[A/N: This is the longest chapter so far. And it might be the longest there will be in this story. But that is fitting since it is the turning point for a lot of reasons. Some are obvious here, some might become obvious only later.

Chloe is finally in New York City and she and Beca get some well-deserved alone time. The ICCAs are upon them and if that wasn't bad enough, Amy is out of town.

Also, look out for a little cameo towards the end! ;-)

Let me know what you think! :-)

Here is the link to "First Day of My Life" again, which really is the central song for this story. And you should really listen to it:

Bright Eyes "First Day of My Life": [youtube] watch?v=zwFS69nA-1w

You can find my blog on Tumblr also as jcback.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.]

„Besides, maybe this time..."

Chapter Nine

"Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been. But I know where I want to go."

Present day – Beca's POV

Time had been running ever since Beca had responded to Chloe's text. It taken about half an hour and a pint of beer for Amy and Beca to compose the message. Somewhat anticlimactically, Chloe had replied within seconds: "Woot! Let's talk details soon. xo, C." Details they had talked in a short phone call a few days later. But since Beca had been in a hurry and was rather caught up in a big project at work – Blumberg & Gurtsky was about to release a new series of review books – this conversation had been the only communication between the two women.

Beca had worried herself almost sick wondering how the weekend would go. She had even dragged Amy out for some clothes shopping. Beca Mitchell shopping! It was practically unheard of. But when she returned home with several bags, dropped them on the bed and let herself fall back against the pillows, a wide smile broke out on her face. She didn't know what would happen or show she would get through the weekend with Chloe unscathed but Beca was determined to enjoy herself. "It'll be fine!" she winked at the picture of her younger self at Barden and went to sort her new clothes and boots into her closet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The calm she had felt after her shopping trip had left Beca on Friday afternoon when she had finished everything for the series launch and was mostly waiting for her work day to be over. She excitedly texted Amy who didn't respond for over an hour – the Australian was on her flight to Denver for a conference. Beca had thrown all her snark overboard in hopes of making Amy stay and support her through the weekend but understandably, Amy had apologized with a scrunched-up face and a shrug. She really had to go.

And thus, Beca was left alone with her nervous thoughts and tense shoulders. Both got worse when her phone gave a discreet "ding!" to announce an incoming text from Chloe: "Landed at JFK safely. Now waiting for my luggage. I'll stop at the hotel and then meet you at La Famiglia 7:30? x, C" Beca called the Italian restaurant for the second time that day to confirm her reservation and then answered the redhead in the affirmative.

At around 6:30, Beca retreated to the bathroom and spent a good long while fixing her hair and reapplying her makeup. She returned to her cubicle, brought her desk in order and then locked the door behind herself. She had once again been the last in the office.

After getting off the train, she stopped for a minute to have her boots shined and then entered the restaurant. A waiter showed Beca to the small table in a cosy corner of the room and took her leather jacket. Then followed the longest eight and a half minutes Beca had ever had the misfortune to live through. She fumbled with the bracelets and watch on her wrists. She wrung her hair worriedly around a finger, only to hectically pull out her phone to check herself in the camera app and quickly rearrange her tresses. She let the waiter bring a carafe of iced water but sent him away again when he approached her with a menu. She sent Amy a text relaying that she questioned her sanity at the moment she had decided to spend two days with Chloe Beale. Thankfully, the Australian replied momentarily and the short and to-the-point message of "breathe. don't be a teenage boy, motherfucker! x" made Beca laugh out loud. She stowed her phone away, rolled her shoulders, rested her chin on the knuckles of her left hand and looked towards the entrance.

And there she was. Chloe. She had her head turned backwards and smiled over her shoulder, presumably at the waiter who had just shown her the way to the table. Her auburn hair was done up in a messy bun that perfectly showcased her slender neck. She wore simple dark blue jeans and a light-green striped t-shirt, its color repeated in her canvas sneakers. Beca swallowed hard and couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading on her face.

Chloe looked around and her twinkling eyes found Beca's. This was followed by a loud squeal of "Beca!" and the redhead rushed to cross the room. Beca had gotten up and stood next to the table; Chloe bounced up to her and then stopped. The two women stood, just looking at each other for a moment. "Hey Chlo!" Beca beamed and opened her arms to hug Chloe.

