HE TRIED to stay away and to never think about her, but he found his eyes continuously drifting toward their ranch. He couldn't see it, of course. It was much too far away, but he could see the mountains that overshadowed it. And at night the last thing his eyes rested on was a blue and white plate. The food she'd prepared was long gone, but the plate remained. He would lift it up from time to time, and polish it with a worn towel. He knew he ought to give it back to her, and yet he didn't want to part with it either.

He went about his business. He had gathered a nice collection of watches, rings, cash and other small items. He had just about reached the edge of safety. If he stayed much longer, they would realize things had been taken. If he stayed too much longer, it would be nearly impossible to leave without certain destruction.

But he stayed.

He had seen them in town - all of them. He hid back and watched all of them together. She was laughing and smiling and holding onto her husband's hand. They were an impressive crowd. There were nine of them. The blond skinny one had a girl with him, and the two of them laughed easily together. He wondered if he was married too.

He tried to cut back on the drinking and was successful from time to time, but the night after seeing them all in town, he had drunk himself into oblivion. Get your shit, together, Moss. He told himself over and over. He wished he had never come to this stupid one horse town. He wished he'd never turned the corner and seen Liz's laughing smile reflected on Hannah's face. Seeing her made him wonder. What was she like when she was twelve? Sixteen? Twenty? Was her husband her childhood sweetheart? Did they have a big wedding? How did they all manage together? Why was she there with his six brothers? What had happened to the boys' parents? Would he be a grandfather any time soon?

Lifting a bottle to his lips was easier than thinking, and so try as he might to stop, he kept drinking.

It was early on a Saturday, nearly two weeks after their horrible dinner that he went out walking and his feet didn't stop until he found himself on the edge of the Circle Bar Seven. He stood under the sign, as the sun rose. He didn't know why he'd woken up so early. He was NEVER an early riser, but for some reason today he had. He watched his son-in-law make his way out to the barn in the early morning chilly darkness. He could see the warm glow of the kitchen light. He imagined her in the kitchen, making breakfast. Two more brothers spilled out of the house to the barn, and unfortunately the skinny one saw him. He waited until Brian had gone inside the barn, and then jogged toward him. He thought of running, but his feet couldn't seem to move.

"Hey!" His voice was friendly, cheerful. "You're Hannah's father, aren't you?"

He nodded his head, unable to speak. He wondered if he would have this same conversation with every single one of the brothers.

"I'm Crane. Hannah's brother." He grinned at this. "I imagine you've heard that a few times already."

"Yeah." He nodded. "I don't know why I'm . . . I was just out walking and . . ."

"Well, if you've got nothing better to do, we are pretty busy today. We could use another hand. It's time to wean the calves from their mothers, and we got some inoculations to do. It's kind of gonna be a long day."

"Well, I don't know if . . ."

"Guthrie said you were pretty good help the other day. I mean, if you've got nothing else" The skinny man rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "I don't think Hannah will mind it. She'd be . . ." He stopped, and Jim recognized that he had intended to say "happy to see you." but had stopped understanding that wasn't precisely true.

"Well," He continued, "I don't think she'll be angry to see you."

"Check first." He said quietly. The tall man nodded and jogged away from him and into the barn. He waited anxiously and studied the ground beneath his feet. His heart was pounding and he wanted to turn and run.

"Hello." He looked up to see his son-in-law coming toward him.

"Morning." He said, feeling foolish. "I was just out walking and somehow came here. I don't know why. I'm sorry." He found himself standing before the husband, Brian and Crane. He felt uncomfortable under their steady gazes.

"Well, Crane says you might be willing to lend a hand today." Adam said.

"If it doesn't cause problems." He said trying to make his voice steady.

"Extra workers has never been a problem for me." Brian said with a shrug.

"You've worked cattle before?" Crane asked.

"Hannah's grandfather's ranch, but it was small - nothing like this."

"No problem then." Brian said. "Come with me. I was just loading up the truck. We're gonna bring the claves down from the upper pasture. You still ride?"

"Yeah, but what about . . ."

"Adam'll talk to Hannah." Brian interrupted. "So, I'm gonna get a little work out of ya in case she pulls the plug." Brian winked at Adam who gave a soft hurrumph.

"I'll be back." Adam said shaking his head at his younger brother. James Moss watched him sprint back across the yard before following Brian into the darkness of the barn.

