A/N – Hey all, double digit chapter! I'd like to thank Siese for joining the reviewing family, Welcome! I actually really liked your song, but don't get your hopes up of it making an appearance. Sorry! Oh Frelise, I understand where you're coming from. But I just love defensive Puck so : ). Nellie 12 – "Those manly arms" thank you! Exactly what I was going for! Aledda – The whole rebound thing surprised me, I never even realized that that is kind of what it would appear if P&B started together. Make sure to tell me if I do it right, but I hope it doesn't feel like one (a rebound)! Oh, and "According to You," yeah, great pick. And lastly, little ol "sk". ;) Remember, Blaine's gay. You don't get no action. But I love you, lol. Yes I have written it already, I just have to wait for my editor to edit it and send it back. And she did!
Song in here is "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. You like need to know the song to appreciate the scene, so here's the youtube URL. This is one of the best song tie ins, so listen please! Just kidding, no URL. It's not letting me post it? Please just type in youtube, put a space, and then add this:
.com/watch?v=/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y
PBPBPBPBPBPB
P&B Chapter 10!
(Blaine)
I was fidgeting like crazy. My leg was in danger of bouncing off my body, and my hands were playing with anything they could get a hold of. I started with the coffee cup, and then went on to playing with the napkins at my table, and pretty soon I was cursing my friends. So what if I had gotten to the Lima Bean a half hour early? All that I had gotten was a text from Puck at 8 last night saying "Hey. Meet Santana and I at the Lima Bean tomorrow morning at seven." I had tried to question what this sudden meeting was about, but he had stayed concrete in the act of not telling me.
Not that It wasn't pretty obvious what this concerned. Well, I'm probably going to find out everything in the next hour. If they would just get here! I cursed myself in frustration. Why did I have to be the early bird? The long wait is turning out to be a lot worse than waiting around home. Then maybe I could get some homework done. Here, I look up every 30 seconds or so to see who had just made that little bell above the door ring.
Finally I look up to see Puck and Santana walk in, glance over to me, give a wave and then go to the counter to place their orders. I glance at the clock. 7:02. Two minutes late? I'm going to burn them. I wait for about another (yes another!) minute before they sit down opposite of me, Puck sipping a venti mocha (not that I would already know his coffee order!) and Santana carrying what was most likely a cameral latte. The latte, however, was not what caught my eyes at first. It was the shiny, red folder she was carrying that held my gaze as she lowered it and placed it delicately in the center of the table.
A hear a sharp, quiet intake of breath. It takes me about two seconds before I realize it had come from me. Right there. After weeks of lies and deceit, the truth is right there. I don't know why but I suddenly feel like running. Whatever was in there was dark and nasty, and was probably going to make my life suck. I nervously look up at my two friends across from me. They are studying my face, equal looks of concern and worry etched on them. A sudden flood of appreciation for them washes over me.
"You guys will be here for me right?" I start to ask, voice unsteady. "Throughout everything that's about to happen?"
Puck and Santana both sigh. Puck starts "Blaine," but then pauses. "I don't know about Santana, but you will always, always, have me to lean on."
"And me to of course, don't be dumb."
I look back down at the folder. Ok Blaine. You have them. You can do this. We can do this. He won't push you around anymore. "OK, I'm ready."
They both nod at this. And then Puck gives Santana the go ahead look.
"OK, We have uncovered that Kurt hasn't been as truthful to you as you may have wanted. Unlike the pretty picture that-"
"Santana stop," I say, cutting her off. "You are the queen of being blunt. Just give it to me fast and hard. I haven't spent the past month-"
Puck cuts me off, "Kurt is cheating on you with David Karofsky."
A minute goes by without any of us talking.
I should feel more than this shouldn't I? Kurt has been lying directly to my face and pretending like everything's fine. He's been saying he loves me yet he goes and spends his free time with somebody else. He's making me look like a complete idiot while I hopelessly try to keep his love.
Where's the anger? Where's the hate? Where's the shock? Where's the sadness? Where are the tears? Where's the…anything?
After about three minutes of trying to decide how I want to react, I realize that I don't really need to have a strong emotion. Wow, I'm taking this really well. I look back up at Puck and Santana.
"Thank you guys for finding this out. I'll be….breaking up with him today."
They glance at each other and Puck reaches out and takes my hands (which were slightly shaking, why were they slightly shaking?) and holds them in his. His hands feel amazing around mine, and I glance down to see they also look amazing. Shivers are sent down my spine that has nothing to do with me finding out my boyfriends cheating ways.
"Blaine," he murmurs, almost afraid that talking to loudly will make me break into an emotional mess they probably predicted I'd become. "Fuck Kurt. You have me. You have Santana. You have Britney, Rachel, Mercedes, Mike, Artie, and the rest of the glee club. Just screw him, things will get better."
I smile up at him. I know that I shouldn't believe it just because it's coming out of his mouth, yet I can't help feeling better. Damn him and getting under my skin. Santana reaches out and puts her hands over and under Pucks, which are encasing mine. "We'll be there if you want us to be. We'll have you're back and make sure he knows he can't worm his way out of this."