Chloe's arms found their way around Beca's waist as easily as Beca's snaked around Chloe's shoulders. The amount of intimacy in the embrace was equally surprising and natural – the decade of separation completely forgotten. Beca's eyelids drifted shut as she nestled against the soft skin of Chloe's neck and breathed in her familiar scent. The redhead pulled Beca towards her and lightly kissed her hair before they parted. Beca lopsidedly grinned up at Chloe as they sat down: "It's good to see you, Chlo! Welcome to the city." The redhead nodded excitedly: "Yeah! You've found yourself a good place to live." "It's not too shabby." Beca grinned as they accepted the menus from the waiter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The evening was spent with good pasta and even better wine. The two women updated each other on what had happened in their lives recently, both talking mostly about work and their respective best friend. "So, Aubrey is going crazy at the law firm?" Beca smirked as she lifted her glass to her lips after finishing her lasagna. Chloe, who still had some Carbonara on her plate, swallowed and chuckled: "Oh yeah. She's working all the time and gets really angry sometimes. Last month, during a trial the guy she was defending suddenly stood up and started crying in the middle of his testimony. I had the misfortune to have a spinning class with her the next day. Boy, she was angry!" Beca rolled her eyes. "That one really needs to get laid. Maybe that'd relax her a bit!" Chloe giggled louder than she normally would have, a sign of a light tipsiness. "It probably would!" she declared and clinked her glass against Beca's.

Soon enough, the conversation turned to the following day's competition. "Who're you rooting for tomorrow, Bec?" Chloe asked and Beca worried her brow. "The Bellas in this year? They're always good for a surprise!" she winked. "I guess Barden is quite the powerhouse in a cappella; that hasn't changed, has it?!"

"Well, Ms. Mitchell," Chloe chimed. "Barden is the safe haven for a cappella, in a cruel, cruel wild world where voices are shunned and frowned upon and silenced by misogyny. But Barden...! Barden where a cappella is still not only alive but celebrated!" Beca snorted and stuck her tongue out at Chloe. "That it is." she agreed. "And," Chloe continued. "Barden is home not only to the hot boys of Trebledom but also to the musical masterminds of the Bellas! No one sounds like us." Beca raised an eyebrow: "Well, actually..." "No Bec, really! The Bellas are the go-to a cappella group nowadays. We were the first one to mix things up, and they still do that."

Beca frowned. "I'm sure that does not go over well with establishment..." she mumbled. Chloe lightly elbowed her in the ribs. "Don't be stupid, Bec! You started the mashups. And they're still doing them. You might not have known it then but you did change it forever. Little genius, you!" Beca blushed violently when she caught Chloe's adoring gaze.

She took a deep breath and shook her head disbelievingly when Chloe retreated to the bathroom. This evening was the opposite of what she had expected. Although there was some mention of a cappella (and really, she hadn't expected anything else), most of the conversation with Chloe was completely natural. It was like they had talked forever, like they had never stopped talking and still kept up their conversation from a decade ago. They used to converse so easily, seamlessly moving from one topic to the next and always, always leaving time for another heart-filled silence. And tonight felt just the same.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was almost midnight and most of the restaurant's patrons had cleared out already. Only one more table was occupied and Beca and Chloe were enjoying their final course, espressos – a single with brown sugar for Chloe and a doppio for Beca. Matter-of-factly, Beca paid the bill and grinned at Chloe who tried to protest. "Nope, Beale!" the brunette giggled. "You're in my city. This is my treat!"

Chloe's eyes lightened up and she opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again after a comical break. This did not go unnoticed by Beca who – now that the heavy Italian wine seemed to have dulled her sense of decency somewhat – had issues keeping her gaze off Chloe's smile. "What's up, Red?" In perfect response to the nickname Chloe blushed and then spoke: "Well, I was gonna invite you for a coffee and cupcake break in SoHo tomorrow, but shopping really isn't your thing, is it?!" Here, Beca grimaced. "I know, so I'll go on my own and pick you up with a cupcake at your place! Um... if that's okay?"

