with a disgusted tone.
"Why is this bad?" Nordelei asked.
"Just go to Shadowfang Keep," the inspector said, "According to this list, the leader of the Company is there. If you can get rid of him, love will stop being in the air!" He walked away, thinking about how bad it would be if everyone loved eachother. Nordelei's mind, though, was thinking about the flight to Northrend.
A half an hour later, the orc spotted Nordelei walking into the inn. The orc stuck his hand up, letting Nordelei know where he was sitting. He sat down at a table, across from the hunter.
"First things first," Nordelei started, "We haven't learned each other's names yet. I'm Nordelei."
The orc sat there, saying nothing. Finally, he said, "If this plan of yours works, I'll tell you."
10 minutes later, Nordelei knew that he wouldn't find out the orc's name anytime soon. They were in the Orgrimmar Jail. They had decided to play it simple: sneak below deck and hide. The hiding was the faulty part.
"Worst. Plan. Ever." The orc wasn't very happy with Nordelei's planning abilities, and Nordelei didn't have a hard time seeing why. A tauren walked into the room and unshackled the pair. Nordelei gave him a questioning look.
"You've been bailed out."
Then walked the least likely person Nordelei would've thought would walk in: Inspector Snap Snagglebolt.
"I've bailed you two out for one reason: Kill Apothecary Hummel." He smiled, knowing that Nordelei owed him. "He's located in Shadowfang Keep, and he's the leader of the Crown Chemical Company. He must die. Along with his associates."
"DIE!" one of the apothecaries screamed at the orc, throwing a vat of perfume on him. He quickly put on his perfume neutralizer, and when the perfume covered him, he was unharmed. Meanwhile, Nordelei was busy fighting an apothecary that went back and forth from throwing perfume to throwing cologne. Nordelei was having a hard time switching neutralizers.
The crazy apothecary threw cologne. Nordelei spun around and moved to the right, still rushing toward the crazy one. He then threw perfume, which Nordelei jumped over. As he came down, with his sword imbued with the darkness of the Scourge, Nordelei stabbed the apothecary through.
The orc and Apothecary Hummel were having a ranged battle, each of them dodging each other's attack. Finally, Hummel slipped and the orc shot an explosive shot, blowing Hummel up. The room looked decorated for Love is in the Air, because most of those decorations are red (if the implications aren't obvious enough, the room was decorated with blood from Hummel).
There was one more apothecary, trying to save his work, but the orc made quick work of him. He shot an arcane shot straight through his heart.
The orc frowned. "All of the apothecaries were undead," he said, "I was hoping for some dwarves."
Snap handed a zeppelin ticket to both Nordelei and the orc. They read them, instantly getting excited. They were tickets to Northrend.
"Why are you giving these to us?" Nordelei asked.
"There have been some Crown Chemical people spotted in Crystalsong Forest," he said, "I'm sending you two there to stop them." The orc and Nordelei frowned, wishing they could go to fight the Lich King.
Snagglebolt smiled. "Though, I don't think it would take long," he said, "And if you had any free time, you could always hang out, destroy an evil king or something like that."
"Thanks," Nordelei said. He and the orc walked to the zeppelins, as happy as anyone could be.
"So," Nordelei started, "What's your name. We're going to Northrend, like I promised."
"Oktago," the orc said, "Just call me Oktago." He grabbed Nordelei at the throat. "If you tell anyone my name," he said, "You won't live to tell someone else. Got it?"
"Yeah, yeah. I got it."