We sit like that for a few more minutes. Me kind of just in a trance, and Puck and Santana watching. After awhile, I glance over at the red folder that has been pushed to the side of the table. They both follow my eyes down to the folder, and suddenly both pairs of hands have left mine and are hastily removing the folder from the table. The first thing I process is how lonely and cold my hands feel without his around them. Then their reaction towards my glance at the folder registers.
"What's in there?" I didn't mean to ask the question, but it slipped out.
"Proof of their relationship," Santana answers grimly. "But you can just take our word for it."
I nod. "You don't think I can handle it?" Wow second question I let slip out.
"You can," Puck objects. "But why live with something that's going to haunt you if you can avoid it."
I think about this. He's right of course; I know that looking at whatever is in that folder will just plunge my life further into the hell Kurt has made it.
"OK agreed." I stand up and they stand up with me. "I'll do it today after Glee Club. Then I won't have to face him for at least two days." I smile at them, and it's not even a forced smile. They both return it warmly.
"You sure you don't want to do it sooner?" Santana asks. "That way you don't have to sit through Glee with him?"
"No I'll wait. I have a feeling that I won't be able to even be in the same room with him afterwards."
PBPBPBPBPB
The day, surprisingly, flies by. I still wait for some sudden rush of emotion, but nothing comes. I just continue on like nothing's happened. I help Artie and Mike in AP Calc, read through my assigned reading in English Character, kick a kickball around in gym, and so on and so forth. Really my normal day hasn't changed. Sure, I'm avoiding Kurt to the T, even hanging out in the science room during lunch (I needed extra credit anyway) and sure, Santana, Puck and Brittany seem to be making it their personal goal to accompanying me at all times, but my day goes on just as the ones before it did.
The end of school looms closer and closer, and it feels like just two minutes ago I was sitting down at the Lima Bean, and not walking towards the choir room for Glee. I peek in and spot Kurt already sitting down next to Mercedes. Walking in, I tell Santana (my current bodyguard) that I was good, and she walked off, knowing I needed to face this alone. I sit down next to him. That emotion I was wondering about? Yeah it just bubbled a bit. Sure no full on freak out, but I was certainly feeling a variety of emotions (negative ones that is) toward the boy sitting next to me.
The second I sat down, Kurt turns towards me and pulls me in a hug.
"Babe I haven't seen you the whole day. Where were you 3rd hour? Or lunch? Or 7th hour? I've been, like, freaking out."
"Why?"
No I wasn't supposed to ask that! You are acting normal now and taking action later!
"Why what, Blaine?" Kurt asks, looking confused, but still managing to look like he's acting the confusion.
"Why were you worrying?"
Stop.
"I was worried because I thought something might have happened to you!"
"And if something did happen to me? What? What would you do? Notice me?"
Ok you had a clearly defined plan! Can't you stick to that! Why? Asked the other voice in my head. Why wait? Might as well get it over with.
"Blaine what's gotten into you? Of course I notice you! I noticed you weren't anywhere to be found today!"
By this time we have attracted most of the club's attention. I know both Santana and Puck are giving me the "you said afterwards but fuck that!" look and the rest of the club is probably just sending us awkward glances, not wanting to get in this lovers quarrel. Oh but this is so much more.
"What did I do last Monday night then?"
"I don't know. I'm not some stalker, Blaine! I don't think I need to know where you are at all times."
"I don't either but you'd know where I was if you would have talked sometime during that night!"
"Blaine. Calm down." And he's using that damn condescending voice again, talking to me like I'm the one at fault. "You're making a whole lot out of nothing."
I am about to retort when I look over to Tina, who actually looks frightened, and I shut up. It really would just be better to do this by ourselves, and just break it off cleanly. We sit in stony silence for a couple of seconds, both of us glaring at the floor.
Mr. Shue walks into the room after about a minute. You can tell he realizes something's up and he gives them a questioning look. "Why is everybody so quiet?"
Everybody takes Kurt and my lead by not saying anything. Rachel pipes up, and at first I'm afraid she'll say we were causing a scene, but instead she just tries to push the rehearsal along. "It's nothing Mr. Shue; let's get on to today's rehearsal."
He gives the class one last searching look before shrugging and announcing that they were going to head to the auditorium so they can work on choreography to one of the sectional songs. After saying that the band was already setting up down there, he says we have to be there in three minutes. Dismissed.
I get up, and not wanting to have this conversation and then go back to glee, walk away not waiting for Kurt. He's seriously trying to defend himself? Ughh! I make it about halfway to the auditorium before he catches up.
"Seriously what is your problem Blaine? How can you pretend that I don't notice you?"
I pick up my pace.
"I want to talk to you after Glee Club today, meet me at my car."
"No we will talk now!"
I can feel the tension literally boiling in me, and I have to consciously tell myself to calm down and put a lid on myself before I explode. But that doesn't stop me from arguing quietly.