Beca went on a small panic round. In her mind's eye, she saw herself, wearing a leotard and a really messy head of hair, running around a stadium full of onlookers with a ripped-up IKEA flag (who knew those existed!) and wildly flailing her arms. Her ears rang with the sound of blaring sirens and the earth shook under her cantering feet. She swallowed a gulp of air and steadied herself locking eyes with Chloe and finding her balance again. "Er yeah, sure. That sounds awesome!" Chloe beamed: "At 5, then!"

Half an hour later, Chloe and Beca had stepped outside the restaurant and were walking towards the subway station. As the bright green light came into view, Chloe stopped and smiled down at Beca. "Thanks for dinner, Bec." A lopsided grin answered her: "You bet!" And Chloe once again fell around Beca, her hands wringing together in the small of Beca's back. Beca had to pull herself together not to twitch in a mixture of ticklishness and nervousness, but she managed to mask the awkward motion by standing on her toes and snaking her arms around Chloe's neck. She nestled herself into the fiery curls and breathed in the scent of sunflowers and Chloe.

After a final squeeze, the two women let go off one another and with a smile, Chloe stepped onto the curb with her hand outstretched. Beca stood and watched as four vacant, on-duty cabs zoomed past; she suppressed a giggle when Chloe turned round to her looking hurt and confused. "Am I doing something wrong?" Chloe asked with a small voice. Beca just grinned and in a cowboy accent she said: "You gotta show 'em who's boss!" She briskly walked onto the street with a determined expression and sure enough, the next taxi halted obediently. Beca held open the door for Chloe and with a "Good night!" saw her friend off.

Beca remained on the street as the yellow car departed. She saw Chloe excitedly turn around in her seat and give her the thumbs up. It was really not New York. Disgustingly not New York. But she raised her hand and waved Chloe farewell with a wide smile on her face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning, Beca woke well rested and from a quiet, dreamless slumber. She hardly felt any consequences from the Italian red. Thinking back the past months, Beca realized that she had enjoyed quite a few of these slightly hungover mornings lately; they hadn't been common for years. But this year had seen several pub nights with Amy. And all of them, Beca realized now, had been gearing her up for this weekend, the weekend with Chloe.

Beca threw on an old pair of jeans and a gray tank-top and headed out into a sunny morning. She got her Greek roast and a bagel, the combination of which cured her minor headache. The sun was shining on her and with a spring to her step, she briskly walked when her phone vibrated in her pocket. Pulling it out, she found a text from Chloe: "Morning! Thanks for last night, I had a great time. Heading out to SoHo now. I'll see you later. x, C"

This made Beca swallow hard and clear her throat. Right! Chloe was going to pick her up later! Beca put her phone away and fumbled with the trolley; she clumsily pulled the cart out and pushed it in front of her as she started for the cheese aisle. The actual grocery shopping was done in a matter of minutes. What took much longer was Beca's venture through the part of the store that housed detergents and cleaning utensils. Somehow, her apartment seemed not only shabby but even filthy in the light of Chloe's imminent arrival.

It was afternoon when Beca deemed her apartment fit for presentation: the windows and floors had been washed (the kitchen window twice), the bathroom had been polished and every piece of china cleaned and dusted. Beca had rearranged her collection of boots and shaken out all her clothes before neatly refolding them. She had battled with the awkward little photo arrangement on her dresser but then decided that the two pictures were actually representative of her life. But she did go out another time to buy a small bouquet of yellow flowers that she put in an empty jam jar and on the dinner table in the living room.

With a satisfied grin, Beca put her hair on her waist and looked around. "Yup, this looks okay," she nodded. Then her gaze fell upon her reflection in the shiny window. The jeans were torn up and now also sprinkled with foam from washing the dishes; a tea towel was hanging out of one back pocket. The tank-top slipped off one of her shoulders and displayed an old bra; her hair was in complete disarray, with her curls tangled and dull-looking. "Oh shit!" Beca's mouth fell open and she dashed for the bedroom to look through her clothes with one hand while hectically texting Amy with the other: "Shit! Chloe to pick me up in 3 hours and I look like hell. AAAH!"

Amy surprisingly responded within seconds: "Chill, Squish Ball! Remember. Shopping trip last week. All sorted out. Gotta run. Mwah!" Beca exhaled, a breath that seemed to have been held for way too long a time. Right! She did have the outfit question figured out! Opening her closet, Beca took out a new pair of black skinny jeans, a black tank-top and a red button-up shirt. She laid them out on her bed and went to get her new gray leather jacket which she put next to the outfit. She nodded: Yup, that was going to work!