"He wants to kill me." Even he could hear how depressed he sounded.

Brian looked up from where he was gathering tools. "Adam? Nah. He's always like that.

You aren't his favorite person, but I don't think he'll kill you. Not unless you gave him a reason to."

"Maybe I already did." James said softly.

***7***

It was hard, physical work. They had to separate the calves from their mothers, and herd them down to the lower pasture. The worked together without even really having to speak; everyone seemed to know what to do. He was surprised by it, and he tried to follow their lead. He stuck close to Brian and Crane - neither of whom were overly warm to him, but compared to the icy glares of their younger brothers, their calm demeanor was like a warm embrace. He worked hard - harder than he'd ever worked trying to at least impress them in this.

She wasn't with them. Adam had told him that she would meet them all later when they got to the lower pasture.

"She doesn't ride out with us unless Daniel or Evan are on the road. If we got enough folks, she can stay behind and put together a lunch - which believe me you are gonna want by the time the sun climbs high in that sky."

His son-in-law was an impressive sight to behold. For whatever reason, he was clearly in charge. He rode with his back ramrod straight in the saddle, his hat low over his eyes. He could communicate to his brothers with just a short whistle or flick of the hand. It was like watching some old goddamn western. It wasn't as if he was a stranger to the life on a ranch, but he'd never wholeheartedly pursued it. He had hated it - hated every single second. Adam McFadden on the other hand, was an artist who had spent years perfecting his craft.

As the sun grew higher, and they grew closer to the ranch, his hands began to shake. It wasn't just that he feared seeing her again. His body craved the bottle. He wished he thought to bring one with him, but when he'd set out in the predawn darkness, he had no intention of spending the day away from any source of alcohol. It felt as if the very blood in his veins cried out for more. There was no way he could slip away now, and later she would be with them. He couldn't run out on her again. He tried to remain focused on the job before him, but he was distracted.

"Drink some water." He looked up surprised to see that Crane had ridden up beside him. He held out a canteen, which he accepted.

"It's funny how fast you can get tired, hungry and thirsty out here." Crane continued. "You gotta be careful. You don't want to overdo it."

"I guess my cowboying days were a long time ago." He offered as he drank the water, but it tasted hollow and flat.

"Nah. Easiest thing to remember. 'Sides, we are nearly there. You can take any easy job when we get to the pasture." Crane sat back in his saddle, and Jim took a minute to study him. He was lean - almost painfully thin and sported a beard.

"You don't look like a cowboy." Jim remarked. "You look more like a teacher."

Crane laughed at this. "I'm glad Dan'l didn't hear you say that!"

"Did your brother start this ranch?" He asked, feeling oddly comfortable. These brothers weren't at all what he had expected, but then neither was Hannah.

"No. Our granddad did. Our folks took over and now it is ours." He answered tersely but Jim could tell there was more to the story. However, he wasn't brave enough to ask more.

"Better?" Crane asked him.

"Yeah." Jim said, surprised that he did in fact feel slightly better. Although his body still called out for alcohol, it had abated some, and he could ignore it.

"Good." Crane's smile was genuine, and Jim recognized that he ought to turn and ride off right then, right now, but he didn't. He continued to follow them down into the lower pasture.

***7***

The truck was waiting for them as they led the cattle down to her. She leaned against the truck, waiting. Seeing her, Adam who was in the lead, lifted his hat waving it to her. She ran out to meet him, and he hopped off his horse to kiss her. He watched fascinated. It was barely noon, and they acted as though they'd been apart for days. He tried to remember a time when he'd felt that way about Liz; he tried to remember a time when he'd felt that way about anyone.

He trailed in last, and was slow getting off his horse. He felt out of place. She walked up to him, taking hold of the reins of his horse.

"Hi." She said. Her voice was neither friendly or unfriendly.

"Hi." He couldn't think of much else to say so he stood looking at her stupidly.

"You must be hungry." She continued. "There's chili and cornbread." She pointed to bed of the truck where all her family was gathered already passing around bowls of steaming chilli.

"Thank you." He nodded his head, and moved toward them. It was like facing a firing squad, but there was no where else to go. Was he going to run away from them like a frightened child? And he was much too old to literally run away. Instead, he tried to look less terrified than he felt.

"Here you go." It was Adam who handed him the bowl.

"Thank you."

"You did alright out there."

"For an old guy." Evan added bitterly.

"Knock it off." Brian said.