"And why do you think your opinion is more than mine? We will talk later."
Kurt is extremely pissed at this, and as we step foot in the auditorium, he raises his voice.
"Shit Blaine what the hell's gotten into you? Why are you treating me like dirt? I've been nothing but nice and loving to you and you're trying to push me away."
I snap. I break. I explode. However you want to say it, I do it. All those emotions I was wondering about earlier? Yeah they're coursing through me and taking me over. Anger, hate, and betrayal is all I can feel, and all because of the person standing opposite me. When I talk, I practically scream, but my voice is still even, and I try to muster as much authority as I could.
"Don't you dare! Don't even say I'm the one pushing away. That you've only been nice. We both fucking know that's not true."
"You've been cold and distant ever since you got here at McKinley!"
"OK Kurt try to throw this back at me. I've been distant? I've been cold? I've been fucking somebody else?
He stops and his face pales and his eyes widen. Yeah that's right, I know. Don't you even dare act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
"YOU DON'T LOVE ME. YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME IF I ASKED. I HAD TO GO TO HIM FOR EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME!"
"THAT'S A LIE KURT AND WE BOTH KNOW IT. I gave you everything! I trusted you blindly. I loved you without even asking myself if I could TRUST YOU!" I stop and gasp for breath. Tears are starting to form in my eyes. He's playing the victim, and it is seriously blowing my mind.
He tries to cut me off but I'm not done.
"YOU CHANGED ME KURT! You took me under your wing and you destroyed everything good about me. I used to be confident. I used to trust people. I used to be able to walk around with my head high. BUT I'M DONE BEING THIS BLAINE. The Blaine that lets you walk all over him is gone, Kurt. I'M DONE!"
"Oh boo you Blaine," Kurt shrieks in the nastiest mocking voice he can muster. "Did I change you? Oh no, did I make you less confident?" His voice is so fake that it makes the hair on my arm stand up. "You don't know shit when it comes to this relationship, Blaine, because you didn't put fuck into it. Oh yes, Dave is and always will be so sooo soooo much better than you."
"FUCK YOU KURT! You are an evil person, and I feel sorry for everybody who comes in contact with you. You will never control me again. You will never choose anything and do anything in my life again."
I turn to go but he stops me, still in that ugly fake mocking voice.
"That's right Blaine, walk away. Go ahead and hate me, because I'm the bad guy in this situation. Haaa! Don't be pissy because you're the singularly worst boy in the world to date."
The band starts a song, and I instantly know it. Just from the first bars I know I'll be singing this to my now ex boyfriend. I smile at him. You can't get under my skin any longer Kurt. I don't even fucking care anymore.
I speak to him, "After all that you put me through, you think I'd despise you. But in the end I wanna thank you, 'Cause you've made me that much stronger." The verse hits and emotion pumps through me. I run up to him and get inches away from his face, as I start singing.
Well I, thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust, called your bluff, time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame
I slowly back up but keep my eyes trained on him, hoping he takes every word of the song for what it is.
After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
I turn away from him and start singing to the audience we have. The whole club is watching us with rapt attention. Faces of horror and shock are plastered over most of them. Mercedes and Rachel look like they just found out their dog got run over, and Tina is already bawling her head off. Only Santana, Brittany, and Puck look happy, yet still anxious. Bet they didn't think I would break out into song now did they.
Cause it'
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me lean a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
I turn back to Kurt to see him walking down off the stage. Not so fast, I run down and follow him as he tries to leave the auditorium. I block his path and keep singing around him as he tries to leave, sometimes walking to the side, sometimes walking backwards in front of him.
Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're going round playing the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it
He stops his unsuccessful attempt to leave and slowly retreats back to the stage, clearly planning on leaving stage right or left. As he takes the short stairs to the stage I do a running jump and land perfectly in front of him, just in time to hit the chorus. He's looking at me like I'm the vilest thing he's ever seen, but I can't bring myself to care. It feels so good to just be singing this song to him.
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
He brushes past me for the last time and leaves. The song slows and I'm left on stage alone. I look around and everyone is stoned faced. I can't believe we just did all that in front of the whole club.
How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretend not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME
I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough
The band picks up and goes to the final chorus, but I don't sing it. Kurt is everywhere in my head. I let the first tear drop, and then the second. I told myself I was done with him, that he couldn't hurt me anymore. But everything he has said to me keeps coming back and I find myself shaking on stage. Everybody is looking at me waiting, Puck and Santana start to make their way from the seats to the stage, but seeing this makes my legs work again. Kurt destroyed me. I loved him with all that I had, and he betrayed me.
I thought it would be him. Kurt and Blaine forever…
Puck and Santana are at the base of the stage making their way up when I get scared. I don't know what to say to them. Or to the whole glee club. I back away and pretty soon I'm running away. Away from my friends, away from the auditorium, away from the school, and hopefully away from all the emotions threatening to crush me. I can't breathe, and I just want to run away.
A/N – Please tell me your thoughts : ). Oh, and fuck Kurt.