It was about two hours later that Beca finally knelt down in her living room to polish her boots, something she hadn't done since her job interview at Blumberg & Gurtsky. Also, these were new boots that she had only worn around the house for the past couple of nights to break them in. There was actually no speck of dust on them but the activity gave Beca's shaking hands something to do. So she sat there and quietly sung under her breath: "Yours is the first face that I saw. Think I was blind before I met you. Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been. But I know where I want to go..."

She had taken the longest shower in months. She had straightened her hair, only to wash it again and let it dry of its own accord. She had draped her natural light curls in a bun before deciding that wearing them down matched her outfit best. After donning the final combination of clothes for the night, she had opened the top drawer of her dresser to think about her jewelry. She had settled on her simple black watch and a leather bracelet on her right wrist and her standard set of rings: one silver one that she had bought in her first year in New York, and a band in the shape of a swallow that her mother had given her for her 18th birthday.

After a final walk through the apartment, Beca came to stand in front of her dresser again. There, next to the picture of her younger self was the yellow Bellas scarf. Thoughtfully, she picked it up, weighed it in her hand and unfolded it. She buried her face in the fabric; it still smelled of Barden... 'Maybe...?' she thought. She heaved a sigh and exclaimed: "Oh, screw it!" as she tied the cloth around her left wrist.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Present Day – Chloe's POV

Chloe had spent the morning walking around SoHo, looking at shop displays and spending money. She had gotten presents for Jules (a necklace) and Aubrey (a cute top), and also something for herself (a few CDs and a pair of shoes). After a light lunch, she had returned to her hotel to get ready, arranged her hair into an elegant French braid and had put on her light-blue summer dress and dark-blue and golden high heels. With sweating palms and an accelerated heart rate, she had left the hotel after accepting the concierge's compliments.

Now, Chloe exited the subway station on the other side of the East River. Pleasantly surprised, she looked around at the small buildings and quiet streets. Queens sure had a different atmosphere than the frantic hustle and bustle of Manhattan. She pulled out her phone and again checked the directions that Beca had given her. She walked along a slightly larger street following the overheard subway tracks. She passed a small grocery store displaying fresh fruits and vegetables next to its front door, and a deli tucked away behind a corner. "This would be perfect for Beca!" she thought, linking the brunette's liking of quiet understatement to the establishment which perfectly fit just that description. She took another turn and stood in front of an old, somewhat run-down apartment building. The structure was not modern and not at all pretty but she could see beauty in the sharp angles of the gate hanging off its hinges and the way it was nestled between the two adjacent houses.

Nervously, Chloe stepped up the porch and found Beca's name on the panel. Her shivering finger found the button and after breathing out once more, she pushed. The buzzer gave a squeaky sound and Chloe walked through the door and into the elevator on the other side of the lobby. She pushed the button with a faded 4 once and nothing happened. A second time. Still, the elevator didn't move. A low grunt escaped Chloe's throat as she slammed her palm against the stubborn thing with impatience and finally, the doors closed. With a shudder, the elevator came to a halt a moment later and Chloe stepped out and saw Beca standing in the door of her apartment smiling at her nervously: "Hey Chlo!"

The brunette looked stunning: the wine-red shirt perfectly accentuated her dark eyes and the black jeans provided just the ideal amount of tightness... 'Inappropriate!' Chloe internally scolded herself. "Hey!" she greeted her friend with a big smile. As Beca stepped back to invite her in, Chloe's gaze fell upon the yellow cloth around the brunette's wrist. "Ha!" she exclaimed and held out her handbag. She too had chosen the Bellas scarf as an accessory for the night. Beca reacted with a bashful grin. "Yeah, it seemed kind of fitting. Showing our colors, right?!" Chloe simply beamed.

"Do you want an espresso?" Beca asked as Chloe wandered towards the living room. The redhead looked over her shoulder with a wide smile. "Would love one." she answered and Beca headed for the kitchen. Chloe looked around the simple apartment; it was a pretty place but seemed to lack a personal touch. She was surprised to see that there actually were two exceptions to that: a bouquet of yellow flowers on the dinner table and two pictures in the bedroom. The first was of Beca and her mother on a park bench. In a rare scene of sentiment, Beca was leaning her head against her mother's.