"Well, it's not like it ain't true." Jim offered trying to somehow cause the young man to stop glaring at him.

He settled on a boulder a few feet from where the brothers were gathered, and ate. The brothers laughed and teased each other, and ate an enormous amount of chilli until Adam said, "Alright, fellas, time to work."

None of them groaned. They gathered up their plates and packed everything quickly back into the truck, and dispersed. Jim stood where he was unsure what to do. Adam turned to him.

"You can help Hannah with the inoculations, if you want. One of the boys usually helps her, but Guthrie and Ford have midterms, so if you helped out a little more, they could go home and study a bit."

"Sure."

"Great, Hannah's a pro. She's faster than me. You just need to hold the calf down for her. You want me to show you the best way?"

"I'd appreciate it. It's been a few years." He tried not to sound as nervous as he felt.

Watching Adam, grab a calf and pin it down with his knee was like watching a master craftsman at work. He did it quickly and easily, and Hannah knelt beside him with lightning speed. The calf was back up on his feet before he ever knew what happened.

"See?" Adam asked.

"Yeah," He said in a scoffing tone. He was surprised by the rich sound of Hannah's laughter.

"Maybe you could help for a couple." Hannah said, gently smacking her husband on the arm. "One lesson might not be enough." She turned to face him. "You'll have to excuse him. He doesn't understand that it isn't so easy for everyone else."

"Oh, knock it off." Adam said to her.

"You should see him with a rope! Evan's on the rodeo circuit and he can't rope near as fast as Adam." She bragged.

"Are we gonna work or stand around flapping our gums?" Brian asked, walking up to them. He held Adam's work gloves in his hands and slapped them against his brother's arm. "Let's go, Dad. I got a date tonight!"

"You got a date every night." Adam teased putting his gloves on. "You got it, Jim? Doesn't matter how you do it - just pin 'em down." He said as he walked away. "Brian and me will feed 'em down the alley to you."

"Got it." He said.

He couldn't believe how easy Adam had made it look. He was slow and awkward, but after an hour, they fell into a steady rhythm. They didn't talk much. He couldn't have if he tried. It took all his effort and concentration to pin the calves. And he was distracted. She was a good and steady worker. She was cheerful, even as she worked with him, which had to be somewhat difficult for her.

The worst moment came when they were nearly finished. Maybe he'd gotten too tired. Maybe his need for alcohol had become too strong. He had the calf pinned with his knee, more or less, when she bent low to give the injection, but the calf had bucked, and he hadn't been paying attention, so the calf worked himself free. She went flying backwards, narrowly escaping a hoof, and landing flat on her back in the mud.

They were around her in seconds - all of them. A chorus of voices asking her if she was alright, rang out and he felt for sure they would kill him now.

"You okay, darlin'?" Adam asked leaning over her.

"It's alright." She said sitting up. "Just lost my balance."

"Did you get kicked?" Brian asked her.

"Nope." She grinned at them. "But I won't be winning any beauty contests today."

"Must've hit your head on something, though." Adam said, lifting a hand to her face. "You got a bruise."

"I do?" She asked. "Doesn't hurt."

"Alright, then." Adam grinned at her and kissed her cheek. "You feel like standing?"

"Yep." He helped her rise, one arm around her protectively.

"I'm fine fellas. Get back to work. I wanna get in before the sun does." She smiled at them and they nodded until he was standing alone with her and Adam.

"I'm really sorry." He said, his face down ashamed. "I wasn't paying good attention."

"You're tired." Hannah said. "It happens."

"I should've held him tighter. You could've been kicked!"

"I wasn't. Come on, theres only six left."

Adam said nothing, and he couldn't avoid his son-in-law's uneasy stare. "I'll be more careful, Adam. I promise it." He told him.

Adam nodded, and with another kiss on Hannah's cheek, he went back to work.

***7***

It was nearly dusk when they finished. They returned to barn together, and he helped put things away, and brush out the horses. They left the barn a noisy, rowdy group and he followed them all the way into the yard, but stopped short of the steps. Everyone had gone inside, except for Brian who turned to look back at him, his hand on the screen door.

"You gotta be hungry. Come on." He said turning back to him.

"I don't know. I've sort of overstepped my bounds enough." He hesitated.

"You earned a good meal, Jim. And after I can drive you back. That's one long walk."