Next to this frame stood a single photograph of Beca during Bellas rehearsal. Chloe took up the picture and studied it. She remembered that day. Aubrey had gone on another rant about cardio exercise and had tried to convince them to join her. Cynthia-Rose had busied herself rummaging through her duffle bag while Amy had taken up her camera to document her fellow Bellas' attempts at anything but cardio. To entertain Beca, Chloe had tried to perform one of Stacie's elegant pirouettes. She had been successful in not falling down and also somehow turning around herself; but she was sure elegance had not been part of it, however. Amy had captured Beca's full-hearted laugh perfectly.

Smiling, Chloe put the photo down and turned around to see Beca standing in the doorway. She held a moka pot in her hand. "Come on, Beale you klutz!" she grinned at the redhead. So, Beca also remembered what had happened that day. "Hey!" Chloe exclaimed defensively. "I was trying to make you laugh!" Beca nodded: "Worked!" she smirked.

The two women sat down in the living room and Chloe nestled with her handbag. "Here, before I forget." she said and produced a square box and a flat gift-wrapped parcel. Beca poured their coffees and looked up in surprise: "Huh?" Chloe giggled: "We talked about this yesterday!" She pushed the box towards Beca and the brunette opened it. Chloe had kept her word and brought cupcakes. "Aww, you didn't have to!" "Kinda did." Chloe responded and nodded towards the second parcel. Beca clumsily opened the wrapping to find a beautiful, gold and silver picture frame with an intricate, Art Deco design. "Wow, Chloe! This beautiful!" she beamed at her friend. Chloe exhaled; she had been unsure whether Beca would like the design. "That will have to be one important picture that gets to hang out in there!" Beca grinned and Chloe gave a quiet: "I'm sure you will find something that needs to be honored properly."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

An hour later, the two friends exited a subway station in Manhattan. Beca giggled as Chloe stared wide-eyed at a big puddle in front of her. Chloe was about to take a big jump over it in her high heels when Beca extended her hand. With a wide smile, Chloe took it and managed to pass the obstacle. "You know," Beca began. "High heels are really kinda not perfect for New York City streets." Chloe looked up a little hurt. "But you look beautiful in them," Beca continued with a smile.

Chloe observed Beca as she weaved through the traffic of Manhattan streets. She seemed so at ease here, like she knew exactly when to take which step to avoid collisions with passersby, dogs and strollers. In a conversation of surprisingly few words, she bought sweet pretzels from a street cart and offered one to Chloe. "You gotta try these!" she beamed and led them through throngs of young men trying to sell tickets to bus tours, comedy shows and the Empire State Building. This city seemed the perfect fit for Beca: like her, it projected the roughest of exteriors to the world; but really, once you had understood its heart of gold, it was so easy to navigate and love.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Present Day – Beca's POV

Beca looked over at Chloe as they came to stand in front of the main entrance of Lincoln Center. In large letters, the board spelled out the occasion: "ICCA finals". Large numbers of excited contestants were spilling out of busses and several a cappella groups were singing on the plaza in front of the building. The atmosphere was buzzing with excitement; and so was Chloe. The redhead smiled from ear to ear, her eyes twinkling and dashing from one display to the next performance as if she couldn't wait to take it all in.

Beca herself felt a little bit uncomfortable. She still remembered her last visit to Lincoln Center, the feeling of unity amongst the Bellas, the pride she had felt for what they – she! – had achieved. And now, a decade later, she was thrown back into that exact situation. Where music was humming all around her and hundreds of hopefuls were waiting for their chance at aiming for the gigantic golden ICCAs trophy. The two friends stepped into the building and Beca excused herself to the bathroom where she nervously splashed water on her wrists and checked her makeup. 'Come on, Mitchell!' she thought to herself. 'You can do this!'

She looked around the lobby to see Chloe waving her over holding a large plastic bag. 'Oh Jesus Christ.' Beca sighed but Chloe's laugh was irresistible. The redhead stuffed a shiny brochure in Beca's hand: "I got us programs." she beamed. "And...?" Beca smirked at the bag. Chloe hesitated before answering: "I got t-shirts for Jules, Aubrey and me..." Beca nodded. "And you." Chloe blushed violently.

Before Beca could do or say anything, a shocked squeal escaped Chloe's lips and she pulled the brunette behind a refreshments stand. "Chloe, what the fuck?" Chloe squinted around the booth at one of the entrance doors leading to the stands. "It can't be." she muttered. Beca impatiently gripped at her friend's forearm. "Can't be what?"

Chloe retreated behind the stand again and looked round at Beca. "That's Alice!" Beca raised an eyebrow. "Alice?" "Yeah," Chloe nodded. "Alice Duncan. Former captain of the Bellas. She was boss before Aubrey took over." "That Alice!" Beca exclaimed; she sure had heard much about Alice who had led the Bellas to the ICCA finals the year before she had started at Barden. This finals performance, of course, had been one of Aubrey's low points. And probably, the blonde had never forgiven herself for it.

Beca pushed past Chloe gazing at where the redhead was pointing. Indeed, there was Alice ushering people to their seats. She recognized the stern look, furrowed brow and rigid posture from the Bellas gallery. "No way!" she muttered and turned around at Chloe. The redhead was stifling a laugh and looked at the former Bella as well. "If Aubrey could see this!" she whispered. Beca grinned at her mischievously: "Oh, but she can!" With that, she pulled her phone out, put her index finger on her lips and snapped a couple of pictures. Chloe could not contain her giggle anymore and pulled Beca along to the next entrance. When they had found their seats they texted Aubrey: "Look at who we found! ICCAs is now a go. xo, B&C"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten minutes later, Beca was back at the snack stand to buy popcorn. When she had the bag, she balanced it under one arm while taking her phone out with the other. Hectically, she dialed Amy's number. "Hey Squish Ball," the Australian seemed a little out of breath. There was the voice of a man in the background that sounded familiar to Beca but she couldn't quite make it out because Amy coughed awkwardly just in that second. After that, she heard no more of the voice.

"Oh man, Amy. You wouldn't believe who we just saw!" Beca babbled. "Uh... who?" "Alice!" Beca exclaimed. "You know, crazy uber-Aubrey Alice?" Amy gasped on the other end. "What? The Alice? She hanging out at the ICCAs, too?" Beca chuckled. "Well, sort of. Not really hanging out. She's ushering and checking tickets." Amy guffawed. "Wow! If Aubrey could see that." Beca grinned. "She does. We sent her a picture." Amy hummed. "Interesting. You two are getting up to no good, it seems. How is it going, apart from the snooping?"

Beca's shoulders drooped and she exhaled loudly. "I don't know, man. It's nice, I guess. But I'm really not sure about this whole a cappella gig. Part of me wants to go home and just be in peace and quiet and... like, read or something." Amy didn't respond for a second. "Um, sorry. What did you say? It's kind of busy this end..." Beca nodded to herself: "No worries, Amy. I'm sorry, I know you're working." Beca could imagine Amy's scrunched-up apologetic face. "I'm sorry. This... this conference. You just keep breathing and you'll be fine. The a cappella can't hurt you; you've been through this before and you came out unscathed, remember?" Beca grunted and ended the call.

She stowed her phone away and walked towards the stands. From the entrance door, she could see Chloe. The redhead was holding the program in her hand but had obviously completely forgotten about it. She stared around in wonder with the biggest smile on her face. Her gaze wondered over to the judges' row and the stage where the MC's microphone was just being adjusted one last time. Someone gruffly passed Beca and she almost dropped the popcorn. "I'm sorry!" sounded a pointed voice. It was Alice.

The lights in the rows flickered twice noting the imminent start of the competition. It didn't seem possible but Chloe's grin grew even wider in that moment. She sat up straight in her seat and looked around, clearly checking whether Beca was coming back yet. She caught Beca's eye and she beamed at her. The brunette felt a blush creep up her cheeks as she returned the smile and started descending the steps towards her friend. 'Yeah right! Unscathed..."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Present Day – Chloe's POV

Chloe had not been able to contain herself and as the competition started, had grabbed for Beca's hand. The brunette had stiffened in her seat and Chloe had almost let go when she turned around to find Beca's lopsided smirk directed at her. "Ready, Beale?" "As ready as I'll ever be."