The table was nothing like the last time he'd been there. It was noisy and crowded. The younger boys had cooked up a pot of spaghetti, and they ladled out heaping bowls of it. There didn't seem to be any pause in the conversations when the food was handed out. And yet, somehow the food disappeared too. He didn't remember actually seeing them eat any of it. He didn't participate. He couldn't if he had wanted too. It felt like there were fifty conversations going on at the same time. He couldn't keep up.

Later, riding again in the truck next to Brian, he couldn't believe any of it; couldn't believe that he wandered out there; couldn't believe that he'd spent four hours working at her side.

"Thanks for all the help today." Brian said to him.

"You're welcome. Thanks for letting me." He couldn't think of anything else to say. There was too much that he felt unable to express.

"Listen, uh, you should know something." Brian said suddenly serious, and Jim felt his heart sink. "Crane did a little research, and well . . . some of the things you said don't line up just right."

Jim said nothing, but turned to stare out the window, ready for the inevitable.

"He came to me, and well, we know about . . . well, we know you just got out of prison."

Jim puzzled over this. If they knew, why had they let him work today? Crane found out? Crane was the one who suggested he spend the day working the ranch.

"I don't understand."

"Hannah doesn't know. We didn't tell her. We think you should tell her the truth - not us. I mean we will, if you don't, but it would be better if it came straight from you." Brian glanced over at him. "Listen, I'm no saint, but it would hurt her, to learn it somewhere else. So maybe next time you come around, you could level with her."

"Does Adam know?"

Brian nodded his head. "Of course."

"I don't understand anything about this day." He leaned his head against the cold window glass. "You let me work with her all day long."

"But you didn't tell her." Brian said. "I was kind of hoping you would, but I can understand it. Why bring up bad news, right?"

"I'm not real good at telling the truth." He confessed.

"Yeah, I picked up on that." Brian said laughing. "But I'm not real good at putting up with people lying to my little sister, so we are at odds with each other."

"I should just leave." He said softly, almost to himself. "Nothing good is going to come of any of this."

"Good already has come of it." Brian said, as he pulled the truck to a stop on Main Street. "She had a really good day today. Even you could see that, and you did too."

"But that's only because she doesn't know anything."

Brian laughed again. "I keep forgetting you don't know her well. Listen, Mr. Moss, Hannah's smart - smarter than just about anyone I know! She probably has a pretty good idea of where you been and what you been doing! It isn't about her need for information - it's about you telling the truth - telling it to her."

He found himself at a loss for words. He needed to get out of this town. He needed to leave tonight; now. He rubbed his head which suddenly seemed to be throbbing. He pushed the door to the truck open planning to leave without another word, to loose himself to the darkness of the night, to climb back inside the bottles that waited for him; to forget about everything. But Brian was still talking even as he moved to go. He reached out grabbing hold of his arm, keeping him inside the truck.

"Listen, you can do this. You can." Brian's voice was intense, and he didn't want to hear anything more, but Brian continued. "You can do it, Mr. Moss. It can't be any harder than lasting this whole day without a single drop of alcohol."

He froze at this, even though Brian had released his arm. He kept his eyes down, feeling that he had suddenly become transparent. It was as if these damn McFaddens could see right down to his very core.

"We maybe out in the sticks, but we aren't dumb, and neither is she." Brian added.

He couldn't think of a single word to say. He thought he'd been so clever; thought he'd covered every single one of his tracks. Yet, they seemed to know everything. He opened the door and stepped down from the truck.

"Thanks for everything." He said, hesitating with his hand on the handle of the door.

"You are welcome." Brian's voice was cheerful and light again, and he half wondered if he'd dreamed the whole thing. "Come by any time. You know where we are."

He somehow managed to stagger back to his small room. He was completely exhausted. The strain of being under their accusing watchful eyes all day left him worn out. Brian's words left him weak and dizzy. He fell back on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling above him.

"You are on dangerous ground, Jimmy boy." He told himself. "You gotta pack up and get the hell out of dodge." He reached out a hand to grab the bottle of whisky beside him, but he couldn't seem to wrap his fingers around the neck of the bottle. His eyes drifted over to the blue plate - still there - still a promise. He closed his eyes trying to imagine a way out of everything, but he could see he was trapped. He lifted his hand, rubbing his forehead.

"Goddamn, those McFaddens!" He said into the empty, dark night. And then completely spent, he drifted to sleep - the bottle of whisky still closed beside him.