The groups and their numbers were impressive, Chloe found. From when they had performed at Lincoln Center ten years ago, the ICCAs had changed. There were now two other all-girl groups in the line-up and Chloe proudly thought back to the year they had broken that glass ceiling. Well... and then Aubrey had broken and had sort of destroyed that whole historical moment thing. Even though that moment was probably also historical in that no one had ever puked all over the judges' row before. They had certainly had everyone's attention that night! The next year, they surely had shown them what they were made of. And not literally this time...

The commentators were still the same and somehow, now that Chloe was neither on stage nor about to go on, the jokes seemed a lot funnier. She actually almost choked on a piece of popcorn at one point. When the Trebletones came on rather early in the competition, Chloe and Beca stood up in their seats and clapped with their hands over their heads. This celebration was only bested by their applause after the Bellas' set.

Throughout the night, Chloe sneaked peeks at Beca. During the numbers, the brunette seemed detached, like she was seeing the world through thick glass and she had to concentrate very hard to focus. Her eyes followed every move on stage; she was in a different world, or a trance. In the beginning, she didn't move at all, only to clap and grin at Chloe between songs. But after a while, this changed. Beca started tapping first one foot, then the another as well, creating an intricate beat to go with the performance. Her head soon bobbed along and her pupils grew wide as if their dilation would not allow her to take it all in. Chloe was curious what this was all about but knew enough not to ask.

After a three hour show, the Trebles were finally declared the winners with the Bellas a close second. This disappointed Chloe somewhat; she was proud of her team and was sad to see them lose. Beca seemed distant when they clapped for the boys in maroon. She looked at the stage unseeingly and reacted only after a pause when Chloe asked: "Hey, do you want to get another quick drink to celebrate being runners up?" "Um... sure. Why not?" Chloe quizzically looked at her friend but put on a smile. Who knew what was going through that head again?!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Present Day – Beca's POV

Beca followed Chloe into a brightly-lit bar with white leather couches on Broadway. She hardly noticed her surroundings, however, and Chloe's voice reached her ears as if through cotton candy, distorted and blurry. This did not improve much after she had downed half a pint of beer. She could make out that Chloe's face showed concern and confusion but all she had to say to every question the redhead posed were noncommittal grunts. The ICCAs were over; she had made it through the night.

"Are you okay, Bec?" Chloe asked worriedly. Beca looked up at her with empty eyes. "Um... what? Yeah... I think I should go home..." Chloe put her hand on Beca's forearm. "Are you sure? I can take you if you want." Beca's eyes widened and she pulled away her hand. "No, I'm good. Sorry, I'm really tired. I just... I just want to get home." Chloe swallowed visibly. "Okay, Bec. And you really don't want me to take you?" Beca shook her head and got up from her seat, placing a ten dollar bill next to her glass. Chloe took it and put it back in Beca's hand. "Don't be silly."

Beca looked at her again and studied her face, her freckles dancing around her eyes and nose; a few strands of crimson hair had come loose off her braid. A sad smile was playing on her lips: "Thanks for the night, Bec. You text me when you get in, okay?" The brunette nodded: "Sure thing, Chlo!" and with that, she exited the bar.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A few minutes later, Beca was on the train to Queens. She had been walking towards the station as if on autopilot, almost dumbfounded at how her feet moved, one step after the other. One more, and one more. Then she stood on the platform and stared off into the distance until the train rumbled to a halt in front of her. She got on and let herself fall in one of the orange seats.

She felt a little sick and her heart was racing. Maybe she was on drugs?! She certainly seemed to be hallucinating – what else could these swirls of color be that whirred in front of her closed eyes? And how else would she be hearing the newspaper of the guy on the other end of the wagon so clearly, as if he was right next to her?! She looked down and saw her feet still moving; they were not walking anymore, they were dancing. The left on the one and the three, the right at almost indistinguishable intervals in between. Their tempo aligned with the sound of the train rattling over the beams of Queensborough Bridge. The newspaper was like an elongated hit-hat with a wavering echo. As the subway entered another tunnel, the wind swishing along next to it sang the lead vocal...

From one second to another, all sound disappeared. It was just her, Beca Mitchell. She was breathing and that was the only thing audible. The rest was up to her. She could fill this acoustic void. She could take up anything – any string of thought, any idea, any memory – and make it into a pattern so intricate that it would make up an entire tapestry of sound, weaved together to make up one large picture that would explain everything. Everything that was ever asked, and everything that no one ever dared to question. Everything.

Beca exhaled. She knew this empty, quiet space. She knew it intimately. And she had filled it, with so much. And many, many times. This was the mood she had once learned to make herself get into before she went on to create just that: musical tapestries.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten years ago – Beca's POV

It had been one of the most interesting, terrifying, exciting nights of Beca's life so far. She had performed with a ragtag gang of girls. In an a cappella competition. She had gotten in a fistfight. Which she had actually won, kind of. She had damaged public property. She had been arrested. She had gotten in a fight with a boyfriend she didn't have. And scolded by her father – that part wasn't so unusual. And she had been welcomed back home after all this by a big group of friends. Well, and Kimmy Jin. 'I guess, they really like me...' had been the first thought going through her mind when she had seen all the Bellas, even Aubrey, piled into her dorm room.

It seemed, however, that Aubrey had mainly come to bitch about how everything had gone. How getting in this fight had nearly cost them their spot in the Semifinals. How Amy really needed to keep her choreography in check. And how now they had to rehearse that much more to be perfect for the next round. She had ordered them all to bed, at which Kimmy Jin had looked the happiest Beca had ever seen her.

Ten minutes after the last Bella, Amy of course, had filed out of the room, there had been a knock at the door. Kimmy Jin had heaved a sigh from her bunk and grumbled in Beca's direction: "Will you get that?" before turning over under her blankets.

Beca had pulled a hoodie over her sweats and tank top pyjamas and had opened the door. Her mouth had fallen open when she had recognized Chloe in front of it. The redhead had laid a finger on her lips and grinned. Quietly, Beca had pulled the door closed behind her back. The corridor had been completely empty; everyone was probably already in for the night. She had looked up at that familiar face. "Amy was awesome, huh?" Chloe had smirked. Beca had nodded quietly. "Yeah, she was... different." "That's good though, isn't it?! You approve?" Chloe had asked. "I most certainly do." Beca had grinned in return.

A silent moment had followed, one of the ones typical for Chloe and Beca's conversations; the two just enjoying being each other's presence and knowing that nothing needed to be said. Chloe had let out a shaky breath and smiled at Beca. "Alright..." she had trailed off. Beca had answered with a smile and had hugged Chloe good night.

As they had been moving apart, Chloe's lips had brushed ever so lightly against Beca's cheeks causing the brunette to pause for a moment and hold Chloe's gaze. At that moment, the pull had started again; it came from behind her navel and drew her ever closer to Chloe. She only managed to keep her eyes focused on Chloe's eyes for so long before they drifted downwards. It was too inviting, she was too inviting...

And then, Chloe had kissed her. Beca's eyes had fluttered shut. The last thing she had seen had been Chloe's promising smile before it touched her. It was different this time. She had been moved away from the corridor and at first it had felt like that moment before touching down in her void of silence. But the second her feet had landed on the wooly floor, a cascade of sounds had broken loose. A whole orchestra, the full symphony kind, with contrabasses and kettledrums. There had been a metal band, a marching band, a schoolyard full of kids. A gospel choir, a herd of bleating sheep even. There had been sledgehammers and sirens and a starting jet-plane and an 18-wheeler. It was overwhelming sounds. And Beca had not been able to make sense of it. She could always find rhythm and logic in every sound but this, this had been too much.

It had been as if from underwater that she had managed to pull herself back to the corridor. She had been holding Chloe by her waist and Chloe had her hands nestled in Beca's ruffled hair pulling her in. Beca had taken a step back and looked at the floor. As she had lifted her gaze again, she had seen Chloe's eyes, darkened with sadness. "I'm sorry, Chlo." Beca had stammered. "I... I can't." It had been only two words but a lot had been said in those two words.

Chloe had nodded. Her eyes had been watery, Beca had seen even though Chloe had tried to hide it by taking a quick step backward. The redhead had nodded a second time and left without another word.

Beca had helplessly stared after her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Present Day – Beca's POV

Beca could see it in front of her mind's eye, that expression that Chloe had worn that day. And not only then, she had also worn it half an hour ago when Beca had left the bar. Once again, Beca had hurt Chloe. By leaving without any explanation.